"A Promotion Part 1": Ralph: "Your mom's apartment is too small for us." Alice: "You didn't say that when we lived there for four years. Mother's apartment is...
"People's Choice Part 2": (Ralph & the rest of the gang are on the street with instruments [including Ed wearing a drum with suspenders], and advertisements ...
"Songs & Witty Sayings Part 1": (Ed is behind Ralph.) Ralph (to Alice): "Napolean had Josephine behind him. Who do I have behind me?" (yells): "DON'T YOU...
"The Babysitter": Ralph: "That phone is for you-you-you." (The phone rings.) Alice: "Hello?" (poking Ralph with the receiver): "It's for you-you- you." "A...
I was watching tonight's episode of Jeopardy and one of the answers was: "This TV show had episodes entitled: "Alice & The Blonde" & "The Bensonhurst Bomber." ...
"Hero Part 1": Tommy: "Did you know Mr. Kramden when he was a football player?" Ed: "No Tommy. I was away at Prep School at the time." "Move Uptown": Ralph:...
ahh that is so cool. Thanks for letting us know Gannooch!! It's good to see all of you. I will be back I promise on Monday. Hey TQ I'm going to central park to...
"The Prowler": Ralph: "A prowler? Quick, hide your wristwatch." Alice: "It's at the jeweler's being repaired." Ralph: "Every time we need that wristwatch, it's...
"A Woman's Work Is Never Done": Ed: "With my coffee, I would like one lump." (Ed rings the bell.) Thelma: "You keep ringing that bell like that and you will...
On for my skit: (Ralph is wearing a red, white & blue pin on the job. Everybody is talking to each other.) Fred: "Hey Ralph, that is awfully nice of you to...
"Out of Sight, Out of Mind": Ed: "You can't put a square box in a round hole." Ralph: "No? Then how did you get your head in your hat?" "Ralph Kramden Inc.": ...
TV-G All times are Eastern. Jackie Gleason as Ralph Kramden. Art Carney as Ed Norton. Shelia MacRae as Alice Kramden. Jean Kean as Trixie Norton. All episodes...
All C39 from "Please Leave The Premises": #1: Mr. Johnson: "The rent commission gave me permission to raise the rent. My reasons are right there in that note."...
"A Man's Pride": Bill Davis: "I'm an early riser. I can come to see you between 8 and 9 am." Ralph: "You can't come to see during those times because that is...
"$99,000 Answer": Alice: "Trixie was down here and she said that she saw you on the show." Ralph: "She was? Well, what did she say?" Alice: "Well, she said...
"On Stage": Ralph: "Be kind to the people you meet on the way up because you are going to meet the same type of people on the way down." Ed: "How true. 'Be...
"Brother-In-Law": (Ralph just explained his idea of buying that hotel in New Jersey.) Ralph: "I have friends that will give me all the money I want. One, two,...
"On Stage": Ed: "While I was in the Navy, I studied typing under the G.I. Bill and I happened to be the best in the class." Ralph: "Then why didn't you get a...
"Please Leave The Premises": (Ralph & Alice are fighting the rent increase by doing without heat, gas, water & electricity. Alice wants to leave.) Ralph: "I'm...
Hello All, This is so funny I have to share it. Someone has called me about 10 times and leaving a message that they lost $6.00 in my vending machine and they...
"Goodnight Sweet Prince": Alice: "Ed, don't you have to go to work?" Ed: "There not too concerned about punctuality down in the sewer Alice. As a matter of...
Well since nobody is here anymore except one other person, I'll answer my own post. I had to finally call the person and tell her that I'm not a vending...
"Two For The Money": (Ralph finds out that he lost the money.) Ralph: "Let's not get panicky." Alice: "Did you put the money in an envelope?" Ralph: "Now, you...
"Young At Heart": Alice: "I want to do the things that young people do. That is what keeps you young." Ralph: "You want to do things that young people do?...
"The Sleepwalker": Ed: "With all the noise you two have been making, you woke me out of a sound sleep." (Ed leaves.) Ralph: "I woke him out of a sound sleep? I...
"Ralph's Big Mouth" (aka "Mind Your Own Business"): Ralph: "Norton, you play gin rummy your way and I'll play gin rummy my way. My way is the scientific way -...
"Here Comes The Bride": Stan: "They (Alice's parents) seem like nice people." Ralph: "Sure they seem like nice people. Now they seem like nice people. Boris...
CLEAR THE FIELD.....HOPE ALL IS WELL UP IN THE FROZEN NORTH OF BROOKLYN AND STATEN ISLAND....ALL RECOVERED FROM THE HURRICANES AND STILL 80 DEGREES HERE IN...
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