When are we getting that epilogue jewel? Don't keep me waiting

jewels_gold2002 <anjschneider@...> wrote: Continuation from
part A Encore 29 with a touch of Soul B

She descends the stairs to find him stoking the fire dressed in black
jeans
and a blue denim shirt. His hair has dried a little but she can tell
he's been
running his fingers through it in frustration by its every-which-way-
style.
She sees the tray of tea and some cheese, crackers and grapes as he
promised sitting on the stone ledge in front of the fireplace. Oh God
give me strength she prays silently as she holds on tightly to the
banister.

"I have the tea…" Bobby feels uncertain. He was so sure of everything
he would say, but now, the time has come and he's almost tongue tied.
She makes quite a picture in his clothing! The oversize shirt gaps
open
in just the right places leaving little to his imagination, his eyes
survey
the lovely silken cleavage that he's memorized inch by inch with his
fingers and
lips. He senses her hesitation, "It's nice and warm here by the fire-"

She takes the last step down into the living room, only a few feet
separates them yet it feels as though ever closing the distance is
unattainable. "Tea sounds good." Lindsay wishes she could get as far
away as possible, that was the
plan, so much for planning. Here she is confined by both storms and
the one raging outside seems calm compared to the volatile skirmish
within her heart.

He hands her a cup, then takes a seat in one of the overstuffed
chairs.
She knows she can't avoid his questions any longer. She can't sit.
She feels as though she is about to be interrogated by a squad of
Scotland Yard cops and the way he is looking at her, she would prefer
them, to what she knows Bobby has in store.

She sips the tea for courage.

He lets her take another sip before his eyes bore into hers. He's
going
to get this out in the open once and for all. If he has to trick her
into
an admission so be it!

"You know what I said upstairs and I know you understood what I meant.
You can't escape this Lindsay so for God's sakes stop trying!"
He scoots to the edge of the chair unable to relax as he waits for
her answer. Nothing comes. Silence. Bobby exhales and launches his
attack.
"I KNOW. YOU KNOW. I KNOW!" Bobby is sure she will bristle over
his convoluted words, and he also knows the vagueness of them will
drive her crazy, hopefully crazy enough to divulge something!

"Bobby, I don't know ANYTHING!" Lindsay hates it when he insists
on talking in riddles trying to incite a reaction. He's always doing
that,
bluffing so she's not sure if he actually knows or he just wants to
trap her into telling him what she knows! Most of the time when he
does this he doesn't know ANYTHING at all! He's so infuriating! She
doesn't EVER want to know what
he thinks he knows! If he knows ANYTHING! She's tired, her nerves are
shot, and she's not feeling strong enough to deal with him right
now. "Don't keep doing this!" She
implores him suddenly feeling weary and ready to curl up into a ball
and sleep.
Sleep would be so good awe to escape into the world of dreams would
be bliss
right about now. In her dreams she could be with Bobby, whenever,
wherever
and however she wanted.

"Don't WHAT Lindsay! Don't put an end to this fiasco you created with
us!" Bobby's up on his feet pacing back and forth as he becomes
infiltrated
with the fear he's held ever since she told him they would never be
together again.

"I'VE created! Oh that's a GOOD ONE! What about YOU!" Lindsay
accuses back. She's not about to cave in. He wants to have this out.
He'll
get his wish. She's not even sure what she's accusing him of, she only
knows that he's not going to worm out the answers he's looking for.

"I'm not the ONE who pretended NOT to know about Hiller retiring! I
KNOW
Kittleson told you!" He presents his entire case daring her to deny
it.

Lindsay heart stops. Her back curls in defense. He can't have
figured it out! How? What now! He knows what she did and why? How
he did figure it out? There isn't another soul on earth that knows,
she
hasn't confided in ANYONE! Her mouth drops open as she questions
her actions and second guesses all her encounters with friends and
family.
NO. Not ONE soul knew the whole story. She'd made damn sure
it could never slip out from anyone's mouth by never putting it in
anyone
else's ears. She's completely stymied this was NEVER supposed to
happen!

Now how does she get out of this? What if he's here because he's
been rejected for the judges position and she's done all of this for
NOTHING! "You don't know ANYTHING Bobby!" Lindsay challenges his
ignorance knowing she is only buying time. And if she did this for
nothing then she HAS been a complete idiot! She's not about to make
this easy for Bobby no matter what! She's filibustered with the best
of them, namely
him and she can do it again!

"OH yes I do!"

"You've probably jumped to the NORMAL wrong conclusions you always
do!" Lindsay
says knowing she has a very weak case. "You don't know what you THINK
you know!"
She stabs back. "There's no way you could!"

I have my ways!" Bobby answers mysteriously. "Kittleson told YOU!
Don't you
dare lie to me about this Lindsay! I know that you found out about the
seat Hiller recommended me for, Kittleson did this in her own
uniquely twisted
way, and I knowing how she feels about you, and I, I can imagine what
she said! After
she got through with you, I know you decided to sacrifice yourself
for MY career!" Bobby spits out his knowledge daring her to say
otherwise and praying she will admit her duplicity. "Kittleson TOLD
you and that's what this is about!"

She hears the words, she hears him verbalizing it, and the stubborn
set
of her chin crumbles. The sound of his voice challenging her to deny
it,
penetrates her lofty fortress. She sees any thought of wiggling out
of this is useless.
"Well at least SOMEONE told me! Why didn't you?" Lindsay
accuses him just as angry with him as he is with her.

"Because Lindsay, it wasn't important damn IT!" Bobby growls.

"IT NOT IMPORTANT TO YOU BE A JUDGE!" Lindsay challenges
his lie with her eyes. "NOW who's lying!"

"NO IT ISN'T!" Bobby glares at her. "I'M NOT THE ONE WHOSE
BEEN DISHONEST HERE! I DIDN'T TELL YOU BECAUSE
IT WAS LOW, EXTREMELY LOW ON MY LIST OF PRIORITES!"

"BULL!" Lindsay strides up to him bravely now, he isn't going to worm
his way out of this. "I was there Bobby, when you confided that dream
to me do you remember! You told me how it felt to be continuously
disrespected by
your peers, how you hated that judges looked down on you, so
disdainfully ALL THE TIME and how your reputation was always being
slung through the mud! I know what
it would mean to you to be in a place of stature-to finally be
treated the way you should be, the way you deserved to be!" She
shakes her head backing away a little
"DON'T tell me that's not important to you, I was there Bobby,
through it all
from the Isakov disaster to Judge Fleming, and I saw what it did to
you to be maligned
in court that way, so many times. You didn't deserve that kind of
judgment from anyone!
They didn't even KNOW YOU! I know you! I know how important it is for
you
to become a judge. YOU NEED it to make YOU finally realize who you
really are, who YOU'VE always been!"

Bobby listens because as always there is truth in what she says. But
it's not
the ONLY truth here. And one thing he is going to make sure of tonight
is that Lindsay believes the truth about his feelings. There is
NOTHING
more true in his life than her place in his heart.

"Lindsay-" Bobby tries to interrupt but Lindsay is on a non stoppable
roll.

"This is why, when I-" She lays her hands over her heart as if to
hold the pain
inside. "YOU KNEW the committee hated the idea of me
being a judge's wife, YOU knew that they would NEVER even
consider YOU for it! Why didn't you tell me! Were you so
ashamed of us… of ME…. that you didn't want to admit I was
the ONE thing that would hold you back!" Lindsay backs away more
turning from him so he wont see her eyes tear up at the very thought
that she would ever be an obstacle to his happiness. Bobby closes the
distance between them making
sure he is very much in her face.

"I'M NOT ASHAMED OF YOU! I have a LOT of feelings about you but
believe this Lindsay when I say SHAME has NEVER been NOR will it ever
be ONE! If you know me as you say you do Lindsay then YOU KNOW THIS!"

Lindsay's has turned to face him again, his soft imploring words zing
her heart and she bites her lip trying to hold those tears again.

"Lindsay there's still a LOT I have to learn in this life. But this I
know!
You mean everything to me! You are MY life! Why don't YOU know it!"
Bobby's head shakes in resignation.

"I-" She wants to say `I do', she wants to fling her body against his
so
hard they stumble to the floor, laughing, teasing and kissing till
dawn.
But she can't give in she has to make him see that she is doing the
right thing
for all of them. She holds her hands in fists as she shoots her
fantasy to hell.

"The judges seat is one of prestige Bobby, you'd be recognized as an
upstanding officer of the court. People would respect you, and admire
you, and it gives you a real chance to make a difference. You'd
give everyone who came in your courtroom a reason to believe in our
justice
system, you'd never roll over and stand for the corruption that's
infiltrates every
corner of the legal process! Don't tell me that isn't important to
you!" Lindsay is
determined to ignore his empty assurances. "I'm the one who was by
your side
remember all the late nights in the office, struggling to make your
way. Lindsay
paces a short line shaking her head in denial. "All the frustration
we felt, at the system and how unfairly people were treated. You've
made your way Bobby, this is what you've dreamed of- it's probably
what YOU were born to do, and a part of you
knows it whether YOU want to admit it or not, it's extremely
important to you!"

Bobby's remembers much more than talking about the legal system
on those tension filled nights. He was head over heels in love, and
every
moment he spent in her company was sweet torture, he wasn't able to
tell her
how he felt, but God how he felt it! Every accidental touch of their
hands or a slight brush of her skirt against his leg made it
impossible to focus on the tedious work. He's
known all along what was important damn it she should KNOW that by
now!

"IF You were so damn sure it was so important to me than
why in the HELL didn't you tell me YOU KNEW! It's been
lies, ALL LIES from you from day one! As soon as you
found out you started this hellish nightmare for us and snowballed
it into something I don't even know what to call it anymore, that we
may never have come back from!"

"Why didn't you tell me?" Lindsay points her finger
at him knowingly. She feels the heat from the fire coursing
up her back but she is trembling from the inside out. "Bobby on a
NEED TO KNOW basis this is something I should have been told!"

"WHY DIDN"T you say something when YOU FOUND OUT!" Bobby
snarls right back. He's reliving all the pain he'd experienced at her
hands.
He's been on a roller coaster to hell and back over her deceitful
behavior and he's not going to pretend its okay that she did this too
him again! At least he's learned
to NOT make everything be okay anymore. She should be happy about
that!

"Don't you dare blame me for this! I'm getting enough blame to last
a life time for all the things I've done! How do you think it feels
to NOT be
good enough for YOUR OWN husband! There I said it! Are you happy
now?" Lindsay turns away and then realizes she can't weaken her
assault spinning
around to face him head on. The anguish warring inside is evident in
her eyes.

"I never for ONE moment said or felt you weren't good enough for me!
IF
anything its ALWAYS been the other way around!" Bobby's face implores
her not to believe she's ever been less to him.

"You didn't kill anyone Bobby!" Lindsay cries out her nightmare that
seem
never-ending because in her wildest imaginations she wouldn't
have hurt a fly let alone taken someone else's life willingly.

"Lindsay don't!" Bobby's voice softens as he hears her tormented
regret.


"NO! Lindsay stops his denial. "You will never have that attached to
YOUR name! You've had plenty of gossip but you'll NEVER understand!
They still whisper about me, behind my back. Now you won't have to
have it associated with you
if YOU and I are no longer together. Gossip for you will fade away.
I'll be the ex-wife-murderer." She laughs humorously at her
unintentional play on words
People will feel sorry for you that you ever married me in the first
place." Lindsay can't pretend anymore its all true. "The committee is
right. I'm nothing to you but a liability Bobby." She tries to smile
sadly as she instinctively hugs her body
in a protective gesture.

