Got this head's up today....

  >>There is now a survey at YahooGroups which explores attitudes
regarding YahooGroups switching to primarily a *pay-for-use* basis. I
suggest that everyone take the time to carefully respond to this
survey, as it will most likely affect the future of our lists.

http://sweepstakes.yahoo.com/groupspremiumsurvey2\

It is my understanding that this is hinting at what could lead up to
massive changes and charges to YG services. Even if this isn't
definate, I beleive its just a matter of time and well, I'm not able
to afford to pay these charges and I don't think a list can exist
with only 5M of space. Endgame, I'm not willing to play these games
with the sister list on squidge just as willing to provide us better
service, so I'll be checking to make sure I've transferred everything
we have on this list then closing it down completely.

Hopefully you'll all be there.

Sorry for any inconvenience, but i'm past fed up with the happenings
on YG




_________________________________________________________________
Get your FREE download of MSN Explorer at http://explorer.msn.com/intl.asp.

Hello X-Files Fanfic Writers,

I add 3 websites for X- Files Fan Fiction to the Bookmark section in
case one wanted to other place to X- Files Fan Fiction.

Regards,

X-Files Vet, Christy (Been a fan since the pilot)

I've finally completed a first X-Files fic (only took me like, two
years or so!).  Please let me know what you think.  Since there are
only two new stories this year, I will update the archive in April.
Please, if you have any new fic, send them in!



Title : A Fox in the Mall
Author: USTMistress
Rating: PG-13 (There are unmentionables involved!)
Status: New/Complete
Archive:  Don't mind if you do
Feedback:  Of course!
Email: xfanficx@...
Other Websites:  Will soon be found on the <a
href="http://www.geocities.com/xfanficx">fanficx Archive</a>

Disclaimer: They're not mine, never will be.

Summary:  Scully/Mulder married.  Mulder does a little shopping at
Scully's request.

Warning: First X-Files fic.  Not the first fic ever though. Idea came
from Amanda on the AdoptAPlotBunny list on YahooGroups (Write a story
using a married man from any fandom and have his wife give him a
shopping list that includes some items for ladies like kotex, bras,
underwear, ETC.!!! ).  I've never been to the Landmark Mall, so if my
stores are not in the right places, I'm sorry.  I also don't know
Gillian's exact size, so if my sizes are off, I apologize for that
also.


--------------------------------------------------------------------
Saturday, May 25, 2002
Landmark Mall
Alexandria, Virginia
11 am

Fox Mulder entered the mall.  Scully had given him a list of things
she needed for their upcoming vacation, claiming that she had too
much to do getting William's things ready and getting the house
cleaned out for her to do the shopping herself.  She had listed
several items, and noted her sizes and the colors she preferred, even
the stores at which he would find them.  Glancing at the list, he
stifled an inward groan.  The list read:

1.   Kotex Pantyliners, L'eggs SilkenMist Pantyhose (Regular, Sheer
Toe, Size A, nude) - CVS
2.   Baseball Cap for William (blue denim or khaki) - Old Navy
3.   Khaki Shorts (Size 6), 2 pairs of socks (1 white, 1 navy) -
Petite Sophisticates
4.   Three pairs cotton underwear (bikini, small, white) - Victoria's
Secret
5.   American Express Traveler's Checks (I gave you the money)-
SunTrust Bank
6.   Two rolls 400 speed film - Ritz Camera

*I can't believe she's making me do this,* he thought.  With the list
in mind, he decided to get the easy ones done first, no matter where
the stores were.  *Old Navy, here I come.*

As he walked into Old Navy, he noticed there was a big sale on Men's
sweaters, so he stopped by there first.  Selecting  one, he continued
on to the baby section of the store.   He chose a denim hat quickly,
and headed for the cash registers.  He got in a line and realized
that it was a mistake.

The woman in front of him had three children, all of them fighting
for her attention.  The oldest was a girl of about twelve, who was
trying to convince her mother she needed a top she saw in a teen
magazine.  The middle child, a boy around 8, wanted to go to the
arcade instead of shopping.  Sounded like a valid request to him, but
the mother said no.  The youngest child, a girl about 3 years old,
was crying because she'd dropped her toy.  Mulder picked it up for
her once he figured out what the problem was.  The mother thanked him
between the older children's pleas.

After the family had left, and the noise level dropped considerably,
Mulder placed his purchases on the counter and paid the cashier.  He
was soon on his way to the camera store to pick up the film.

Paying for the film, he noticed the bank was across the way and
decided to get the Traveler's Checks before having lunch.  Feeling
especially lucky, he left the bank in less than ten minutes, having
found the best possible time to go into the bank.  On his way into
the food court, he passed by one of Scully's favorites, Everything
Yogurt, and headed for Flamers Charbroiled Hamburgers.  After a
fortifying lunch or a burger and fries, Mulder decided that he'd
better get through the last couple of stores quickly.

