jffg : Messages : 1-30 of 5730

I was away for a few days and forgot about the new list.  But it was
great when I got home and had these great stories to read!  Some
comments:

"Life, The Universe, and Gabrielle"- All I can say Phil is *please* get
done with GFP so we can all get to this one!  What a visual, Jox and Gab
asleep like that.  All together now- Awwwww...

"Seven Days in May, 1944"- Only Phil could manage to get *all* the
characters, plus the major religious icons like Shiva, and finally the
terms TO&E and SAS in the same story! Your choice of May is intriging-
very close to a *very* important event <weg>.  One request; find some
way that Montgomery's stupidity, arrogance, cautiousness, etc. create a
major obstacle to the gang's mission.  You know, make it historically
acurate (ooh, that was cold) ;-)

"Save the Last Dance"- What a wonderful short story- and off the cuff,
to boot.   Great stuff.  *Very nice* visual of Gabrielle in her gown
(sigh).  Hey, come to think of it, this could be a way for the trio earn
some bucks- Xena sings while J and G compete.

"Game of the Gods"- This one really intrigued me, and I can't wait for
more.  I am a little confused about why Jett wasn't able to be chosen,
unless that's to come later.  And I love how we're going to see Calli
soon, and I am esp. cuious how she will react to the fact that she will
be fighting *for* Joxer!

"Xena Does Port Charles"- unfortunatley, I have never seen the show.
But I think there is enough background there to make it understandable
and interesting.  I am looking forward to more.

I think that is everything.  It amazes me how creative and talented
everyone is.  Maybe I'll even get up the courage to try my hand at
this... (gods help us all)

Findle

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#28

From: MKate101@...
Date: Sun Aug 30, 1998 2:45 am
Subject: Fwd: "The Game of the Gods" -- second part

MKate101@...

Okay, since I realized a lot of people didn't have part one and I should have
sent it along with part two but didn't 'cause I'm an idiot most of the time,
here's part one okay.  (That's the only run-on sentence you're gonna get outta
me tonight.)

The Game of the Gods
by Melissa Stuart

      The threesome stood on top of gently curving hill, staring out across the
Grecian countryside, and watched as the storm drew closer.  The wind began to
grow, lightening flashed across the darkening sky.  The thunder grew and grew,
shaking the land.  Gabrielle grabbed Xena's arm to keep from falling.  Joxer
landed
on his rear, shaken by the tremor.
      "Xena, what's going on?" Gabrielle asked.  The warrior merely shook her
head.  Gabrielle turned away from her best friend to look back at Joxer.  He
had
picked himself up and was dusting his pants, grimacing when he found a tender
spot.
      "Are you okay?" she asked gently.  Gabrielle felt Xena stiffen under her
hand which still rested on her arm.  Joxer nodded and muttered something about
pride.  The bard turned back to Xena.  She was staring down at her,
understanding
shined in her eyes.  Gabrielle looked back in confusion.  Xena opened her
mouth
to say something, but the ground began to shake again.
      "We need to find cover," Xena announced.  Joxer nodded, still stinging
from
his fall.  "This is no natural storm," she continued.  Black clouds rolled
towards
them, cloaking the bright green field in a dark shroud.  Before they could
move,
they were pitched into the darkness, brief flashes of lightening their only
light.  No
one moved.
      Gabrielle turned to where she thought Joxer had stood.  A flash of light
revealed his scared face.  Darkness quickly fell again, and another crash of
thunder.
Lightening brightened the sky again, this time longer, allowing Gabrielle a
chance
to stare into the dead eyes of the god of war.
      "Joxer, behind you!" she shouted the warning, but it was too late.  Ares,
who
had been standing behind the young man, plunged his sword into Joxer's back.
      "Too late, bard, too late.  He's mine now!" Ares' laugh rang over the
sound
of the wind and thunder.  Gabrielle buried her head into Xena's chest.

      "NOOOOOOO!!!" Gabrielle screamed into the night.  Xena jumped from her
sleeping clothes, sword in hand.  Joxer also leapt to his feet, and grabbed
for his
sword.  Gabrielle sat, breathing hard, sweat pouring.  Xena and Joxer knelt
down
beside her.
      "Are you all right?" Xena asked, touching Gabrielle's cheek.  She nodded.
      "It was just a nightmare," she answered.  Xena gave her a
it-was-more-than-just-a-nightmare look and stood up.  Gabrielle glanced at
Joxer.
He touched her arm, alarmed at the tremors that still shook her body.  Whiskey
brown eyes filled with concern met troubled green ones.
      "Are you sure?" he asked.  Gabrielle again nodded, unable to speak the
truth.
How could she?  Gabrielle was sure, beyond a doubt, that she had seen the
death
of Joxer the Mighty.


Later that night, The Underworld

      Aphrodite felt the ricocheting pain as she entered Hades dark domain.
Being
intuned to a mortal was annoying, to say the least, but this particular one
was her
current favorite.  A good, kind soul that needs a little lovin', she thought.
And who
perfect for him but that annoying bard, Gabrielle.  She had hear, through the
prayers of Med and her girls, that Joxer's prowess and skills rested outside
the
realms of Ares' control.  The prayers had dwindled in recent months, leaving
Meg's
infrequent requests for his return, but they stayed with the goddess.
      Sorry, babe, but I've got other plans for him, she thought with a small
smile.
      "But first I've gotta find out what's wrong with Hades," she said to
herself.
      Aphrodite walked into her uncle's throne room, nearly gagging from the
endless black interior that greeted her every turn.  As she entered the throne
room,
the love goddess noticed the only two bright spots in the whole castle, a
garden
being tended by Persephone, Hades' wife, and a never ending tapestry behind
his
throne.
      "So, unc, what up?" she asked playfully, sashaying up to him.  The lord
of
the dead looked at her somberly.
      "Ares has been talking to the Fates again," he answered.  'Dite shrugged.
      "What's that got to do with me?"  Hades picked up a scroll and read from
it.
      "Ares has laid claim on one Joxer the Mighty, of Athens.  Son of
Metreacis
of Corinth, son of Antillus of Crete."  Looking straight at Aphrodite, the god
continued.  "The god of war hereby decrees the soul of Joxer the Mighty to be
his
by right of a blood bargain he and Antillus handclasped on eighty-two years
ago.
In exchange for the gifts of warfare, strategy, speed, stealth, agility and
cunning,
the mortal gave up his soul, and the soul of one son each generation to pass."
      "But Metreacis has three sons?" Aphrodite questioned.
      "The elder son, Jace, is of no use to Ares.  He runs a very lucrative
business
in Athens, a cabaret show that is very good, from what I have been told.  The
second son, Jett, would be acceptable if not for a little bargain Ares and I
made
years ago.  So,..."
      Aphrodite interrupted, "So that leaves Joxer hanging in the wind."  Hades
nodded.  This is not good, the goddess thought.
      "So Ares is going to make him a warlord?"  Hades nodded again.
      "Not just any warlord, the greatest ever.  I plan to break his soul and
harden
him, little by little, till nothing is left but a cold, calculating killer
bent on world
domination."  A dark, insidious voice rang out in the great hall behind her.
Aphrodite turned and faced Ares, hands on her hips and eyes narrowed.
      The god of war stood at the doorway, leaning against the deadwood.
Stryfe,
the dead god of strife, his once second-in-command, slain by the hand of
Callisto
and the hellspawn Hope, stood next to him, mouth cracked by a slimy smile.
His
mother, the youthful Discord, stood beside her wraith son.
      "Leave Joxer alone, Ares,"Aphrodite commanded, "He's not for you."  Ares
laughed, softly like a jungle cat, and arched an eyebrow.
      "Who, then, is he for?  You?"  he asked.  "No, I've decided to grant the
little
maggot his life's wish and make him a warrior."  Aphrodite looked at her half-
brother in disgust.
      "You want to make him a killer."  Ares shook his head.
      "Wrong again, sister.  I plan to make him a legend."


The Next Day, a Road to Potaideae

      Xena led the small group with Argo trailing behind her.  The warrior's
steps
were sure and quick, sky blue eyes steady on the path they were taking.  She
was
relaxed as she sensed no danger ahead.
      Gabrielle followed Argo, eyes to the ground, concentrating on each step.
The path, one Xena knew from her mercenary days, would take them to Potaideae
quickly but was rough going.  Gabrielle made herself not look back, at the
last
member of their group, for fear she would remember the dream that haunted her
still.
      Joxer tripped over a rock, falling as always.  He wasn't surefooted on
level
ground, unless he was being chased by a hungry pack of wolves or enraged
villagers, but his clumsiness had escalated tenfold on this path.  He was sure
he
had broken at least a rib on the last fall.
      The group walked into a sudden clearing.  Xena stopped.  Gabrielle, still
looking at the ground, walked into Argo.  Joxer helped Gabrielle up.  Xena
just
rolled her eyes.
      "Why did you stop?" Gabrielle asked, shaking off Joxer's hands as he
tried
to get some of the dust off her clothes.
      "Something's wrong," The warrior answered.  As if to answer the bard's
next
question, the heaven's opened and the sky screamed in rage.  A shimmering
cloud
appeared before them and a distressed goddess appeared.
      "Hey, gang, what's up?" Aphrodite asked with a nervous smile.  Xena
stiffened, Gabrielle's face hardened, and Joxer looked around for a boulder to
hide
behind just in case the love goddess decided to enlist his aid for another
madcap
scheme.
      "Aphrodite," Xena acknowledged with a small nod of her head.  The
goddess's smile disappeared.
      "I know I deserve the cold should after the diamond thingie, but this is
really
important."  She looked from Xena to Joxer to Gabrielle and back to Xena.  "It
has
to do with Ares and me."
      "I thought that was done with," Xena said with a twist of her lips.
Aphrodite
nodded vigorously, her golden curls bobbing up and down.
      "Years ago.  Hespheastus is my man now.  But Mr. I-Gotta-Wear-Black-
Leather-'Cause-It-Turns-The-Girls-On really has some issues about being
dumped.
Hey, you should know.  But seriously, he wants me back"  Joxer looked
confused.
      "But I thought Ares was your brother," he said.  Aphrodite sighed.
      "He's only a half-brother, and really, this is a god thing," she
answered.
"Zeus and Hera are brother and sister, and do you hear anyone complaining?"
The
threesome gave her a get serious look.
      "Okay, bad example.  But really, look at Hades and Persephone.  Beyond
the
fact he had to kidnap her to marry him, they're perfectly happy.  And he's her
uncle.  There are very few 'normal' relationships among the gods.  We're all
related
somehow, usually through Zeus.
      "But, really," she gives an exasperated sigh, "that is not the point.
Ares
wants me back and he's using Joxer to do it."  Xena and Gabrielle looked at
Joxer.
      "WhatdidIdo?" he asked in a rush.
      "Does deal with a god ring a bell?"  Aphrodite asked.  The young man's
pale
face went white.  Xena and Gabrielle's mouths dropped.
      "You made a deal with Ares?" Xena asked.  "Are you crazy, or just
suicidal?"  Joxer flinched at the growled questions.  It meant looking back at
the
past, something he neither dwelled on nor wanted to.  It was too painful to
remember.
      "Not me, my grandfather," he answered in a small voice.  "He traded his
soul, and the soul of one descendant per generation, in exchange for becoming
the
greatest warrior to ever live."
      "And Ares lived up to his bargain?"  Gabrielle asked.  Joxer shook his
head
and a choked chuckle.
      "Got him in the wording.  One of my grandfather's bloodline would be the
greatest warrior, not necessarily him.  He lost a hand during a battle, and
traveled
to Parnassas, where he opened a very successful club and headlined as a stand-
up
comedian.
      "His only child, a son, my father, did fairly well on the battlefields,
but was
never the smashing success his father had been.  He, in time, had three sons.
Jace,
Jett, and me.  Jace, as you all know, is out of the question.  I always
thought it
would be Jett."  Joxer looked at Aphrodite.
      "Jett was part of a bargain made between Hades and Ares, and therefore is
protected by both.  He was, and never has been, in consideration in Ares's
eyes.
It has always been you."

Sure, no problem.  Here's parts one through three.  Hope ya like it.

_________________________________________________________________

The Game of the Gods
by Melissa Stuart

      The threesome stood on top of gently curving hill, staring out across the
Grecian countryside, and watched as the storm drew closer.  The wind began to
grow, lightening flashed across the darkening sky.  The thunder grew and grew,
shaking the land.  Gabrielle grabbed Xena's arm to keep from falling.  Joxer
landed
on his rear, shaken by the tremor.
      "Xena, what's going on?" Gabrielle asked.  The warrior merely shook her
head.  Gabrielle turned away from her best friend to look back at Joxer.  He
had
picked himself up and was dusting his pants, grimacing when he found a tender
spot.
      "Are you okay?" she asked gently.  Gabrielle felt Xena stiffen under her
hand which still rested on her arm.  Joxer nodded and muttered something about
pride.  The bard turned back to Xena.  She was staring down at her,
understanding
shined in her eyes.  Gabrielle looked back in confusion.  Xena opened her
mouth
to say something, but the ground began to shake again.
      "We need to find cover," Xena announced.  Joxer nodded, still stinging
from
his fall.  "This is no natural storm," she continued.  Black clouds rolled
towards
them, cloaking the bright green field in a dark shroud.  Before they could
move,
they were pitched into the darkness, brief flashes of lightening their only
light.  No
one moved.
      Gabrielle turned to where she thought Joxer had stood.  A flash of light
revealed his scared face.  Darkness quickly fell again, and another crash of
thunder.
Lightening brightened the sky again, this time longer, allowing Gabrielle a
chance
to stare into the dead eyes of the god of war.
      "Joxer, behind you!" she shouted the warning, but it was too late.  Ares,
who
had been standing behind the young man, plunged his sword into Joxer's back.
      "Too late, bard, too late.  He's mine now!" Ares' laugh rang over the
sound
of the wind and thunder.  Gabrielle buried her head into Xena's chest.

      "NOOOOOOO!!!" Gabrielle screamed into the night.  Xena jumped from her
sleeping clothes, sword in hand.  Joxer also leapt to his feet, and grabbed
for his
sword.  Gabrielle sat, breathing hard, sweat pouring.  Xena and Joxer knelt
down
beside her.
      "Are you all right?" Xena asked, touching Gabrielle's cheek.  She nodded.
      "It was just a nightmare," she answered.  Xena gave her a
it-was-more-than-just-a-nightmare look and stood up.  Gabrielle glanced at
Joxer.
He touched her arm, alarmed at the tremors that still shook her body.  Whiskey
brown eyes filled with concern met troubled green ones.
      "Are you sure?" he asked.  Gabrielle again nodded, unable to speak the
truth.
How could she?  Gabrielle was sure, beyond a doubt, that she had seen the
death
of Joxer the Mighty.


Later that night, The Underworld

      Aphrodite felt the ricocheting pain as she entered Hades dark domain.
Being
intuned to a mortal was annoying, to say the least, but this particular one
was her
current favorite.  A good, kind soul that needs a little lovin', she thought.
And who
perfect for him but that annoying bard, Gabrielle.  She had hear, through the
prayers of Med and her girls, that Joxer's prowess and skills rested outside
the
realms of Ares' control.  The prayers had dwindled in recent months, leaving
Meg's
infrequent requests for his return, but they stayed with the goddess.
      Sorry, babe, but I've got other plans for him, she thought with a small
smile.
      "But first I've gotta find out what's wrong with Hades," she said to
herself.
      Aphrodite walked into her uncle's throne room, nearly gagging from the
endless black interior that greeted her every turn.  As she entered the throne
room,
the love goddess noticed the only two bright spots in the whole castle, a
garden
being tended by Persephone, Hades' wife, and a never ending tapestry behind
his
throne.
      "So, unc, what up?" she asked playfully, sashaying up to him.  The lord
of
the dead looked at her somberly.
      "Ares has been talking to the Fates again," he answered.  'Dite shrugged.
      "What's that got to do with me?"  Hades picked up a scroll and read from
it.
      "Ares has laid claim on one Joxer the Mighty, of Athens.  Son of
Metreacis
of Corinth, son of Antillus of Crete."  Looking straight at Aphrodite, the god
continued.  "The god of war hereby decrees the soul of Joxer the Mighty to be
his
by right of a blood bargain he and Antillus handclasped on eighty-two years
ago.
In exchange for the gifts of warfare, strategy, speed, stealth, agility and
cunning,
the mortal gave up his soul, and the soul of one son each generation to pass."
      "But Metreacis has three sons?" Aphrodite questioned.
      "The elder son, Jace, is of no use to Ares.  He runs a very lucrative
business
in Athens, a cabaret show that is very good, from what I have been told.  The
second son, Jett, would be acceptable if not for a little bargain Ares and I
made
years ago.  So,..."
      Aphrodite interrupted, "So that leaves Joxer hanging in the wind."  Hades
nodded.  This is not good, the goddess thought.
      "So Ares is going to make him a warlord?"  Hades nodded again.
      "Not just any warlord, the greatest ever.  I plan to break his soul and
harden
him, little by little, till nothing is left but a cold, calculating killer
bent on world
domination."  A dark, insidious voice rang out in the great hall behind her.
Aphrodite turned and faced Ares, hands on her hips and eyes narrowed.
      The god of war stood at the doorway, leaning against the deadwood.
Stryfe,
the dead god of strife, his once second-in-command, slain by the hand of
Callisto
and the hellspawn Hope, stood next to him, mouth cracked by a slimy smile.
His
mother, the youthful Discord, stood beside her wraith son.
      "Leave Joxer alone, Ares,"Aphrodite commanded, "He's not for you."  Ares
laughed, softly like a jungle cat, and arched an eyebrow.
      "Who, then, is he for?  You?"  he asked.  "No, I've decided to grant the
little
maggot his life's wish and make him a warrior."  Aphrodite looked at her half-
brother in disgust.
      "You want to make him a killer."  Ares shook his head.
      "Wrong again, sister.  I plan to make him a legend."


