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THIS WEEK AT THE TV BARN http://www.tvbarn.com
September 10-16, 2001 To sign off, see end of msg
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The following are highlights from Aaron Barnhart's
recent postings to the TV Barn Web site. For the full
Barnhart, get TV Barn Daily:
tvbarn-daily-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
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The fall TV season unofficially commences next Monday, but some shows
were just bursting at the seams to get out sooner. Four new network
shows bowed last week and four more show up this week.

One of the new shows is "Wolf Lake," airing Wednesday on CBS. Set in
the creepy mountain village of Wolf Lake, this drama stars Lou
Diamond Phillips as a Seattle cop who's come to town looking for his
missing fiancee. He is immediately befriended by the town sage
("Northern Exposure's" Graham Greene), a wise old man so comically
omniscient he can practically tell Phillips what he had for breakfast
back in Seattle.

Phillips soon begins to suspect there's something amiss in Wolf Lake.
We know this thanks to countless close-ups of Phillips arching his
eyebrow and looking off into the distance, like an alpha male who
won't ask for directions.

Sure enough, he soon uncovers a mysterious breed of humans who can
morph themselves into...killer wolves. This movie-of-the-week script
would be a sorry foundation for a TV series even if it weren't so
tone-deaf, failing to convey either the terror of a wolf attack or
the quirkiness of small-town life.

"Wolf Lake" was completely reworked over the summer, to no avail,
which leads me to believe CBS is unloading this show early so it can
cut its losses.

"The Ponderosa," a wholesome, good-natured Western that had its
premiere last week on Pax, revives the story of the Cartwrights
of "Bonanza" fame. It takes place 15 years before the original
"Bonanza," when Ben Cartwright (appealingly played by Daniel Hugh
Kelly) is still a fairly young man, though he's recently been widowed
for the third time. The Cartwright boys are all still boys; Little
Joe is an 11-year-old pipsqueak.

Though the dialogue can get a little too heartwarming for some
viewers, it is majestically filmed (not in the Sierra Nevada but in
eastern Australia) and it nobly disdains any gratuitous displays of
blood 'n' guts.

On the other hand, if you live for blood 'n' guts, good
news: "Trauma: Life in the E.R." is back for 22 stomach-turning new
episodes. The TLC favorite, now in its sixth season, returns tonight
with an episode filmed at Tampa's General Hospital. We meet two burn
victims, two car-crash victims -- one of whom is so hysterical that
watching her suffer felt exploitative -- a third-year resident who
relaxes by reading Hannibal and an attending physician who says the
ideal ER doctor is someone with "a short attention span and high
energy level."

Tracey Ullman is such a tonic, so bracingly unlike anything around
her, and a riot to boot, that I'm even willing to sit through an
infomercial with her in it. And that's what "Tracey Ullman's Visible
Panty Lines," her new show on the Oxygen channel, basically is.
Unveiling Thursday, it features Ullman in her Santa Monica fashion
store, yakking with celebrities, giving makeovers to lucky viewers
and shilling for her Web site, purpleskirt.com.

On the first episode, supermodel Cindy Crawford, several months
pregnant when this was taped, shows up to talk about (what else?)
maternity clothes.

***

Tom Heald's TEST PATTERNS
<tomalhe@...>
Copyright (C) 2001 Tom Heald

September 11: in 1995, the talk shows "Gabrielle" (Carteris), "George
& Alana" (Hamilton & Stewart), "Danny!" (Bonaduce), "Lauren Hutton,"
and "Tempestt" (Bledsoe) premiere to indifference, yawns, stupor,
apathy, and low ratings. Not necessarily in that order. None see a
sophomore year.

September 12: In 1981, At the request of NBSmurf Smurfident Fred
Silversmurf, Pierre "Peyo" Culliford's "Smurfs" smurf their way into
a very smurfy Smurferday morning Smurftoon, where they help smurf the
lineup into big smurf for the next 9 smurfsons.

September 13: in 1953, NBC, concerned about the messages being sent to
young viewers, votes to ban crime shows before 9:30 PM.

September 14: in 1985, Disney makes its first venture into ongoing
children's television animation with "The Wuzzles" on CBS. Each
character an odd hybrid of two animals (Elleroo, Bumble-lion,
Hoppopotamus, etc.), the Wuzzles are all the only animal of their own
species on the wonderful island of Wuz. And although few of them can
fly, all have a small set of wings on their backs. Among the voices
having way too much fun on the 13 episode series are Stan Freberg,
along with "Laugh-In's" JoAnne Worley and Henry Gibson. The main
characters are all readily available in plush toy versions from
Hasbro. Disney's second Saturday morning 'toon makes its debut not too
much later in the morning -- Disney's "Adventures of the Gummi
Bears," based on both the candy and a few ideas bounced around from
Disney chairman Michael Eisner.