The most painful part of the list was next, at CVS.  Searching
through the pantyhose section, he finally spied the correct package.
Going even more quickly in feminine products, he scanned the aisle
and discovered they were out.  *This is just perfect,* he thought.
He walked up to the front of the store and asked at the customer
service desk if they had any more.  To his great mortification, the
employee got on the intercom and announced to the entire store that
the gentleman at the front of the store needed pantyliners.  A couple
of teenage boys at the nearby magazine rack snickered, but quickly
stopped when he fixed them with a hard stare.  An employee came form
the back room and handed Mulder the pantyliners Scully needed.
Wondering if his sanity was slipping, Mulder paid for the two items
and left.

At Petite Sophisticates, he felt a little more comfortable.  At least
the saleswomen were kind to him, and they helped him find just the
right shorts and socks, and he was again out into the mall.  The last
store would take him a bit longer, he thought, grinning.  Victoria's
Secret was always fun.  But Scully had to be picky, only wanting
those plain cotton underwear when there were so many other choices
that could be made.

A green satin pajama set caught his eye as he walked in.  Or maybe
she'd like the blue nightgown with the spaghetti straps over there?
So many decisions, so little time.  He was supposed to meet Scully at
her mother's house at 3:30, and it was already 2:45.  He found the
underwear she wanted and continued to browse a bit before making a
final lingerie decision.  After looking through the store (more than
once), he decided that the blue nightgown was really the best choice
and purchased it along with the other garments.  *Boy, is Scully
going to be surprised* he thought, making sure he got a gift bag for
the nightgown.

--------------------------------------------------------------------
Margaret Scully's House
3:35 pm

"I can't believe he's late," Scully said, pacing the floor of her
mother's living room.  "I told him he needed to be here at 3:30."

"Relax Dana.  I'm sure he just got stuck in traffic or something.
He'll be here soon."

Just as Mrs. Scully predicted, Mulder pulled into the driveway a
minute later.  "Sorry I'm late," he said, walking into the house.
Got a little behind while I was shopping."

"Not Victoria's Secret again?"  Scully asked, rolling her eyes.  "I
just hope he didn't buy me anything more than I asked."

"Just a little something."  Mulder grinned.

"What am I going to do with you?  I already have enough satin to
cover the entire house,"  Scully insisted.

"I think I'll decide when my beautiful wife has enough lovely
sleepwear,"  he said, smirking at Mrs. Scully.

"Fox dear, why don't you get the luggage packed away while I talk to
Dana," said Mrs. Scully

"Okay."  Mulder left the two women alone.

"Dana, please sit down," asked Mrs. Scully.

"Oh mom, he doesn't get it, does he?"
"Get what dear?  That you're the best thing that's ever happened to
him?  That he should do anything in his power to hold on to you?  Or
that you don't think that you're good enough for all of the 'satin
and lace' stuff he buys you?"

"I think you know a little too much Mom.  I don't see why he buys me
all that stuff when it doesn't get used anyway.  Well, maybe about 10
seconds.  The man's an animal!"   Scully blushed.

"Oh, don't you worry honey, I know my way around a bedroom.  Your
father used to do the same thing to me when we were first married,
spending his part of our meager living allowance on beautiful things
for me.  I think it must be a newlyweds' right.  Don't scold him for
it."  Mrs. Scully advised sagely.

"Okay, you might have a point there.  But how do I make him stop?"

"Why would you want him to stop.  Fox obviously wants to make you
happy, and he seems happy, so why worry?  Just let him do what he
sees as his husbandly duty - buying you lingerie.  At least he buys
the right size!"

"Yes, there are certain things an eidetic memory are good for, I
suppose."  Scully sighed.

Mulder came back in, figuring they had enough time to say whatever it
was that Mrs. Scully wanted to talk about.  "Are you ready?"

"Let me get William and we'll be all set.  Mom, you're okay with
going over to the house to feed the fish and stuff, right?"  Scully
said worriedly.

"Don't worry about a thing honey.  You just enjoy your vacation,
okay?"  Mrs. Scully gave Scully a hug, and kissed William on the
cheek.

"You take good care of them, alright?"  Mrs Scully said to Mulder,
giving her son-in-law a hug.

"Always, Mrs. Scully, ,"  Mulder said, looking at Scully, who was
buckling William into his car seat,"Always."

Mulder and Scully got in the car, and took off for a week on Martha's
Vineyard, and their first family vacation.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

The End



Okay, so it wasn't Pulitzer Prize winning fiction, but it was fun
anyway.  Feedback is always appreciated at xfanficx@....
Thanks for reading!

Thought I would pass along the invitation - sounds like fun! Katie


If you receive this email in duplication, our apologies. We are emailing
bards at different site whom we think may be interested in the following:

Bardcon.org (http://www.bardcon.org) will be holding their first (of what
hopes to be) annual meeting in Chicago April 13th and 14th, 2002. Tickets
will be $45 and include admittance for both days. We expect first year
attendance around 200 people and we are planning things accordingly. Rooms
will be available at the Hyatt Regency Woodfield be priced $89 for singles
and $119 for quad rooms plus tax per night. In addition, a dinner is also
being planned for 7:30 pm on Sunday, the final day of the convention for $30
at Tomboy Restaurant.