The Next Day, a Road to Potaideae

      Xena led the small group with Argo trailing behind her.  The warrior's
steps
were sure and quick, sky blue eyes steady on the path they were taking.  She
was
relaxed as she sensed no danger ahead.
      Gabrielle followed Argo, eyes to the ground, concentrating on each step.
The path, one Xena knew from her mercenary days, would take them to Potaideae
quickly but was rough going.  Gabrielle made herself not look back, at the
last
member of their group, for fear she would remember the dream that haunted her
still.
      Joxer tripped over a rock, falling as always.  He wasn't surefooted on
level
ground, unless he was being chased by a hungry pack of wolves or enraged
villagers, but his clumsiness had escalated tenfold on this path.  He was sure
he
had broken at least a rib on the last fall.
      The group walked into a sudden clearing.  Xena stopped.  Gabrielle, still
looking at the ground, walked into Argo.  Joxer helped Gabrielle up.  Xena
just
rolled her eyes.
      "Why did you stop?" Gabrielle asked, shaking off Joxer's hands as he
tried
to get some of the dust off her clothes.
      "Something's wrong," The warrior answered.  As if to answer the bard's
next
question, the heaven's opened and the sky screamed in rage.  A shimmering
cloud
appeared before them and a distressed goddess appeared.
      "Hey, gang, what's up?" Aphrodite asked with a nervous smile.  Xena
stiffened, Gabrielle's face hardened, and Joxer looked around for a boulder to
hide
behind just in case the love goddess decided to enlist his aid for another
madcap
scheme.
      "Aphrodite," Xena acknowledged with a small nod of her head.  The
goddess's smile disappeared.
      "I know I deserve the cold should after the diamond thingie, but this is
really
important."  She looked from Xena to Joxer to Gabrielle and back to Xena.  "It
has
to do with Ares and me."
      "I thought that was done with," Xena said with a twist of her lips.
Aphrodite
nodded vigorously, her golden curls bobbing up and down.
      "Years ago.  Hespheastus is my man now.  But Mr. I-Gotta-Wear-Black-
Leather-'Cause-It-Turns-The-Girls-On really has some issues about being
dumped.
Hey, you should know.  But seriously, he wants me back"  Joxer looked
confused.
      "But I thought Ares was your brother," he said.  Aphrodite sighed.
      "He's only a half-brother, and really, this is a god thing," she
answered.
"Zeus and Hera are brother and sister, and do you hear anyone complaining?"
The
threesome gave her a get serious look.
      "Okay, bad example.  But really, look at Hades and Persephone.  Beyond
the
fact he had to kidnap her to marry him, they're perfectly happy.  And he's her
uncle.  There are very few 'normal' relationships among the gods.  We're all
related
somehow, usually through Zeus.
      "But, really," she gives an exasperated sigh, "that is not the point.
Ares
wants me back and he's using Joxer to do it."  Xena and Gabrielle looked at
Joxer.
      "WhatdidIdo?" he asked in a rush.
      "Does deal with a god ring a bell?"  Aphrodite asked.  The young man's
pale
face went white.  Xena and Gabrielle's mouths dropped.
      "You made a deal with Ares?" Xena asked.  "Are you crazy, or just
suicidal?"  Joxer flinched at the growled questions.  It meant looking back at
the
past, something he neither dwelled on nor wanted to.  It was too painful to
remember.
      "Not me, my grandfather," he answered in a small voice.  "He traded his
soul, and the soul of one descendant per generation, in exchange for becoming
the
greatest warrior to ever live."
      "And Ares lived up to his bargain?"  Gabrielle asked.  Joxer shook his
head
and a choked chuckle.
      "Got him in the wording.  One of my grandfather's bloodline would be the
greatest warrior, not necessarily him.  He lost a hand during a battle, and
traveled
to Parnassas, where he opened a very successful club and headlined as a stand-
up
comedian.
      "His only child, a son, my father, did fairly well on the battlefields,
but was
never the smashing success his father had been.  He, in time, had three sons.
Jace,
Jett, and me.  Jace, as you all know, is out of the question.  I always
thought it
would be Jett."  Joxer looked at Aphrodite.
      "Jett was part of a bargain made between Hades and Ares, and therefore is
protected by both.  He was, and never has been, in consideration in Ares's
eyes.
It has always been you."

#27

From: Esbeckras@...
Date: Sun Aug 30, 1998 12:35 am
Subject: general feedback. :)

Esbeckras@...

Let me try to give a  few comments on everything that's come out on the list
so far. :)

"Life, the Universe, and Gabrielle" preview:  Another triumph in this series,
Phil!  The moment in which they go back to sleep has to be one of the sweetest
natural moments I've ever seen in a fic where Joxer and Gabby have an
established relationship.  I'm looking forward to seeing the rest of this, but
of course I'm waiting more on "Girl From Poteidaia". ;)

I must say I really admire you for your titles along with everything else,
too. I have ALWAYS had problems with titles and I often don't title anything
until I'm finished with it.

"Seven Days in May, 1944" preview:  I liked the mythology- you really know
your stuff!  But I must admit that it's hard for me to come into the middle of
a story, so I had a little trouble following this one.  I *am* looking forward
greatly to getting to read it beginning to end, though.  A question:  Was
Arthur *King* Arthur, ie of Pendragon (dialect seems about right), or another
Arthur?  I have a ... sort of mild fascination with King Arthur, so I'll be
very happy if it's him. :)

"Joxer & the Eunuchorn": Okay, so it wasn't sent to this list, but it's
mentioned in a letter and I hadn't given feedback to it yet.  I'm *very*
intrigued by this idea and I liked what I saw of it. :)  Are you going to play
it 'straight', having just real flashbacks, or will Joxer 'bend' the truth a
little bit and perhaps get caught in it? ;)

"The Game of the Gods" part two:  Well, I have to say up front that I haven't
seen part one yet.  Feel free to send it if you have the time, Melissa!  That
said, even though I don't have the first part to fall back on in times of
confusion, I get the gist and I really like your characterization of the Gods.
Particularly Aphrodite. I enjoy using her strongly in works (though I, of
course, have never done it) and this is showing another side of her.  One
that's a lot less shallow, which is a great twist. :)

"Save the Last Dance for Me":  Wow, Phil, this isn't what I'd expect in
response to an odd fanfic super-challenge!  You actually got a REAL story out
of this- a *great* one!!  Aside from some of the silliness, such as fish being
killed by Xena's smelly undies, this was very good as a semi-serious fic and
not a spoof!  I was really surprised and VERY impressed. :)  Great stand-
alone, probably my favourite of yours ('cause I just LOVE Widow Twanky!!). :)

"Xena Does Port Charles" parts one and two:  Well, I am very much not familiar
with PC, unfortunately. <:)  I'm enjoying this nonetheless, and I really liked
Lucy's "chatterbox" moment when she met Xena.  Some very strong
characterization, particularly in the four different reactions to Lucy's
outfit- I liked that part too. :) Keep this one coming! (And tell me when PC
is on so I can maybe catch an episode and try to figure this show out!;)

Aside from the challenges, I think that's about all that's come out.  If I'm
wrong feel free to correct me! :)  I'd love to take up one of the challenges
but I am thoroughly clueless about where to take them. *sigh*  And to think, I
used to consider myself a writer... <;)

I really like this list!  I hope my being here mostly as a lurker/feedback
machine isn't a bad thing. :)  Bye for now!

-Rebecca

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Reply | Forward | Messages in this Topic (5)

#26

From: "Napalm Nacey" <joxerite@...>
Date: Sat Aug 29, 1998 1:51 am
Subject: How many ways to break out of jail?

joxerite@...

Just wondering (research for my latest epic tale)

How many ways can one

a) conceivably break *into* a jail
b) grab the intended escapee
c) break out again.


I have so far figured two main strategies:

1) Disguise and sneak
2) Break in through secretive means and try and make it so the jailors
dont even know the person is gone till they pop open the cell latch for
the weekly feed.

Seeing as there are some wonderful strategists amongst us I was
wondering if anyone could suggest some ideas?  Appreciate any help you
can give!

Regards,
Nacey.

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#25

From: Esbeckras@...
Date: Sat Aug 29, 1998 12:13 am
Subject: Re: Callisto Revisited?

Esbeckras@...

Filippa wrote:

>What I
>want to know is, Kosi's father was murdered, so what if she discovers
>the old warlord Xena was his killer, AFTER she has sworn loyalty to
>Joxer and Gabrielle? Would she we too much like Callisto, or would it be
>more of a "divided loyalty" issue? She wants to avenge her father's
>death, yet she can't kill Joxer and Gabrielle's best friend. What do I
>do? Plus I need to work Jett into the story.

I can't help you with the Jett part; I have few enough ideas as it is for
myself. ;)  But I don't think the revenge part sounds too much like Callisto.
Callisto was not just wronged by Xena, but was unable to deal with her hatred
and let it consume her.  For one thing, Kosi hasn't become completely obsessed
with making the murderer pay; she has her own life.  The focus is different
and as such you could explore the ramifications very well.

The impact on Xena might be similar to Callisto's impact on her- the whole
guilt thing- but you could also offer her a chance to redeem herself to Kosi
in this case, through some action.  That's something Callisto would never give
Xena.

-Rebecca

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#24

From: Esbeckras@...
Date: Fri Aug 28, 1998 11:45 pm
Subject: filksong: The Fool On the Show

Esbeckras@...

Well, I don't usually write filksongs... I'm actually very bad at it.  But I
had a huge urge to write something for this list, and I searched around for an
idea and then saw a Beatles CD.  After looking over the lyrics to "I'm A
Loser", I thought of "The Fool on the Hill" (different CD, but same group).
After writing out the lyrics for a guide I realized that this song actually
could describe Joxer pretty well on its own!  But I made a few changes anyway,
for better or for worse. <:)

In any case, this is proof that I have very little talent for filking, but
it's a cute piece. Please note that despite the mildly insulting title of the
song, this IS a very pro-Joxer piece (as if I could turn out anything else;).

Thanks!  I hope people like this! ^_^

-Rebecca

The Fool on the Show

Day after day
Alone in a wood
The man with the foolish grin is trying hard to do good

But nobody wants to see him
They can tell that he's just a fool
And he never changes their mind

But the fool on the show
Knows the Gods in the sky
And the heart in his chest
Tells him always to try

Now, with his friends
Following proud
The man with a dozen brain cells talking perfectly loud

But nobody wants to hear him
Or the sound that he always makes
And he never seems to notice

But the fool on the show
Knows the Gods in the sky
And the heart in his chest
Tells him always to try

And nobody seems to like him
They say he's only in the way
And they never hide their feelings

But the fool on the show
Knows the Gods in the sky
And the heart in his chest
Tells him always to try

[Instrumental solo]

He mustn't listen to them
The truth is that they're the fools
They don't like him

The fool on the show
Knows the Gods up above
And the thoughts in his head
Keep his heart full of love

Original lyrics and music by Lennon-McCartney, (c) 1967
New lyrics by Rebecca Littlehales (c) 1998

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#23

From: Melissa Bradley <joxerluver@...>
Date: Sat Aug 29, 1998 1:59 am
Subject: Xena does Port Charles,Meet Lucy(R: G)

joxerluver@...

Here's my intro to my favorite daytime heroine, Lucy Coe. It goes back
to about 18 months ago on PC.
Melissa
***********************




Xena, Gabrielle, Joxer, Ares and Aphrodite belong to Universal Studios
and Renaissance Pictures.
Lucy Coe, Kevin Collins, Victor Collins, Serena Baldwin, Scott
Baldwin, Eve Lambert, Sigmund, the 'General Homicide Killer ' belong
to ABC Television.


CAST OF CHARACTERS

Xena  - Warrior Princess
Gabrielle - Bard and Xena's best friend
Joxer - warrior wannabe, loves Gabrielle
Aphrodite - Goddess of Love
Ares - God of War
Lucy Coe - President & CEO of Jacks Cosmetics, Serena Baldwin's
surrogate mother, Kevin Collins fiancée
Dr. Kevin "Doc" Collins - former shrink (long story)/murder mystery
writer, Lucy Coe's fiancé
Prof. Victor Collins - Kevin's father, eccentric mathematics genius
Serena Baldwin - precocious 7-year-old
Scott Baldwin - Serena's father, lawyer, Eve Lambert's lover
Dr. Evelyn "Eve" Lambert - Surgical resident at General Hospital,
former call girl
The General Hospital Killer - unknown psycho
Sigmund - Lucy and Kevin's duck

    For those of you unfamiliar with General Hospital and Port Charles:
         Lucy Coe is a chatterbox!

*******************
       Lucy Coe sat at the duck pond watching Sigmund, her pet duck,
splash in the water with his little family. Lucy said to Sigmund, "I
should have left you here. The Port Charles Hotel is not the right
place for you, Siggy. It's just that I couldn't bear to be all alone.
" "That's understandable, Lucy" a voice said softly behind her.
"Victor! You scared me half to death!" Lucy said to the dear man who
would have been her father-in-law. "I didn't know you were here. I
thought I could just come and bring Sigmund for a while. My tub at the
hotel just isn't the same for him as the pond. He misses you and Kevin
too. How is Kevin?"
       "Just the way he should be in my opinion, miserable." Victor,
who had known Lucy for just over a year, adored his son's fiancée.
Former fiancée, he corrected himself. "Victor, you aren't being fair.
I hurt Doc terribly when he found out I had lied to him about Serena's
accident. Because of me, my beautiful little girl is blind now" Lucy
said through her tears. "He asked point blank if I tampered with Eve's
car and I said no. I just have to hope that in time he can forgive me
and we can start to rebuild our relationship." "Monk would be happy to
see Sigmund. I hope you'll both stay until he returns, Lucy." "I had
better not Victor. I have decided to leave Siggy here though. It's
best for him. " "Quack" Sigmund said as he came in from the water. "He
misses his Daddy, see?"  Lucy picked the duck up, kissed his head and
handed him to Victor. "Go with Grandpere, Siggy. Mommy will miss you."
Victor took Sigmund and kissed Lucy's cheek. "I'll keep working on
Monk Lucy. He'll come around soon."
       Lucy sat down on the bench that overlooked the pond. This is
where Kevin had proposed to her. It had been a tumultuous time in her
life. She had just found out that she was carrying their first child.
A child they would eventually lose. Stuck in an elevator, she had been
shot at by a crazed man who had taken the hospital interns hostage.
Then, after being rescued, she was arrested for kidnapping her
surrogate daughter, Serena. A car hit Scott after leaving his father's
house. Needing to find his little girl, Scott made his way to the
lighthouse where Lucy and Kevin lived. Lucy was finally able to
convince Scott that she didn't take their daughter. That night Kevin
proposed.
       As Lucy sat wallowing in self-pity, a flash of light appeared
before her. Before her stood two women and a tall lanky man. They had
on the strangest looking clothes Lucy had ever seen. "Oh…my…God!"
Lucy yelled. "I know who you are! You are that woman who plays Xanadu:
Lost Warrior Princess!!! Give me a sec….Lacy Lawfull!!" Xena looked at
the strangely dressed woman. She wears less clothes than Meg, Xena
thought to herself. Joxer stared at the stunning woman. She wears less
clothes than Meg, he thought smiling. How can she breathe in clothes
that tight, Gabrielle thought to herself. Cool outfit, thought the
unseen Aphrodite.
       Lucy grabbed Xena's hands and started to pull her around in a
circle. "My little girl Serena just loves you and your show. If Scott
was speaking to me and letting me see Serena, I just know she'd love
to meet you. But right now he' really mad at me cause I siphoned the
gas out of Evie's car and then it rolled off the embankment with
Serena in it and now Serena's blind." Xena stared at Lucy. "So now
Scott won't let me see Serena. But that witch Eve gets to see her
whenever she wants, can you believe that! If Eve had just let me take
Serena to her Ladybug's troop meeting this would never have happened."
Xena had had enough. "SHUT UP!"
       Lucy stopped talking. "My name is Xena. I have no idea who this
Xanadu person is but I am known as the Warrior Princess. I have never
heard of anyone named Lacy Lawfull. And I pity her for having such a
strange name. This is my friend Gabrielle. And this is Joxer." Lucy
looked at Gabrielle. Pretty, nice hair. Lucy wondered if she'd ever
done any modeling. Joxer could do nothing but stare at Lucy. She was
wearing one of her usual skin-tight spandex sundresses. Gabrielle
tweaked Joxer's nose, hard. "Don't stare, it's not polite!" she hisses
angrily.