Bobby eyes glisten as his hands reach out holding her shoulders
firmly.
"That's NOT true. Stop IT!" Bobby's head shakes in denial.

"Admit it Bobby! You know! You were there when I was released from
jail. NOT acquitted without guilt. I HAVE THE GUILT! I have the
reputation! I have the stigma on ME forever! You heard people talking
everywhere we go, there's always SOMEONE TALKING!"
Admit THAT AT LEAST BOBBY!" Lindsay eyes are fiery challenging
him to deny the truth.

"NO! I DON'T CARE WHAT ANYONE THINKS!" Bobby's voice is
hoarse from the earlier strain on his vocal cords but he manages
to blare his words so they cause the glass doors on the bookshelves
to vibrate.

Lindsay's single tear rips his heart out. He stands there shaking his
head telling her silently imploring her to believe his words.
"I care." Lindsay's hushed tone replies.

"Ah Linds…" Bobby croaks softly.

She smiles through the tears trying to be brave. "I did what I did
leaving- because
it has to be the way it is."

"NO!" I won't let you do this! I won't let you decide MY life!"
Youuuuuu
are my LIFE!" His voice holds no doubt to the love he holds.

"I can't be." Lindsay eyes narrow as her head tilts sadly.

"Why?" Bobby doesn't have any intention of letting her get away
again.
"What the HELL happened to OUR decision to MAKE this marriage
work no matter what?" Bobby can't believe she doesn't remember
it was only a few weeks ago for God's sake! "Everything changed for
us! We
were supposed to be a married couple again! We were going to
have OUR family and OUR LIFE BACK!"

"You know the saying Bobby **it happens!" Lindsay tone is
cold and almost unfeeling which strengthens Bobby's resolve to
change her tune about this once and for all. "Things change on a
dime. We BOTH know that! I was fooling myself before thinking - I
can't do it."
Lindsay bites her lip as she always does when she hates her own
words.

"YOU HAVE TOO! I won't be taking YOUR NO's for an answer anymore!"
Bobby invites her to challenge him. He could tell her now
that all her sacrifices were for nothing but he's sees there
is a deeper issue than his getting a job or not, going on underneath
it all
and he realizes that this might have happened sooner or later
over something much more miniscule. Lindsay is feeling unworthy again.
And he knows it may take a long time for her to really let go of
the past. He can't blame her for it. He knows he'd be a basket case
if he had to ever actually physically killed anyone. He couldn't say
he would ever know
how to forgive himself. So how can he expect her too so easily? He's
been close enough with the Isokov blunder and sending a former
client to threaten William Hinks to know that he's in no
position to judge her. Excuse the pun. But he has to make her see
there
were extenuating circumstances. Her heart has not quite accepted
what her mind rationally concluded long ago.

"Lindsay you're the ONE who has to let it go! Other people's opinions
won't matter once you do that!"

"I've tried Bobby! Don't YOU think I've tried! NO matter what
I let go of, there are going to be people out there ALWAYS whispering
behind my back-it will affect all of us more than you know! I don't
want to be the reason you live under those conditions anymore, and I
don't
want Bobby Jr. to have to deal with this when he's grown up. These
things
don't go away, this will be detrimental to us forever!" She takes a
deep quick
breath unwilling to be detoured by Bobby's denial.

"At some point Bobby Jr. will be faced with having this as part
of his family history! I can't LET it happen! NO matter
what I do, it will be remembered. She laughs self-depreciatingly. "I
used to be Lindsay Dole the lawyer that took down the tobacco
company. But now-
and I thought being associated with a PINEAPPLE was bad!" Lindsay
attempts a feeble joke. "Our son deserves a chance-"

"DAMN IT! Lindsay he has YOU! YOU ARE HIS CHANCE! You're the most
loving, gentle sweet, mother he could ever ask for! Seeing you with
him-seeing how he looks up to you, he'd be lost without you!"

"NO BOBBY! But you could change that for him. I don't think I'll ever
be able to give him respectability." Her eyes tear as she confesses
thoughts
she's had many times since being released from prison. "I tried to
think
of leaving- of going away, until he's way older- so he could-but I'm
NOT
that unselfish-I can't be parted from him, because I love him
so much, and I think he needs me on some level, even after what I
did,
so now while he's young I'm here, but later when he's all grown,
if what I did comes back on him I'll never forgive myself." She's been
haunted by this ever since it happened, how will her poor son deal
with his mother's reputation. If the sins of the father are visited
on the
son, then she is sure that applies to mothers too. She would never
have complete peace if she ruined her son's life by her impulsive
actions. "I won't let what I did hurt Bobby Jr. he is the most
innocent one in all of this!"

"STOP THIS!" Lindsay YOU are innocent too! You
did what had to be done, and its over! As for our son,
Lindsay's you're his mother! He's damn lucky to have you! You're
WHO he needs, YOU as you are now." Bobby tells her fervently.
"You're still soooo much more than a pineapple." Bobby reminds her
fondly.
"And for the record Bobby Jr. and I love Pineapple." His eyes glisten
just as they did
that late night in the office when Lindsay poured out her
insecurities.

Lindsay gulps back a denying cry.

"Bobby don't make it harder." Lindsay shakes her head. "I AM here for
our son. She swallows before going on. "But staying married to you
isn't an option with or without the judge's seat. You deserve
better."

Lindsay's got it all worked out, without so much as a word to him,
and it totally infuriates Bobby.
"I have THE BEST! I DON'T WANT ANYONE ELSE!"

"I know you believe that now, but you'll see that I was right,
someday, you'll see
Bobby that you and I married, doesn't work, we both know that,
everything would fall apart again." Lindsay voice cracks. "Sometimes
loving someone doesn't mean you should be married to them."

"But it was OKAY to marry Ross, didn't you care what people said
about the two of you?" Bobby's voice almost chokes on the words. He's
going to be blowing all her excuses to hell! She met her match in
closing arguments
and he isn't about to lose this one!

"It's not an issue anymore Bobby." Lindsay says rigidly. She won't
let him go there. She has no defense to the question because in truth
she never had any real intention of marrying Ross.

"Well WE ARE! We're married and we're the issue!" Bobby informs her
almost happily because he can't help but be ecstatic that Ross is
once and for all out of the picture!

"And don't you ever tell me we shouldn't be together, married,
unmarried,
FINE! I don't care, but we were MEANT to be together, NOTHING you ever
say will change my mind about that!"

"No! Stop this okay, so you know I know about the judge's seat! Good!
It doesn't change ANYTHING!" Lindsay has to stay focused she can't
give into the softening of Bobby's voice or the cajoling blue eyes.

"THE HELL IT DOESN"T! Bobby strides to the exact spot they occupied
a few weeks before. He points to the floor with one hand while
waving the other one in the air. "You promised to talk to me! We
stood right here
in this room a few weeks ago and vowed NOT to make the same mistakes
again! We agreed, we're partners, and partners make all the decisions
together!"
What the hell happened to that!"

"I wasn't thinking clearly, then, you always have that affect on me,
you know the physical aspects of our relationship have always thrown
me off, I thought I could- we could love each other enough too-but I
was
wrong-love just isn't-" Lindsay has a hard time finishing the sentence
and it's a good thing because Bobby isn't about to listen to her deny
what happened here, and try to say it was less than it was.

Don't you dare tell me ever again that YOU don't LOVE ME ENOUGH!"
Bobby's
pain is plain and his eyes bare his soul. He takes a few steps
towards her. "I KNOW
how much you love me!" Bobby dares her to deny it.

"Ok, you know-you know there will always be a part of me that loves
you,
yes I admit it." She hopes to stops his advance effectively as she
did that day in the
office when she said she would never let herself fall in love with
him again. "But there's
also a part of me that can't let go of the past- YOUR past! Sar"
Lindsay can barely get it out. She knows he's seeing right through
her.

"LIAR! THIS ISN'T about SARA! This is about you running away to
protect me!" Bobby barks it out. I don't need to be protected! I
don't want you deciding my life for me! I don't want you throwing
Helen Gambles in my face all the time and tearing my heart out
because YOU think it's for the best! You DON'T get to decide!"

"Bobby you need someone to know what's good for you, because you
rarely ever
do, you have that self destructive mechanism that goes off, and-"

"NO! I AM NOT THAT GUY ANY MORE AND YOU KNOW IT! YOU DON'T
GET TO CHOOSE It's MY CHOICE! I CHOOSE YOU!"
He argues continuing his steps till he stands smack dab in front of
her again. They
keep moving forwards then back again, like in a keep-away game. But
no matter
what they keep gravitating towards each other sub-consciously they
continue
the ritualistic dance that eventually will bring them to a point of
surrender.
Lindsay wants to talk to stop him from making this sacrifice but he's
making it absolutely
impossible. Her mouth opens to interrupt but she is mesmerized by his
words, words she loves hearing.

Bobby voice is soft but NO less fervent than before.
"I CHOSE YOU! The LINDSAY DOLE, you were when I first met you, a
little unsure
of yourself, more of a young girl playing at being a woman, but I saw
the woman inside. And I chose you again, the Lindsay Dole you grew
into, the greatest most beautiful woman, and exquisitely talented
lawyer I've ever known. I chose you again when
I asked you to be my wife and the mother of MY child, I'll never want
anyone else by my side, you're my partner, and I want a lifetime
contract with NO loopholes."

"Bobby you just-." Lindsay closes her eyes unable to meet his. Hers
are aching
with unshed tears.

"I DON'T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT WHAT ANYONE ELSE THINKS ABOUT
US! YOU OR ME! YES! I didn't tell you about the damn job, and YES I
did
want to spare you the judgmental insignificant opinions of a few
stupid
uppity people who think they get to decide what is right for me
almost as much
as YOU THINK YOU DO!" Bobby glares at her.

"See you admit… YOU HAD TO PROTECT ME! I don't WANT you
to have to protect me!" Lindsay finger hits her chest in a mea culpa
fashion
that tells Bobby she doesn't feel strong enough to do this by herself
at all.

"I want to protect you! You're the love of my life, you saved me from
a life I don't even want to think about anymore. Lindsay if we're NOT
going to let anyone or anything touch us again, we need to protect one
another, mostly from ourselves." Bobby smiles ruefully.

Lindsay can't quite stifle the humorous answering laugh. She did see
the irony
in the situation. They had done enough damage to one another on their
own,
without needing the serial killers and the lunatics added to the mix.

Bobby takes a refurbishing breath. Good! She isn't quite as tense.
They share
a familiar smile, knowing that many times they had been each others
saviors'. And just as many if not more times they been their own
greatest
stumbling blocks.

"You gotta stop doing this to us Lindsay!" Bobby says it fondly
pleading.

Lindsay hears the `us' again as though Bobby has never even
entertained
there wouldn't be an "US" left after everything that's happened.
She sees a faint spark of hope in his eyes and she wishes it could be
inside of her too.

"This wasn't what I wanted." She trails off afraid she said too much.

"Well if it's not what you wanted you have a funny way- Lindsay you
do this! It goes
to pattern with you-we get a little happy- you get deathly afraid,
and bam you're gone!"
Bobby expresses his own deepest fear.

"I – maybe - I do - tend to – become-" She closes her eyes,
indecisive about what
the hell to do next.

"There's no maybe about this! You've done this so many times
and everything gets turned inside out and upside down again! I feel
like I did when you decided Helen and I would be good together, do
you remember HOW disastrous that was?"

Lindsay eyes open but remain downcast from his. She feels the urge
to give up the fight and listen to his words of wisdom. There is a
truth
here she can't deny. She knows in her heart she has always been
afraid.