September 15: in 1973, Alan Ludden's wife makes her debut on "The Mary
Tyler Moore Show" as Happy Homemaker Sue Ann Nivens (with Ms. White
dead set on making off with Phyllis's husband Lars).

September 16: in 1996, two feisty sour short women prepare to do
battle with their respective nemeses: Judy Sheindlin against
wrongdoers in front of her bench on "Judge Judy," and college
freshman/widow Rhea Perlman vs. her professor Malcolm McDowell in the
wretched CBS sitcom "Pearl." Big things may be ahead for one of
Pearl's classmates -- Amy Li - the perfectionist student played by
one Miss Lucy Alexis Liu.

September 17: in 1982, Peter Barton and Louis Gossett, Jr., starr, er,
star in "The Powers Of Matthew Star" (originally "The Powers of Daniel
Star.") The fantastic tale of an alien prince (and his
guardian/trainer) sent to earth was set to air in 1981, but was
delayed when both Barton and Gossett were injured while filming
stunts for the show, Barton being seriously burned.

[Thanks to Brooks, Marsh, and McNeil, The D-Zone & Disney's HooZoo,
Yesterdayland, and David Tanny. Thanks also to those wishing me well
after my wisdom tooth extraction, Friday afternoon. I'm still
recovering (ow!), but fortunately doing this column requires
absolutely no verbal skills whatsoever! And any typos this week can
be blamed on my pain pills.]

***

THE LINEUPS, brought to you by Sue Trowbridge (Dave through Rosie)
and Tom Heald (everything else, including the fake one)

LATE SHOW WITH DAVID LETTERMAN, CBS
Mo 9/10: Kelly Ripa, Bob Sarlatte (R)
Tu 9/11: Antonio Banderas, Jeffrey Ross (R)
We 9/12: Julia Roberts, Travis (R)
Th 9/13: Brooke Shields, Joe Henry (R)
Fr 9/14: Nicole Kidman, Iggy Pop (R)

Mo 9/17: Regis Philbin, billiard expert The Mighty Glove
Tu 9/18: Marg Helgenberger, Tori Amos
We 9/19: Anthony Hopkins
Th 9/20: Jason Alexander, historian Stephen Ambrose
Fr 9/21: Merv Griffin, comic Tom Papa

Mo 9/24: Kid scientists, Amy Brenneman, Pete Yorn

THE TONIGHT SHOW WITH JAY LENO, NBC
Mo 9/10: Keanu Reeves, Aisha Tyler, Babyface
Tu 9/11: Charlie Sheen, Gillian Welsh
We 9/12: David Spade, Jamiroquai
Th 9/13: Drew Carey, Isaac Mizrahi
Fr 9/14: Mira Sorvino, Ashton Kustcher, P.O.D.

Mo 9/17: Jessica Alba, Emeril Lagasse, Alien Ant Farm
Tu 9/18: Rene Russo, Jimmy Kimmel, Adam Carolla
We 9/19: Denzel Washington, Jill Hennessy, PJ Harvey

LATE LATE SHOW WITH CRAIG KILBORN, CBS
Mo 9/10: Vivica A. Fox, Jonathan LaPaglia, Afroman
Tu 9/11: Topher Grace, Ginna Phillips, Joy Gohring, Johanna Stein
We 9/12: Bob Saget, Julie Chen
Th 9/13: Melissa Joan Hart
Fr 9/14: David Boreanaz, Mystic

Mo 9/17: Patricia Heaton, Ron Livingston, Michael Franti and Spearhead
Tu 9/18: Kelli Williams, DJ Qualls
We 9/19: Dennis Farina, Padma, Jude
Th 9/20: Terry Bradshaw, comic Brody Stevens
Fr 9/21: Leelee Sobieski, Roger Ebert, Dido

Mo 9/24: Tom Everett Scott

LATE NIGHT WITH CONAN O'BRIEN, NBC
Mo 9/10: Regis Philbin, Bernie Mac, Idlewild (R)
Tu 9/11: Brad Garrett, Robert Urich, Jude
We 9/12: Ray Romano, Mario Bello
Th 9/13: Fred Willard, David Rakoff
Fr 9/14: Scott Thompson, Ben Folds

Mo 9/17: Tom Brokaw, Marc Maron, Dan Tyminski and the Soggy Bottom
Boys (R)
Tu 9/18: Ed Burns, Diana Krall
We 9/19: Ethan Hawke, Mariska Hargitay, Ray Siegel
Th 9/20: John Stamos, Jay-Z
Fr 9/21: Chris Kirkpatrick, David Gray