We’re currently looking for fan fiction writers who would like to meet with
fans that weekend to discuss the characters we love. Buffy, Xena, Star Trek,
Star Wars, you name it – it’s a workshop/panel/seminar atmosphere which will
let the ‘bards’ interact with the readers and vice verse. As an added bonus
to Xena fans, the About Face Theater will be doing a musical revue of Xena
Live II with two special performance times in celebration of BardCon on
Saturday. The audience can do a Q and A with the shows stars and writers
after these performances.  Ticket prices for Xena Live are available at the
site.

Currently, we’re searching for fan fiction writers from all areas on the
web. If you think you’re interested in attending and/or would like to be
part of a discussion/signing event please email bardcon@... and
information will be sent to you. If you know of anyone who might be
interested by all means please spread the word. We’ve enclosed a banner too
so if you have a site we’d appreciate a link if possible. Just upload the
image to your site, and link using <a href="http://www.bardcon.org/"><img
src="http://yoursite/bardcon20021.jpg"></a>

We’ve been to many official conventions over the years and one of the most
appealing aspects is the fan run events during those times. This is a
convention created by the fans for the fans so we ask that you take the time
to consider it and please let us know if you would be willing to commit to a
tentative schedule.

Thank you for your time,
CN Winters
cnwinters@...







_________________________________________________________________
Chat with friends online, try MSN Messenger: http://messenger.msn.com

Title: The Right Path
Author: Erin M. Blair
E-Mail: eblair@...
Classification: VRA--Vignette, Romance, Angst
Content: Mulder/Scully Romance. Scully POV.
Time Span/Spoilers: all things.
Rating: PG
Distribution/Archive Statement: OK to Gossamer,
Xemplary, Basement Office Archives, FanficX,
EP, Fanfic for Shippers. Others - ask me first.
Disclaimer: Mulder and Scully doesn't belong to
me.
Summary: Is Scully on the right path?

------------------------------------
THE RIGHT PATH
Written by: Erin M. Blair
------------------------------------

Moments pass, daylight beckons, I turn to
face Mulder. Has it only been a day since
we made love? How come it took us a long time
to reveal the love we have for each other?

Time, which neither of us, can obtain again.

When I stood before the Buddha, I could feel
a sense of clarity - I finally knew what I
want in life.

Although, I wasn't certain at first, I've made
the right choice when I joined the FBI.

I'm on the right path and it led me to the man who
I know will share my life and my love forever - Mulder.
Maybe we won't have a picket fence with two children,
but it's my - our - life.

And I'm quite happy with my life.

I know I am.

End of Vignette


Feedback: Much appreciated. Send
to: eblair@...


Author's Notes:

This vignette takes place during Season 7
after the events of "all things". However, I
didn't start writing it until last year. I hope
you enjoyed it as much I had writing it.

I would like to dedicate this to all the
Mulder/Scully shippers out there and to my
readers who enjoyed reading my stories.




-----------------------------------------
Erin M. Blair
eblair@...
erinmblair@...
"The truth is out there."  X-Files.

Title: Caged
Author: Leonora O'Reilly
Category: Vignette/Angst
Summary: Scully deals with the fact that Mulder is
once again out of the picture.
Spoilers: Existence
Disclaimer: Mulder and Scully belong to FOX, Chris
Carter, David, and Gillian. They unfortunately do not
belong to me.
Feedback: Send it to GillyFanatic@... because it
makes me ecstatically happy.
Author's note at the end.
.......................................................


I hate the way people look at me. I don't want their
pity. There are single mothers all over the world who
are having a tougher time than me. Things could be so
much worse. It was so painful when I thought that
Mulder was dead. I can't decide which is worse:
believing that he is dead or knowing that he is alive
and has simply chosen to leave. I try not to think
about it. Everyone just makes it so difficult to
forget.

"He's a free spirit," I hear myself tell my mother, "I
couldn't tie him down like this. The  family thing was
never his dream. He'd get too restless... he'd be
miserable." I keep telling myself that Mulder is a
bird and I can't keep him in a cage. The tired
metaphor comforts me. It's so much better than saying
that Mulder completely abandoned me for no apparent
reason.

At least he didn't leave without saying good bye. I
don't think I could have handled that.  He seemed
panicked when he left, feverishly packing and
muttering excuses left and right. He "only wanted to
protect" me. Protect me. Protect me from what? He
didn't seem too clear on that. He told me he loved me
and would always love me, but, for reasons I will
never know, we can never be together. The entire thing
was infuriating, truth be told.