Bobby's fingers gently tilts her head up and she has no choice but to
see
what is so obvious. "Do you remember Lindsay? With Helen and even
after her during that crazy settlement you finagled for you friend,
the
one with the cigar smoking husband? We were engaged and you were
scared to death about us marrying? And now after a near divorce- TELL
me you're NOT petrified again?" Bobby's voice is appeasing and
gentle.

She nods a single tear falling. She's been terrified. She didn't want
to be,
but now after all they've been through the idea they could reconcile
only to have it all go to hell again, she couldn't face the thought
at all.
She couldn't handle any more pain inflicted by him. She just couldn't.
Her heart had nearly shattered the first time, and she fears for
her sanity if it ever happened again. "I don't think I could take it-
I wouldn't
live through it again-" Lindsay admits sorrowfully.

Bobby sees he's getting close to the truth here. So he continues
taking
full advantage of her vulnerability.

"I know what's good for me. I'm not dysfunctional anymore- I've had
lots and lots of great therapy-you know?" Bobby's voice has that
softened to almost a whisper quality that affects her like a sweet
lullaby. And he knows she is relaxing a little bit more with each of
his quietly spoken reassurances.

"You needed a lot." Lindsay teases him loving that he's who he is
now. She's
failing miserably at executing her plan, maybe he does know what's
best
for him. He's taking all her good intentions and crumbling them into
the ground. She feels his love so strongly that she is beginning to
believe that they can do this. His professions of love filled with
gentle tenderness have toppled her most ingenious plan to save him
from her for his own good.

"Yeah. He agrees smiling knowingly. "And I know exactly what and who
I want in my life-and nothing and no one is going to stop me from
having her, including YOU!" Bobby smiles indulgently as Lindsay can't
resist the urge to reach up and straighten a strand of his adorably
unruly hair. How she's always loved threading her fingers through
that luscious mop of his. His arms take advantage of the contact
embracing her waist.

"Your opinion is only one I care about, the ONLY one I've ever given
ear to, don't you know that?" Bobby voice cajoles her to see the
truth. "I've
turned to you, maybe not as much as I should have, but MORE than
anyone
else ever in my life. Lindsay, you are the anchor that holds me
steady. Without
you I'm adrift. Like you said YOU know me. So don't you ever desert
me like that again! If you run away, you'll be taking my heart with
you and our son's too. So know this
if you run I'll be right behind you, I'M NOT LETTING YOU GO!"

"Bobby I did it all out of."

"-Crazy misconceptions that never had any truthful foundation!" Bobby
informs her
not wanting to be hard but knowing they would never survive another
misunderstanding
as huge as this one has been. She needs to know without a doubt where
his
heart and desires lie. "AND FEAR!" He adds knowing her so well.

"And out of love." Lindsay whispers against his lips which are
drawing closer and closer to hers.

"But it wasn't necessary. I admit I should have said something, but
to be honest
I was much more intent on winning you back than winning that damn
court seat
and I knew up front the committee had reservations."

"I told you!" Lindsay interrupts, trying to pull out of his embrace,
but he
holds on tightly, he's not about to lose the ground he's made.

"Lindsay if I had known the trouble the damn job would cost me!
I told them from the beginning to take the job and shove it, if the
job didn't include YOU!" Bobby makes it known officially and finally.

"But if you lost it because of me then-" Lindsay is prepared to argue
this
to the death much like the tobacco case. Bobby knows what she can be
like.

"I wouldn't have even gotten past the first interview and believe me
I've had plenty of interrogations! Lindsay they knew
my position from the get go- they had no doubt going in- Hiller told
them
and I did too." Bobby eyes smile a little as he remembers his
testimony. He
meant every loving word.

"I didn't know."

"You didn't ask!"

"You should have said something!" She snarls back.

"HERE WE GO!" Bobby chuckles as his heart takes wings.

Lindsay eyes crinkle a little too as she tries hard to hide her smile.

"How did you find out-I was so careful to-."

"Oh you created a mystery worthy of Sherlock Holmes my dear!" Bobby
agrees. He
guides her to the sofa in front of the fire holding her hand
happy to know she isn't resisting his touch anymore. But the gloves
are not exactly off just yet.

"So tell-how did you find out that I knew?" Lindsay asks hugging a
pillow with her free arm.

"Well it wasn't easy, but today at the courthouse when everyone was
yelling at me, a lot of things became clear, and Sam gave me some
crazy story about chicks and hens, I guess you put
him and Claire in the usual AWKWARD position! Bobby's eyebrows
rise as she sheepishly nods. And Ellenor and Jimmy were clucking and
arguing and crowing at one another, and I don't know how but it all
came
together in my head. And then Zo- (Bobby tests using her
first name as he'd been given permission to do for the first
time) "Judge Hiller
(he rests on it because it feels more natural), admitted she knew
that you knew about all of it!" I finally realized what all this
bizarre behavior of yours was about!" Bobby's eyes twinkle in the
firelight.

"I wanted to be sure you had a chance for Hillers' seat." Lindsay
admits it now because there is no use denying it. "And I was scared."
She acknowledges
what she was totally in denial about all along. Marriage terrified
her. More now
than ever. She'd been afraid while they were engaged, and Bobby gave
her
great excuses to want to call the whole thing off more than once. She
was
sure he was looking for a way to get out of it. So she offered him an
easy
escape many times. "I couldn't stand it if we failed again Bobby."
She whispers
tears glistening in her eyes.

"We won't! Lindsay you have to know, we are NOT the same couple
we were before, we're stronger, or at least we WERE before this- you
know that's true."

"I guess, I thought-" Lindsay's voice trails off.

"You thought wrong! Lindsay, Look at me, and listen to me."
She does as ordered.

"I did have a chance for Hiller's seat. You were never a factor of
any kind Lindsay,
if they didn't want you by my side-"

"You'll blame me later!" Lindsay insists not ready to believe Bobby
isn't still sacrificing for her. And even though she knows fear was
part
of her motivation, there is still doubt that they'd live happily
ever if it cost him his dream.

His fingers tighten around hers.
"NEVER! Do you hear yourself!" Bobby at least changed the words
slightly.

"This is a million in one chance thing Bobby! Offers don't come on
trees-
and Judge Hiller is-"

"One of the wisest women I know!" Bobby takes an envelope out of
hiding along
the sofa cushions. He presents it with a flourishing touch to
Lindsay.

"What is this?"

"It's a partial transcript of my testimony given to the committee,
Judge Hiller gave it to
me today, she told me to give it to you if YOU ever have a doubt about
my feelings for you. READ IT!" Bobby orders.

Lindsay's curiosity gets the best of her. She opens the envelope.

Her eyes take in the heading first, resting on the date. Her mouth
drops open in question and her gaze rises to meet his.

"Bobby, you couldn't have- the date on this is after-"

"Yeah, after I got your deadly phone message." Bobby fills in the
blanks hoping
she doesn't find it necessary to fill them in more.

Lindsay knows it was after a hell of a lot more than that. It was
after
he found her in a compromising position at Ross's apartment. It was
after he tore the necklace from her neck. She glances through the
first paragraph unable
to believe the black and white type-written evidence before her eyes.
He spoke about her in loving terms after he found her the way he did?
He'd hated her then.
How could he have switched so easily back to loving her only mere
hours
later?

"READ IT!" Bobby insists as her eyes curiously return to the
document.

She begins to read all the heartfelt things Bobby said about her
to the committee. His testimony was filled with love. He spoke about
how much he respected her, admired her courage,
how much better she was then all of them put together, he'd laid
it all on the line for her. He told them how lucky he felt to be her
husband and to have her on his arm, and he said that if they were
smarter Lindsay would be the one up for the seat in court not him,
because
her brilliant legal mind was unmatched by any others he'd seen.

"How could you say this- knowing-" Lindsay eyes cloud
and unshed tears sting.

"Readddd it!." Bobby urges her, his eyes dampening a bit as he sees
her
amazed, surprised emotional reaction. He waits quietly but impatient
to
have her see what he's always felt. He knows how influencing this
document
will be to her, because rarely in the past has Bobby admitted in
public
any intimate sentiments about anyone, especially her.

"You said all of this in public about me- in front of judges after-"
She can't hold back the tears as one beautiful revelation
after another is assimilated she's blown away by his candor to
these men and woman who had been nothing but hostile interlopers.
For Bobby to have bared his soul this way, at a time when he
should have hated her guts? He didn't even have to talk about her, he
could
have assured the judges there was no wife to worry about.
Why did he go forward with this beautiful testament of his feelings
for
her when his heart had to be breaking in two?
The soft weeping turns into the dearly hiccupping sobs by the end. He
slides closer to her
while removing the letter from her quaking hands. He cups her two
hands in his kissing the tip of each beloved finger. Looking deeply
into her eyes he decides she's gone through enough turmoil to last a
hundred lifetimes and it's time for them to be happy. truly, happy.
His husky voice is just above a whisper.

"Do you see why all of this never had to happen? We should be
all settled in our new house right now, you driving me crazy with
paint samples and fabric swatches, and me driving you nuts with how
it feels to
become a judge overnight." Bobby eyes dance a little as he
springs the last bit of information on her. "Hey Linds
you're going to drown me if you keep cryin like that." Bobby gives
her the moment it takes to register everything he's said. A wan
smile appeared as she heard him sharing that tempting glance into the
future.

But then she sees there is something mirthful in his eyes as though
he's
doing more than dreaming. Her sudden enlightenment causes
him to laugh nervously hoping he'd told her just the right way.
"OH MY GOD! You got it!" Lindsay
springs into his arms in less time than it takes
to say ORDERINMYCOURT! He holds her joyfully as she
kisses his face everywhere, first his cheeks, then his eyes, and
forehead
more excited about it than he ever was.
She's crying and laughing and hugging him so tightly he can't
breathe, but oh how sweet a suffocation it is!

She has to make certain she is right and not dreaming. She
pulls back slightly looking joyfully into those twinkling
blue eyes. She searches his expression for confirmation to make sure
she heard
right and at his slightly bedazzled nod her lips descend on his to
fully congratulate
him in the way she knows he loves best. There lips meet in
triumphant union at last there is no more thought of hesitation or
wrong doing is at issue as they share the blissful moments of
his, no THEIR third dream coming true.

Soft little suckling noises escape their throats as they embrace
voraciously.
Tiny tickling kisses become deeper passionate pleas filled with
longing and adorned in desire. Bobby's fingers nestle in Lindsay's
hair pulling her head closer and closer as
their distance evaporates into single ardent purpose. At last they
part lips breathless
and exuberantly happy.

"I'm so PROUD OF YOU BOBBY!"

He smiles tentatively.

Lindsay senses he's not as over-the-top about the job as he should
be. "What's wrong?"

"I'm just NOT sure. He shakes his head in self doubt. You know me, I
go in for the fight blindly and I give it everything I have, and when
I win I always think wow
this is kind of NOT what I expected it to feel like. I guess
I'm feeling a little overwhelmed and insecure." He admits shyly.

"About what? Bobby you'll make a fantastic judge. You'll be fair
and honest and you'll make wise decisions, God knows you've
made plenty of enough unwise one's to know the difference" Lindsay
can't resist teasing him because she wants to see him happy about
this!

"Well at least I know it will never go to my head with you around me
Lindsay."
He teases her back grateful beyond words he can look forward to
her being there to ground him. He takes a deep breath. "I'm a little
scared-too
I guess. I mean I've spent my whole adult life distancing myself
from everyone as much as I could, who knows that better than you?"
He laughs ruefully, as she lovingly strokes his arm. "And now that I
know I can
let myself have my feelings, express them and be involved with all
the people in my
life, I mean really participating and communicating. What I am doing?
Going in there wearing that robe that separates me from
everyone else in that courtroom every day, and being the one
on that bench above everyone else-sitting up there won't I be
distancing myself all over again?" He asks her for council he knows
she will be honest with him. And this
has been troubling him for awhile now. He's relieved to finally
express it.
"I mean will it be taking a step back? I don't want to fall back
into that guy I was."

