"Young At Heart":

Alice: "I want to do the things that young people do. That is what keeps you
young."

Ralph: "You want to do things that young people do? Let's play games that young
people play. Let's play 'House.' You'll be the mommy and I'll be the poppy. All
right mommy - CLEAN UP!"

"Dial J For Janitor":

(The house phone is ringing.)

Ralph: "I'm not answering it. I'm not answering it. Let it ring-ring-ring
because I'm not answering it."

Alice: "But they are playing your song."

"Cottage For Sale Part 2":

(All of them are in the lemon that is their cottage.)

Ralph (yells): "WOULD YOU GET OFF MY BACK ALICE? WOULD YOU GET OFF MY BACK? I AM
TELLING YOU THIS PLACE IS GOING TO BE FIXED UP REAL GOOD."

Alice (yells): "YOU MADE A MISTAKE. WHY DON'T YOU ADMIT IT RALPH?"

Ralph (yells): "ALL RIGHT. I ADMIT IT! I ADMIT IT! I ADMIT IT! I MADE A MISTAKE.
GO AHEAD AND KILL ME. GO AHEAD AND KILL ME."

Alice (yells): "DON'T TEMPT ME RALPH. DON'T TEMPT ME."

"My Fair Landlord":

(Ralph has just complained to Mr. Olsen that he does nothing for the apartment
building. Ralph leaves.)

Mr. Olsen: "Your husband has got a lot of nerve saying that to me Mrs. Kramden.
I do plenty around here. Last night, I was up until midnight waxing the
stairs..."

Ralph (falling down the stairs, yells): "DUUUUUUUUUUUOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Without Reservations":

Ralph: "When the girls get here, I want them to get a good impression. So keep
your mouth shut."

Ed: "If you want them to have a good impression, keep the door shut."

"Funny Money":

Ralph: "One of these days, you are going to push me too far."

Alice's Mom: "The only thing that could push you is a bulldozer."

"The Main Event":

Ralph: "I would have given my life to be a jockey but I was a little too heavy."

Alice: "A little too heavy? You are too fat to be a horse."

"Out of Sight, Out of Mind":

(Ralph is at the psychiatrist's office.)

Doctor (to Ralph): "You are going to like this. This is fun. This is an aptitude
test."

Ed: "Can three people play?"

"Songwriters":

Ralph: "You're not stopping me. I am loaded with ideas."

Alice: "Anybody who hears those ideas will sure think that you are loaded."