No one is out to get us anymore. We could have fallen
into place as a normal couple with a normal baby. And
that scared the hell out of Mulder. Normalcy, that is.
So instead he invented an imaginary threat to me and
our son if he were to stay. Somewhere in the back of
my mind I expect him to come walking in one day. He's
bound to get tired of doing whatever it is he's doing.
That's another thing. What is he doing? Where is he?
Is someone taking care of him? Reminding him to eat
sometimes? Do I even want him to have someone new?
Well, actually no. No, I don't.

There are days when I hope he's miserable, as terrible
as that sounds. I just want him to come back. I want
him to wake up and realize that he's being irrational
and childish. I just don't understand. I don't. Why?
I'm not enough for him? The idea of spending the rest
of his life with me scares him so much that he becomes
a recluse?

This is why I try not to think about it. There are
just too many avenues of thought and none of them are
good. I've always been able to keep myself together.
This is no different. I can't let this ruin my life. I
still have my dignity and I intend on keeping it.
Still, I must be slipping because people always look
at me with such pity. Without uttering a word,
everyone is screaming "He left you! You're alone! With
a baby!" Every time his name is mentioned people get
this look in their eye like "Oh yeah, the deadbeat
dad." They make me feel like I should be dragging him
to court for child support payments. I'd have to find
him first.

I thought I saw him once. I was pushing William in his
stroller and there he was. His rental car was parked
across the street from my apartment. My mind wrestled
over whether or not I should go confront him, but he
drove off before I got the chance. It all happened so
quickly that I wondered if he had ever really been
there at all. In fact, I've wondered if Mulder has
ever existed at all. Maybe I'm absolutely insane. This
theory isn't very comforting, nor is it the most
likely. The only person who can explain to me why
Mulder left is Mulder himself. Until then I'll
continue living my life as if nothing has happened.
I've become good at that.

.......................................................


Author's Note: I recently put out a much sappier and
happier story in response to Existence. This isn't an
alternate version of that, nor is it a sequel. This is
just my little contribution to the whole "How are they
going to write David off the show?!?" question. As I
wrote it, I thought that maybe I was being a bit hard
on Mulder. I don't think he'd leave like this. David
Duchovny apparently would, so we've got to deal with
it.

8/29/01

Author's Note Part II: I delayed sending this story
out because of the September 11th tragedy. I'm sending
it out now because I feel like writing again and I
want to get my stories out there.

10/8/01

*******************************************************
Visit my site:
Deep Underground: The Fan Fiction of Leonora O'Reilly
http://www.virtue.nu/gloryoflove/

*******************************************************

__________________________________________________
Do You Yahoo!?
NEW from Yahoo! GeoCities - quick and easy web site hosting, just $8.95/month.
http://geocities.yahoo.com/ps/info1

Hi,

I decided to put my fic up on the web, so if you're
super bored please check it out:

http://www.virtue.nu/gloryoflove/

Thanks so much,
Leonora

__________________________________________________
Terrorist Attacks on U.S. - How can you help?
Donate cash, emergency relief information
http://dailynews.yahoo.com/fc/US/Emergency_Information/

This is your list manager Katie, and I wanted to check in with everyone.
I can only hope that all of you are safe and no one's loved ones have been
claimed by this tragedy.  I pray that whoever did this is brought to
justice, and hope that we can all move past this and continue on living.  If
you can, there is a call for blood donation going out around the country.
If you are able to donate, please do.

_________________________________________________________________
Get your FREE download of MSN Explorer at http://explorer.msn.com/intl.asp

Alright folks, I'm finally getting to update the archive!  It's about time,
right?  I've been working two jobs for the past couple of months, and it's
finally paid off, I have a new truck!  Now that that's done, I have limited
myself to one job at a time, thank you very much.

It will take place either Saturday evening or Sunday afternoon, so if
there's anything you've been holding back, make sure I've got it by Saturday
and we'll get it into the archive.

Sorry for the long wait, and thanks to akll of you who have stuck with it!


Katie
USTMistress
Moderator and Webmistress of fanficx

_________________________________________________________________
Get your FREE download of MSN Explorer at http://explorer.msn.com/intl.asp

Title: The Other Woman
Author: Leonora O'Reilly
Summary: "I love him so much. I love him with all my
heart, but he could never say the same to me. I'm not
the only one he loves."
Category: Vignette/Romance/Angst
Disclaimer: The characters aren't mine. Don't sue.
Thanks.
Thanks to Rowan for the lyrics that inspired this
story, as well as Pollyanna for putting together The
X-Files Lyric Wheel.
Feedback: I crave it. Send it to
GillyFanatic@...

*************************************************

My eyes slowly open. I squint at the piercing light
that creeps in through my blinds. It's morning. I hate
mornings. I roll over and discover that I'm alone in
the bed. It comes as no surprise, but I'm disappointed
anyway. It seems that no matter how many times I go to
sleep with someone in my arms, I'll always wake up
alone. The clock beckons me to get out of bed. I can't
afford to be late to work again, but something keeps
me from moving. Maybe it's my overwhelming sense of
depression and hopelessness. It's hard to say. I just
can't seem to pull myself from the sheets. I feel
tears of familiar self pity gather in the corners of
my eyes. I love him so much. I love him with all my
heart, but he could never say the same to me. I'm not
the only one he loves.