"Bobby YOU won't! You'll never be him again!" Lindsay eyes assure him
of her faith.

"I might. I mean look at how much has happened in our lives there
are no guarantees! Look at us, up and down like a couple of zany
yoyos! What if something out of our control hap-"

"NOTHING will change you back into who you were Bobby, You've
healed what brought him out, he's not coming back! And if he does
even a little, you'll
have Dr. Ash and me to stop him in his tracks." She smiles sweetly in
happy
anticipation.

Bobby eyes smile as he hears her say she plans to be there.

Her hand goes to his chest as it always has whenever he's needed to
feel her
presence in his life. She has a way of calming his fears when ever
she does it,
sometimes it been absent-mindedly sometimes on purpose she always
senses his need
to know she's there.

"I don't want to pressure you. I'm happy with whatever you decide.
But I want
you to know, that I know without a doubt "You would be the most fair,
compassionate, strong, caring judge that ever sat on the bench! I
believe that with every cell of my being, and YOU know Judge Hiller
would NEVER have recommended you for it, if she didn't know it too."

"Hiller, I hope she's not going to wake up tomorrow and rethink her
thinking." Bobby
grins sheepishly.

"When did you find out?" Lindsay can't stop smiling. This moment is
one she'll
never forget as long as she lives. Bobby a JUDGE! She's a judges'
wife. She smiles
giddily knowing that she never thought she have the pleasure of even
thinking it, let
alone experiencing it.

"Today, this morning before all hell broke loose. She had me come
into the courthouse
and I thought for sure they'd turned me down, but you know how she
loves to prolong
the agony in the courtroom rendering her decisions?"

"Yeah… I know!"

"Well she was true to form- all stern and disapproving-
she even offered me some candy, so you know I was sure I hadn't
gotten it."

"Yeah she usually slaps your hand if you try to even touch it."
Lindsay laughs remembering many such incidents. She settles back into
his arms contentedly.

"She was all business talking about some cases she had- and I tried
really hard
to pay attention because she doesn't stand for anything else- but my
mind
was on ONE thing and it wasn't getting that appointment." Bobby
tickles her a little along her side. Lindsay lets out a yelp. He
continues with his story.

"All of a sudden she's talking about the defendant in a murder case
and who
the lawyers are going to be, then out of the blue she informs
me it's going to be on MY docket." Bobby's unbelieving tone tells
Lindsay
he's still a bit in shock. "I almost fell off the chair."

Lindsay giggles picturing Hiller springing it so cunningly on Bobby
wishing she could have been a fly on the wall.

"I think I got up and hugged her, I'm not sure- what I said-after I
finished stammering and groveling she ordered me to sit down- pointed
at me like she always does. "

"You love it and YOU know it!" Lindsay pats his arm knowingly.

"Yeah-well- I'm used to it!"

"What else did she say?" Lindsay senses Bobby has more to tell her.

She said some really surprising things."

"Like what?"

"Like this was one of the happiest days of her career and that I'd
finally made
her proud the way she always knew she would be someday- and then she
she gave me the papers." Bobby takes those out of hiding too
and presents them as a child does with a hand picked bouquet, eager
to see Lindsay's
reaction to all the beautiful colors chosen with love. "Oh and she
also said I gave
the best closings of any lawyer she's ever seen and that she would
miss them terribly." Bobby adds impishly unable to resist tossing a
little reminding tease Lindsay's way.

She grabs the papers out of his hand and hits his chest with
them. "She never
said that! But at least you won't have to give closings anymore- I
know
there's a lot of sleepy jurists out there breathing a sigh of
relief " She grins teasingly her eyes tantalizing him.

"Is that so!" Bobby's hands reach out to grab the papers back. But
she isn't
about to give them up without a through perusal.

Lindsay holds them to her chest fondly before opening them and
reading the
final decision. "It was unanimous!" Her eyes praise him highly.

"I know- hard to believe."

"NO! Not hard at all!" She's not going to let him minimize this
accomplishment.

"So you think I should do it?" Bobby asks needed her signed seal of
approval to have
the confidence he needs.

"I'll haunt you for the rest of your days if YOU don't!" Lindsay nods
grinning widely.

"You said everyone came to the courthouse I bet they were thrilled."
Lindsay asks a little wistful that she isn't the first to know.

"Thrilled would NOT be the word to describe them." Bobby assures her
shaking his head. He's still not entirely sure what motivated the mass
rescue mission.

Lindsay head tilts questioning his words. She's going to have to delve
deeper later.

"Uh-well maybe they know by now-. they were there for something
entirely
different I'll tell you later- but- I wanted to find you, I wanted to
tell you.
I didn't take the time to talk to any of them. All they knew for sure
when I left was that
I was being considered for it- You're the only one I wanted to share
this with."

Bobby wants her to know he'd never considered telling ANYONE before
her.

Lindsay beaming eyes look contentedly into his as she realizes she is
sharing in his special exclusive moment. He's always saved those just
for her. Just as he saved this
haven for them. She knows he loves her. She knows she loves him. The
obstacles
she thought were there, are gone. She loves being able to show her
love again. She's missed him horribly. He's her best friend, her
confidante, her lover, her everything.

"I am so very proud of YOU Bobby, just think to the world you'll
be known as the HONORABLE Robert G. Donnell."
Her eyes glitter happily as she bestows his title for the first
time.

"Who ever thought I'd have honorable anything attached to me." His
sardonic tone gets him a playful slap. He'd never complained that
she didn't take his name legally after they married, because
he figured she wasn't completely sure it would be wise to share it
professionally. He'd always been a little afraid though that she was
ashamed
of it. He'd often privately refer to her as Mrs. Donnell but he never
pressured her to use it
in any way publicly.

"You've always been HONORABLE to me." Lindsay assures him almost
reading his mind.

"As you are to me!" Bobby assures her, he's not about to let her ever
feel
unworthy another day of their lives.
They kiss again now more tenderly less anxious that the moment may
never return.

As they break apart Bobby gets a resolute set to his jaw.

"If YOU ever again in our marriage take it into your head that you
need to run instead of speaking to me ONE ON ONE I will
take YOU over my knee and spank you silly Ms. DOLE do you understand!"
He quickly reverts to his favorite admonishing title for her.
Bobby looks over imaginary spectacles into her eyes to reinforce his
edict.

"You're sure that you want-" Lindsay remembers all the convoluted
behavior
she has tortured him with and she doubts very much he knows
everything he thinks he knows.

"I'm SURE that I want what we promised we would have last time we
were here!"
Bobby head tilts asking her silently if she wants it too.

He bends his head over hers embracing her so tightly that there is no
space
or air between them. She runs her fingers through his hair as they
open their
lips to seal the deal. Tongues tease and dance as the firelight
emulates
every flirty movement, sparring, challenging conquering in mutual
surrender. Bobby is overcome with the desire to make her his once
again. Here NOW! He pushes his body over hers melting them into the
soft cushions opening her shirt a button at a time, until
her creamy flesh is deliciously exposed. He catches his breath for a
moment before his
mouth descends hungrily to her neck making a rapid plunge along
her collar bone. Lindsay low surrendering moans invigorate his
ardor as his warm breath sends spine tingling chills dancing up her
body.

She pulls him down closer to her so she can feel the rippling muscles
of his
chest against her breast, her thighs push up into his as she feels
his lips nibbling her
ear and his fingers burn trails of molten desire along her flesh.
Her fevered ooh's and ah's overcome the primitive sounds of the rain
beating against
the windows panes and the occasional streaks of lightning only serve
to ignite
their aching need within.

"I love you Linds- I always have. " Bobby looks deeply into her
eyes.

She can't help but see theirs a flicker of pain still residing in his
beautiful eyes.

"Bobby I love you- I've never loved anyone but you!" She sees a
slight change
of expression on his face, he tries to hide it looking away from her
for a moment but she caught that instantaneous response of doubt. His
eyes return to hers reluctantly and she knows she hadn't imagined it,
and how can she blame him? She has been telling him exactly the
opposite for weeks.

There is another moment of slight hesitation, as he stares deeply
into her adoring eyes, and then his mouth returns to hers
voraciously imprinting his desire to always and forever be the ONLY
man she ever loves. He kisses, softly at first tasting her sweetness,
withdrawing and returning to her as if he will never have enough of
her luscious beauty. He takes her hands in his pinning them gently on
either side of her head, as his mouth descends over hers in a final
conquering feasting conquest as he kisses her into a mindless limp
murmuring puppet.

Bobby fingers are brushing against her breasts his lips have left
hers
as his eyes take in her beauty, treasuring the chance to partake of it
he isn't going to rush this, he wants it to take as long as it takes.
God knows
it feels like they've been waiting for years. His smoldering eyes
smile as he looks at her lying there so acquiescently and so
delectably his.

Her lips are swollen by those kisses her body languishes for more.
She wants him to make love to her she does, so much so, she can taste
it, but she feels a little nagging
voice telling her she can't, she can't let this happen yet. But her
flesh is weak
and unwilling to hear her conscience calling just yet. His head bends
down his lips
catching hers barely teasingly, beckoning challenging her to be the
aggressor. She takes the gauntlet happily pushing against his back as
she arches hers slightly, opening her lips so invitingly he accepts
the invitation greedily.

Lindsay tries to keep reality at bay but she can't quite lose herself
completely yet.

He whispers to her as their lips finally part sensing she is
troubled. "It's okay Lindsay- I love you- nothing else matters."

She wants to believe it, she has to believe that he does, so she
shoves the
little voice out of her head preferring to drown in his passionate
reassurances of love.

Her hands reach out to unfasten his shirt, she can't wait to end their
separation permanently, she's eager to become his again, only his,
always his.
Her fingers move over his ribs fondling, exploring, delighting in the
sheer magic of being under Bobby's spell.

Lindsay's doesn't want to stop this, she can't! Her body is
trembling, anticipating
ready to receive him, she wants spellbinding release, her heart
pounds with it, now, now, NOW! But there's something still holding
her back the returning, piercing, nagging
guilt stops her from reaching out to complete the removal of Bobby's
shirt. Images of her intimate moments with Ross invade with an
indisputable, shattering truth. Bobby hasn't said very much about
Ross, other than a little comment about her possibly marrying him and
when she denied it he quickly changed the subject back to the fact
they
were still married. She found that oddly out of character for him.
Especially now, he's been so forthright about the jealously he's
felt, why is he glossing over it as
if it didn't matter. She knows him too well. And she knows how it
feels
to try to pretend everything is fine when it isn't. She can't
pretend.

He hasn't spoken in anger, or hurt or anything. Why? It's not like
him to act as if it
doesn't bother him. She knows from his actions that stormy night at
Ross's
place that he was not OKAY with what he found. She knows the answer
all too well. He won't talk about it because it's too damn painful.
She inflicted
so much uncertainty into their relationship. How could he not still
be reeling inside?

Bobby is blissfully oblivious to Lindsay's lack of response he is
consumed in worshipping her body, kissing her neck again as his hands
slide under her half opened shirt exploring insatiably. Lindsay eyes
widen in guilty
awareness as she admits silently that everything is not as it should
be. She can't let him continue this until it is. Her hands push up at
him to get him to stop as she wriggles her body trying to make sure
he obeys her wishes.

"Bobby…. stop… we still have to talk about something." She looks up
into
his passion glazed face a little afraid of what her confession might
do to
this delightful interlude.