POLITICALLY INCORRECT WITH BILL MAHER, ABC
Mo 9/10: Vivica A. Fox, Larry Miller, Cyndi Mosteller, Pat Caddell
Tu 9/11: Erin Shannon, Wynton Marsalis
We 9/12: Judy Collins, Tommy Davidson
Th 9/13: Charlie Robison, political strategist Kim Serafin, David
Brenner, Leeza Gibbons
Fr 9/14: Marlee Matlin

Mo 9/17: Joan Rivers, Dominic Chianese, Jerry Newcombe
Tu 9/18: TBA
We 9/19: Barbara De Angelis
Th 9/20: Darlene Kennedy, Alan Dershowitz

THE DAILY SHOW WITH JON STEWART, Comedy Central
Mo 9/10: They Might Be Giants
Tu 9/11: Dave Navarro
We 9/12: Peter Jennings
Th 9/13: Vincent Bugliosi

Mo 9/17: Rerun TBA
Tu 9/18: Dabney Coleman
We 9/19: Tracey Ullman
Th 9/20: Ed Burns

Mo 9/24: Scott Bakula
Tu 9/25: John Stamos
We 9/26: Jason Alexander
Th 9/27: Tenacious D

Mo 10/1: Kelsey Grammer
Tu 10/2: TBA
We 10/3: Michael Moore
Th 10/4: Kevin James

THE VIEW, ABC
Mo 9/10: William Baldwin, Tony Goldwyn
Tu 9/11: Robert Urich
We 9/12: Ricki Lake
Th 9/13: Tim McGraw
Fr 9/14: Peter Boyle

THE ROSIE O'DONNELL SHOW, syndicated
Mo 9/10: Britney Spears, Sarah Ferguson
Tu 9/11: The cast of "Everybody Loves Raymond"
We 9/12: Tom Brokaw, Eddie Cibrian, Tori Amos
Th 9/13: Brooke Shields, Fred Willard, Usher
Fr 9/14: Elizabeth Taylor

Mo 9/17: Tim Allen, Jill Hennessy
Tu 9/18: Edward Burns, Emeril Lagasse, Macy Gray
We 9/19: Regis Philbin, Dana Delany, "Dreamgirls" benefit concert
Th 9/20: Richard Dreyfuss, Jamie Oliver, Broadway cast of "Urinetown,
the Musical"

HOWARD STERN, E!
<http://www.eonline.com/On/Howard/whatson.html>
Mo 9/10 Croy, La Voizia & Yucko
Tu 9/11 Queen for a Day & Dixie Cups (1)
We 9/12 Queen for a Day & Dixie Cups (2)
Th 9/13 KC, Gary & John
Fr 9/14 Crepidation Contest

INSOMNIAC WITH DAVE ATTELL, Comedy Central
<http://www.comedycentral.com/tv_shows/insomniac/index.jhtml>
Su 9/16 all the mostly legal fun that can be found in Tijuana
Baltimore
Memphis
New York

THE JERRY SPRINGER SHOW, syndicated
<http://www.studiosusa.com/jerry/>
Mo 9/10 I'm a-cheatin' on you with a transsexual + I'm a-wanting to
marry my ex-wife's daughter + I'm a-cheatin' on you with a stripper +
I'm a-cheatin' on you with yer cousin, but I don't want neither of you
Tu 9/11 Security Steve helps a woman get away from her "bad" husband
+ I've been a-cheatin' on you for 5 months + I've been a-sleepin'
with my step-daddy
We 9/12 No man can stop me from a-lovin' you + I'm a-cheatin' on my
wife with my brother's girlfriend + cheatin' lesbians
Th 9/13 Guess what, I'm a transvestitie, oh and I'm gay too + Guess
what, I'm a-cheatin' on you with your best friend + I'll wear your
bra to get you back in my life, such as it is + guess what, I'm a-
cheatin' on you with your best friend (another guest)
Fr 9/14 Mah sister done went 'n' stole mah man + I don't want either
of you + love my girlfriend or go away, Grandma!

LATE FRIDAY, NBC
Fr 9/15 Jeff Garlin hosts comedic performances by Greg Giraldo,
Kathleen Madigan, Jeff Richards, The Ten Comedymandments (Paul
Greenberg, Jackie Harris, Craig Anton), and Greg Proops
Fr 9/22 Michael Ian Black, Michael Showalter and David Wain host
comedic performances by John Bush, Boris Hamilton, A.D. Miles as
Marty Shonson, Danielle Koenig and Chip Pope
Fr 9/29 Marc Maron hosts comedic performances by Mitch Hedberg, Brian
Kiley, Kyle Dunnigan, Merrill Markoe and Eugene Mirman

THE MAN SHOW, Comedy Central
Su 9/19 Jimmy introduces "Port-a-Juggy," the Man Show Boy gets a fake
ID, & Adam goes to the Barbra Streisand concert.