==
Member of TRIFC,Gab & Jox 'shippers,Joxer's Harem,SACJM & the Xenite Society.
Priestess of Joxer(MoXH).
Long live Joxer the Mighty!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
TRIFC:http://www.geocities.com/TelevisionCity/Set/5715/quixotic.html
My homepage:http://members.wbs.net/homepages/g/a/b/gabbyamazonqueen.html


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#22

From: Melissa Bradley <joxerluver@...>
Date: Sat Aug 29, 1998 1:51 am
Subject: Part1 exerpt:Xena Does Port Charles(rating G)

joxerluver@...

This is just the very beginning. It's short. I'll add more later. Let
me know what you think. I'll be posting some of the Port Charles
segment in a few minutes.
Melissa

***************************
Xena, Gabrielle, Joxer, Ares and Aphrodite belong to Universal Studios
and Renaissance Pictures.
Lucy Coe, Kevin Collins, Victor Collins, Serena Baldwin, Scott
Baldwin, Eve Lambert, Sigmund, the 'General Homicide Killer ' belong
to ABC Television.


CAST OF CHARACTERS

Xena  - Warrior Princess
Gabrielle - Bard and Xena's best friend
Joxer - warrior wannabe, loves Gabrielle
Aphrodite - Goddess of Love
Ares - God of War
Lucy Coe - President & CEO of Jacks Cosmetics, Serena Baldwin's
surrogate mother, Kevin Collins fiancée
Dr. Kevin "Doc" Collins - former shrink (long story)/murder mystery
writer, Lucy Coe's fiancé
Prof. Victor Collins - Kevin's father, eccentric mathematics genius
Serena Baldwin - precocious 7-year-old
Scott Baldwin - Serena's father, lawyer, Eve Lambert's lover
Dr. Evelyn "Eve" Lambert - Surgical resident at General Hospital,
former call girl
The General Hospital Killer - unknown psycho
Sigmund - Lucy and Kevin's duck


    For those of you unfamiliar with General Hospital and Port Charles:
         Lucy Coe is a chatterbox!















                       Xena Does Port Charles


       Xena, Gabrielle and Joxer sat around the fire as the sun slowly
set. Xena was sharpening her sword with a whetstone while Gabrielle
wrote on her scroll. Joxer was cooking their dinner of fresh fish,
from the nearby stream, over the roaring fire. Xena stopped and
cautiously looked around. She had that feeling again. She got it
whenever on of the Gods, usually Ares, was about to put in an
appearance.
       In a flash of shimmering pink light, Aphrodite, the Goddess of
Love appeared before them.   "Hi-ee. How are ya doing tonight,
Buddies?" the Goddess asked. Gabrielle hid her scroll. Joxer tried to
hide behind Gabrielle. Xena, raising an eyebrow, said, "Buddies? What
do you want, Aphrodite?" Knowing she had not fooled anyone, Aphrodite
came right to the point, for a change, "Ok. Like, I really need your
help with something guys!" Xena looked disgusted. "Help with what?"
"Well, ya see, there is this couple who are made for each other. But,
like, the woman, her name is Lucy," Aphrodite smiled, "she's done a
few things to upset her betrothed and well, at their wedding he dumped
her!" Gabrielle gasped, "That is terrible." "Yeah, totally!" Aphrodite
replied. "What does that have to do with us?" Xena asked, getting
annoyed with Aphrodite. "Well, I was kinda hoping that the three of
you would go and help me get them back together."
       "Wait a minute, isn't that your job?" Joxer asked. Aphrodite
sighed. "If ya wanna get technical. Yeah. But this is a special case
here." "How so?" Xena asked. "Well, this couple, the aren't exactly
from around here." "Where are they? Sparta?" Gabrielle asked.
Aphrodite tried to think of the best way to tell them. She figured the
truth was best in this case. "No, Port Charles. I think I should tell
you that they aren't really from this time."
       Not of this time? Joxer and Gabrielle looked at Aphrodite as
though she had suddenly grown a Hydra's head. Xena merely nodded.
"Figures. " "I know what you're thinking. It's in the future so
there's nothing I can do about it…Well, you are wrong.  I can just zap
all of you into the future and zap ya back when everything is fixed."
Aphrodite smiled. "What is this Port Charles? How far into the future
would we be going? How long is this going to take?" Gabrielle asked,
intrigued by the thought. This would make a great story!
       "Port Charles is the town where this couple lives. I'm a God. I
have no concept of time. Let's just say that it farther ahead than
even you could imagine, Gabrielle. I of course will be going with you
but only the three of you will be able to see me. Unless I find
someone worthy enough to view my magnificence." The trio rolled their
eyes. "And don't worry about the language thing," said Aphrodite,
sensing Xena's question, " you will be able to understand them and
them you. No prob!"
       "You guys ready to go?" "Hold it! We never agreed to go with
you. As far as I can see, it's your 'prob' you deal with it." Xena
said. "Aw! Come on Xena! Ok, there is something else. There is this
bad person killing half the town. I thought you might like the chance
to help."





==
Member of TRIFC,Gab & Jox 'shippers,Joxer's Harem,SACJM & the Xenite Society.
Priestess of Joxer(MoXH).
Long live Joxer the Mighty!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
TRIFC:http://www.geocities.com/TelevisionCity/Set/5715/quixotic.html
My homepage:http://members.wbs.net/homepages/g/a/b/gabbyamazonqueen.html


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#21

From: "Phil D. Hernández" <broadway@...>
Date: Fri Aug 28, 1998 10:09 pm
Subject: Save the Last Dance for Me, part 3 (rated PG-13)

broadway@...

*****

SAVE THE LAST DANCE FOR ME
(c) 1998 by Philip D. Hernández

All characters except Astaer, Tynis and Keli are the property of
Universal/Renaissance Pictures.

************
PART THREE
************

     "But I don't fix the competitions!" the magistrate protested.
Hercules taught me that lesson a long time ago.  Besides, it was the
best thing that ever happened to that stuck-up niece of mine.  Now she
has to earn her laurels.  Usually Althea beats the pants off her."
     "Some people have long memories," Xena replied.  We're here to see
they forget."
     "I'm glad for that.  I'm a little worried what people will think
tonight.  Someone slipped Althea's partner Keli a spoiled fish in his
dinner yesterday, and now he's laid up sick."
     Xena glared at the merry twinkle in Gabrielle's eyes.
     "Luckily," the magistrate continued, "another good dancer turned
up.  Name's Astaer.  They're working with Widow Twanky right about now.
They should make my niece and Travoltus look like beginners."
     They discussed the plan.  Joxer and Gabrielle would enter the
competition as new dancers, while Xena joined the spectators.  The
guards were alerted, and the three companions then dressed for the
competition, taking a hasty meal in the magistrate's office.

*****

     The lights were bright, the music soft and the atmosphere crackled
with excitement for the PanAthenia Preview.  The hopeful couples
gathered at one end of the hall for their introductions.
     "Lila!" Gabrielle exclaimed, surprised.  "What are you doing here?"
     "I'm sorry," the girl replied.  She was young and pretty, about
Gabrielle's height, with brown hair.  "I'm Althea, and this is my
partner, Astaer."  Althea indicated an older man standing next to her.
     "Oh, I thought you were my sis- ter's friend from Po- Olynthus."
     "What's your name?"
     "I'm Ga- latea, and this is Jared."  Joxer and Astaer clasped hands.

     "Well, I'm pleased to meet you both," Althea said.  "You're a little
nervous.  Your first competition?"
     "Yes, it is."
     "It's all right, Galatea.  When the music strikes up you'll be too
busy dancing to be afraid.  You'll do just fine."
     The couples were introduced, each taking a turn alone on the floor
before gathering in one huge formation and dancing back to their
original place.  Then the competition began.  Gabrielle grew suspicious
of Astaer, catching him in several sidelong glances at her.  Wonderful.
She'd blown her introduction badly and he suspected something.  This was
very bad.  It was time to go out there with Joxer.  She hoped Xena would
be able to cover everything for those few short minutes.
     "And now, couple number thirteen, Galatea and Jared!"
     The music was the Aesop Fox Trot, and Joxer strode out quickly.
"You can hold me closer," Gabrielle whispered.  "I won't bite."
     "What about my nose?" he whispered back.
     "I won't bite your nose, either," she told him, and pulled him
closer so she could feel his lead better.  There was something in the
way Joxer held her...but all too soon the music was over and the next
couple was on the floor.
     Others showed off their skills with twinkles and pivots, press lines
and hip action.  The more advanced dancers took their turns.  As the
next-to-last couple danced, Astaer turned to Gabrielle and Joxer.
     "Oh, I've dropped a tunic stud," he lamented.  "Could you help me
find it?"  They bent down to search, and without anyone seeing Astaer
chopped them both at the base of the skull with his hands.  They fell as
the announcer called:  "Couple number one, Althea and Astaer!"
     Xena saw her friends go down, but not who had caused it.  She moved
as quickly as she could to the competitors' area, collecting two
guardsmen as she went.
     Althea showed top notch form in the sexy bolero as she twirled and
spun, now in Astaer's arms lifted to the sky, now gathering her leg
under her as she slid down the floor.  As she executed a series of
leaps, Astaer turned in one smooth motion, drew a hidden dagger and
threw it at the magistrate, every person but one seeing only the fluid
arm styling and not the weapon.
     With a whoosh and a clang Xena's chakram struck the dagger out of
the air.  The chakram caromed off the music console, a guardsman's fez
and back to Xena's hand.  Pausing only to verify that Gabrielle and
Joxer, who were getting up groggily, were not hurt, she leaped out onto
the dance floor.  Tynis - who had been masquerading as "Astaer" - drew a
second dagger.  However, he had forgotten Althea, who kicked the weapon
out of his hand.  He grabbed the girl and threatened to choke her.
     "AI-YI-YI-YI-YI-YI-YI-EEEE!"  With her battle cry Xena flipped over
Tynis, kicking him in the back of the head as she flew, made a perfect
landing behind him and kicked him in the back of the knees, knocking him
down.  Althea, released, prudently fled, and Xena grabbed Tynis by the
hair, pulling him up painfully.
     "Last dance is over, Tynis.  Who hired you?" Xena demanded.
     The assassin wilted under "the look." He pointed at Travoltus.  "It
was him.  He was tired of losing to Althea and Keli.  The magistrate had
turned honest and Travoltus wanted to go back to when the competitions
were fixed in favor of his girlfriend."
     Travoltus tried to run, but the only exit was by way of the dance
floor.  Gabrielle, Joxer and several guardsmen pursued him.  Xena struck
Tynis, cutting off the flow of blood to his brain.  Unlimbering her
leather whip, she cracked it at the fleeing Travoltus.  The whip wrapped
itself around his arms, pinning them to his sides.  The Warrior Princess
swung him around where he was met by Gabrielle's and Joxer's fists in
quick succession.  As Travoltis dropped, Xena struck the correct
pressure points so Tynis would not die; he collapsed, too.
     Guardsmen hauled the criminals off as Xena, Gabrielle and Joxer left
the floor.  Althea was weeping as the magistrate gently held her.
     "I'm sorry, dear, but I've got no choice.  I have to disqualify
you."
     "I understand," she sobbed.
     "Wait!" a new voice commanded.  Pale as death, Keli appeared at the
entrance.  "Let me dance with her."
     The judges nodded, the magistrate smiled and led her to Keli, and
they were announced.
     "Couple number, er, one-alpha, Althea and Keli!"
     Their bolero was better than the previous one.  Time and again Keli
lifted her, drawing Althea around his body and spinning her as she
regained her feet.  Gliding up and down the floor, executing intricate
changes in position, they astonished the spectators, who had already
seen a great deal of fine dancing tonight.  Even the magistrate's niece
couldn't deny they were the best couple of the evening.
     The surprise came later, as the prize was announced in the
newcomers' competition.
     "And our top newcomers, winning this beautiful statuette of
Aphrodite donated by Xena, are - Galatea and Jared, I mean, Gabrielle
and Joxer!"
     "I told you, I told you," the Widow Twanky remarked to Xena as her
friends strode up to accept their prize.  "Just remove the fiber and the
tart pomegranate seeds just POP out!"
     Gabrielle took Joxer in her arms.  "Don't get any ideas.  But you
earned this," she told him.  Then she kissed him.  He fainted dead away.

*********
THE END
*********

Disclaimer:  No fish were killed by Xena's washing her panties during
the writing of this story.  Joxer did step on Gabrielle's foot, but that
was her own fault, as the Widow Twanky pointed out.  Gabrielle's
intelligence was in no way diminished by Joxer's presence.

Episode references:  "For Him the Bell Tolls," "The Quill Is Mightier"
and from HTLJ "...And Fancy Free."  Note that the same actress plays
Althea and Gabrielle's sister Lila.


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#20

From: "Melissa Bradley" <JoxerLuver@...>
Date: Fri Aug 28, 1998 9:44 pm
Subject: X, G & J in Port Charles

JoxerLuver@...

Well, in an attempt to get over my writer's block(yes Sheri I'm still stuck)I
shall try to write OFT(our fav trio)into the soap town of Port Charles, New
York. Let's see if Jason Morgan's henchmen are a match for the Warrior Princess!
Melissa

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#19

From: "Phil D. Hernández" <broadway@...>
Date: Fri Aug 28, 1998 9:11 pm
Subject: Save the Last Dance for Me, part 2 (rated PG-13)

broadway@...

*****

SAVE THE LAST DANCE FOR ME
(c) 1998 by Philip D. Hernández

All characters except Astaer, Tynis and Keli are the property of
Universal/Renaissance Pictures.