I stare at the ceiling, picturing him as he was last
night. He woke me up with his tossing and turning. He
was lost in a far away dream and all I could do was
watch. I wanted to hold him so badly. He's been
through so much and right then I wanted to take it all
away. I wanted to pull him from his nightmare and keep
him in the safety of my love forever. With a sudden
surge of love, I took his hand and silently urged him
to wake up. He didn't wake up. He simply whispered a
name. Her name. I released his hand immediately. I
knew that she had come to him in his dream. His body
seemed relaxed and peaceful. As much as I wanted it to
be me, it was her who brought him tranquility in the
night. I had made love to him and I was lying next to
him, but she was still the one he longed for, even in
dreams.

Sometimes I wonder why he shows up every night. I hate
to question it for fear that he'll stop coming. He's
the only thing in my life that makes any of this seem
worthwhile. My job eats at my soul from nine to five
every day. My apartment is always lonely and quiet
when he isn't here. He's my light in a dark room. He's
my savior. Sadly, I am not his light, nor am I his
savior. What am I to him? Sometimes I think he loves
me. The way he kisses me with such passion and
hunger... He wants me. He tells me he wants me, but he
never says he loves me. I assume that his love is
reserved only for her. And yet he wants me. He comes
to me. I just don't know what to think anymore.

I manage to get to the shower. I can still make it to
work on time. I lather the shampoo into my short red
hair. I wonder what color her hair is. I realize that
I've never seen her. Of course, why would I have seen
her? Why would he bring the Other Woman home to meet
The Woman? That's what she is. The Woman. The woman
whose name he whispers in the night. It would be a lie
to say that I'm not jealous. I am. I would give
anything to have him love me like that. To love me the
way that I love him. I sigh. I can't go on this way. I
need to move on.

Stepping out of the shower, I fling on my robe and run
to my desk. I write down everything that I've been
keeping in these past six months. The questions,
frustrations, and sadness' that have been killing me
are summed up in my simple good bye letter. I swallow,
reading it back to myself. I nearly crumple it up into
a ball, but think twice. This is a step I need to take
for my own sanity. I get dressed, but I know that I'm
not going to work. I don't think I could take it. I
drop the letter off at his office. It's over.

I drive a long way to a beach that I've always loved.
There's something so perfect about feeling the sand
under my bare feet. Without realizing it, I'm running.
Tears stream down my face, but I keep going. I stare
out into the water, desperate for a sign that it's
going to be okay. I need to know that it's going to be
okay.

I stood there for hours, waiting for a glimmer of
hope. But all that came back was the tide.

*************************************************

"This came for you," Dana Scully says, handing her
partner a letter. He eyes it carefully, not
recognizing the handwriting. Scully has already gone
back to her paperwork, so he decides that there's no
harm in opening it now. His mouth falls open in
surprise as he reads her shaky handwriting. He knows
that she is right. He doesn't love her. He can't
commit himself to her alone. No matter how much he
wanted to love her, it could never be. He stares at
the last sentence in the letter: "I will never forget
you." His heart aches for her. If only he could love
her... truly love her the way she deserves to be
loved. He glances up at Scully, who remains immersed
in whatever is on her computer screen. Mulder sadly
smiles. Ironic. Scully possesses his soul and doesn't
even realize it. She has all of his love and does
nothing with it. She doesn't know of the woman who so
desperately wants the love that she takes for granted.
The woman who walked out into the ocean until she
could walk no further, thinking only of him as the
waves crashed over her head. The woman who would never
forget him.

*************************************************

"I Will Not Forget You"
by Sarah McLaughlin

I remember the nights I watched as you lay sleeping
You're body gripped by some far away dream
Well, I was so scared and so in love then
And so lost in all of you that I had seen

But no one ever talked in the darkness
No voice ever added fuel to the fire
No light ever shone in the doorway
Deep in the hollow of earthly desires
But if in some dream there was brightness
If in some memory some sort of sign
And flesh be revived in the shadows
Blessed our bodies would lay so entwined

~chorus~
And I will, oh, I will not forget you
Nor will I ever let you go
I will, oh, I will not forget you

I remember how you left in the morning at daybreak
So silent you stole from my bed
To go back to the one who possesses your soul
And I, back to the life that I dread

So I ran like the wind to the water
Please don't leave me again I cried
And I threw bitter tears at the ocean
But all that came back was the tide

~chorus~
And I will, oh, I will not forget you
Nor will I ever let you go
I will, oh, I will not forget you

8/20/01



__________________________________________________
Do You Yahoo!?
Get email alerts & NEW webcam video instant messaging with Yahoo! Messenger
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Sorry about my last e-mail. Disregard it.
::sighs:: I'm such an idiot sometimes.