THE OTHER HALF, syndicated
<http://www.theotherhalf.tv/>
Mo 9/10 leg waxing, couples' sleeping styles, "My Week as a Man."
Tu 9/11 Vivica Fox, Viagra for women, how Danny's wife saved his life
We 9/12 Do men judge women by their looks?, what a woman's purse says
about her
Th 9/13 hosts get hypnotized, "Six Pack" of the week nominations
Fr 9/14 win a date with Mario, diet trends, Passion Friday

SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE, NBC <http://www.nbc.com/snl>
Sa 9/15 Rene Zellweger / Eve
Sa 9/22 Sean Hayes / Shaggy
Sa 9/29 Reese Witherspoon / Alicia Keyes

SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE, Comedy Central (reruns)
Mo 9/10 Noon Tim Robbins/Sinead O'Connor
1 PM Joe Pesci / Spin Doctors
6 PM Alan Cumming / Jennifer Lopez
11:30 PM Tom Hanks / Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers
Overnight 2 AM Steve Martin / Tom Petty
Overnight 3 AM Michael McKean / Chaka Kahn
Tu 9/11 Noon Christopher Walken / Arrested Development
1 PM Michael Keaton / Morrisey
6 PM Britney Spears
11:30 PM Pamela Lee / Rollins Band
Overnight 2 AM George Carlin / Frankie Goes To Hollywood
Overnight 3 AM Ed Asner / The Kinks
We 9/12 Noon Tom Arnold / Neil Young
1 PM Harvey Keitel / Madonna
6 PM John Goodman / Everclear
11:30 PM Alan Cumming / Jennifer Lopez
Overnight 2:30 AM Ed Begley, Jr. / Billy Squier
Th 9/13 Noon Luke Perry / Mick Jagger
1 PM John Goodman / Mary J. Blige
6 PM Tobey Macguire / Sisqo
10 PM Nicole Kidman / Stone Temple Pilots
11:30 PM Matthew Broderick / Natalie Merchant
Overnight 2 AM Alec Baldwin / Whitney Houston
Overnight 3 AM Charlton Heston / Wynton Marsalis
Fr 9/14 Noon Miranda Richardson / Soul Asylum
1 PM Kirstie Alley / Lenny Kravitz
6 PM Jennifer Love-Hewitt / Beastie Boys
10:30 PM John Goodman / Paula Cole
11:30 PM Cameron Diaz / The Smashing Pumpkins
Overnight 3 AM Ringo Starr / Herbie Hancock
Sa 9/15 Noon Kirstie Alley / Tom Petty
6 PM Jim Carrey / Soundgarden
8 PM Kelsey Grammer / Dwight Yoakam
9 PM Sarah Jessica Parker / R.E.M.
Su 9/16 11 AM George Clooney / The Cranberries
Overnight / AM Kathleen Turner / John Waite
Mo 9/17 Noon Bruce Willis / Neil Young
1 PM Rick Moranis / Rickie Lee Jones
6 PM David Alan Grier / Silverchair
11:30 PM Steve Forbes / Rage Against the Machine
Overnight 2 AM Roy Scheider / Billy Ocean + Steven Wright
Overnight 3 AM Harry Anderson / Bryan Adams
Tu 9/18 Noon Kathleen Turner / Billy Joel
1 PM Chris Evert / Eurythmics
6 PM Ben Stiller / Alanis Morissette
11:30 PM Sting / Veruca Salt
Overnight 2 AM Pamela Sue Martin / Power Station
Overnight 3 AM Christopher Reeve / Santana
We 9/19 Noon John Goodman /k.d. lang
1 PM Ed O'Neil / Harry Connick Jr.
6 PM Joshua Jackson / N'SYNC
11:30 PM Danny Aiello/Coolio
Overnight 2:30 AM Howard Cosell / Greg Kihn
Th 9/20 Noon Quincy Jones
1 PM Tom Hanks / Aerosmith
6 PM Tom Arnold/Tupac
1130 PM Bill Pulman / New Edition
2 AM Kevin Bacon / INXS
3 AM Roseanne Barr / Dee Lite
Fr 9/21 Noon Fred Savage / Technotronic
1 PM Deborah Winger / Eric Clapton
6 PM Sarah Michelle Gellar / Portishead
10:30 PM Chris Rock / The Wallflowers
11:30 PM Gwyneth Paltrow / Barenaked Ladies
3 AM Madonna / Simple Minds
Sa 9/22 Noon Woody Harrelson / Vanessa Williams
6 PM Lucy Lawless / Elliot Smith
Su 9/23 11 AM Quentin Tarantino / The Smashing Pumpkins
3 AM Chevy Chase / Sheila E.
Mo 9/24 Noon Corbin Bernsen / The Smithereens
1 PM Jon Lovitz / Janes Addiction
6 PM John Goodman / Tom Petty & The Heart Breakers
11:30 PM Joan Allen / Jewel
2 AM John Lithgow / Mr. Mister + Sam Kinison
3 AM Harry Dean Stanton / The Replacements + Sam Kinison
Tu 9/25 Noon Mo 9/10 Noon Tim Robbins/Sinead OConnor
1 PM Joe Pesci / Spin Doctors
6 PM Alan Cumming / Jennifer Lopez
11:30 PM Tom Hanks / Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers
Overnight 2 AM Steve Martin / Tom Petty
Overnight 3 AM Michael McKean / Chaka Kahn
We 9/26 Noon Steve Buscemi / Third Eye Blind
1 PM David Duchovny / Puff Daddy
6 PM Paul Reiser / Annie Lennox
11:30 PM Norm McDonald / Dr. Dre
2:30 AM Candice Bergen / Notting Hillbillies
Th 9/27 Noon Kelsey Grammer / Sheryl Crow
1 PM Vince Vaughn / Lauryn Hill
6 PM Garth Brooks / Chris Gaines
10 PM Mike Myers / Aerosmith
11:30 PM Julianne Moore / Backstreet Boys