**********
PART TWO
**********

     Clearly both home and studio, the building was set amid cheery
gardens.  Songbirds greeted the three travelers. and a buxom older woman
with platinum blonde curls appeared at the door.
     "This is the place Hercules recommended," Xena announced.
     The woman ran toward them gracefully, leapt into the air, landed in
front of Joxer and executed a perfect pirouette.
     "Ah, a warrior princess, a bard and - well, we'll make something out
of you, my boy."  Before they could react, the woman had ushered them
inside.
     "I am the Widow Twanky," she declared, and before I am through with
you, my name shall be a curse on your lips..."   She pulled Joxer's face
close to hers.  "...ah, such sweet lips..."  She pinched his cheeks and
released him.  "But you WILL be able to dance!"
     Xena smirked at Gabrielle, who rolled her eyes.  Wonderful.
     Sizing up Joxer expertly, the Widow Twanky told him,  "We had better
attempt something basic.  The Aesop Fox Trot.  Which one of your little
playmates wants to dance with you first?"
     "Little!" Gabrielle protested.
     "Playmates!" Xena snarled.
     "Come, come, come," the teacher bustled, clapping her hands
imperiously.  "I shall have to pick one.  You, Miss Bard.  Don't any of
you have names?"
     "I'm Gabrielle," she announced, shrugging in resignation.  "The
clumsy oaf--"
     "Hey!" he interrupted.
     "--is Joxer."
     "And I'm Xena," the Warrior Princess said as she stretched and sat
down in a corner of the ballroom.
     No, no, no, my, no, this won't do, young lady.  You must practice,
too.  The boy needs to be able to dance with more than one girl.  Get
up, get up now!"  Twanky glided over to Xena and began to tug on her.
     "Make me," Xena said evenly.
     Suddenly a slippered foot kicked above Xena's head.  Before she
could grab it the foot was gone and Twanky had danced away, spinning
around for another maneuver.  Xena leapt to her feet and charged, but
had to flip over the dance teacher, who had ducked and come in low.
Turning again, the Warrior Princess sought to grapple, but Twanky rolled
up and over Xena's back.  Neither could strike a blow against the other,
both were so agile.  Gabrielle stood astonished, so in awe of the
graceful movements that she forgot to help her friend.  She couldn't
tell if it were a fight or a dance.
     Frustrated, Xena finally tossed her chakram at her annoying opponent
to knock her out, but the widow caught it smoothly.  She looked at it
while Xena, shocked, stared at her.
     "Interesting prop," Twanky said.  "Most useful."  She then idly
tossed it, bouncing it off a wall, the mirror that stretched the length
of the hardwood dance floor, Gabrielle's staff which was propped in
another corner. and finally back to Xena, who caught it mechanically and
hooked it back on her belt.
     "Now, where were we?" Twanky continued.  "Ah, yes, our gangly boy
and his rosy-cheeked partner.  Remember, children, a beginning dancer is
like a pomegranate."  She reached inside her ample bosom and produced
one.  "The delicious seeds inside are hidden by a tough, fibrous mass.
We must BREAK through the mass and EXTRACT those seeds."  She opened the
fruit and pulled out a seed.  "Then we suck out the delightful juice
from each one before we go to the next."
     Causally tossing the pomegranate to Xena, Twanky had Joxer place his
right hand on Gabrielle's left shoulder blade, with her left hand on his
right shoulder, her arm supported by his.  Extending his left arm and
Gabrielle's right, the teacher compelled them to clasp hands.
     "There, make a nice rounded frame.  Very good.  Turn your heads and
look in the mirror to see what it looks like.  That's it, children.  Now
make sure each of you is looking across the other's right shoulder.  No,
Joxer, her right shoulder, not your right.  The OTHER right!  Better."
     She looked at the couple's legs.  "You must stand that way, too, so
your legs are offset.  Can't have the boy stepping on your feet, now can
we, missy?  Good.  Now with this foot -" she slapped Joxer's left leg "-
take a step forward."  He did so, and perforce Gabrielle had to step
back on her right foot.  "Good, now another, again, again..." and he
walked the bard around the floor.
     "LENGTHEN your stride now."  Joxer did, but stepped on Gabrielle's
foot.
     "Ow!" she cried, and reached for Joxer's nose, but the Widow Twanky
intercepted her.  Wonderful.
     "No, young lady, you will not do that here.  In fact, it was your
own fault he stepped on your foot."
     "What?"
     "You must plant your heel firmly and release the toes from the floor
when you step back."  She demonstrated.  "Come here, Xena.  I shall lead
you the same way.  Remember to RELEASE the toes.  Watch, you two."
     Xena, bemused, allowed herself to be placed in dance position and be
walked around the floor in long, powerful strides.
     "Do you SEE?  Good.  Try it again now, boy."  This time he did it
perfectly.
     "Well done, children.  Now we must add the rhythm.  For the Aesop
Fox Trot, we start with a basic slow, slow, quick-quick.  A-bom, a-bom,
a-bom-bom.  Here, young Gabrielle, I shall do it with you.  Joxer, watch
my feet and copy the movement.  Xena, if you please, clap a slow, steady
beat for us."
     Beginning to enjoy this, Xena smiled and complied.  Gabrielle picked
up the step immediately, but poor Joxer had difficulty at first until
the bard pointed out that it was no different from keeping rhythm with
his lute.
     After that there were turns and promenades.  "Take away a slow step
and you have a graceful rhythm," Twanky told them, introducing a basic
twinkle.  Adding a slow step after the two quicks produced the Tyldus
Tango.  "You must STALK your partner, boy; don't be afraid of her.  But
you, my dear, keep SHRINKING away.  You mustn't let him catch you
easily.  There, and now the cortes; let her LEAN over you.  Good.  Now,
Gabrielle, lift your leg and slide it down his calf - oh, excellent leg
crawl!"
     Wonderful.  "My skin is crawling," she said.
     "Come now.  Look in the mirror and do it again.  See the striking
lines.  The boy is handsome, a bit awkward still, but he's getting
there.  Oh, don't lean over QUITE so far!"  The couple overbalanced and
Gabrielle fell on top of Joxer.  Wonderful.
     Their faces were very close, but before Joxer could get a hint of a
dreamy look, Gabrielle snapped at him, "Don't even think it, Joxer."
     The Widow Twanky pulled the bard to her feet.  "Missed opportunity,
young lady.  Hmmm.  I see.  Wait right here."  With an arabesque and a
flourish, she dashed off to another room, quickly reappearing with a
goblet.
     "For those women's complaints.  We dancers must be able to perform,
even when it's that time.  Drink up now, lass, drink up."
     Gabrielle did so, and her head cleared almost immediately.  She felt
considerably better.
     "Now we shall tackle the rhythm dances."
     More rounds of lessons put Gabrielle, Xena and Joxer through their
paces.  Xena had never realized how much exercise a dancer gets while
practicing.
     "Very good, very good," the Widow Twanky concluded.  "You will be
ready for the PanAthenia Preview tonight.  Now, what are you wearing?
That's a very provocative outfit, young girl - keeps shrinking in the
wash, does it? - but hardly suitable, especially that BILIOUS green
top."
     "I like that top," Gabrielle said evenly.
     "I'm sure you do.  But a gown should FLOW.  Come with me, come,
come," and the bard was led to a small dressing room.  There she was
presented with an emerald green satin dress.  Its bodice fit snugly
despite the plunging neckline, while the skirt was long and full,
forming a bell shape in Cretan fashion when she turned around.  Matching
gold-colored dance shoes completed the ensemble, and Gabrielle added the
necklace Joxer had given her some while back during the misadventure
with the enchanted scroll.  Looking at herself in the mirror, she was
surprised at how beautiful she looked.  She gave her long, strawberry
blonde hair a few brush strokes.
     "There, now:  a little kohl, some berry juice on your pretty lips,
and you'll be the belle of the ball," Twanky approved.  "Show your
friends now."
     Gabrielle emerged to the sound of a wolf whistle from Joxer.  Xena
smacked the back of his head with her hand, but Gabrielle wasn't
offended at all.  She smiled happily and twirled around until she was
giddy with excitement.
     "It's so pretty, Xena!"
     "You sure are, Gabby," Joxer agreed.  "Hey, you're wearing the
necklace!"
     "Well, I couldn't wear it on the road, could I?"
     "I guess not."
     "Just don't forget our mission here," Xena reminded her companions.
"I don't want Tynis killing the magistrate while you two are dancing the
night away."
     "Yes, bad form, that," Twanky agreed.  "Did you say 'killing the
magistrate,' Xena?"
     "I did.  Seems he's still trying to fix some of the competitions and
someone got tired of it.  I got word just after Tynis was hired.  He's a
tricky one, that Tynis.  Almost as good as your brother Jett," she told
Joxer.
     "Your brother is an assassin, young man?  Terrible!"
     "Anyway," Xena continued, I'll need a somewhat plainer gown, but
something I can hide my chakram, whip and a dagger underneath, maybe
with a slit - good for those rhythm dances - and a light brown wig.
Gabrielle needs a wig, too, maybe auburn to go with that dress."
     "Yes, I have just the thing.  Here, let's go look.  Joxer boy, go to
the other dressing room and select something you like."
     When they finished, everyone assessed the results.  Joxer chose to
go with the clothes he wore after Aphrodite had cast her bell charm on
him.  They were still in good shape, and made him look dashing.  Twanky
added a silken emerald green sash to match Gabrielle's gown.
     "But those boots are TERRIBLE.  No, no, no.  Shoes make the man,"
Twanky said, and handed him a pair of black dance shoes with low heels.
When he had put them on, she approved of his look.
     "Ah, yes, that's better.  Now hold me," and she wrapped herself in
his arms, looked up and batted her eyelashes at him.  Joxer's eyes
widened in surprise as she unwrapped herself and twirled outside the
circle of his arms.  Gabrielle felt uncomfortable about this, but
couldn't figure out why.  She scratched her head.  Then she scratched it
again.
     "I hate these horsehair wigs!  They're so itchy."
     "Do you want to be recognized and blow the whole mission?" Xena
demanded.  "I hate my wig, too, but you don't hear me complaining."
     "Be nice to each other, ladies, stop glaring now.  A short practice
in your gowns, dears, then you must be off.  I have a lesson with my
star pupil and her new partner next," Twanky informed them.
     They danced briefly, changed clothes again, took their leave and
walked the short distance to the town proper.  Joxer spotted something
gleaming in the road and picked it up.
     "Say, it's an old dinar!  'See a dinar, pick it up, and all the day
you'll have good luck,'" he recited.
     Let me see that," Xena asked.  Joxer handed her the coin.  "Old,"
she assessed.  "Very old.  From Sargon of Mesopotamia's reign.  Tynis
murdered a collector recently.  This looks like part of the booty.  He's
here.  We'd better get to the ballroom before he spots us."

******************
END OF PART TWO
******************

Can you spot the bad pun based on an author's name?

Break a leg,

Phil



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#18

From: "Filippa Morgan Flasheart" <flasheart@...>
Date: Fri Aug 28, 1998 4:37 pm
Subject: Re: Challenges? You want challenges?

flasheart@...

>Dear Puzzle-Solvers of the JFFG:
>
>Having disposed of the "super challenge" (my new story, "Save the Last
>Dance for Me," will be posted ASAP), I thought I'd offer a few of my
>own:
>
>Crossovers:  No one suggested this yet, so how about Joxer, Xena and
>Gabrielle turning up on one of the following TV shows:

>--Frazier

Good thing you mentioned this! "Twins of Different Mothers," in which
Niles and Joxer are transported to each other's time periods, is in the
works (along with about 5 other things)

Filippa Morgan Flasheart
Pwaise Joxer!
Member of Joxer Shields, GJRS, SACJM, IAXS, TRIFC, JFX, JFFG
"How lucky you English are to find the toilet so amusing. For us, it is
a mundane and functional item, for you, the basis of an entire
culture."-Baron von Richtoven, "BlackAdder Goes Forth"
"You broke my crossbow!"-Joxer, "Callisto"
"I know you can fight...but it's our wits that make us men."-Malcolm
Wallace, "Braveheart"


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#17

From: "Phil D. Hernández" <broadway@...>
Date: Fri Aug 28, 1998 8:02 pm
Subject: Save the Last Dance for Me, part 1 (rated PG-13)

broadway@...

Here's my entry in the JFFG "Super Challenge."  The story had to include
Xena's black underpants, dead fish, three goose eggs, a statue of
Aphrodite (naked), a frying pan, a leather whip, dance shoes, the Widow
Twanky, a mirror, a pomegranate and a very old dinar.

Break a leg,

Phil

*****

SAVE THE LAST DANCE FOR ME
(c) 1998 by Philip D. Hernández

GENRES:  Xena: Warrior Princess, comedy, drama.  VIOLENCE:  Some
fighting.  Various characters throw objects at each other.  A murder is
attempted.  SEX:  Gabrielle and Joxer kiss.  Some people think that's
obscene.  LANGUAGE:  Squeaky clean.  RATING:  PG-13.  SUBTEXT:  Xena and
Gabrielle are unambiguously heterosexual.  SPOILERS:  None.  NOTICE TO
JOXERPHOBES:  Who cares what you think?  I write Joxer stories.  Ha-HA!

All characters except Astaer, Tynis and Keli are the property of
Universal/Renaissance Pictures.

DRAMATIS PERSONAE:
Xena     Warrior Princess
Gabrielle     the Bard of Poteidaia, Xena's best friend
Joxer     the Mighty, erstwhile hero
Alice Twanky     the Widow Twanky, a dance teacher
Althea     champion dancer
Astaer     Althea's dance partner
Travoltus   another dancer
Tynis     an assassin
Keli     Althea's usual dance partner
Argo     Xena's wonder horse
the magistrate of Rhumba
other dancers
dance judges
spectators

**********
PART ONE
**********

     Gabrielle was one irritated blonde this morning.  It seemed like
Xena just didn't care where their next meal was coming from.  Joxer had
produced three goose eggs.  Wonderful.  She hated goose eggs, so after
tweaking his nose, which made him retire sulkily to the edge of the
clearing and begin carving a statuette, she decided to catch some fish
in the creek.
     Her irritation grew as she saw the dirty water and noticed a
spashing sound just upstream.  A dead fish slowly floated by.
Wonderful.  She picked it up and marched to where Xena was slapping some
clothes on a rock in the creek.  More dead fish floated past.
     "I told you yesterday to wash your things out at the pool.  Now look
what you've done!" Gabrielle complained.  She tossed the dead fish into
Xena's lap.
     "Hey, you were the one who said my unmentionables were beginning to
stink!" Xena argued, holding up one of the offending items, a pair of
black panties.  "I was trying to track that assassin down, wasn't I?"
She threw the fish back at Gabrielle, who ducked.  It sailed across the
clearing and hit Joxer.  "Hey!  Ewww!" he yelled, chucking the dead fish
away.
     "So you could have washed your clothes when I did mine and then gone
straight to Rhumba," the bard continued.  "We know that's where Tynis is
headed."
     "Yes, to kill the magistrate.  Wouldn't it be better if we caught
the assassin before he got there?"
     Gabrielle had no answer to that, so she angrily stalked back to the
fire and took a frying pan from her gear.  Wonderful.  Xena had put a
dent in it already.  She swirled a little olive oil in the pan and began
to fry the three goose eggs.
     "All right, we've got breakfast," she announced when the eggs were
done.  "Not much of a breakfast," she muttered.  "Thanks, guys."
     Xena, having spread the wet clothes out to dry in the sun, joined
her.  "What's this, goose eggs?  I thought you hated goose eggs."
     "It's all we had," the bard gritted through clenched teeth.  "Joxer,
get your mighty butt over here!" she shouted.
     Clearly irritated himself, the clumsy warrior got up and walked over
to where here friends sat.  "It's bad enough you almost broke my nose,
Gabby, but did you have to break my concentration, too?"
     Gabrielle spotted the statuette in his hand.  It represented a naked
woman.  Wonderful.  "That had better not be me," she warned, grabbing
for it.
     "No, it's Aphrodite," Joxer retorted, snatching the statuette away.
"I thought I might sell it in town for a few dinars, maybe buy something
besides -" he paused for emphasis "- goose eggs."  Setting his work
down, he sat and morosely ate his egg.  "Can't figure out how to do the
sea foam bit," he grumbled.
     The bard spread her hands and made a "calm down" gesture.  "All
right, I'm sorry.  It's just...my time of month is coming and...I think
it's early."
     Joxer winced as Xena nodded in understanding.  He knew to stay at
least three and a half staff lengths away from Gabrielle ath those
times, and when it was Xena's time he preferred to be three and one half
villages away.
     "Have you got a headache yet?  Cramps?" Xena asked solicitously.
     "Not yet," her best friend reported.
     "Let me know as soon as they start.  I picked some frest herbs for
them the other day.  I knew you'd need them soon.  And try not to damage
Joxer, will you?  We need him for this mission."
     "I still don't see how anyone can teach him to dance.  You and I
both tried and failed."
     "Gabrielle, that jig of yours was too complicated.  Joxer needs to
use his arms for balance."
     "So getting me knocked butt over teakettle by one of those arms
helped Joxer keep his balance?  What balance?"
     "Hey!" Joxer complained.  "I did my best."
     "Yes, you did.  It's just that we're not dance teachers," Xena
consoled him.  "We'll find one for you in Rhumba.  You're going to be
our inside man, you know."
     "Right.  Nobody knows me, and with Gabby disguised we can be
watching out from the dance floor while you cover the rest of the
ballroom."
     "Couldn't you come up with a better plan?" Gabrielle groused.  "One
look at us and they'll know we're not dance partners."
     "Tynis is no fool," Xena told her.  "We have to blend in perfectly
or he'll be impossible to catch."
     "It must be silly season.  All right, Xena, we'll try it," the bard
sighed.
     Joxer cleaned up the remains of the inadequate meal and doused the
fire while Gabrielle packed up the camp.  Xena gathered her clothes and
briefly retired behind a bush to change.
     "Ick!  My undertunic and my best black panties are still wet!" she
kvetched.  "This is all your fault, Gabrielle!"
     "Beats Tynis smelling you a mile off!"
     Xena ran from behind the bush and started pelting Gabrielle with
damp lingerie.  Wonderful.  The bard fled down the road with Xena in hot
pursuit.  Joxer glumly picked up the garments, fed Argo a carrot and led
the palomino mare after them.

*****************
END OF PART ONE
*****************


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#16

From: "Phil D. Hernández" <broadway@...>
Date: Fri Aug 28, 1998 7:24 pm
Subject: Challenges? You want challenges?

broadway@...

Dear Puzzle-Solvers of the JFFG:

Having disposed of the "super challenge" (my new story, "Save the Last
Dance for Me," will be posted ASAP), I thought I'd offer a few of my
own:

Crossovers:  No one suggested this yet, so how about Joxer, Xena and
Gabrielle turning up on one of the following TV shows:

--Drew Carey
--Frazier
--NYPD Blue (alternatively, Hill Street Blues, Homicide or Law & Order)
--Cagney & Lacey
--Bonanza (or any Western)
--All My Children (or any soap opera)
--Murphy Brown
--Three's Company (or the Brit version, Man About the House)
--The McLaughlin Group
--Unhappily Ever After
--Ernie Kovacs
--Newhart (or The Bob Newhart Show)
--WKRP in Cincinnati
--that NZ travel show Lucy Lawless hosted

Phil's Oddball Challenge:  Write a story including Salmoneus, Solari
kissing Joxer (of her own free will!), the Maenads, Gabrielle's second
season brown outfit (not her Amazon clothes), olive oil, a curly
red-haired wig, the Gordian Knot and a broken oar.

Phil's 20th Century Challenge:  Write a story including Patty Moise
(driver of the Xena car), Daisy Lawless, Kimber (Kim729@... who
posts on atx), cinderblocks, a newspaper, ROC's trip to Mt. Kilimanjaro,
green chile, a wedgie, any Alfred Hitchcock movie, a roller coaster and
a frog.

Have fun!

Break a leg,

Phil

demented fan fic writer
Joxer Shield, T/Sgt. JFX, etc.




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#15

From: MKate101@...
Date: Thu Aug 27, 1998 11:59 pm
Subject: (no subject)

MKate101@...