-Leonora

__________________________________________________
Do You Yahoo!?
Make international calls for as low as $.04/minute with Yahoo! Messenger
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Pru,
I'm with ya. I have no idea how they're going to
write David off and also keep a Single Mom Scully
storyline. I have the suspicion that all of a
sudden Scully will be back in the field
investigating X-Files with little or no mention
of the baby. Maybe he'll always be "at her
mother's" or something. I wish they'd just let
the show die with what little dignity/fan
following it has left.

Anyway, thanks so much for the feedback. I really
love getting it. :)

-Leonora

--- Pervue@... wrote:
> Enjoyed your story!  I can't see how they're
> going to work out a happy life
> with Scully and the baby.  If Mulder is never
> on the show again.....I think
> they'll just pass over it...like it never
> happened.....and we see the baby
> once in a while type thing...
>
> Do you remember when the mother on Married With
> Children,  was pregnant all
> season......then in the fall there was no baby?
>   That was so crazy......they
> never even mentioned her pregnancy again.
>
> Pru
>


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Enjoyed your story!  I can't see how they're going to work out a happy life
with Scully and the baby.  If Mulder is never on the show again.....I think
they'll just pass over it...like it never happened.....and we see the baby
once in a while type thing...

Do you remember when the mother on Married With Children,  was pregnant all
season......then in the fall there was no baby?   That was so crazy......they
never even mentioned her pregnancy again.

Pru

Author: Leonora O'Reilly
Title: Everything's Changed
Category: Vignette/Romance (MSR)
Spoilers: Existence
Summary: Post Episode: Mulder and Scully wonder
what the future holds.
Disclaimer: I do not own these characters. No
copyright infringement is intended.
Feedback: I'd love to hear anything. I'm pretty
much desperate for your comments. Make me day by
e-mailing me at gillyfanatic@...
Thanks to John for the original editing.
Thanks to Melanie for her advice.
Author's note at the end.

................................................................................\
.................................

Our lips part.

I'm smiling. He's smiling. We're both smiling...
Did that just happen? I feel a wave of energy and
happiness come over me as I look down at William.
It's literally been years since I've felt this
warm and loved inside.  It's absolutely
incredible.

"Get some rest," Mulder says, handing William
back to me. He touches my hair before leaving me
to contemplate my utter euphoria.

I replay the scene in my head. Who knew the truth
felt this good? I set William down in his crib,
watching him look up at me. He's safe and he's
happy and... human. This is all I've ever wanted.
I didn't always realize it, but being a mother
means everything to me. My happiness is doubled
because Mulder is here to enjoy it with me.  I
think back to the kiss we shared just moments
ago. This entire scenario would have seemed
ridiculous eight years ago. I never in my wildest
dreams expected my partnership with Mulder to
turn out this way, but it's all different now.
Everything's changed.

Everything's changed.

Suddenly I'm lacking clarity. Mulder and I have
never been what one would call a traditional
couple. He's also never expressed much interest
in settling down. What makes me think he wants us
to be a family? Does he want to marry me? Has he
even considered that? Have I? I'm sure that he
loves me and he's William's father, biologically
or not. That should be enough; it was enough five
minutes ago. In an attempt to regain my
happiness, I turn to William. He's sleeping and I
still can't get over how perfect he is. Tears of
joy form in my eyes. I can't stay sad for very
long as long as he's here. I return to my own bed
and snuggle under the covers, even though I'm
already warm throughout my whole being.

................................................................................\
.................................

I kissed her. It wasn't a dream or a holiday. It
was one moment of unadulterated bliss. Between
holding my newborn son and finally showing her
how I feel... I don't know what could possibly
bring me down from the high I'm on. Why didn't I
do this sooner? Actually, we were close to this
point before my abduction. I was on he verge of
telling her. I just never knew how or when to do
it. It never felt right. "Hey Scully, I've been
in love with you for years now. Just thought I'd
fill ya in." Besides, she's always known. I'm
sure she has. I'm just so glad that we've finally
reached this point. Everything's changed.

Everything's changed.

It feels like someone's just punched me in the
stomach. I don't have a job. Scully's on
maternity leave. I've been avoiding my landlord
like the plague. What am I doing here? She let me
kiss her, but was that an invitation to let me
move in? Probably not. The trouble with Scully is
that she's not going to tell me. Well, I'm
certainly not going to stride into her apartment
and propose. She isn't the kind of woman who
rushes into things. Maybe I should slow down.
Then again, I've waited much too long just to
reach this point. At this pace William will be in
college by the time we get married. That's been
my mistake all along. I want to talk to her right
now. I need to see her and hold her. I want to
spend the rest of my life with her. She needs to
know.