THE SUN, TMBG
Mo 9/10 is a mass
Tu 9/11 of incandescent gas
We 9/12 a gigantic nuclear furnace
Th 9/13 where hydrogen is built into helium
Fr 9/14 at a temperature of millions of degrees

THE TEST, FX
Mo 9/10 Blind Date - Scott Grimes, James Madio, Michel Cudlitz, Rene
Moreno
Tu 9/11 Prude - Tiffiany Granath, Susannah Breslin, Kitana Baker,
Lauren Hayes
We 9/12 Good Samaritan - Donna D'Errico, Dylan Walsh, Alison
Eastwood, Ralph Harris
Th 9/13 Sex Change: Male - Stacy Keach, David Shatraw, Zack Ward,
Rachel Roth

Also on late nights talk, news, or panel discussion:
BET TONIGHT, BET
<http://www.bet.com/atBET/0,1821,C-6-15-2767,00.html>
BLIND DATE, syndicated <http://www.blinddate.excite.com>
CHARLIE ROSE, PBS <http://www.pbs.org/charlierose>
THE CHRIS WYLDE SHOW, Comedy Central
<http://www.comedycentral.com/tv_shows/chris_wylde>
CROSSING OVER WITH JOHN EDWARD, Sci Fi Network
<http://www.scifi.com/johnedward>
DENNIS MILLER LIVE, HBO (returns 2/01/02 Guest and topic TBD.)
DIE HARALD SCHMIDT SHOW, SAT.1
<www.harald-schmidt-show.de>
THE HOWARD STERN RADIO SHOW, CBS and syndicated
<http://www.howardstern.com>
THE ISAAC MIZRAHI SHOW, Oxygen
<http://www.oxygen.com/isaac>
JUDITH REGAN TONIGHT, FOXNEWS
<http://www.foxnews.com/channel/judith_regan.sml>
NIGHTLINE, ABC <http://www.nightline.abc.com>
"LATER presents SCTV," NBC <http://www.sctv.org>
SO GRAHAM NORTON, BBC America
TALK SOUP, E! <http://www.eonline.com/On/Tsoup>
TOTAL REQUEST LIVE, MTV
<http://www.mtv.com/onair/trl/>
UP TO THE MINUTE, CBS <http://www.uttm.com>
TONIGHT SHOW, LATE NIGHT, MEET THE PRESS, DATELINE
and SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE reruns, NBC All Night
WORLD NEWS NOW, ABC and cybercast at
<http://abcnews.go.com/onair/wnn/index.html>

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Copyright 2001 by Aaron Barnhart, except where noted.
Redistribution prohibited.
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Sue Trowbridge keeps the late-night lineups fresh at
http://www.interbridge.com/lineups.html
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Tom Heald writes one fake set of tv listings per week
along with Test Patterns and the daily Remote Patrol
for TV Barn2 mailing list.
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Join us at TV Barn! http://www.tvbarn.com
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