Okay, so I am WAY, WAY, WAY overdue with this one.  If you can't remember what
is about, or were not around when I last posted it, please feel free to email
me to get it.  Soooooo, without further interruptions, here is parts four and
five of "The Game of the Gods."

Melissa
______________________________________________________________
"The Game of the Gods"
rated -- PG (for now) -- one curse word, no fighting, four resurrected gods,
and a partridge on a pear tree.
Ya'll know the copyright jazz.  None of the characters portrayed here belong
to me, and I'm sorry for any emotional conflict I inflict on their poor souls.
Dedicated to Betty Gene, greatest cook in this little spot in the universe.
Take care of Papa for me, okay?

Here's parts four and five.

      "But Joxer has no fighting skills, no bloodlust, nothing at all that
would
interest Ares," Xena argued.  Aphrodite shook her head.
      "He has the desire to become a warrior.  It has been his life's wish."
Joxer
began to pace back and forth.
      "A warrior, yes.  But my wish has changed," he said, stopping and staring
at the love goddess.  She gave a small twist of her lips and shrugged.
Gabrielle
watched their silent communication, wondering at its meaning.
      "There is something I could do, but it's dangerous," Aphrodite said.
Xena
narrowed her eyes to slits.
      "What?" she asked.  Aphrodite began to answer when a bright arc of light
flashed before them.  Argo reared back in fear.  Xena turned to calm her horse
when Joxer screamed "Ares" and fainted.  Aphrodite shook her head and stood
between the newcomer and the prone warrior wannabe.
      A multicolored robe draped over the small woman who appeared from the
light.  Dark brown hair was tied back, grey-green eyes danced across the
shocked
faces before her.  She grinned at the group, greeting them with a deep bow.
      "Hello, Aphrodite," Iris, Hera's messenger, said to her sister.
Aphrodite
walked over and gave the goddess a hug.
      "Oh, Iris, you scared Joxer," she scolded.  The two goddesses laughed.
Gabrielle, meanwhile, was crouched beside Joxer, lightly tapping his face
with her hand.  She heard the grass move and looked up into the merry eyes of
the
diminutive goddess.
      "So this is the mortal who has all of Olympus in an uproar?" Iris
questioned.
"He doesn't look like much to me."  Aphrodite rolled her eyes.
      "Iris, you've been stuck in Hera's employment for so long you probably
picked up some of her bad habits."  Iris grimaced at the mention of Hera's
name.
      "Be thankful you were not around when she got back from her little trip
to
the great abyss, sister."  The goddess returned her attention to the bard and
the man
who was causing so much trouble.
      "Hi, I'm Iris," she said to Gabrielle, extending her hand.  "And you are
Gabrielle.  That's Xena and Argo over there,"  the Warrior Princess and her
horse
were walking back to the group, "and the guy who's going to have a nasty
bruise
on his head is Joxer."  Gabrielle looked up, mouth agape and simply nodded.
Iris
just smiled.  "Don't worry, Gabrielle.  Not all the gods are like Aphrodite
and Ares.
Some of us are really nice."
      "Hey, who do you think you are, lumping me with Mr. Bad Attitude."
Aphrodite pouted.  Iris looked back down to Gabrielle and gave her a see-what-
I-
mean look.  Joxer opened his eyes and slowly sat up, shaking the church bells
out
of his head.  Gabrielle got back up on her feet and helped Joxer get on his.
Then
she introduced him to Iris.  Aphrodite was growing impatient.
      "Okay, okay, okay.  Enough of the greeting stuff.  Iris, what's up?  Why
are
you here?"  Iris pulled a scroll from her robe.  Joxer looked at it
suspiciously.
      Iris said, while looking grim, "You've gotta get back up there to see
Zeus.
He's called a meeting about you-know-who."  Joxer perked up.
      "Zeus is going to talk about me?"  he asked with giddiness in his heart.
Everyone ignored him.
      "Man, I was hoping for some more time," Aphrodite said, chewing on her
nail.  She stood there for a bit, and then asked, "Whose going to be there?"
      "Who's not," Iris replied.  "Gotta admit it, hon, this has been building
up ever
since you got caught in that net."  Xena and Gabrielle looked at the goddesses
in
confusion.  Aphrodite turned red.
      "Never mind," she told them before they could ask.  "I don't have much
time
to explain about my plan.  Joxer, just be assured that if everything goes by
plan
you will have nothing to worry about."  She began to disappear.
      "And if it doesn't?" Joxer asked.  The goddess shrugged.
      "There's always plan B," she replied.  The mortals watched as she
completely
faded away.  Then Joxer turned back toward the warrior and bard.
      "Plan B?"
      Along the winds, they suddenly heard Aphrodite shout out another warning.

      "Xena, watch out.  Ares is after you, too!"

Olympus, the Great Hall*

*lunchtime

      As time had ebbed and flowed over his reign, Zeus had called seven
meetings of the gods of Olympus, aside from the quarterly gatherings during
which
petty problems were discussed and routine sacrifices performed.  The last had
been
called to celebrate the wedding of Cupid and Psyche.  One before that dealt
with
the birth of his son Hercules.  So, to say the least, these meetings were as
rare as
seeing Artemis hanging out with the boys.  Zeus was really beginning to worry
about that child of his.  She hadn't been the same since the Orion incident.
      He looked out at the concerned faces of his family.  Hera, newly returned
from her trip down to Tartarus ("Oh, yes, husband dear," she had sneered,
"Uncle
Mentos and his brothers give their *warmest* wishes" while brushing brimstone
off
her tunic.) stood tall and regal, and gave Poseidon a slight nod.  Hespheastus
spoke
in hushed tones to Cupid and Athena, obviously discussing the *problem* that
had
brought them together.  Ares spoke to the twins, Artemis and Apollo, the blond
god
smirking as the war god's face grew angry.
      Demeter and Hades sat quietly in a corner.  Hestia rested a weary hand on
her hearth and stared into its fiery depths.  The Fates mingled with the
Furies.
Dionysus slept drunkenly in a corner, oblivious to the gathering.  Apollo
abruptly
left Ares and joined Orpheus, who was singing with his mother and his aunts,
the
Muses.
      The newest god, and least warmly welcomed, Velesca, fresh from the lava
pit she was trapped in, stood silently and eyed everyone around her
suspiciously.
Hermes was pacing, wishing for the open countryside to the cramped quarters of
the Great Hall.  Various minor gods and goddesses lined the outer reaches of
the
Hall.
      A flash of light announced the arrival of Aphrodite and Iris.  Bowing to
each
other, Aphrodite left to join her husband while Iris returned to her place at
the right
hand of Hera.  Before sitting, Aphrodite bowed to Zeus.
      The Great Hall resembled a dining hall.  A large banquet table sat in its
center, delicacies from around the globe (as all gods know, the world is
round), ale
and nectar filled their golden chalices and ambrosia lined their plates.  Zeus
sat at
the head of the table, Hera at the foot.  Zeus's children and siblings sat at
the great
table.  The minor gods and goddesses filled out the smaller tables just
outside the
sight of the grand table.
      Upon Aphrodite's arrival, the gods ceased their conversations and took
their
seats.  Always a conscience god, Apollo woke Dionysus and helped him to the
table.  Velasca refused to sit at a table and maintained her vigil just
outside the
fringes of the Hall.  Hebe directed the servers to the tables, serving the
main table
herself.  The air was tense as the gods devoured venison, fowl and fish,
freshly
plucked fruit and vegetables, and sweets from around the world.  And when the
last
bit was consumed, the last drop of ale drank, Zeus stood and began to speak.
      "Family.  That is, despite everything, is what we are.  We have, for the
most
part, stood by each other through thick and thin.  We have conquered gods
together, to become rulers of this bit of earth.  Now, after all we have been
through
together, a mortal threatens our foundation, our home.  Why is that?  Why does
a
mortal come between two of our own?  Ares?  Aphrodite?  Explain yourselves to
your family."  Zeus sat down and crossed his arms across his chest.  Ares
stood up.
      "Ever since you had these mortals created, we have toyed with their
lives.
They have been our sole source of entertainment.  We have bargained with their
lives, played with their fates, changed their destinies.  We created and we
destroyed
empires."  Ares took a deep breath and continued.
      "By the laws under which we live by, I entered into an agreement with a
mortal more than fifty years ago.  For the soul of one of his bloodline, I
promised
to grant a gift to that descendent.  I promised to fulfill my bargain.  He
promised
to fulfill his.  Now my sister stands between me and my vow.  By what we stand
for, what we have always stood for, let this promise be kept.  Give me the
life of
Joxer of Corinth."  Discord and a few other gods clapped as Ares sat down.  He
bowed his head slightly to Aphrodite, challenging her.  Aphrodite thrust her
chin
up and stood to face the crowd.
      "You are my family.  I know how I have played with the mortals' lives,
wrecked marriages, got incompatible partners together and made life not worth
living sometimes.  But I know mortals.  I have lived through their lives.
I've seen
those I hated die, and I cheered.  But I've had my heart broken when those
mortals
I cared for died.  This mortal called to *me,* asking for my help.  He had
nothing
to do with the vow Ares made to his grandfather.  And in the past, when a vow
was made between a god and a mortal, that vow was broken the moment the mortal
passed to Hades's realm.  I will admit I have plans for Joxer.  But so does
Ares.
Mine will bring peace our mortals' world and greater praise to us.  His will
bring
terror and pain.  Please, by precedence, give me the soul of Joxer of Corinth.
It
is his wish."  Aphrodite sat back down, and clasped her husband's arm.
Hespheastus smiled and squeezed her arm.  Ares glowered from his seat.
      Zeus rose and looked across the table.  Hera sat there smirking.
      "Will neither of you back down?"  he asked.  Both shook their heads.
"What
say you?" he asked the other gods.
      "Ares," Poseidon proclaimed.
      "Aphrodite," Hephaestus responded.  Athena seconded.
      "Ares," Morpheus's smoky voice rang out.
      "Aphrodite," Apollo and Artemis said together.
      "Aphrodite," Hermes announced.
      "Ares," Discord snarled.
      "Ares," an unknown voice answered.  Zeus turned his head and stared into
the cold, hard eyes of Velasca.
      "I abstain from the vote," Hades said.  Demeter, Hera, and Hestia
followed
his lead.  Zeus nodded, then frowned.  The votes were tied.
      "Are you sure neither of you would step aside from this?"  The two gods
shook their heads.  Zeus felt his anger grow.  No mortal should divide the
gods
like this one man had.  Aphrodite was right.  If Joxer fell into Ares's hands,
the
bloodshed would equal that seen during Xena's glory days.
      "Damn you both for your impetuous behavior.  Decide among yourselves.
I've wiped my hands clean of the whole mess."  Zeus stormed out of the Great
Hall.  Those who did not vote left after him.  Aphrodite and Ares stared at
each
other.  He would never back down, Aphrodite thought to herself.  Her plan to
get
him to rescind his promise had failed.  It was time for plan B.  Summoning her
courage, Aphrodite stared at the face of her brother and uttered the words she
thought she would never say.
      "Ares, I challenge you to combat."  She shouted over the arguing voices
of
the other gods.  Silence.  Then, a snicker, a sputter, Ares's face turned red
until he
rolled onto the floor, holding his sides as he laughed.  Aphrodite put her
hands on
her hips and waited for him to stop.
      "I'm serious, Ares," she said, slow and succinct, enunciating every
syllable.
Ares stopped laughing, realizing she was serious.  He smiled his best evil
smile,
and stood up.  Walking in front of her, placing his clenched fists onto the
table and
leaning forward into her beautiful face, he made his answer clear.

      "War, then, sister dear."

With that, he walked away.

On the road to Potaidaia

      The threesome had stopped for the night.  Xena had sent Joxer out to find
firewood, while she and Gabrielle talked about the problem with Ares.
      "Why Joxer?" Gabrielle asked, sinking down beside Xena, who was cleaning
their dinner.
      "Why not?  This is the gods we are talking about.  They just love playing
with our lives. messing with our fate, hurting us just to fulfill some
emptiness they
have.  It's a game to they love to play.  We're just the pieces on the board.
So
what if we have feelings."  Gabrielle looked at her friend's profile.
      "Then why does Aphrodite care what happens to Joxer?" Xena stopped her
cleaning and looked directly at Gabrielle.
      "I think you already know the answer to that question," she replied.
Gabrielle blushed and looked away.
      "I know how he feels.  I'm just afraid."  Xena smiled softly and looked
at her
friend with understanding.
      "It's time to bury the past and move on with the present.  Perdicus has
been
dead for two years."  Gabrielle looked back at her.
      "Xena, you do realize I wasn't talking about Perdicus.  I'm afraid it's
just
infatuation.  Like he had with you.  He worked it out with Meg.  What if..."
Xena
grabbed Gabrielle's hand.
      "I've seen how he looks at you, how he is when he's around you.
Gabrielle,
he was devastated when we thought you were dead.  The man loves you.  You
have to figure out if you love him.  Tell him either way, help him.  Joxer's
lived
in limbo long enough where you're concerned."  Xena turned and finished
cleaning
their food.  Gabrielle sat in silence.
      When Joxer returned with the firewood, the sun had just started its
descent
into the horizon.  Their meal was cooked in silence, and they prepared for bed
in
silence.  As Joxer drifted off to sleep, he wondered why Xena and Gabrielle
looked
so sad.

      The next morning, Xena woke to find Iris sitting on the log where she and
Gabrielle had their little talk.  Xena motioned for Iris to go with her, as to
not
wake her sleeping friends.
      Xena returned to breakfast cooked by Joxer, troubling thoughts filling
her
mind.  Joxer and Gabrielle were chatting away, not noticing Xena was being
more
quiet than usual.
      Gabrielle went to bathe in the nearby river and Xena began to sharpen her
sword.  Joxer watched in fascination as Xena glided her sharpening stone
across
the blade.
      "You've gotta teach me that," he said with a self-conscious chuckle.  "I
always seem to cut myself."  Xena stopped and looked up at her friend.
      "Aphrodite's plan A failed," she announced.  Joxer paled.
      "What was plan B?" he asked.  Xena continued to sharpen her sword.
      "Declare war.  She challenged the god of war, the little fool."  Joxer
felt
faint.
      "That's it then.  No more nice Joxer.  I'm going to become just like my
brother."  Joxer felt fear paralyze his throat.
      "Joxer, there's a problem.  The gods are divided.  Half are for
Aphrodite, half
for Ares," Xena said, stopping what she was doing and looking up at Joxer.
"You've divided Olympus.  But some of the gods are neutral, like Hera and Zeus
and Hades.  But the kicker, Joxer, is what Hades did."  Joxer looked
expectantly.
      "He gave Aphrodite a present."
      "I hope it was a nice one."  Xena rolled her eyes.
      "Hades thought the numbers were a little odd, so he goes and gets dead
gods
to help out in the fight."
      "But the only gods who are dead are Stryfe and Callisto."  Xena nodded.
      "Guess who Aphrodite got," she said.  Joxer took a deep breath.
      "Here comes trouble," he answered.  Xena nodded again.
      "And Joxer, for an added bonus, she has the dagger."  Joxer looked at
her,
confused.
      "The hind's blood dagger.  Hades gave it to her.  And believe me, she'll
use
it."

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#14

From: Joxer the Mighty <joxer@...>
Date: Thu Aug 27, 1998 11:18 pm
Subject: Re: [gjrs] [Fwd: Virus Alert]

joxer@...

Phil & All,

     BUSDAVER.EXE is a one of the virus hoaxs created to see how far/fast it
spreads and to cause general panic.  It is not a real virus and poses no
threat to you.  The following info on BUDSAVER.EXE came from Symantec's
Anti-Virus Center at
http://www-cl-1.symantec.com/avcenter/data/budsaver.exe.html.  Symantec
makes Norton Anti-Virus and the base URL of their anti-virus center is
http://www.symantec.com/avcenter/index.html.  They have a large on-line
databse of known virus and virus hoaxs.  It's a good place to look whenever
you get one of these virus warnings to see if it's real or not.

Regards,
Jim
--------------------------------------
Description:

BUDSAVER.EXE is not a virus. It is a hoax. The "virus" does not exist.
There is currently no virus that has the characteristics ascribed to
BUDSAVER.EXE. It is a sham, meant only to panic new or inexperienced
computer users.

The hoax message includes the following "warning":

      DANGER! VIRUS ALERT!

      THIS IS A NEW TWIST. SOME CREEPOID SCAM-ARTIST
      IS SENDING OUT A VERY DESIRABLE SCREEN-SAVER
      {{THE BUD FROGS}}. IF YOU DOWNLOAD IT, YOU'LL
      LOSE EVERYTHING!!!! YOUR HARD DRIVE WILL <<>>
      CRASH!!

      DON'T DOWNLOAD THIS UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES!!!
      IT JUST WENT INTOCIRCULATION ON 05/13/97, AS
      FAR AS I KNOW!! PLEASE DISTRIBUTE THIS WARNING
      TO AS MANY PEOPLE AS POSSIBLE... BELOW IS WHAT
      THE SCREENSAVER PROGGIE WOULD LQQK LIKE!

