"Cottage For Sale Part 1": Ed: "Trixie, would you stop giving me limburger cheese sandwiches for lunch?" Trixie: "I thought you liked them." Ed: "I do but the...
"A Promotion Part 2": Ralph: "A derrick couldn't get me out of this chair." Alice: "A good big one might be able to." "Dinner Guest": Man: "Me and my wife are...
"TV or Not TV": (Ralph is outside in the hall with the TV antenna.) Ralph (yells): "IS THE RECEPTION ON THE TV GOOD NOW?" (Ed looks.) Ed (yells): "THAT'S...
"Young At Heart": Ralph: "This isn't a crazy costume. This is what all of us cats wear. I got it. I got it. I'm hip! Ready to go! I'm gone! Gone!" Alice:...
"The Deciding Vote": Alice: "Ralph, what are you going to do?" Ralph: "I will give that bum (Ed) a reference." (reading): "'How long have you known the...
"A Matter of Life & Death": Ralph: "I am not going to die." Ed: "You mean never." "Hero Part 1": Mrs. Halloway: "If anybody says anything bad about you Ralph,...
"Opportunity Knocks, But": Trixie: "Hey, I got to go downtown shopping tomorrow, there's a big sale on men's shorts. .89 cents a pair! Norton could sure use...
"Flusing Ho": Ralph: "Now look Norton. We agreed to share everything 50-50. But, you have been going to far. All you do is grab, grab, grab. Last night, there...
"Better Living Through TV": Ralph: "This (the Handy Housewife Helper) is the key to my future. The key to my future." Alice: "Don't tell me that it has a key...
"Dial J For Janitor": Ralph: "I was handling that job perfectly. You know what happened today wasn't my fault. It wasn't my fault." (Ralph is referring to the...
"Alice & The Blonde": Rita: "Do you have names that you would like to call your husband?" Alice: "Oh, I got several that I love to call him." Rita: "All you...
"Principle of The Thing": Ralph: "Face it Alice. You are living off the fat of the land." Alice: "Let's face it Ralph. You are the fat of the land." "Two For...
"The Golfer": Ralph: "I got enough confidence in me for the both of us." Alice: "You got enough of EVERYTHING in you for the both of us." "Young At Heart": ...
(Ralph is all ready to go to work. Ed Norton comes in all dressed in green and the audience applauds.) Ed: "Whaddaya say there Ralph-ie boy?" Ralph: "Norton,...
"Funny Money": Ralph: "One of these days, you are going to push me too far." Alice's Mom: "The only thing that could push you is a bulldozer." "Ralph's Diet": ...
PG-13? The Honeymooners movie is supposedly in theatres as of March 11. Mike Epps as Ed Norton. Regina Hall as Trixie Norton. Cedric The Entertainer as Ralph...
"Man In The Blue Suit": Alice: "Why do you want the suit back?" Ralph: "I'll tell you why. It's my lucky suit." Alice: "Lucky suit? You haven't worn it in five...
"Better Living Through TV": Ralph: "You can't put your arms around a memory." Alice: "I can't even put my arms around you." "Better Living Through TV": Ralph:...
"Teamwork Beats The Clock": Ralph: "How could I get there as fast as you (Alice)." Ed: "Take off 90 pounds." "Teamwork Beats The Clock": (Ralph & Alice are on...
"Something Fishy": Ralph: "When did you ever catch anything?" Alice: "15 years ago. I caught 300 pounds of blubber." "Oh My Aching Back": (Ralph tries to stand...
"Hot Dog Stand": Mr. Foster: "hat was your mother's maiden name Mr. Kramden?" Ralph: "Elizbeth Wharton." Mr. Foster: "Your mother's maiden name Mr. Norton?" ...
"Ralph's Big Mouth" (aka "Mind Your Own Business"): Ed: "Suppose they don't give me the promotion?" Ralph: "Then you scare them. Tell them that after 17 years...
"Young At Heart": Ralph: "How could I waddle like a duck?" Ed: "It's easy. Just walk like you always do." "Young At Heart": Wallace: "I got a frantic hot rod...
"The Golfer": Ralph: "How do you know so much about golf?" Ed: "In the game of golf, you have to knock the ball into holes. I have been working in the sewer...
"Brother Ralph": Ralph: "In the bottom drawer, there's only one pair of my pants. Why is only one pair of my pants in the bottom drawer?" Alice: "Because that...
"A Weighty Problem Part 1": Ralph: "For you information, I happen to be four pounds underweight. It says so in the chart." Alice: "You must have been looking...
Hello All, What did they do with this place? The last time they redecorated when Tommy came in with an ice cream cone. "The whole house has gone crazy." It...
"On Stage": Ed (reading the script): "'I don't possess a mansion, a villa in France, a yacht, or a string of...'" (mispronouncing):"...'poloponies.'" Ralph...
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