"What Lindsay I don't want to talk anymore, besides my voice is just
about
gone-I just want to love you-" His voice reminds her of an insistent
little boy's
she knows. He returns to his tongue's delightfully tickling pursuit
of her neck.

"NO! Bobby we have to talk LISTEN to me! You have to know about-
Ross." She
says the four letter word knowing it will be like a douse of ice cold
water.

Bobby pops up like he's been cannon-ejected. His sudden reaction
does nothing to calm Lindsay's ragged nerves.

"I don't want to discuss him NOW!" Bobby informs her sliding away a
little. She
definitely hit an exposed nerve.

"We have to talk about it!" Lindsay is buttoning her shirt feeling
over exposed
in every way. "You must want to talk about it!" She can't let him
revert
to the old habit of burying and pretending its okay. Because this time
she knows how much she is responsible for it's not being okay.

"I don't need to TALK about that guy!" Bobby barks adamantly. "DO you
want this
OR NOT? Because if you do Lindsay, I suggest we STOP this
conversation now!"

"NO Bobby you don't understand!" Lindsay tries to get a word in
edgewise.

"NO you're right I don't! Okay, but I don't give a damn either-
what's done
is done." Bobby voice has become like ice. Those words remind her of
other
words he spoke the night he found her in Ross's apartment wearing his
robe.
`We're truly done.' She can't let him continue towards their
reconciliation
without having total honesty between them.

"You're not being-" she can't exactly use the word honest now can
she? "Bobby
you and I need to discuss this!"

"No!"
Bobby's denial hits hard she can hear the anguish he is hiding deep
down inside.

"Ross is between us- whether you want to admit it or not-.and the
sooner
this is out in the open the better it will be for us both! I
promise!" Lindsay
eyes implore his cooperation.

"If you're trying to tell me YOU still have feelings for Ross then
YOU'RE right
he damn well is in between us!" Bobby's eyes blacken as he considers
the possibility.

"I DON"T I never did!" Lindsay denies hotly. "At least not the way
you think!"

"You don't have to lie about it Lindsay! I know! Remember I saw you
at his apartment." Bobby feels the acid splashing the walls of his
stomach. Oh God
why couldn't she ever leave well enough alone?

"You didn't see what you think you saw!" Lindsay argues getting
immediately
shot down.

"I DID! I SAW YOU REMEMBER, IN HIS ROBE ALL DISHELVED FROM BEING IN
HIS BED." Bobby voice is deadly accusing. He can't believe she would
spoil this intimate moment bringing in Ross! She must have some kind
of death wish for their relationship!

"Bobby you saw what I wanted you to see." Lindsay voice falters this
is
so much harder than she ever thought it would be, whenever she tried
to
imagine telling him the truth it never ended well in her dreams or her
daydreams.

"I saw and HEARD everything I needed to hear and see! Lindsay! What
is the POINT of this!" He swabs his fingers through his hair wishing
he could put his hands over his ears
he's heard enough to last him hundreds of years.

"The point is." She gathers her courage. "I never slept with Ross!"
She
scurries the words out like a scared little rat, feeling very much
like the vermin
she detests so much! She hopes to God he is going to be understanding
about her painful ruse, but from his reaction so far, she has little
hope.

Bobby turns on a dime to face her. He's enraged at her continuing
penchant for lies.
"DON'T you dare lie to me about this! Why are you?"

Lindsay stands up in rigid defense but her legs feel mushy.

"I'm not!" I swear I'm not- Ross and I have never-"

"I SAW YOU! How can you deny this!" Bobby realizes she could be
doing it because she's afraid he won't be able to get past it.

"I didn't!" Lindsay yells back.

"YOU DID! I not only saw you there like that-. as if it wasn't
enough! I heard IT!" Bobby informs her taking steps to ensure they
are very far apart. The space
between them feels like an empty vortex, that neither of them will
recover from.

"YOU heard it?" Lindsay shakes her head in exasperation and confusion.

"YES I HEARD EVERY DAMN WORD! You pleading with him to-I heard it
all! The kissing, your crying and I heard you Lindsay-" Bobby shakes
his head disgusted he has to relive it all again and again. "I HEARD
YOU BEGGING HIM TO!" He can't
say it, he can't say the damn words. He's been crazy to think he
could get over this
without so much as a blink.

"You couldn't have?" Lindsay asks her mind reeling with the
implications. Her
face is hot with embarrassment. How could he know? She didn't tell
anyone. Would Ross? No what reason would he have to go into such
detail. She feels her skin crawling with the idea that Bobby was
privy to her lowest moments. And she knows how
excruciatingly painful that exposing information would be to
him. "HOW" she asks
dreading his answer.

"ON THE DAMN TAPES ROSS MADE!" Bobby scowls trying
to hide the pain now is useless! Why has she forced this issue and
why in the hell is she lying through her teeth about it now!

"THE TAPES? He taped me that NIGHT!" Lindsay throat chokes as she
realizes the full implications of his treachery, but just as quickly
she registers yet another betrayal. "You were supposed to burn them
and that damned book!" She points her finger at him accusingly. She's
totally ashamed of her behavior
that fated night, and she can't believe Bobby has witnessed it so
intimately. She
also can't believe he didn't follow her wishes and destroy the
blasphemous evidence
against her. "You promised!" She shakes her head as her entire body
fills with fiery
indignation.

"Yeah, well you promised things too, Lindsay! And they didn't seem
to matter that much to you either!"

"You were supposed to get rid of all of it!" Lindsay shakes her head
in disbelief

"Yeah well I didn't!" Bobby hands exclaim his shock. "I wish to
God I had!"

"How could you listen to the private-"! Lindsay is angry at the
invasion
and the betrayal. She's mortified he heard her that night. She
remembers
being desperate to find a way to let him go. She'd found it all
right.

"I could and I did! You're my wife. You ran away- Ross told me your
actions
and words didn't add up to him and he said you were hiding something!
Dr. Ash
said so too, everyone could see it! We just didn't know what the hell
it was. Ross
said he heard things you said that didn't make sense. He told me to
listen to the tapes- Funny imagine that, another LOVER who can't
figure you out!" Bobby can't resist turning the screw to his own
heart. Maybe he hadn't evolved as much as he thought.

"You had NO right!" Lindsay blushes when she remembers
how desperately and wantonly she behaved that night. She remembers
his reaction when he found her at Ross's apartment after receiving
her cold, heartless good bye message.
She can still feel the welt he left on her neck when he ripped off
the diamond necklace
he'd given her. His look was vicious, as if she was some threat to
him and his
sanity. She remembers the stinging ache she felt as he
held the broken chain in his hands looking at her with so much
hateful contempt and she saw his anguish when he opened his fist and
dropped the diamond laden necklace to the floor.

She remembers picking it up after he left and how she fell against
the door
after it slammed shut, shaking with grief and longing. She knew he'd
never
forgive her, she was sure he would walk away forever. But he hadn't.
She'd
been so wrong about the way she handled everything! "How could you?
How
could you listen?" Lindsay can't believe he would want to torture
himself
even more.

"I had the right of husband to know what in the hell was going on
with his wife!
I found out plenty on those tapes- and YOUR own spoken words led me to
the truth!" Bobby informs her in a way that keeps her silent.

"I KNOW THE TRUTH LINDSAY SO DON'T BOTHER TRYING TO COVER
IT UP! And if you think it was easy to listen-" Bobby's disillusioned
eyes bore
into her.

"NO you don't know the whole truth!" Lindsay argues ready to battle
as long as this takes. And judging from Bobby's demeanor it won't
be a quick war. She knows how painful his experience was, and her
heart
hammers guiltily.

"Just admit you SLEPT WITH ROSS! I can't take going over and over
this again and again! "ITS DONE! YOU DID IT! MAYBE I DESERVED
IT- I DON'T KNOW WHY-. YOU SAY YOU LOVE ME-BUT I DON'T
CARE LINDSAY I'VE BEEN THROUGH HELL AND BACK WITHOUT YOU
AND I'M NOT ABOUT TO LET ANYONE OR ANYTHING STOP US THIS TIME! I I
want YOU I want US! How in the HELL many ways and TIMES do I have to
prove it to you enough to stop YOUR LIES!" Bobby shouts. "HE WAS YOUR
LOVER
SO NOW THERE I SAID IT LETS JUST GET PAST IT CAN WE PLEASE!" Bobby
has a sinking feeling that the worst is not over yet. "JUST ADMIT IT!
You don't get
to lie to me ANYMORE!"

"I'll NEVER ADMIT IT AS LONG AS I LIVE Bobby because
I DIDN"T DO IT!" Lindsay snarls back.

"I heard you pleading with him to take you to bed!" Bobby snipes.

"YES YOU HEARD ME MAKING A FOOL OF MYSELF- and you
heard us kissing-."

"I heard you taking your clothes off!" Bobby's face scrunches
painfully
his heart aching from the image his words invoke.

"Yes, I was wet- caught in the storm." she laughs humorlessly because
the night was very much like this one. "I went there because
I'd let you go- and I didn't know what else to do."

"Casual sex is always a good answer!" Bobby's voice is deceptively
low.

"You outta know!" Lindsay snaps back wishing she could control her
anger, but his denial in accepting the real truth she offers him now
is nerve wracking.
He's not taking this well, he won't accept that she deceived him in a
whole
different way than he imagined. And she knows either way, he's going
to feel
equally betrayed.

"You really can't let IT go can you Lindsay?" Bobby says hopelessly.
Maybe
she wasn't lying about the Sara part after all. He knows now first
hand
how much he is asking of her to be totally forgiven. Forgiveness
isn't as
easy as she tried to make it look. He knows that now.

"I have-let go Bobby, believe it! I know what that was, or what it
wasn't! But you won't LISTEN to me about what it wasn't with Ross!"
She wants to scream in frustration.

"Oh I listened to PLENTY!" The lion is roaring now.

Lindsay wants to stamp her feet and tear out her hair, why in the
hell won't
he hear her!
"WE NEVER HAD SEX! WE NEVER MADE LOVE! I never
expected you to show up the way you did! When you did, it seemed
like another opportunity to enforce that I didn't want to be with you
anymore-.I did it because of Judge Hiller's seat - that's why! It was
the day I left you the message remember-.when you came, Ross wasn't
even there-.he was catching a flight. or at least trying to, I was
alone-I had been alone in his bed. LISTEN TO ME BOBBY!" She isn't
lying he can see it in her eyes. She's saying the words but his mind
can't quite wrap around it.

The possibility that Lindsay is finally now telling the truth
and the implications of what that means makes Bobby a little
lightheaded and nauseous. He recalls that sordid scene in Ross's
apartment
seeing Lindsay in nothing but a robe. Ross's robe. Combining that
encounter
with the moans and fevered pitched utterances on the tapes- but he'd
never found the next part! There was never another tape to solidify
the ending to that scenario
that had played over and over in his head, he always filled in the
missing part, and
it had been nothing but torture to do so. He remembers the betrayal
he felt at knowing
that she'd barely let hours pass from their last sweet interlude
the night before, to her flying into Ross's waiting arms the next day!

He'd been in HELL since that night. It hurt so damn much! After
everything they'd worked for, all the old wounds they'd reopened and
finally
healed. All of that, followed by the earth shattering renewed passion
found here at Laharve. He'd never expected it- her infidelity came
out of nowhere and it killed him. He'd been trying so hard to
understand and to find a way to let it all go.