      File: BUDSAVER.EXE (24643 bytes)
      DL Time (28800 bps): < 1 minute

Please ignore any messages regarding this supposed "virus" and do not
pass on any messages regarding it. Passing on messages about this hoax
serves only to further propagate it.


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#13

From: MKate101@...
Date: Thu Aug 27, 1998 11:49 pm
Subject: "The Game of the Gods" -- second part

MKate101@...

Okay, so I am WAY, WAY, WAY overdue with this one.  If you can't remember what
is about, or were not around when I last posted it, please feel free to email
me to get it.  Soooooo, without further interruptions, here is parts four and
five of "The Game of the Gods."

Melissa
______________________________________________________________
"The Game of the Gods"
rated -- PG (for now) -- one curse word, no fighting, four resurrected gods,
and a partridge on a pear tree.
Ya'll know the copyright jazz.  None of the characters portrayed here belong
to me, and I'm sorry for any emotional conflict I inflict on their poor souls.
Dedicated to Betty Gene, greatest cook in this little spot in the universe.
Take care of Papa for me, okay?

Here's parts four and five.

      "But Joxer has no fighting skills, no bloodlust, nothing at all that
would
interest Ares," Xena argued.  Aphrodite shook her head.
      "He has the desire to become a warrior.  It has been his life's wish."
Joxer
began to pace back and forth.
      "A warrior, yes.  But my wish has changed," he said, stopping and staring
at the love goddess.  She gave a small twist of her lips and shrugged.
Gabrielle
watched their silent communication, wondering at its meaning.
      "There is something I could do, but it's dangerous," Aphrodite said.
Xena
narrowed her eyes to slits.
      "What?" she asked.  Aphrodite began to answer when a bright arc of light
flashed before them.  Argo reared back in fear.  Xena turned to calm her horse
when Joxer screamed "Ares" and fainted.  Aphrodite shook her head and stood
between the newcomer and the prone warrior wannabe.
      A multicolored robe draped over the small woman who appeared from the
light.  Dark brown hair was tied back, grey-green eyes danced across the
shocked
faces before her.  She grinned at the group, greeting them with a deep bow.
      "Hello, Aphrodite," Iris, Hera's messenger, said to her sister.
Aphrodite
walked over and gave the goddess a hug.
      "Oh, Iris, you scared Joxer," she scolded.  The two goddesses laughed.
Gabrielle, meanwhile, was crouched beside Joxer, lightly tapping his face
with her hand.  She heard the grass move and looked up into the merry eyes of
the
diminutive goddess.
      "So this is the mortal who has all of Olympus in an uproar?" Iris
questioned.
"He doesn't look like much to me."  Aphrodite rolled her eyes.
      "Iris, you've been stuck in Hera's employment for so long you probably
picked up some of her bad habits."  Iris grimaced at the mention of Hera's
name.
      "Be thankful you were not around when she got back from her little trip
to
the great abyss, sister."  The goddess returned her attention to the bard and
the man
who was causing so much trouble.
      "Hi, I'm Iris," she said to Gabrielle, extending her hand.  "And you are
Gabrielle.  That's Xena and Argo over there,"  the Warrior Princess and her
horse
were walking back to the group, "and the guy who's going to have a nasty
bruise
on his head is Joxer."  Gabrielle looked up, mouth agape and simply nodded.
Iris
just smiled.  "Don't worry, Gabrielle.  Not all the gods are like Aphrodite
and Ares.
Some of us are really nice."
      "Hey, who do you think you are, lumping me with Mr. Bad Attitude."
Aphrodite pouted.  Iris looked back down to Gabrielle and gave her a see-what-
I-
mean look.  Joxer opened his eyes and slowly sat up, shaking the church bells
out
of his head.  Gabrielle got back up on her feet and helped Joxer get on his.
Then
she introduced him to Iris.  Aphrodite was growing impatient.
      "Okay, okay, okay.  Enough of the greeting stuff.  Iris, what's up?  Why
are
you here?"  Iris pulled a scroll from her robe.  Joxer looked at it
suspiciously.
      Iris said, while looking grim, "You've gotta get back up there to see
Zeus.
He's called a meeting about you-know-who."  Joxer perked up.
      "Zeus is going to talk about me?"  he asked with giddiness in his heart.
Everyone ignored him.
      "Man, I was hoping for some more time," Aphrodite said, chewing on her
nail.  She stood there for a bit, and then asked, "Whose going to be there?"
      "Who's not," Iris replied.  "Gotta admit it, hon, this has been building
up ever
since you got caught in that net."  Xena and Gabrielle looked at the goddesses
in
confusion.  Aphrodite turned red.
      "Never mind," she told them before they could ask.  "I don't have much
time
to explain about my plan.  Joxer, just be assured that if everything goes by
plan
you will have nothing to worry about."  She began to disappear.
      "And if it doesn't?" Joxer asked.  The goddess shrugged.
      "There's always plan B," she replied.  The mortals watched as she
completely
faded away.  Then Joxer turned back toward the warrior and bard.
      "Plan B?"
      Along the winds, they suddenly heard Aphrodite shout out another warning.

      "Xena, watch out.  Ares is after you, too!"

Olympus, the Great Hall*

*lunchtime

      As time had ebbed and flowed over his reign, Zeus had called seven
meetings of the gods of Olympus, aside from the quarterly gatherings during
which
petty problems were discussed and routine sacrifices performed.  The last had
been
called to celebrate the wedding of Cupid and Psyche.  One before that dealt
with
the birth of his son Hercules.  So, to say the least, these meetings were as
rare as
seeing Artemis hanging out with the boys.  Zeus was really beginning to worry
about that child of his.  She hadn't been the same since the Orion incident.
      He looked out at the concerned faces of his family.  Hera, newly returned
from her trip down to Tartarus ("Oh, yes, husband dear," she had sneered,
"Uncle
Mentos and his brothers give their *warmest* wishes" while brushing brimstone
off
her tunic.) stood tall and regal, and gave Poseidon a slight nod.  Hespheastus
spoke
in hushed tones to Cupid and Athena, obviously discussing the *problem* that
had
brought them together.  Ares spoke to the twins, Artemis and Apollo, the blond
god
smirking as the war god's face grew angry.
      Demeter and Hades sat quietly in a corner.  Hestia rested a weary hand on
her hearth and stared into its fiery depths.  The Fates mingled with the
Furies.
Dionysus slept drunkenly in a corner, oblivious to the gathering.  Apollo
abruptly
left Ares and joined Orpheus, who was singing with his mother and his aunts,
the
Muses.
      The newest god, and least warmly welcomed, Velesca, fresh from the lava
pit she was trapped in, stood silently and eyed everyone around her
suspiciously.
Hermes was pacing, wishing for the open countryside to the cramped quarters of
the Great Hall.  Various minor gods and goddesses lined the outer reaches of
the
Hall.
      A flash of light announced the arrival of Aphrodite and Iris.  Bowing to
each
other, Aphrodite left to join her husband while Iris returned to her place at
the right
hand of Hera.  Before sitting, Aphrodite bowed to Zeus.
      The Great Hall resembled a dining hall.  A large banquet table sat in its
center, delicacies from around the globe (as all gods know, the world is
round), ale
and nectar filled their golden chalices and ambrosia lined their plates.  Zeus
sat at
the head of the table, Hera at the foot.  Zeus's children and siblings sat at
the great
table.  The minor gods and goddesses filled out the smaller tables just
outside the
sight of the grand table.
      Upon Aphrodite's arrival, the gods ceased their conversations and took
their
seats.  Always a conscience god, Apollo woke Dionysus and helped him to the
table.  Velasca refused to sit at a table and maintained her vigil just
outside the
fringes of the Hall.  Hebe directed the servers to the tables, serving the
main table
herself.  The air was tense as the gods devoured venison, fowl and fish,
freshly
plucked fruit and vegetables, and sweets from around the world.  And when the
last
bit was consumed, the last drop of ale drank, Zeus stood and began to speak.
      "Family.  That is, despite everything, is what we are.  We have, for the
most
part, stood by each other through thick and thin.  We have conquered gods
together, to become rulers of this bit of earth.  Now, after all we have been
through
together, a mortal threatens our foundation, our home.  Why is that?  Why does
a
mortal come between two of our own?  Ares?  Aphrodite?  Explain yourselves to
your family."  Zeus sat down and crossed his arms across his chest.  Ares
stood up.
      "Ever since you had these mortals created, we have toyed with their
lives.
They have been our sole source of entertainment.  We have bargained with their
lives, played with their fates, changed their destinies.  We created and we
destroyed
empires."  Ares took a deep breath and continued.
      "By the laws under which we live by, I entered into an agreement with a
mortal more than fifty years ago.  For the soul of one of his bloodline, I
promised
to grant a gift to that descendent.  I promised to fulfill my bargain.  He
promised
to fulfill his.  Now my sister stands between me and my vow.  By what we stand
for, what we have always stood for, let this promise be kept.  Give me the
life of
Joxer of Corinth."  Discord and a few other gods clapped as Ares sat down.  He
bowed his head slightly to Aphrodite, challenging her.  Aphrodite thrust her
chin
up and stood to face the crowd.
      "You are my family.  I know how I have played with the mortals' lives,
wrecked marriages, got incompatible partners together and made life not worth
living sometimes.  But I know mortals.  I have lived through their lives.
I've seen
those I hated die, and I cheered.  But I've had my heart broken when those
mortals
I cared for died.  This mortal called to *me,* asking for my help.  He had
nothing
to do with the vow Ares made to his grandfather.  And in the past, when a vow
was made between a god and a mortal, that vow was broken the moment the mortal
passed to Hades's realm.  I will admit I have plans for Joxer.  But so does
Ares.
Mine will bring peace our mortals' world and greater praise to us.  His will
bring
terror and pain.  Please, by precedence, give me the soul of Joxer of Corinth.
It
is his wish."  Aphrodite sat back down, and clasped her husband's arm.
Hespheastus smiled and squeezed her arm.  Ares glowered from his seat.
      Zeus rose and looked across the table.  Hera sat there smirking.
      "Will neither of you back down?"  he asked.  Both shook their heads.
"What
say you?" he asked the other gods.
      "Ares," Poseidon proclaimed.
      "Aphrodite," Hephaestus responded.  Athena seconded.
      "Ares," Morpheus's smoky voice rang out.
      "Aphrodite," Apollo and Artemis said together.
      "Aphrodite," Hermes announced.
      "Ares," Discord snarled.
      "Ares," an unknown voice answered.  Zeus turned his head and stared into
the cold, hard eyes of Velasca.
      "I abstain from the vote," Hades said.  Demeter, Hera, and Hestia
followed
his lead.  Zeus nodded, then frowned.  The votes were tied.
      "Are you sure neither of you would step aside from this?"  The two gods
shook their heads.  Zeus felt his anger grow.  No mortal should divide the
gods
like this one man had.  Aphrodite was right.  If Joxer fell into Ares's hands,
the
bloodshed would equal that seen during Xena's glory days.
      "Damn you both for your impetuous behavior.  Decide among yourselves.
I've wiped my hands clean of the whole mess."  Zeus stormed out of the Great
Hall.  Those who did not vote left after him.  Aphrodite and Ares stared at
each
other.  He would never back down, Aphrodite thought to herself.  Her plan to
get
him to rescind his promise had failed.  It was time for plan B.  Summoning her
courage, Aphrodite stared at the face of her brother and uttered the words she
thought she would never say.
      "Ares, I challenge you to combat."  She shouted over the arguing voices
of
the other gods.  Silence.  Then, a snicker, a sputter, Ares's face turned red
until he
rolled onto the floor, holding his sides as he laughed.  Aphrodite put her
hands on
her hips and waited for him to stop.
      "I'm serious, Ares," she said, slow and succinct, enunciating every
syllable.
Ares stopped laughing, realizing she was serious.  He smiled his best evil
smile,
and stood up.  Walking in front of her, placing his clenched fists onto the
table and
leaning forward into her beautiful face, he made his answer clear.

      "War, then, sister dear."

With that, he walked away.

On the road to Potaidaia

      The threesome had stopped for the night.  Xena had sent Joxer out to find
firewood, while she and Gabrielle talked about the problem with Ares.
      "Why Joxer?" Gabrielle asked, sinking down beside Xena, who was cleaning
their dinner.
      "Why not?  This is the gods we are talking about.  They just love playing
with our lives. messing with our fate, hurting us just to fulfill some
emptiness they
have.  It's a game to they love to play.  We're just the pieces on the board.
So
what if we have feelings."  Gabrielle looked at her friend's profile.
      "Then why does Aphrodite care what happens to Joxer?" Xena stopped her
cleaning and looked directly at Gabrielle.
      "I think you already know the answer to that question," she replied.
Gabrielle blushed and looked away.
      "I know how he feels.  I'm just afraid."  Xena smiled softly and looked
at her
friend with understanding.
      "It's time to bury the past and move on with the present.  Perdicus has
been
dead for two years."  Gabrielle looked back at her.
      "Xena, you do realize I wasn't talking about Perdicus.  I'm afraid it's
just
infatuation.  Like he had with you.  He worked it out with Meg.  What if..."
Xena
grabbed Gabrielle's hand.
      "I've seen how he looks at you, how he is when he's around you.
Gabrielle,
he was devastated when we thought you were dead.  The man loves you.  You
have to figure out if you love him.  Tell him either way, help him.  Joxer's
lived
in limbo long enough where you're concerned."  Xena turned and finished
cleaning
their food.  Gabrielle sat in silence.
      When Joxer returned with the firewood, the sun had just started its
descent
into the horizon.  Their meal was cooked in silence, and they prepared for bed
in
silence.  As Joxer drifted off to sleep, he wondered why Xena and Gabrielle
looked
so sad.

      The next morning, Xena woke to find Iris sitting on the log where she and
Gabrielle had their little talk.  Xena motioned for Iris to go with her, as to
not
wake her sleeping friends.
      Xena returned to breakfast cooked by Joxer, troubling thoughts filling
her
mind.  Joxer and Gabrielle were chatting away, not noticing Xena was being
more
quiet than usual.
      Gabrielle went to bathe in the nearby river and Xena began to sharpen her
sword.  Joxer watched in fascination as Xena glided her sharpening stone
across
the blade.
      "You've gotta teach me that," he said with a self-conscious chuckle.  "I
always seem to cut myself."  Xena stopped and looked up at her friend.
      "Aphrodite's plan A failed," she announced.  Joxer paled.
      "What was plan B?" he asked.  Xena continued to sharpen her sword.
      "Declare war.  She challenged the god of war, the little fool."  Joxer
felt
faint.
      "That's it then.  No more nice Joxer.  I'm going to become just like my
brother."  Joxer felt fear paralyze his throat.
      "Joxer, there's a problem.  The gods are divided.  Half are for
Aphrodite, half
for Ares," Xena said, stopping what she was doing and looking up at Joxer.
"You've divided Olympus.  But some of the gods are neutral, like Hera and Zeus
and Hades.  But the kicker, Joxer, is what Hades did."  Joxer looked
expectantly.
      "He gave Aphrodite a present."
      "I hope it was a nice one."  Xena rolled her eyes.
      "Hades thought the numbers were a little odd, so he goes and gets dead
gods
to help out in the fight."
      "But the only gods who are dead are Stryfe and Callisto."  Xena nodded.
      "Guess who Aphrodite got," she said.  Joxer took a deep breath.
      "Here comes trouble," he answered.  Xena nodded again.
      "And Joxer, for an added bonus, she has the dagger."  Joxer looked at
her,
confused.
      "The hind's blood dagger.  Hades gave it to her.  And believe me, she'll
use
it."

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#12

From: MKate101@...
Date: Thu Aug 27, 1998 11:39 pm
Subject: Current project(s)

MKate101@...

Well, I've typed up the second part to "The Game of the Gods," and it only
took me three months.  :-)  I'm really sorry for any inconvenience this little
bugger has caused to anyone.  I'm just really slow this year.

Here's my projects list (please note:  I don't know if these will be finished
or even started.  They're playing in my head right now)

1.  Game of the Gods -- Two parts done -- Joxer is tapped by Ares to be the
next big thing warlord.  But, is he doing it to fulfill a vow, or to get Xena
back into the fold?  How is this going to affect the rest of Olympus?

2.  The Coral Chronicles -- (in the thinking stages) -- We first met her in
"The Promise" but didn't get to see much of her.  As she deals with Joxer's
rebirth, Coral remembers growing up with Joxer -- as a slave.  And why is she
so mad at Xena?

I'm also working on a seaQuest fanfic as well as a X-Men treatment and an
independent (original) story (don't know if it'll be short or long).  Gads,
I'm going to be busy.

Game will follow this post.

Melissa

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#11

From: "Filippa Morgan Flasheart" <flasheart@...>
Date: Thu Aug 27, 1998 10:00 pm
Subject: Joxer and the Eunuchorn

flasheart@...