I return to her apartment, making sure to be as
quiet as humanly possible. Despite my best
efforts, I wake her up. She cautiously emerges
from her bedroom, obviously relieved that it's
me.
"I woke you," I mumble, feeling like a jerk.
"It's okay," she tells me.
"No. I'm sorry. I should go," I say, turning
towards the door. Her arm shoots out to pull me
back to her.
"Don't go," she whispers, her eyes pleading,
"Stay."
Looking at her, I know that she isn't just
talking about tonight. I smile at her.
"Of course I'll stay."
She smiles back at me. I love her smile. I've
seen her smile more times in the past two days
than in all the years I've known her. I'm going
to make sure she always has something to smile
about.

................................................................................\
.................................

I lead him to the sofa. We sit in silence for a
few minutes. There's no chapter that covers this
kind of thing in a relationship book. How do you
restart the fire in a relationship after your
significant other has been buried alive for three
months and you have just given birth to his
mysterious love child? Well, perhaps *love child*
is a bit strong, but it's fun to think it anyway.

"We stopped the car," he says suddenly.
"What?"
"You once talked about stopping the car and
starting a normal life. Well, we did it."
"Did we really?" I ask uncertainly, "Or did we
just put it in neutral?"
"I'm pretty sure we pulled over, put it in park,
and got out of the car. And we locked the keys in
the trunk, so don't think about driving off
without me, Scully."
"I wouldn't do that, Mulder. I'd at least drop
you off at a pay phone so you could call a cab."
"That's why I love you, Scully. You're
considerate to the end."
"Mulder, say that again," I say, disbelieving my
ears. Did he say he loves me?
"You're considerate..."
"The first part!"
"I love you." There's no humor in his voice now.
He's being serious. Even though I shouldn't
really be surprised, the words make my heart
flutter. Just to hear him say it. He loves me. He
loves me. He loves me.
"I love you too," I say, snuggling against his
chest, "I love you so much."
His arms wrap around me and press me closer to
him. The feeling of warmth and security returns.
I take the moment in, wanting it to last forever.
I never want him to let me go. I never want us to
be apart.

................................................................................\
.................................

I'm relieved. I told her that I love her and she
didn't push me away. To tell you the truth, I was
just teasing her. It isn't like Scully to take me
seriously when I say things like that, but I'm
glad she decided not to let it slide this time.
She looks so happy in my arms.  Somehow it feels
too good to be true. Things just never seem to go
smoothly for Scully and me. Why do I feel like I
could be holding her for the last time? What
should be a hello feels like a good bye. I try to
relax, focusing on the here and now.

"What happens next?" she asks suddenly, sitting
up.
"I was thinking about that before I came here," I
tell her, "and I'm not sure."
"Neither am I," she confesses.
"It's funny. We've never really went on dates
like a normal couple," I muse.
"I don't think we're the poster children for a
normal relationship, Mulder."
"Do we start there? Do I take you to dinner and a
movie?" It's bizarre when you find yourself
unsure if the next step is a first date or a
marriage proposal. I try and read her, but she's
just kind of sitting there. Is she disappointed?
Does she want more? If I offer more will she turn
me down?
"That'd be nice," she says, giving my arm a
little squeeze before standing up and exiting the
room. I remain on her couch. I'm still confused
about our relationship and what the future holds.

I guess there's only one thing that I can say
with certainty: Everything's changed.

................................................................................\
.................................

Author's Notes:

I wrote the first part of this story immediately
after watching Existence. I had so many questions
about next season and what all this meant. I
decided that the characters would probably have
similar questions so I played off of that. At the
same time that I was writing this story, I was
also working on Eternity. That story became my
focus and this one was put on the back burner. I
was deeply unsatisfied with it and didn't want to
knowingly unleash a bad story upon all of you.
(All three of you.) I haven't put anything out
all summer, so I resurrected this and
improved/revised/rewrote it until I was at least
somewhat satisfied. So there.

8/25/01


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Hi everyone, Im new, My name is anja and im from Denmark, I missed
alot of the x-files and I am slowly trying to see them all in order
(hard when you only have season 1 and 3).

Anyway, Im 19, have 3 illnesses that WILL take me in and out of
hospital (please don't ask me to name them), so please don't be
supriced if I don't answer anything for a while, like wise, i don't
know much so alot of the time I might just watch!

Me and some friends are also trying to make some websites too, and
desided neither of us should choose what goes on them, so feel free
to look at them!

Anja

http://xfilesarea51.cjb.net
http://scififanfic.cjb.net/

POSTING NOTE:

Please send all feedback to the author at anahawkman@... .  Thank
you.

----------

Author: Ana Hawkman
Title: Softly
Rating: strong pg-13... no sex, though
Category: much msr, EXTREME a
Feedback: PLEASE. anahawkman@...
Archiving: I'd be honored. Just tell me so I can visit!
Disclaimer: The characters of Fox Mulder and Dana
Scully belong to Fox/1013 productions, David Duchovny and
Gillian Anderson.
Thanks: To my beta who kicks so much arse-- Meaghan McScully.
Go read some of her fic ASAP!


