Episode #73
TV: The 1954 version of this episode has not been seen in syndication.
VHS & DVD: Not available.

This version is still lost. I haven't seen it, but I am betting that it is
exactly the same was the previous versions of this episode. "It has been said
that when Gleason revealed the Lost Episodes, he, his wife and Audrey Meadows
sat down and went through every episode and decided which ones to include.
Episodes like this one and the three that follow may have not been included for
obvious reasons. It could have been simply because of the fact that they didn't
want so many remakes included in the package or because somebody in charge got
the names confused with the original versions and wrote them off as mistakes."
(http://www.angelfire.com/ny5/honeymooners/Stillost.html.)

Alice is busy knitting clothes for some baby. Trixie comes in and here Alice
reveals her temporary job she has just so she can save enough money for
Christmas. She won't tell Ralph because Ralph will make her quit no matter how
hard the job is. It's the principle of the thing to him. She did and said the
same exact thing in "Expectant Father" too. Alice hurts her back so Trixie says
she will make sure Alice go sees a doctor. Trixie leaves.

Ralph comes home and is upset that he has to have tuna fish for the fifth time.
He wanders why that he couldn't have a hot meal. He and Alice have an argument
about this causing Alice to go into the bedroom. I think Ralph tries to make his
own dinner, but has no luck. Ed comes in Alice is knitting baby clothes to make
some extra money for Christmas. When Norton comes down. Ed: "Hey Ralph, what are
all those cats doing outside your front door?" Ralph gets more upset that he has
to have tuna fish. Ed asks Ralph if he can hide Trixie's Christmas present in
the Kramden's apartment, Ralph says yes and sticks the present in the bureau
drawer -- where Alice has hidden the baby clothes. Now Ralph is remorseful for
yelling at Alice. A moment later, when Norton tells Ralph that Trixie has made a
doctor's appointment for Alice, Ralph is sure that Alice is pregnant. Ed: "This
is almost as good as when you got 300 points in bowling." He decides he has to
make some more money in a hurry so that his future son can go to college. He
needs so extra money for the kid. Ed: "I have some money that is owed to me and
when I get it, it's just as good as yours." Ralph: "You're a good pal Norton.
Who owes you?" Ed: "You do." Gee, that really helps Ralph. Ralph he answers a
newspaper ad for a Santa Claus job but not before Ed finds some jobs that Ralph
can do to earn extra money for the kid. One of them is in South America Ralph
says to forget about that job because he doesn't want to go to South America. Ed
finally finds a job for Ralph, a street Santa. Alice comes in and says that
Ralph was right he deserves a hot meal. Ralph is acting all nice because he
thinks that Alice is pregnant. Alice doesn't know what to make of it. She leaves
and then so does Ed. After Ed leaves, he brings in the cats that were near
Ralph's front door.

The next day Ralph goes to apply for the job. What he doesn't know is that the
guys who placed the ad are bookmakers and that they plan to use the Santa to
collect bets. They reveal themselves to Ralph as Mr Smith and Mr. Smith. Ralph
gets hired and asks Ed if he can be hired but he warns them that he is not as
smart as he is. With that, Ed is hired. Around 6pm the next day, Ralph and Ed
begin their first day on the job. Ed is recognized by some kids as Space Hopper.
Ha! After one person drops in their slip, Ralph reads it and still he doesn't
know it's a bet for a horse in a race. A mother and a kid
come by. She asks "Santa" that if he doesn't go to bed when they get home, will
he put a lump of coal in his stocking. "Santa" says: "Yes." So the kid kicks
Ralph. They leave. Either that kid and his mother live VERY far away or that
mother forces her kid to go to bed VERY early. One drunk person comes by, takes
one look at them and says that he will never drink as long as he lives. Another
person comes by and puts his money in the pot. Ralph says he will get that back
many fold. Man: "I should. It's 20 to 1." Ed: "What are you talking about? It's
half-past six." He leaves. An old lady comes by. When she puts down her bet with
the money, Ralph says that she doesn't have to do that. Lady: "I want 'Rocking
Chair' for $2." Ralph still doesn't know what she
meant. A policeman comes by and puts his money in (thinking that what Ralph and
Ed are dong something good.) When Ed says to the police officer to put in his
slip (everyone else put in their slips). the policeman sees what's really going
on and sends Ralph and Ed to jail, thinking that they are the bookies they are
looking for.

In jail, Ralph is mad at Ed. He is thinking that this is the end of life for
him. Ralph explains to the police officer that his wife is pregnant. Alice comes
by and Ralph tells her that he was making extra money for their future baby.
Alice says that she is not pregnant. Now Ralph and Ed are in bigger trouble.
When Ed says that the two Mr. Smiths are going to come by their street corner
and collect the money soon, Ralph hatches a plan so the police can catch the
real bad guys. It works.

It looks like Ralph will have a Merry Christmas after all. But when he holds out
his hand, a woman comes by and drops money in his hand. A policeman catches him
and sends Ralph off to jail as the opening of the "Dragnet" theme song plays.

Episode #74
TV: Half-hour.
VCR: Attached to "Peacemaker."
DVD: Attached to "One Big Happy Family" & "Finders Keepers."