I know I just started this one when I have several other unfinished
ones. I have an annoying habit of getting good ideas in the middle of a
work. What this will be is a complete Joxer "clip show" of all his
adventures, with him being forced to make a final choice at the end.
Remember, he saves Magdalus the unicorn and is thus entitled to one
wish, within reason. Can anyone give me ideas for this one? I was
thinking of a brief recap of all Joxer's great moments from his point of
view interspersed with conversation with Magdalus. Ideas? Thoughts?
feedback?

Filippa Morgan Flasheart
Pwaise Joxer!
Member of Joxer Shields, GJRS, SACJM, IAXS, TRIFC, JFX
"I was more impressed by the contents of my handkerchief last time I
blew my nose."-Capt. Blackadder to Lord Flasheart in "Blackadder Goes
Forth"
"You can't be in love with Joxer...he's Joxer!" "Are you talking about
my man?"-Xena and Gabrielle, "A Comedy of Eros"
"The difference between a warrior and an ordinary man is while a warrior
sees everything as a challenge, an ordinary man sees things as either a
blessing or a curse."-Anon


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#10

From: "Filippa Morgan Flasheart" <flasheart@...>
Date: Thu Aug 27, 1998 9:53 pm
Subject: Callisto Revisited?

flasheart@...

Guys, I really need to ask a question about Kosima before I finish the
first Kosi story and go on to complete the trilogy. What I am thinking
of is that Kosi and Joxer have a brief affair and then he realizes he is
wrong and apologizes, since he only did it thinking Gabrielle had
rejected him for good when in fact she loved him more that ever. What I
want to know is, Kosi's father was murdered, so what if she discovers
the old warlord Xena was his killer, AFTER she has sworn loyalty to
Joxer and Gabrielle? Would she we too much like Callisto, or would it be
more of a "divided loyalty" issue? She wants to avenge her father's
death, yet she can't kill Joxer and Gabrielle's best friend. What do I
do? Plus I need to work Jett into the story.

Filippa Morgan Flasheart
Pwaise Joxer!
Member of Joxer Shields, GJRS, SACJM, IAXS, TRIFC, JFX
"I was more impressed by the contents of my handkerchief last time I
blew my nose."-Capt. Blackadder to Lord Flasheart in "Blackadder Goes
Forth"
"You can't be in love with Joxer...he's Joxer!" "Are you talking about
my man?"-Xena and Gabrielle, "A Comedy of Eros"
"The difference between a warrior and an ordinary man is while a warrior
sees everything as a challenge, an ordinary man sees things as either a
blessing or a curse."-Anon


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From: "Filippa Morgan Flasheart" <flasheart@...>
Date: Thu Aug 27, 1998 9:48 pm
Subject: Re: Challenges...

flasheart@...

>---------
>FILKS:
>---------
>
>Fernando, by Abba.
>
>Chantilly Lace,

I don't know these, but I am writing a new filk called "No Subtext" to
the tune of "Be Our Guest." My longest filk so far.

>Top Ten Lists:

>Top Ten reasons why Joxer should donate his helmet to science

1. How exactly did they make pasta in Ancient Greece?
2. The missing link between elephants and man.
3. The most extraordinary metal ever forged: Joxer's head is still
sound after all those hits and thwacks.
4. Can we say, Super Basket Weave?
5. Sure, it looks like blinders, but his hindsight is clear.
6. It must have a magnetic chick field or something.
7. Better cable reception!
8. Two words: Rust-oleum.
9. Unusual geometric shape model.
10. Just what is that thing made of, anyway? Chemists ought to figure
that out.
>
>Top Ten reasons why Xena secretly keeps Joxer around.

1. That Joxer song really is addictive.
2. She knows what his shoe size really is.
3. Keeps Gabrielle out of trouble...sometimes.
4. Heck, even Xena likes to be a matchmaker.
5. Gotta love that helmet.
6. He has a special way of talking to Argo, plus carrots.
7. He's JOXER!
8. It was mandated that every hero needs a wisecracking sidekick.
9. She has a thing for men in tinfoil...no, wait, that's Lunatics!
10. His sword is always ready to serve her.

>
>--------
>Poems:
>--------
>Okay, how this works is I give you a title, and you start from there.
>You don't have to keep the title.  Got it? Good! Let's go!
>
>1) Gentle is your wayward glance
>
>2) Forfeit a kiss
>
>3) Fates that weave our future so

Give me time on these...

>--------
>STORIES:
>--------
>
>1: Write a story involving at least ONE unexplored (on the TV show)
>Olympian God, a goat, some cheese and an old rusty chakram.
>
>2: " "  "   "    involving at least FOUR characters from Hercules: TLJ
>and one of Joxer's relatives.
>
>THE SUPER-CHALLENGE:
>3: " " " " " "   involving Xena's underpants (yeah the cute little
black
>ones), a frypan,  dead fish,  three goose-eggs,  a leather whip, a
>statue of a naked Aphrodite,  a set of dancing shoes, the Widow Twanky,
>a mirror, a pomegranate AND one VERY old dinar.
>
>======================================
>
>There you go fellow bards!  Hope that either inspires you or gives you
a
>bit of something to do while on the potty!
>
>Till next time,
>
>Nancy.

I already have several works in progress, but some of these are
intriguing! Until next time, warrior bard chums!

Filippa Morgan Flasheart
Pwaise Joxer!
Member of Joxer Shields, GJRS, SACJM, IAXS, TRIFC, JFX
"I was more impressed by the contents of my handkerchief last time I
blew my nose."-Capt. Blackadder to Lord Flasheart in "Blackadder Goes
Forth"
"You can't be in love with Joxer...he's Joxer!" "Are you talking about
my man?"-Xena and Gabrielle, "A Comedy of Eros"
"The difference between a warrior and an ordinary man is while a warrior
sees everything as a challenge, an ordinary man sees things as either a
blessing or a curse."-Anon


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From: "Phil D. Hernández" <broadway@...>
Date: Thu Aug 27, 1998 10:40 pm
Subject: Re: Work in progress: Life, the Universe and Gabrielle

broadway@...

Napalm Nacey wrote:

> Thanks Phil for getting the ball rolling!!

You're welcome.  Thanks for the kind words, and for fixing the credits.  No
bowing, scraping or animal sacrifices necessary - but I'll settle for a
waltz with ROC <g>.

> What a sweet tale!!  You're so full of ideas, it's amazing!!

Too many ideas!  I can't get it all written!!!!

> Well, I'll tell people what I'm working on of late:

I like all of that, and the challenges, too.  I'm a little concerned about
that ultimate challenge, though.  Gave me some nasty thoughts...especially
Xena's knickers and dead fish...

Break a leg,

Phil

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From: "Phil D. Hernández" <broadway@...>
Date: Thu Aug 27, 1998 10:10 pm
Subject: [Fwd: Virus Alert]

broadway@...

I normally don't do this, and apologize to those who are offended, but
don't download the files mentioned in this forward!

Break a leg,

Phil

From: "Phil D. Hernández" <broadway@...>
Date: Thu Aug 27, 1998 10:07 pm
Subject: By request, a preview of "Seven Days in May, 1944" (this scene rated G)

broadway@...

I wrote this last night, and since I've got a request for it (sorry, I
haven't written the scene where Jack dances with Janice yet), here's a
bit for you:

from "SEVEN DAYS IN MAY, 1944"
(c) 1998 by Philip D. Hernández
Xena, Gabrielle, Melinda Pappas, Janice Covington, Jack Klineman,
Callisto and Velasca are owned by Renaissance Pictures.  Princess
Elizabeth is a real person (and the present Queen of England); there is
no intent to defame her.

     Janice carefully lifted the lid, not at all distracted by the
radiance immediately revealed.  As she set the lid down, the others
peered inside the casque.  The glow came from a golden bow of ancient
design.  Next to it were a quiver and several shining arrows with gold
tips.
     "I know these arrows," Gabrielle said.  "Can you feel it, Xena?"
     "Yes," her friend replied.  "This is Cupid's bow."
     "Blake's 'Milton,'" Melinda realized, awestruck.
     "I don't get it," Janice said.  "Blake had no love for Greek
models.  No offense, Gabrielle."
     "None taken.  Who is this Blake?" the bard asked.
     "He was a poet who wrote about a hundred and fifty years ago,"
Melinda told her.  "William Blake.  A most unconventional man in his
style, his images and his art.  This is the verse I meant:
         'Bring me my Bow of burning gold:
         'Bring me my Arrows of desire:
         'Bring me my Spear:  O clouds unfold!
         'Bring me my Chariot of fire!'"
     "Indeed, this Blake may have been touched by prophecy," Arthur
said.  "If the spear is aught of power, mayhap it is the Roman spear
that was thrust into Our Lord and Savior and later wounded the Fisher
King."
     "I hope not," Janice replied.  "It's supposed to be part of the
Austrian imperial regalia.  Hitler had it all hauled off to Berlin."
     "Where's Autolycus when you need him?" Gabrielle cracked to ease the
tension.
     "If we were meant to go to Berlin, he'd be with us," Xena said.  "If
I read that map correctly, Berlin is in the heart of Germany.  You'd
need an army to get there."
     "As when I took Rome," Arthur agreed.  "That army is assembling now,
but I sense we were not called to join it, Xena.  However, we may not
have to go to the spear - it may come to us.  The Holy Grail did not
stay in its special place always; it vouchsafed us a vision now and
again, and certainly was in the castle of the Fisher King.  What say
you, Merlin?"
     "The hand of God is upon this enterprise," quoth he.  "The spear may
be the invincible Greek spear wielded by the Tuatha De Daanan."
     "Either way, it's a weapon against Dahak.  That leaves the chariot,"
Xena observed, "assuming this verse relates to our quest."
     Princess Elizabeth now spoke up.  "Rabbi, doesn't tradition say the
prophet Elijah was taken up to heaven in a fiery chariot?"
     "Yes," Rabbi Weis agreed.  "But it only appeared once, and may not
have had any physical existence on earth, as the bow, arrows and spear
evidently do."
     "In the 'Mahabarata' a chariot was made for Shiva combining all the
elements and ideas of the world so he could destroy the triple city of
the demons with a single arrow," Melinda pointed out.
     "The fire was in Shiva himself, not the chariot," Janice rebutted.
"Agni, the Hindu god of fire, was part of the arrow.  You might have
something, though.  Soma, the ambrosia of India, was also part of the
arrow, and that would make it an object of desire.  Hey, maybe becoming
a god would be fun."
     "I saw two mortals eat ambrosia and become gods," Xena replied.  "It
wasn't pleasant."
     "Callisto and Velasca," Melinda confirmed.  "She's got you there,
Janice.  You know, if the Hindu myth holds, maybe *we're* the chariot.
After all, we come from three different times and any number of
backgrounds."
     "What about the jeep?" Jack asked innocently.
     "What the hell does the jeep have to do with this?" Janice snapped.
     "Internal combustion engine.  In one sense, it runs on fire."
     "Jack, that's dumb even for you.  These weapons are ancient, and
jeeps haven't been around five years," Janice pointed out patiently.
"You can fight from a chariot, but from a jeep?"
     "Sure.  Just mount a machine gun on it.  I've got an armed jeep in
my TO&E," Captain Kleinman answered.
     "The SAS uses jeeps like that as well," the princess added.
     "I am confident it will be revealed to us in time," the rabbi
soothed.  "We do not have the spear yet, either.  If Blake is the key,
as it seems, then we shall be led to both spear and chariot."

*****

The Fisher King:  according to legend, Joseph of Arimathea.
The Spear (of Longinus) was returned to Vienna after the war.
Tuatha De Daanan:  ancient gods of Ireland.
The Mahabarata is an ancient Hindu epic.
Shiva (aka Rudra) brings cosmic destruction in Hindu myth.
TO&E:  "table of organization and equipment."
SAS:  "Special Air Service," an elite British commando unit.

*****

Break a leg,

Phil

Joxer Shield, T/Sgt. JFX, etc.

"All experience gained elsewhere fails in New Mexico." - Lew Wallace



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From: "Phil D. Hernández" <broadway@...>
Date: Thu Aug 27, 1998 7:35 pm
Subject: Building a research library (long)

broadway@...

Hi, all!

One of the things I have found useful to my writing is reading.  You may
have noticed that my stories are full of references to history,
mythology, books, television shows (including previous Xena episodes),
songs and even Broadway musicals.  Now a lot of that comes from personal
experience ("you write what you know"), but you can jump-start that with
a few good books.

     Mythology:  Edith Hamilton is the easiest reference to find and
read, though she prefers to summarize the stories.  Robert Graves does a
nice list in semi-chronological order and shows how Greek religion
evolved from worship of the Triple Goddess to the Olympian pantheon.
His "Hercules, My Shipmate" tells the story of the Argonauts from that
perspective, and is a must for Autolycus fans (yep, he was an
Argonaut.)  Of original sources, Homer (the "Iliad" and "Odyssey" are
basic) is the most commonly encountered.  Hesiod is very difficult to
read, but worthwhile.  Ovid (try his "Metamorphoses") may be the best of
the Roman chroniclers.  Virgil's "Aeneid" gives a good perspective on
how the Romans felt about themselves.  Celtic and Hindu myths often have
common elements with Greek myth.  In the former case a direct line of
contact can be found via Spain, as various waves of Celtic invaders came
to Ireland.  Much of the King Arthur/Knights of the Round Table stories
was taken from Celtic myth, and of course was referenced in "Gabrielle's
Hope."  Bulfinch's three-volume series is a little harder to read,
having been written in the nineteenth century, but is also useful.
Norse myth is almost impossible to read in the original (and Wagner's
operas are worse); get summaries if you want to go with it.  Some of
this stuff is on line.  I think Tom's Xena Page has a link.

     Poets:  I haven't read too many of these yet.  I've just started on
Pindar and Sappho.  There are several anthologies in English
translation.  Part of the problem is that most of the surviving work is
fragmentary.  Of the Romans, try Horace and especially Virgil.  Remember
that their perspective is much different from the Greeks, who wrote
sparingly and precisely, and who would never have concerned themselves
with trivia such as dinner parties (Horace) or excessive romantic
details (Virgil).

     Plays:  The spare language of Euripides ("Ion," "Helen," "The Trojan
Women") cut to the heart of the matter as swiftly as Homer.
Aristophanes' comedies ("The Frogs," "Lysistrata," etc.) lampoon some of
that severity, and are quite bawdy to boot.  I've only just picked up
Sophocles and some others.  In Roman times Plautus tried to pick up
where Aristophanes left off, while Terence is probably the father of the
modern sitcom.  Not as striking, but Plautus could be a riot.  Part of
the problem is that the Romans couldn't laugh at themselves, and even
had a law against poking fun at Romans in the theater.

     Culture:  There are many books out there, some detailing daily
life.  Good general works include Edith Hamilton's "The Greek Way," "The
Echo of Greece" and "The Roman Way," plus H.D.F. Kitto's "The Greeks."

     History:  Good primary sources are Thucydides (who incidentally lost
a battle for Poteidaia) and Xenophon, while Polybius does a good job as
well.  There are any number of general histories as well;  besides "The
Greeks" try "The Pelican History of Greece" by A.R. Burn.  If you have
access to Will and Ariel Durant's multi-volume history of Western
civilization, volume 2 is devoted to the Greeks, and is chock-full of
useful information.

     Maps and atlases:  Most of the history books and some of the others
have good maps.  A modern atlas will show which major communities
survived, but the map scale may be small.  Michelin and other road maps
are also good, and your library may be able to help you with
topographical maps.  Greece has a lot of mountains and very little
arable land (Attica was more suitable for olive trees than grain - and
olive trees take many years to grow before they bear fruit); many of the
islands are very important, such as Lesbos, Lemnos, Rhodes and Ithaca.

     Military history:  There are many good books on military history as
well as arms and armor to help supplement your battle scenes.  Note that
the formal Greek style of fighting (the heavily armored phalanx of
spearmen) is not depicted in XWP, nor are Greek helmets shown because
they cover most of the face - not a good idea for television.  Nor
should you use cavalry charging with couched spears; the stirrup had not
been invented yet.  Horsemen fought with swords, maces and bows, and
except for the latter were primarily scouts.  The Romans used little
cavalry at first and the Greeks less.  Elephants were uncommon and used
only by the Carthaginians, Seleucids and Indians.  Chariots were dying
out as a mass weapon (the Persians used them) but for individual
fighting lingered in Britain.  Julius Caesar wrote two histories of his
own campaigns, both considered classic references.

     Philosophy:  I only just picked up Plato and Socrates, but my first
glances indicate they might be useful.  Other important schools of
thought were the Epicurians, Sophists and Stoics (the last, founded by
Zeno of Athens, would be interesting for Gabrielle to debate, as it
shares many aspects of Christianity).  Don't know if I want to mess with
Aristotle yet

     Religion:  I've relied on histories and mythological references for
most of this, but note the frequent references to "mystery cults" such
as those of Aphrodite, Mithra and even Christianity.  If you set a story
in Egypt, look at Egyptian myths, while for points east, the
Babylonian/Sumerian mythos is important, as is Zoroastrianism.  Going
back to China?  Their religion definitely took a back seat to
philosophy; ancestor worship was directly related.  Islam is far too
modern, but does have its roots in Judaism and Christianity, so I picked
up a copy of the Koran.  A Bible is also a useful reference (two XWP
epsisodes came from there).  I also recommend James Frazier's "The
Golden Bough," which provides much useful detail on historical cults and
Greek religion.