For whatever reason, she'd chosen to open those wounds again.
But he was just as determined to keep them shut, to find
forgiveness in his heart and soul. He was
prepared to overlook all of it to have her in his arms again.
And now to find out his torment was all for NOTHING! HE can't
believe she would be so cruel to him. He knows he hurt her before
with Sara, but their marriage was near the rocks then. Not like it
was when they came back from their trip. It was like
being newlyweds again! Life was sweet and beautiful and
filled with promise. They were so close to reconciling and to have
revived the
preciously gained trust between them only to have it wrenched away
without warning or plausible explanation. How could she do something
so cold
lying about what happened, torturing him with narrated and self
inflicted pictures
of her ultimate betrayal. Now suddenly it never happened. To say he
is shocked
is understatement personified.

How in the hell could she have the nerve and heartlessness to
do that to him? This can't be about loving him when she
purposely tore his heart out? How could she ever
convince herself she did it to protect him. She hurt the holy
hell out of him! Why take it so damn far! He feels his emotions
exploding as he realizes she's been even more duplicitous than
he ever imagined.

"Are you hearing me Bobby?" Lindsay asks quietly biting
her lip hard as she sees the myriad of pained expressions crossing
his face and shining in his deceived eyes. "I'm telling you the truth
now, this is THE TRUTH!" Lindsay admits again to reinforce her words.

"You lied about ALL OF IT! You never loved Ross? You were never
going to be married?" He turns on her as though he's never seen her
before his eyes are moist with unshed tears. "How could you do that
to me?"

"It seemed like the right thing- you would never have given up
on us- I mean-. if you thought-. I didn't want to hurt you Bobby
you have to believe- I did it all out of LOVE!" Lindsay insists trying
to touch his arms as she gets closer to him but he snaps it out of
her reach.

"LOVE! You call what you did to me LOVE! Have you lost your mind!"
Bobby lashes out the way he always has, because this revelation has
him
reeling. All rational thought has left him as he digests the degree of
betrayal she's reached to SPARE HIM! What a joke! He shakes his
head at her mouthing no, his mind is spinning out of control and his
body is trembling
with overwrought emotions.

Lindsay stands there feeling his sudden abandonment keenly ironically
her lips are still moist from his kisses her skin's still tingling
from his passionate ministries. Her eyes are cloudy and tearfully
emulate the sky outside. The worst of the storm is over, but the
damage is done and there may be some things left in its wake that are
irreparable. Lindsay holds her silence hoping he just needs some
time.

"What is it Lindsay? Is this about Sara? Did you decide Quid pro
quo?" Bobby laughs
derisively.

Lindsay shakes her head. "No! NEVER! Bobby I didn't plan it- it just
happened-"

"Ok I'm confused now Lindsay! What happened or didn't happen? Are you
sure
you even know!" Bobby's voice is contemptuous.

"YES! I KNOW! I DID NOT HAVE INTIMATE RELATIONS WITH ROSS!"

"Oh God! You don't want to be under oath when you say that!" Bobby
informs
her scathingly.

"I'll swear it on a stack of bibles!" Lindsay promises.

"Oh really is that so, perjury is punishable by imprisonment
Lindsay."

"I-" Lindsay faces the facts he's right, she's had a fair amount of
intimacy with
good old Ross, no matter how much she wishes it wasn't so now.

He takes full advantage of her guilt to grill her more.
"And what do you call the kisses I heard and saw, I supposed
you'll say they were innocent too!" Bobby asks becoming the
tyrannical
prosecution.

"That is NOT the same as sleeping with him!" Lindsay hears the
weakness in her
own defense.

"But you admit you nearly slept with him MORE than once?" Bobby
pounds his
point.

"I-don't know- I mean we kissed you know that already! And ONE night
we came close-a LONG time before you and I were about to reconcile."
Lindsay rushes
her explanation hoping he will see reason.

"You don't call that cheating we're still married?" Bobby
snarls. "Funny when I did it and our marriage was nearly on the rocks
YOU called it cheating- we reconcile and you decide to do it or let
ME think you DID it, with him and you do share kisses and nudity with
another man-just when we were ready to renew our vows! So tell me
which is it Lindsay? Was it cheating or not!" His tone is iron.

She swallows hard. "I was the ONLY one naked! She flushes as she
realizes
how utterly incriminating her explanation is.

He laughs scathingly choking back the tears threatening to burst out
of his soul.

"NOTHING like what you think happened, HAPPENED!" Lindsay's voice is
raw and
emotionally wrought.

"SO YOU DIDN'T CHEAT!" Bobby glares at her condemningly.

"We kissed-we nearly-because I was out of my mind about you!" She
looks squarely
into his eyes and then as quickly cast them downwards. She wants to
take that look
from his face, she'd rather die than cause him this much humiliation
and pain. She knows she's the one who brought this on. She knows he
has to have his say before he'll ever
even try to see past her transgressions. "Okay Bobby, you're right,
what I did wasn't-"

Bobby's vision has become myopic and he isn't about to excuse her
behavior.
"So you didn't have the actual sex- but you let me BELIEVE you did for
how long now?" Bobby asks ready to throw her in a dungeon and
misplace the key forever.

"I'm sorry!" Lindsay begs him to forgive with sincerity and
repentance in her eyes.

"You're sorry!" Wow! Thanks!" Bobby feels like vomiting. When he
thinks of
all the times he agonized in his mind battling the sordid thoughts
and images of her and Ross. Maybe on some level he deserved the irony
of this, but right now, he isn't accepting or taking her deception
well. "How dare you!" His disgusted eyes look her up and down as
though she isn't worth his gaze.

Lindsay feels her body flushing in degradation and self hatred. She
remains silent
as she faces the error of her judgment. She never should have taken
it so far.
She can see his heart splitting in two over this. How could she have
ever thought
it was alright to hurt him so barbarically.

"Bobby, you have to know-" Lindsay approaches him the quaking of her
heart won't be stilled until he forgives her, he has to forgive her!

He backs away from her cornering himself against a wall. His hands
reach out behind
him to touch the wall, he is trying valiantly to steady his frazzled
nerves.

Lindsay is afraid to go to close she can feel his desire to get out
of being
anywhere near her. She has to get through to him before its too late.
"I LOVE YOU! I HAVE LOVED YOU SINCE THE DAY I MET YOU- I'LL
ALWAYS LOVE YOU- THERE'S NEVER BEEN ANYONE ELSE- NO MATTER WHAT YOU
THINK- IN MY HEART THERE'S ONLY YOU."
Lindsay's voice shakes the sobbing tears beg him to soften just a
little.

"I can't hear this! I have to get out of here!" Bobby searches in
vain for his keys because
they were discarded in the wet heap of clothing upstairs. I have to
get the HELL out!"
He roars wishing to God he was anywhere but here.

Lindsay suddenly gets a burst of courage. She can't let him go. NOT
like this.
He might never come back. With the bravery comes a healthy dash of
anger. What the
hell is wrong with him! Okay so she lied- she was wrong. She had gone
off
the deep end and yes she couldn't disagree she had crossed some lines
with Ross. But she hadn't had the full blown affair he was so sure
she'd had, and that
has to get through his thick skull! "YOU KNOW WHAT Bobby I think
I'll leave!" Lindsay voice is deeply penetrating.

He turns back to face her. "FINE!" "It's what you do best!" He steps
away from the door offering her easy departure.

Lindsay didn't expect him to agree so easily.

Bobby can see the hesitation and he realizes she's in no condition to
go out side the way she's dressed. She's making empty threats. MORE
lies. He
can't take MORE lying. So it's up to him to expose them all!
"Where the hell do you think your going to go in this storm?"

Lindsay eyes flash she isn't about to let him wallow in pain, she's
got
to find a way to get him to the other side of it. After everything
they've
gone through, and all the beautiful possibilities before them she
isn't
about to let him throw it all away now. She pushes an annoying lock
of damp hair behind her ear.

"I don't know maybe what I should do is drive all the way BACK to
Boston so I can
find Ross and sleep with him! Isn't that what YOU want! I mean
before, just a few minutes ago you were ready and willing for that to
be the truth! As long as YOU found it okay in your self-righteous
heart to forgive me- I was in your good graces- but NOW since I
haven't had sex with him-your thinking I betrayed you more! Why
prolong the agony for us both! So what do you say Bobby? Once I have
sex with him, you'll be right- again and you can be the forgiving
husband? Would that make it okay?" Her voice
holds that steely assurance she uses in trial. She feels NONE of the
confidence
she's displaying but she doesn't know what else to do. She could lose
him forever
over this!

Lindsay knows she isn't being quite fair, but what about anything has
been
fair? She knows Bobby is hurt, she knows he has a right to feel the
way he feels.
But she can't afford to give him too much time to screw things up
worse between
them because if she does they may never make it back to each other,
and she wants
that so much. She won't ever treat him so callously again! She
silently vows she will make all of this up to him. He just has to
give her the chance. "I'll just go have
that little fling with Ross, that way you can have the adulterous
wife you
seem to need so badly!"

"DON'T BE RIDCULOUS!" Bobby shakes his head knowing that if Lindsay
is pushed far enough she would probably do it just to prove what an
idiot she
thinks he is. "You don't get to say that! Don't try to turn this
around ON ME!
I'M NOT THE ONE WHOSE MANIPLIATED OUR LIVES INTO THIS
GIGANTIC MESS! AND BELIEVE ME LINDSAY NONE OF THIS IS
OKAY!"

"Oh come ON Bobby you wanted to be the sanctimonious husband that
took pity on his poor cheating wife? It's kind of fun to have the shoe
ON your foot for a change especially after Sara now isn't it?"
Lindsay knows this
could be the ultimate end to end all marriages. She knows he is going
to
get even angrier than he was before. "I'm sure if I call Ross he'd
be only too willing to help YOU out!"

"STOP IT!" Bobby gives into the childish desire and puts his hands
tightly over both ears. At least he's no longer standing by the door
as his defeated body collapses on the stairs.

"Oh why it's the TRUTH isn't it? What is it going to be Bobby! Are
you disappointed I didn't really sleep with him at all! Because NOW
were not even! And your
still the ONE who cheated! Will you ONLY be happy if I cheat ALL THE
WAY too!"
Lindsay taunts him knowing she is pushing his every nerve.

"You know what you did was unconscionable?" The last thing
Bobby wants is her to go anywhere near Ross Avery or Avery Ross
or whoever the HELL he is!

"I made some big mistakes…. but YOU knew I'd kissed Ross! You
knew everything up front, NOTHING was done behind YOUR back! Nothing
happened that YOU didn't know about- EXCEPT that I DIDN'T ever
sleep with HIM and WOULD NEVER have slept with HIM! I LOVE YOU
YOU! AND I KNOW YOU LOVE ME! YOU'RE HERE Bobby
even when you were SURE I'd been unfaithful. YOU came here. YOU
always know when I need YOU! And-and in spite of everything I've done
and said and led you to believe your still here- you came after me-
no matter how bad you thought it was- you were ready to forgive me-.
for everything! Bobby! She stops the tirade because she's exhausted
her
emotions have been in such an upheaval lately she's ready for it all
to be over, whatever over ends up being. All she can do is ask
for forgiveness, she's made her point, he should be seeing it more
clearly now, and if he doesn't, he doesn't. "You were ready
and willing to give me another chance, Bobby, you haven't let
anything I've done, or you thought I've done, stop you from being
here, so why are you now? I didn't know I'd ever tell you the truth.
I thought I was letting us go forever. "I thought I was doing
something
good, for you, something that would free you to be-"

Bobby's hand swipes the air denying she'd done him any good.