It's Norton's birthday. Ralph wants to get off cheap. Gee what a friend..NOT!
When Ed comes down, Ralph says to Alice that he wants Alice to say that she
wants to go to the movies while Ralph says that he wants to g to the Kit Kat
Club (a nightclub.) He says that a night out at a nightclub would cost a
fortune. Alice then springs upon another idea, they would argue until it's 12am.
That way, it won't be Ed's birthday and they won't have to anywhere Ralph, being
selfish, says that is a good idea. Ed comes down and reveals all the good things
that have happened to him due to his birthday. He got a hand-carved Mahogany
surfboard from the guys down in the sewer. He also recites part of the sewer
theme song which I think "talks" about AJAX. (I am willing to bet that was a
sponsor on the Gleason Show) Oh God! Ralph plans goes into action but fails when
Alice says that she wants to go to the Kit Kat Klub. Ralph asks Alice to go into
the bedroom with him. They have a small spat but you can't hear what they are
saying and if you watch this episode in CC format, the CC has symbols in place
of what Ralph and Alice are saying. Of course, Ralph and Alice aren't saying
profanity because that wasn't acceptable on comedy shows back then. Ralph and
Alice do the same thing in "Brother Ralph." In other words, in that episode,
they go into the bedroom to have a quick spat. Only difference is, they do it
two times in that episode. Anyway, Alice says that she wants to go to a cheap
movie. Alice and Ralph give their present, a scarf with "E.L.W." on it. Ed's
middle name is "Lilywhite." Ed Norton picks out one that is too violent for
Trixie. It must have been rated-R or something. The little I know about old
movies is that, back then, almost all movies were rated-G. They pick out a
movie. As they leave, Ralph off-key-ly sings: "Happy Birthday" to Ed.

At the Theater, Ed wins the door prize, a color TV due to his winning ticket.
The theater usher (or someone played by George Petrie) gets told of the
situation and says that anyone who has handed the tickets to his friends would
say: "I bought the ticket! The set belongs to me." He leaves just as Ed
compliments Ralph. He says that his heart is really big. During this scene, you
will see a big blotch appear on the screen for a few seconds. Ralph of course is
showing through his facial expression that he's a bad sport. He says that since
he got the tickets for all of them, the set belongs to him. Ralph insults
Trixie. If Ed doesn't give Ralph the set, Ralph will reveal Ed's middle name
which Ed is ashamed of. Ed says that if Ralph does that, he will reveal that
Ralph wears a girdle. Ralph is ashamed of the fact that he wanted to wear a
girdle but there is no girdle big enough for him. Ralph wants to fight with Ed.
Trixie and Alice join Ed in the fight. Ralph says that the fight now is unfair.
Ed says that Ralph has them outweighed but they will fight him anyway. Ha!
The arguing continues.

At home, Ralph has the picture tube of the set on the table. Him and Alice
discuss the whole situation. Ralph of course says that he is in the right while
Alice says that he isn't. She brings up the fact that Ed saved Ralph from being
kicked out of the Raccoons. Ralph was going to be kicked out for losing the
tickets for a Raccoon dance. Ralph could care less. Ed comes in. According to
Ed, Ralph is a miserable skunk. Ralph says that Ed is a miserable bum. Alice:
"So miserable skunk, meet miserable bum." Alice says that both of them are in
the wrong. Alice leaves the room. Ralph and Ed write notes to each other. Ed's
note has insults on it, but he rips it in Ralph's face, saying that he will
never learn what was on the note now. Ralph kicks him out.

Ralph and Alice go to play pool. This is one scene where Ralph has to teach
Alice some things. He teaches Alice how to play pool. Alice has funny names for
all the pool balls. She also mistakes a bridge for a pool cue. When Alice tries
to hit the ball, she accidentally throws the cue like it was a javelin. When
Ralph goes to play pool, men form the other room ridicule Ralph yelling: "WHY
DON'T YOU SHOOT THE STRAWBERRY RED ONE IN THE SIDE?" Ralph says that if has to
come into that other room, the only thing left will be smoke. Ed and Trixie come
in. Ralph and Ed try to ignore each other but that doesn't work. Ralph
challenges for Ed and Trixie to play him and Alice. Ralph and Ed bet that if
their team wins, the other team has to give them something that I don't
remember. Alice accidentally hits the ball like she is playing Lacrosse Ralph
doesn't know that Trixie is an expert pool player. Ralph learns that. Ralph
(yells): "THE BET IS OFF!" Ralph says that Ed lied to him by saying that Trixie
couldn't play. Of course, Ed didn't say that. Ralph says he is going out to get
a warrant for Ed's arrest.

At night court, Ralph calls Ed a bum in his testimony. During Trixie and Alice's
testimony, we learn that Trixie's real name is Thelma. Ed didn't know that. When
was the last time that a husband didn't know his wife's real name? The judge
gets told the whole story and that if Ralph said to Ed: "Here's your ticket",
then Ed deserves the TV set but if he didn't, then Ralph deserves the set. Ralph
doesn't know if he said that to Ed. During Alice's testimony, we hear that the
Kramdens and the Nortons met when Ed invited the Kramdens out to dinner the day
they moved in at 328 Chauncey Street despite the fact
that in other episodes, Ralph and Ed met during their childhood. As Alice
relates to the judge the history of Ralph and Norton's friendship, the boys
break down in tears and each forsakes his claim to the TV in exchange for the
other's friendship. Ed: "All I want is you Ralph." If a person watched this and
had no information about the Honeymooners and what was TV like back then, they
would probably assume that Ed and probably Ralph were bisexual or gay.

Credit also goes to Yahoo! Groups You're A Riot!