     Science:  Aristotle, Archimedes and Galen (medicine) are useful to
see how the Greeks considered practical matters.  Many Greeks believed
the earth to be round.  Those of you who suffered through tenth-grade
geometry will remember Euclid and Pythagoras.  The method of proving
theorems is thoroughly Greek in origin, and something they delighted in,
whether it was a matter of mathematics, astronomy or good government.

     Fiction:  Robert E. Howard's Conan series is useful for writing
action scenes, but he is more than a bit bloody (not necessarily gory).
Beyond that, try your favorite SF&F writers.  I've occasionally found
Tolkien inspirational, and curiously enough, E.E."Doc" Smith.

     Literature:  Go with what you like best.  I've used Shakespeare and
William Blake successfully, and have been tempted to pick up some Jane
Austen to find some clues to the Xena/Gabrielle relationship (if one
denies the subtext, as I do, one has to find a plausible explanation for
what appears on the screen).  Thomas Costain is a good source for
Roman/early Christian times.

     Movies and television:  Sure, why not?  A lot of the Greek myths
have popped up on film (how many of you saw "The Odysssey" with Armand
Assante?) plus historical sagas such as the slave revolt led by
Spartacus.  I don't know if the story of the massacre in "When in Rome"
is true, but it was Crassus who put down the Sparticist rebellion, and
literally lined the Appian way with thousands of crucified bodies of
men, women and children.  This is one time Gabrielle can be assured she
did the right thing.  As for modern films, one can always adapt a good
story.  XWP is grabbing "Footloose" for next season ("Tale of Two
Muses"), and I've used "Educating Rita," "How to Stuff a Wild Bikini"
and "My Best Friend's Wedding" for story ideas.  Think about it.
"Clueless" is simply Jane Austen's "Emma" set in the 1990s.  Perhaps you
could turn "Les Miserables" or "Doctor Faustus" into a Xena story;
Filippa Morgan took "A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum" and
created "A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Agora" from it.

Sometimes all you need is a title.  "A Day in the Life" is the title of
a Beatles song, but the story bears no resemblance to the song.  Ditto
"Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" or my "Owner of a Lonely Heart." "The Joxer
Rebellion," while a pun, deals with a slave revolt and has nothing to do
with the Boxer Rebellion of 1900.  "Seven Days in May, 1944" may or may
not have anything to do with Fletcher Knebel's novel "Seven Days in
May;" I haven't decided yet.

So where to start?  Go to a used bookstore (saves money).  Pick up Edith
Hamilton's "Mythology," H.D.F. Kitto's "The Greeks," Homer's "Iliad" and
"Odyssey" and a good general history (I recommend A.R. Burn).  These
should be available in Pelican or Penguin editions, found in the U.S.,
U.K, Canada, Australia and New Zealand.  You build from there.

I hope this helps.

Break a leg,

Phil

T/Sgt., JFX

"All experience gained elsewhere fails in New Mexico." - Lew Wallace





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From: "Napalm Nacey" <joxerite@...>
Date: Thu Aug 27, 1998 12:20 pm
Subject: Challenges...

joxerite@...

Hiiidey ho peoples!

I thought I might get things moving with some exciting fan fic
challenges!  There are a couple of categories!!

--------
Alternate endings:
--------
The Quill Is Mightier:  An old favourite.  What if Gabrielle had NOT hid
the scroll in Joxer's scabbard?

King of Assassins:  What if Xena hadn't come in to save the day?

---------
FILKS:
---------

Fernando, by Abba.

Chantilly Lace,

A REAL challenge:

Things That Make You Go Hmmm by C&C Music Factory.

-------
Top Ten Lists:
-------

Top ten reasons why Gabby makes a good bed-roll warmer.

Top Ten reasons why Joxer should donate his helmet to science

Top Ten reasons why Xena secretly keeps Joxer around.

--------
Poems:
--------
Okay, how this works is I give you a title, and you start from there.
You don't have to keep the title.  Got it? Good! Let's go!

1) Gentle is your wayward glance

2) Forfeit a kiss

3) Fates that weave our future so

--------
STORIES:
--------

1: Write a story involving at least ONE unexplored (on the TV show)
Olympian God, a goat, some cheese and an old rusty chakram.

2: " "  "   "    involving at least FOUR characters from Hercules: TLJ
and one of Joxer's relatives.

THE SUPER-CHALLENGE:
3: " " " " " "   involving Xena's underpants (yeah the cute little black
ones), a frypan,  dead fish,  three goose-eggs,  a leather whip, a
statue of a naked Aphrodite,  a set of dancing shoes, the Widow Twanky,
a mirror, a pomegranate AND one VERY old dinar.

======================================

There you go fellow bards!  Hope that either inspires you or gives you a
bit of something to do while on the potty!

Till next time,

Nancy.
-----
Aihne, Head Priestess of MoXH.
Lt. Napalm Nacey of the Napalm Throwing Tank Division
of the JXF, with her trusty Churchill Croc 'Lucy's Rage'.


****************************
* G: No plan is foolproof! *
*                          *
* J: Depends on the fool!  *
****************************

http://www.iinet.net.au/~tosh  <--- Xenaverse, Victor Garber,
                                     and much much more....


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From: "Napalm Nacey" <joxerite@...>
Date: Thu Aug 27, 1998 12:10 am
Subject: Re: Work in progress: Life, the Universe and Gabrielle (this scene rated G)

joxerite@...

Thanks Phil for getting the ball rolling!!

What a sweet tale!!  You're so full of ideas, it's amazing!!

Well, I'll tell people what I'm working on of late:

Filks- I've had some filks in the works, you've read most of them but
I'm listening to my CD collection trying to find more.

Novels- What Is A Hero? Has been changed.  Just a few details so

a) This story now happens AFTER the death of Solan.

b) This sets a VERY interesting scene for the sequel.

That sequel is "Brothers".

Well well well, here we have a corker! Gosh oh gosh!!

A) Gabrielle and Joxer have to diverge on thier paths, and Gabrielle is
going through Joxer withdrawal symptoms.  Xena gets sick.  Real sick.
And Ares is making a nuisance of himself as a result.

Now, for my great little abuse of the 'Mary-Sue' condition (the
introduction of a character heavily based on the writer or a character
that is so perfect that people immediatly lost interest and start to
hate them as they begin to get it on with one of the regular characters
in the fan-fiction), 'A Lesson Learnt'.

Basically, this is me going back into the past, but seeing as you all
know how strange I am this his hardly going to be dull.

Well, that's all for me.  I can only really churn out three ideas at a
time, funny that.   Great work Phil, you never cease to amaze me!

Regards,
Nancy.

>Date: Wed, 26 Aug 1998 15:25:21 -0600
>From: "Phil D. Hernández" <broadway@...>
>To: jffg@..., tedtales@onelist.com
>Subject: [jffg] Work in progress:  Life, the Universe and Gabrielle
(this scene rated G)
>
>I thought I'd share a scene that I had to put in a future story.  Don't
>look for the rest of it for a long time to come!
>
>Setup note:  in a previous story in the "Gabrielle Loves Joxer" series,
>Gabrielle has already fallen in love with The Mighty One.
>
>from "Life, the Universe and Gabrielle"
>(c) 1998 by Philip D. Hernández
>Xena, Gabrielle and Joxer are owned by Universal and Renaissance
>Pictures
>
>    Joxer should have been paying more attention, perhaps, but he can
be
>forgiven for relaxing by the fire, watching his beautiful Gabrielle
>sleep, her soft regular breathing like a water nymph's at rest, the
>firelight turning her hair to gold.  He did hear the noise in the
brush,
>however, and got up to investigate.
>    He missed the place where the sound came from, which was fortunate,
>as that had been the crashing of a rock thrown by the young man Joxer
>now blundered into.
>    "Hey, watch where you're going!" Joxer said.  Then he realized that
>the camp was where the youth was going.  "Okay, hold it right there!"
he
>commanded.  Then he had to jump back to avoid a sword thrust.  Joxer
>drew his own sword. but it was quickly beaten down and he was stunned
>with the flat of his opponent's weapon.
>    He was caught by a strong hand before he could fall.  At the same
>time a heavy staff crashed against the young man's head, dropping him
in
>turn.  Gabrielle then held her weapon at the ready, daring him to get
>up.
>    "Are you all right, Joxer?" Xena asked as she stood him back on his
>feet.
>    "Did anyone get that chariot driver's name?" he asked in turn.
>    The Warrior Princess put her hand in front of Joxer's face.  "How
>many fingers?" she asked, holding up two.
>    "Four," Joxer replied.  Xena led him to the fire and sat him down.
>    "Get up," Gabrielle ordered the intruder.  He picked up his sword,
>only to drop it again as she thwacked him on the wrist.  "Leave that
for
>now.  No funny business."  She marched him to the fire as well.  Then
>she remembered seeing him before.  "You've been following us since the
>last town.  Why?"
>    "Well, you're Gabrielle, Queen of the Amazons, right?"
>    "Yeah, so?"
>    "I'm Pteromachus.  I love this girl very much, but she says I'm
just
>a stupid village boy and she wants a brave hero to love.  So I
>remembered the Twelve Labors of Hercules and decided to steal the belt
>of the Queen of the Amazons, like he did.  That's you, of course.  I
>didn't mean to hurt your friend.  I thought I could just take the belt
>while you were sleeping."
>    "And what am I supposed to use to hold up my skirt after you take
my
>belt, a piece of rope?"
>    Xena laughed at the image, and Gabrielle smiled, too.  "What?"
Joxer
>asked, still groggy.  Xena gave him some water to drink.
>    "You've already struck out, Pteromachus," the bard continued.
>"Strike one, you hurt my friend Joxer.  Strike two, you tried to steal
>from me.  And strike three - you woke Xena up.  She gets mighty peeved
>when she doesn't get enough sleep."
>    The Warrior Princess played along and gave Pteromachus a mock
scowl,
>from which the youth cringed.  "Well, you're brave enough not to run
>away," she conceded.  "What do you think, Gabrielle, should we tie him
>up and leave him to the lions and tigers and bears?"
>    "Oh, my," Joxer said, not understanding.  Pteromachus paled.
>    "I've got a better idea," the bard suggested.  "Pteromachus, if you
>promise not to steal my belt tonight so we can all get some rest, I'll
>help you solve your problem tomorrow."
>    "I promise," he said.
>    "I'll watch him to make sure he keeps his promise," Xena added,
>giving the young man a warning glance.  "I won't be able to sleep after
>all this ruckus anyway."  She drew her sword and began to hone its edge
>again.
>    Gabrielle went to Joxer and hugged him, then kissed the lump on his
>head.  "Ow," he complained.  "Sorry," she said, and shifted to his
other
>side, where she let him rest his head on her shoulder.  A few minutes
>later her head leaned against his, and they were both asleep, holding
>hands.
>    "She really loves him, doesn't she?" Pteromachus asked.
>    "Yes, she does," Xena replied.  "You're lucky.  If you were a real
>threat to Gabrielle, you wouldn't have been able to get past him.  And
>whatever he left would have been mine.  Gabrielle's my partner.  Why
>don't you try to get some sleep yourself?  Dream about that girl of
>yours."
>    This was sound advice, and Pteromachus took it.  Xena smiled as she
>contemplated the youth.  She'd met many eager lads in her lifetime, and
>hoped the girl this one was sweet on would drop her hero-worship and
see
>the clever boy in front of her.
>
>*****
>
>Break a leg,
>
>Phil
>
>Joxer Shield, T/Sgt. JFX, etc.
>on day 8 of avoiding his ex-girlfriend
>
>"All experience gained elsewhere fails in New Mexico." - Lew Wallace
>"Joxer's a friend.  That makes it personal." - Xena
>
>
>
>____________________________________________________________
>List Site: http://www.findmail.com/list/jffg/
>To unsubscribe, send to jffg-unsubscribe@...
>
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>


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From: "Phil D. Hernández" <broadway@...>
Date: Wed Aug 26, 1998 9:25 pm
Subject: Work in progress: Life, the Universe and Gabrielle (this scene rated G)

broadway@...

I thought I'd share a scene that I had to put in a future story.  Don't
look for the rest of it for a long time to come!

Setup note:  in a previous story in the "Gabrielle Loves Joxer" series,
Gabrielle has already fallen in love with The Mighty One.

from "Life, the Universe and Gabrielle"
(c) 1998 by Philip D. Hernández
Xena, Gabrielle and Joxer are owned by Universal and Renaissance
Pictures

     Joxer should have been paying more attention, perhaps, but he can be
forgiven for relaxing by the fire, watching his beautiful Gabrielle
sleep, her soft regular breathing like a water nymph's at rest, the
firelight turning her hair to gold.  He did hear the noise in the brush,
however, and got up to investigate.
     He missed the place where the sound came from, which was fortunate,
as that had been the crashing of a rock thrown by the young man Joxer
now blundered into.
     "Hey, watch where you're going!" Joxer said.  Then he realized that
the camp was where the youth was going.  "Okay, hold it right there!" he
commanded.  Then he had to jump back to avoid a sword thrust.  Joxer
drew his own sword. but it was quickly beaten down and he was stunned
with the flat of his opponent's weapon.
     He was caught by a strong hand before he could fall.  At the same
time a heavy staff crashed against the young man's head, dropping him in
turn.  Gabrielle then held her weapon at the ready, daring him to get
up.
     "Are you all right, Joxer?" Xena asked as she stood him back on his
feet.
     "Did anyone get that chariot driver's name?" he asked in turn.
     The Warrior Princess put her hand in front of Joxer's face.  "How
many fingers?" she asked, holding up two.
     "Four," Joxer replied.  Xena led him to the fire and sat him down.
     "Get up," Gabrielle ordered the intruder.  He picked up his sword,
only to drop it again as she thwacked him on the wrist.  "Leave that for
now.  No funny business."  She marched him to the fire as well.  Then
she remembered seeing him before.  "You've been following us since the
last town.  Why?"
     "Well, you're Gabrielle, Queen of the Amazons, right?"
     "Yeah, so?"
     "I'm Pteromachus.  I love this girl very much, but she says I'm just
a stupid village boy and she wants a brave hero to love.  So I
remembered the Twelve Labors of Hercules and decided to steal the belt
of the Queen of the Amazons, like he did.  That's you, of course.  I
didn't mean to hurt your friend.  I thought I could just take the belt
while you were sleeping."
     "And what am I supposed to use to hold up my skirt after you take my
belt, a piece of rope?"
     Xena laughed at the image, and Gabrielle smiled, too.  "What?" Joxer
asked, still groggy.  Xena gave him some water to drink.
     "You've already struck out, Pteromachus," the bard continued.
"Strike one, you hurt my friend Joxer.  Strike two, you tried to steal
from me.  And strike three - you woke Xena up.  She gets mighty peeved
when she doesn't get enough sleep."
     The Warrior Princess played along and gave Pteromachus a mock scowl,
from which the youth cringed.  "Well, you're brave enough not to run
away," she conceded.  "What do you think, Gabrielle, should we tie him
up and leave him to the lions and tigers and bears?"
     "Oh, my," Joxer said, not understanding.  Pteromachus paled.
     "I've got a better idea," the bard suggested.  "Pteromachus, if you
promise not to steal my belt tonight so we can all get some rest, I'll
help you solve your problem tomorrow."
     "I promise," he said.
     "I'll watch him to make sure he keeps his promise," Xena added,
giving the young man a warning glance.  "I won't be able to sleep after
all this ruckus anyway."  She drew her sword and began to hone its edge
again.
     Gabrielle went to Joxer and hugged him, then kissed the lump on his
head.  "Ow," he complained.  "Sorry," she said, and shifted to his other
side, where she let him rest his head on her shoulder.  A few minutes
later her head leaned against his, and they were both asleep, holding
hands.
     "She really loves him, doesn't she?" Pteromachus asked.
     "Yes, she does," Xena replied.  "You're lucky.  If you were a real
threat to Gabrielle, you wouldn't have been able to get past him.  And
whatever he left would have been mine.  Gabrielle's my partner.  Why
don't you try to get some sleep yourself?  Dream about that girl of
yours."
     This was sound advice, and Pteromachus took it.  Xena smiled as she
contemplated the youth.  She'd met many eager lads in her lifetime, and
hoped the girl this one was sweet on would drop her hero-worship and see
the clever boy in front of her.

*****

Break a leg,

Phil

Joxer Shield, T/Sgt. JFX, etc.
on day 8 of avoiding his ex-girlfriend

"All experience gained elsewhere fails in New Mexico." - Lew Wallace
"Joxer's a friend.  That makes it personal." - Xena



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From: "Nancy" <joxerite@...>
Date: Mon Aug 24, 1998 1:49 pm
Subject: Welcome to the jffg Mailing List

joxerite@...

For bards captivated by Joxer the Mighty - this is a place they can bounce ideas
of other bards and grow from the exchange!  Types of stories?  Anything
involving Joxer!





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