"Okay I know, I didn't succeed in my misguided intentions and I'm so
sorry,
you have to know that, hurting you was never something I wanted to do
again! PLEASE forgive me now-. Please-. I could NEVER have- I did go
beyond- I know was unfaithful in some-"

"YA THINK!" Bobby's ready to explode. Why doesn't she just shut
the hell up nothing she's saying will ever take away the worst
weeks of his life! HELL wasn't even as bad a place as he felt
he's come from. He jumps up off the step and heads to the door. But
as usual he can't do more than touch the damn knob. He turns around
his eyes gleam skeptically.

Lindsay, talks faster knowing she has to get him to come to his
senses somehow.
"I know it was horrible that I let you think-it was bad enough- But I
had no idea you'd ever hear those tapes! That isn't MY fault! I HATE
that you heard them!-I should have never let you believe it, but
Bobby that's the worst I could do, fool you into believing
it because I couldn't REALLY do it- ever-.EVER!" Lindsay eyes plead
again for him to think about this clearly. He remains stubbornly
quiet with his arms firmly folded on his chest.

"I didn't LOVE Ross- I NEVER would have gone through with a marriage
to him. I never intended to do anything but LOVE you for the rest of
my life!
When we left here, last time- and we had decided to renew our vows.
I meant every word I swear! But then everything went crazy! I just- I
got off track a little."

"A LITTLE Lindsay!" Bobby's eyebrows rise in sarcastic agreement.

"Okay I was WAY-WAY OUT OF LINE!" She admits it desperate to
get him to see that what he went through is OVER.
You're right it's what I do. What I've always done!
I think I'm still scared to fail! But Bobby I am MORE scared of
losing you forever,
than facing whatever the future holds. As LONG as I have YOU with me
I promise I won't ever deceive you or run away from you again!"

Bobby looks away from her focusing on nothing but preferring it
than to having to meet her traitorous eyes. Haven't they both
suffered enough? But how
can he forgive her lies about something so sacredly held between
them. And at time when he thought they had conquered every doubt,
every barrier. She lied and he'd suffered deeply. "I'm not sure I can
even look at you right now- Lindsay…" Bobby swallows the burgeoning
lump in his throat. He buries his head in his hands.

"I'm here Bobby." Lindsay teary voice is not even persuasion
enough. "I'm going
to be here until you do look at me, and see that what I'm telling you
now is the
truth. "I'm standing right here Bobby." She reminds him of words they
have
spoken before in uncertain and painful times. She knows they will hit
home.

He raises his head morosely. He closes his eyes on those familiar
haunting words.
"I must have failed horribly at making you feel loved enough." Bobby
turns it on himself.
He has to find a way to take the blame here, because if this is all
Lindsay's fault
if she really did this, how can he live with it? "Somehow I let you
down and you
didn't feel secure." Bobby can't believe it but it must be true.

"NO!" That's NOT true, YOU know you were absolutely wonderful- it
was me! I really thought I was doing it, ALL OF IT to protect you,
I'd do anything
for you Bobby, even something this unimaginable. "I felt adored by you
again, and I knew how much loved me we'd fallen in love again. You
showed me so beautifully. I really thought it was the only way to let
you go, and for you to want to go."

Bobby remembers how she admitted she didn't feel adored when the
marriage was on the verge of crumbling. He'd let her say it, he didn't
assure her she was. But she'd always been adored by him.

"I just don't understand how you thought ripping my heart out, was
going
to HELP me, WHY don't you want to protect my HEART more than you want
to protect my career?" Bobby's voice is soft filled with conflicting
feelings.
"You're supposed to be the one I can entrust it too, I just can't
believe
you didn't know what this would do to me? How could you NOT know!
God Lindsay! I wanted to crawl into dark hole and never come out
again." A few tears fall in spite of his effort to stifle them. He
relives the recent weeks of turmoil and tortuous uncertainty. He
turns his back on her because he can't reconcile her actions with her
assurances of love.

Lindsay hates to see him so broken. She thought that if she ever had
a chance
to tell him the whole truth someday, that he would forgive her more
easily than if she had been totally unfaithful She has been so
wrapped up in keeping up the subterfuge that she didn't take the time
to focus on ALL the ramifications of her actions. She steps up
to his broad shouldered back tentatively touching it with both hands.
The
feel of her fingers thorough his shirt, touching him so intimately
causes a
damn to burst inside of him. He shoulders shake with the force of the
rampant release. Slowly Lindsay circles him until she is standing in
front of him.
Silently she opens her arms and even while his head is shaking in
denial
he finds his own arms pulling her to him. They both cry out all the
craziness, pain, frustration and deep seated fears they've held inside
for far too long.

"I'm so sorry sweetheart, please forgive me." Lindsay muffled words
calm
him, hearing her voice always did that. Even if he was angry and upset
with her, he found solace in her softly spoken intonations. "I really
wish
I could take it all back-but I can't!" Lindsay's filled with remorse
and regret.
What had she been thinking? He might never trust her again. She sees
the irony
now in her misguided intentions. "I've been a certifiable idiot!" She
whispers
softly into his ear. His tears have abated and he pushes her back
from his body, staring
at her absently, lost in a little war waging in his head while a more
fearsome mêlée is occurring within his heart. How can what she did be
forgiven? How can it not. He has to let this go somehow, shouldn't he
be thrilled. She hadn't slept with Ross. He'd hated
even thinking it, now he doesn't have to anymore. It's true he should
be on cloud nine.
Why can't he just let it go and accept her obviously heart felt
sorrow. "I don't know."
He utters his uncertainty out loud. Bobby doesn't know what to say
next, he knows they are wavering precariously over one last cliff.

Lindsay hands go up in despair. What will it take for him to see how
repentant she is?

Bobby sees her aggravation he knows those feelings well. He'd felt
helpless
and misunderstood enough times by her to recognize her expression
easily.

"What can I do Bobby?" Lindsay eyes plead for some kind of
absolution.

"You can be completely honest for the first time in weeks. "He laughs
sarcastically.
"Of course how can I really know what is the TRUTH when you speak?"

"I WILL tell you ANYTHING you want to know, and it will BE truthful!
I won't
EVER lie to you again about ANYTHING!" She holds her hand up as if
she is about
to testify in a court of law. The only thing missing is the bible.

Bobby wants direct contact with her eyes. He will know the truth, the
idea of it
has been eating away at him, he has to know this once and for all,
before anything will ever seem right between them again.

"I want to know about YOUR feeling towards Ross! I KNOW you had to
have felt
something-" his hand passes over his eyes because he doesn't really
want to know the truth about this but he has to face it and so does
she!

"Bobby-" Lindsay is a deer caught in headlights, if she faces his
question head
on she will be hit between the eyes. And if she runs-well that's not
an option because
she has no where to go.

"I KNOW you NEVER would have told him everything you did, without some
kind of deep connection. You would NEVER have turned to him even in
desperation-"
Bobby apparently loves to torture himself because he's going straight
for the juggler
vein on this one. "You had to have feelings Lindsay, I know you-you
don't let
people in so easily."

Lindsay eyes tear up, she knows he's right. She felt something. What
does she
say to him now? Whatever she says is going to be damning. She chooses
her words carefully knowing her answer will make or break her future.

"Never MIND Lindsay, your silence is answer enough!" Bobby shakes his
head unable to stand there waiting. He's waited LONG enough for her.

"NO! She grabs for his shirt sleeve just as he begins to turn away.
"YOU'RE NOT going anywhere! You want an answer, and I intend
to give you ONE!"

"I THINK I'M ENTITLED TO THE TRUTH!" Bobby's strangled tone tells her
she's got
limited time.

"I've told you Bobby, I met Ross by accident, I wasn't looking-I was
still in denial about us-he came into my life-he listened-he was sweet
and kind-and I felt-appreciated-and understood by him. I guess
I soaked it up-because I never thought I'd feel that way with anyone
ever again. So yes, the feelings I had about him were real."

Bobby's eyes close as she speaks.

"But HE didn't turn out to be real at all!" She explains quickly
hoping he will have the fortitude to stick with her till she's done
speaking.

His open accusingly. "That doesn't change how YOU feel Lindsay
trust me I know that!"

"Yes, there were times I wanted to fall madly in LOVE with Ross!"
Lindsay admission nearly sends Bobby running. "But I couldn't!
WHY? Because I still LOVED you!" She paces in a circle now, similar
to the one
she felt she was in her whole life, repeating those insipid patterns
over and over
because she'd never quite gotten it right. "I never stopped! NOT NOW,
NOT
THEN! NEVER! What I felt for Ross was some kind of connection, I won't
deny it, I feel connections to a LOT of people Bobby, Helen, Lucy,
Ellenor,
Bec, Jimmy, Eugene- and it was love, like I have for any one of them,
a form
of love, he was good to me when I needed someone who didn't know me,
everyone
here knew me before all the stuff we went through- but Ross accepted
me as I am now, not expecting who I used to be. It was just easier
being with him, it was nice being valued in spite of everything-. And
I had no idea he would betray us the way
he did." Lindsay eyes implore him to hear this once and for all. "I
guess
with the trust we had so damaged, I needed someone I could trust, I
needed him
to talk to, because I'd missed what we had so much."

Bobby feels the iceberg melting inside, at least she's not
excusing the physical intimacy with Ross, and he knows she
is trying hard to come to terms with what exactly Ross did mean to
her.

"You were right Bobby; a lot about what I did was running away.
I do it ALL the time. I've been doing it since the day I met you,
because I've been so afraid, I'd lose you, it feels like hell to KEEP
losing you over and over again!" Lindsay cries soulfully expressing
the loneliness in her eyes.

"Tell me about it!" Bobby agrees sighing deeply. He can't hate her,
he understands her so well. He sees a reflection of himself in her, he
always has. They both have so many fears about opening their hearts,
they've overcome so much but there is still a lot they haven't
touched.
He knows the ONLY way they will ever conquer this is to stay together
and prove themselves wrong. They can survive ANYTHING! They have
been unified in so many battles. She's his partner. She will be
forever
no matter what. Is he really so full of pride and anger that he'd pass
on a relationship with her, his life, his love, his soul's perfect
mate? There
never been any answer but the one happening now as he reaches
for her offering her his hand, his heart his soul.

She takes it, squeezing it tentatively smiling uncertainly through
the tears.

"You don't love him, like-"Bobby head shakes slightly he had to be
sure.

"NO!" Lindsay shakes her head vigorously.
"Bobby I chose you too! You knocked me off my feet, and
sprayed me with coffee. You let me think you were someone else, you
disappeared and I thought I might never see you again, but when I
walked into that office I was wishing it would be you. And it was
you. It's always been you. I've never looked back, or even forward,
really without YOU. You're the reason I grew
into that woman you spoke of earlier. You loving me- I'd never loved
anyone, the way I love you. Bobby" she struggles with tears
threatening to muffle her words. "I was
so afraid I'd never feel-you know! You made me feel beautiful and
alive
and gave me so much more than I ever dreamed."

Bobby immunity is weakening, hearing Lindsay recalling the first
moments
of their shared capitulation begins to diminish his anger.
"All I ever wanted was to make you happy." Bobby whispers.

"YOU DID! No one else ever could the way you do! "Lindsay wants so
much to
be held by him, but she feels the tenseness of his hand in hers. "You
don't know how
it felt- she gulps a little feeling the ache return to her chest. She
touches her
heart with her free hand. "I-I- couldn't breathe thinking-" she gasps
a little
for the elusive breath just thinking about it. "Bobby thinking I'd
never be"
her voice breaks as tears flow freely. "your wife, I'd never feel
your arms
holding me-"Lindsay can barely utter the words.

Bobby can't bare to see her in anguish. He's seen it too much. He
knows
her heart, he can feel it as he holds her trembling hand. He gently
takes
the hand she holds against her heart into his. He gives her a minute
to
calm herself, His thumbs stroke the top of her hands. She raises her
watery eyes to his begging for amnesty.

"You promise me HERE and Now that you've stopped this crazy
idea in your head that you have to run ever again!" Bobby voice
is soft but stern.

He clasps her hand a little tighter as he waits for her answer.

"I'll never run again, as long as I don't ever lose you." Lindsay
pledges as he pulls her tenderly towards him wrapping her
protectively in his arms. Tears of relief are falling unabashedly

"I'm still quite angry with you!" He informs her softly as his
fingers erase the cleansing tears.

"I know-" She smiles fondly as she lets out a tiny left-over hiccup.

He wishes he could hold her like this forever and shut out the entire
world for eternity. But he's not quite ready to do that yet.

"Lindsay Dole if YOU EVER LIE TO ME AGAIN ABOUT ANYTHING!"

Her smile is full fledged now she knows he's started the forgiveness
process.
"I WON'T!" she vows.

"NO RUNNING! NO LYING!" Bobby is like an adamant father who
has been kept awake waiting all night for his naughty kid to come home
from God knows where. She has to know the rules! "NO MORE FEAR! If
either of us is afraid we talk, to one another or to Dr. Ash, it
doesn't matter as long as WE TALK!"

She nods agreeing as her eyes dance in happy anticipation.

"I'm still MAD!" He reinforces the point because he knows it's
useless for
him to try to stay angry at her for any substantial length of time,
and damn
it she's always known that! Whatever resistance he felt before is
melting away.

"Bobby, I'll make this up-"

"ABOUT YOU!" Bobby interrupts finally giving them both what they
so desperately want. She feels his absolution as his lips part hers
greedily.
Soft moans followed by long sated sighs fill the silence. Slowly they
move towards complete capitulation as desires ignite and all thought
of distancing perishes. "I want you now, Lindsay I can't-"Bobby's
whispers
ardently.

"Love me." Lindsay answers breathlessly.

He pulls her up against him her arms embrace him to her
tightly he lifts her feet off the floor her legs enwrap
around his thighs as he carries and kisses her lowering her to the
soft pillowed
space in front of the fireplace.

The flames of fire dance casting shadows of the two reunited lovers
discarding the last
barriers between them, clothing flies landing in puddles around the
room. As they kneel together joyously embracing at last all
misunderstandings melting into happy surrendering ecstasy. Waves of
pleasure crash over them euphoric tides of reverberating bliss fill
them up brimming them over in bubbling frothy delight. Palms meet
fingers intertwined squeezing, clenching holding fast as they ascend
to the stars and back again. They lay bathed in the golden fire lit
glow reveling as finally they become one, one heart one mind, one
body and one soul, harmonizing in euphoric universal song.

"Bobby" Lindsay sighs in happy resignation.

"Lindsay" He breathes her name as if it's his life's sustenance.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
A few hours later, Lindsay feels her body being gently covered with a
soft
knitted blanket, she feels his arms lift her, as she drowsily awakens
looking
up into his contented eyes. "Where are we going?" Her arms greedily
encircle
his neck.

"Forward, Lindsay we're only going forward." Bobby assures her.

She smiles sighing thoroughly sated.

He ascends the steps stopping every two to kiss her a little more
fervently with
each detainment. Lindsay is giggling softly because she loves being
treasured
in his arms.

Finally they reach his intended goal, their bedroom, and the freshly
lit fire
is glowing invitingly the bed covers are turned back beckoning to be
enjoyed.

Lindsay grins as she sees the advanced preparation.

"I'm getting a little too old to spend the entire night on that
floor!" Bobby admits
grimacing to get some sympathy, as he lays her gently into the downy
mattress.

"Ah so I strained a few of those muscles did I."

"Oh I think there's a bit of stamina left in here, you want to test
me- to make sure?" He whispers in happy anticipation.

"I think I really should do a through examination" She kisses his neck
wanting to start the procedure immediately. "Bobby be careful, I
almost
forgot the broken glass." she reminds him still a bit groggy.

"I took care of it my love, but to be on the safe side I'll keep
your feet off the floor all morning!" He promises.

"Ah-you know just what I need." She kisses his nose lovingly, as he
settles
down into the soft pillowed mattress swooping her immediately into
his arms.

"Lindsay, something's been on my mind and I gotta know before
we-" Lindsay is beginning her hands on scrutiny of his body, kissing
each possibly afflicted area. He sighs deeply nearly forgetting
he has a mind let alone anything in it.

"mmmmm nice." He drawls quietly hoping she ignores his earlier
request to talk.

She stops though leaving his ailing exposed skin feeling woefully
abandoned.

"What is it Bobby, are you still having doubts-"Her eyes penetrate his
afraid the worst may not be over after all.

"NO LINDS NO! Bobby has none left, "-its silly, you said it wasn't
important, and I should-"

"What?" She is trying to think of something she's said that would
leave him in question,
but she's clueless, and her hands would like very much to return his
skin.

"I just was wondering what in the hell had you all the way outside
the house
on top of the roof? You said you'd lost something?"

Lindsay's hand abruptly goes up to her head in instant abject recall.

"Oh Bobby, it's-I- if we can't find-" She is wide awake now
remembering
she never told him what happened.

"What is it Lindsay? It's not the cork to the wine bottle?" He
remembers
his dismissive thoughts and he can see this whatever it is, has more
significant
than a cork. "What did you lose baby, whatever it is
we'll get it back, don't worry!" His arms extend to get her back to
the
comfort of his body.

"Oh Bobby, it was- my rings!" She takes the empty chain from
around her neck, she'd replaced it there after the rings were long
gone, preferring not to lose anymore precious jewelry.

"Your rings?" Bobby's eyes crinkle in question.

"I wore them on this" She dangles the chain for him to see. "When
I came here today, I wanted to put them on, I thought it would be the
I-I just wanted to see them on my finger again-I thought it was
the last time." She feels awful having to admit she lost them. Bobby
had
chosen and bought the engagement diamond ring long before he ever
proposed, and when he did she loved it, knowing how he had held onto
it through so many doubtful
twists and turns. Now for it to be lost, she seldom got attached to
material
possessions but this, was one she wanted with her forever. This held
so many sentiments and feelings.

"You've been wearing them since-?"
Bobby realizes now that she hadn't ever let go of him, if she kept
those rings that close to her heart, and then it meant that's where
she kept him too.

She nods miserably. "After I'd left you the message- except when you
were around, I made sure-if you'd seen-you'd of known-"Lindsay
sheepishly admits. "I'm sorry Bobby I lost them and with this storm-
they could have blown anywhere!"

"Ah Lindsay don't cry, sweet one, we'll find them, and if we don't,
I'll
get you new ones-" He holds her tenderly against him.

"I don't want new ones, I love my rings! You bought the diamond and
even
when we were so far apart, you kept it and I wanted to keep it
forever.

"I know it's okay sweetie."

"And my wedding band, we chose those together- we were married
without them remember? In my rush to change the wedding I forgot they
were at the jewelers being sized, and you had Jimmy call and run down
to the store, his uncle was so sweet to open up for us-and Jimmy
brought them just in time, so we could take them with us, remember?"

Of course he did, there wasn't one spectacular moment forgotten.
He recalls the wonderful feeling as he slipped the sparkling platinum
band
on her ring finger, making her forever his. They'd only had a short
weekend
here at Laharve after the ceremony, and so it was here, fittingly that
Bobby and Lindsay exchanged the matching platinum bands. They'd
done it in the most sacred haven by the waterfall, the magnificent
place
was the perfect setting to remarry one another in an even smaller
impromptu
ceremony. Bobby had phoned Claire and as usual she came through with
and rice and a perfectly stocked cottage, complete with candlelight
champagne and flowers. And of course a slight scolding too, for
daring to
be married without her and Sam at the ceremony."

"I'll never forget how it felt to have you slip that ring on my
finger, it felt
as though you let me into your heart, that moment." Lindsay confides.

"I let you in, long before that Lindsay, but I know what you mean,
marriage
is sacred, it connected us irrevocably."

They kiss to seal the sentiment.

She nods sadly rubbing her thumb over her barren ring finger.

"They're just rings Lindsay." Bobby tries to reassure her, but he
knows they
mean more than that.

Lindsay touches Bobby's left hand as if she's viewing a priceless
painting.
"You never took it off?" She marvels that through all the tribulation,
and doubts, even immediately after they separated, Bobby still wore
the ring.

Bobby shakes his head smiling awkwardly. "I guess it's more than a
ring."
He admits as he squeezes her hand reassuringly. "Lindsay we'll get
yours back." His fingers go under her bowed chin raising her face to
meet his eyes. "You'll have them back!" He reiterates softly.

"I won't take them off, ever again!" Lindsay promises. They kiss
languishing in the
reawakened pleasure of being free to express affection. Bobby strokes
her hair
deciding this is as good a time too get an answer to another
pestering question.

"Lindsay, that brings something else to mind. Are we-" Bobby's almost
afraid to ask.

Lindsay is happily returning to all her wifely duties including mind-
reading. "NO! I never
filed the papers, I never even signed them when you gave them to me!"

"So we're still-" Bobby impish pleased grin.

"Legal in all states." She assures him equally thrilled.

"Ah-good, then when we took those vows-"

"It was forever." Lindsay fills in his thoughts.

"Forever" he echoes contentedly.

"Loving you is the best thing I ever did Lindsay Dole." Bobby is
scooting
down into the covers bringing her with him.

"You haven't done it yet!" She teases him. "My exam was rudely
interrupted remember?"

"Oh is that so, well please continue, by all means." Bobby urges,
rocking
a little on his elbow, lying sideways towards facing her unwittingly
making himself
all too available.

"Ohhhhhh maybe I don't want to anymore!" She grins. "I think I'd
rather play CRY UNCLE!" She surprises Bobby by pushing him over
on to his back and straddling him by kneeling over him. She is
holding his very sensitive fingers in her hand threateningly as he
looks up in wide-eyed but complacent indulgence.

"Are you ready to beg for mercy?" She taunts Cheshire cat smile in
full bloom.
"Come on don't you want to look me over." Bobby's entreaty goes on
deaf
ears, because Lindsay is more than looking him over holding the
crooked finger as her
hostage she bends over his invitingly languid body and begins to
administer
her best revenge. "This is for keeping me waiting on that roof in the
rain!"
She whispers kissing his neck and then his ears, moving saucily along
his jaw line
until she reaches his mouth and his alluring, tempting, and engaging
lips.
She exacts her most deliriously demanding form of punishment. Bobby
sighs contentedly allowing her to whip him into shape. "I'll never
keep you waiting on a roof again" he promises as he turns the tables
on her flipping her over onto her back, their legs entangle and latch
together mutual laughter shakes the bedding. Slowly the laughter
fades away
becoming soft murmured whispers, and happy ecstatic rapturous
declarations
of devotion.

The two happily married halves rejoin melodiously and sacredly as
one.
All the darkness fades away, the ominous clouds depart making way for
the full silvery moon and insuring the sweetest of future dreams. The
deep clear midnight skies unveil twinkling magical stars just waiting
to grant reconciled lovers their fondest wishes and most prayed for
desires. As night fades into morning, the sun rises majestically
casting a hazy orange-pink glow over the two euphorically sleeping
lovers who will shortly be awakened to a glorious new dawn.

End of Part 29

This will pick up where it leaves off and then there will be Epilogue
type
of ending I hope you enjoy it! Sorry this got long but as usual
I thought it would lose some punch if I broke it up in the middle
of their confrontations. Thanks so much for reading! I'd love to hear
what you think, good or bad.






[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]