IMPORTANT NOTES: This story does not take place on the written
(aired) timeline. Although occurring after the events of
Requiem/DeadAlive, William does not exist. (And don't bash me!
You know how much I love him!)

~Be a good friend and give the author a cookie, huh? Vote
for me at the Spookies??~



Scully's cancer went out of remission on a Tuesday. It might
have been easier to digest if it happened in the middle of
the night... or on some major holiday; but it happened on a
normal Tuesday with the sun shining and the wind blowing.

It was early April. Leaves were on the trees already, new
and soft. The sky reflected an almost unrealistic shade of
blue, and the temperature hung amiably in the mid fifties.

She'd gone to the doctor for perscription migrane medicine,
and had come home with a completely different diagnosis. I
felt somehow responsible when she came through the door,
her with tear streaks down her face and I with a fading smile
from preparing the perfection of the dinner I'd just made us.

It's September now, and the chemo has had horrible effects
on her body. If she knew how fragile she looks, she'd
probably put a gun to her head, so I say nothing. But I ache
to hold her, to protect her tiny form from the dangers which
plague it.

She's curled up in my lap, her head above my heart, running
her hand up and down my sternum. Mugs of hot cider sit
forgotten on the nightstand, and I flip through television
channels uselessly as she finds her own comfort against my
chest.

I usually don't lie around half-naked, but I couldn't deny her
tired, red-rimmed eyes when she asked me. She needed to
feel me, she'd said, although she herself was wrapped in a
ragged terrycloth robe.

Note to self: get Scully a new robe.

I know how hard it's been for her to keep even this
apartment. Treatments and medication are weighing heavily
on her, and her finance continues to decline with her health.
She refuses help from me, and all I can do is stay with her
like this.

She had a wig to cover her now-sparse hair, but she rarely
wears it. What is left of her beautiful locks is what I call,
affectionately, "peach fuzz." The nickname makes her
smile, forcing the weak muscles of her mouth upward. I
know she does it for me.

She is soft against my shoulder, and I rock her gently as I
feel her body relax. I love that I can do this for her-- just sit
here in my underwear and hold her... to help the healing
process along.

"You think I'll get better, Mulder?" she asks suddenly, her
voice holding a child-like tone and a seriousness which I've
never heard before. My Scully... my baby... you're so
scared...

My partner has never reminded me of a terrified child
before. She looks up at me with huge eyes, and I flip off the
tv. Looking down into her face, I purse my lips as if thinking.

"Sure you will," I answer smoothly. "Of course you will."
Disbelief rolls off of her in waves, and I add, "We've done
more impossible things together, haven't we?" This comforts
her a bit and she nods, settling back against me.


__



I'm embarassed when he goes to leave, pulling on his jeans
and t-shirt as if we've just made love.

We haven't. We never have. We probably never will. Not
when I look like this.

I pretend not to notice and not to care when the warmth of
his skin dissapears beneath denim and cotton. He hauls on
his leather jacket over it all, kiss my forehead, and leaves.
It's unceremonious... and I nearly cry at the loss.

He respects me more than anyone else has... he doesn't
push for things he knows my body can't handle at this point;
I love him. I love him so much.


______



I come the next day with a big white shopping bag. I bought
her the most expensive, most comfortable robe I could
find... one made of thick terrycloth, white, like snow. It's
warm, lined with pale pink flanel on the inside.

I hope she'll let me spoil her... just this once. Even if it's only
a robe.

Actually, I snuck M&Ms into my jacket pocket. She knows to
check it... it's her pocket. I always put something in it,
something small but thoughtful.

Though she doesn't meet me at the door today. She's on the
couch, curled up under a million blankets, the heat on low to
save money. I turn to the thermostat, noching it up by about
fifteen degrees, and when she protests I promise I'll pay the
difference.

To be honest, she looks sick. But I'll be damned if she
doesn't look breathtaking just the same. Her delicate
features are still as beautiful as they've always been... just
ashen, the way a cancer patient is supposed to look.

I sit next to her, cupping her face and pulling her into a
sweet kiss. It's more of a friendly greeting than one that
lovers might have, but I enjoy it just the same. Her lips are
so soft.

I pet her cheeks softly, scolding her about how cold they are.

"I brought you something," I say softly, hauling the oversized
shopping bag onto the couch. She wipes at her nose with a
crumpled tissue, her face lighting up.

"You didn't have to," she replies, sniffling. I smile softly,
taking a last look at her raggedy robe. She peers over into
the bag, shocked.

___


It's a wonderful robe. Lined with soft flanel... thick and cozy.
I pull it out of the bag, admiring it, smiling as widely as I can
manage with tired facial muscles. Mulder pulls me to stand,
wrapping a strong arm around my waist. How cliche... the
strong man harbors his weak woman.

_______


I gently untie the sash of her robe, sliding it gently from her
shoulders. I take only a moment to look at her, not wanting
at all to turn this into an awkward situation. I'm not here for
sex.

Snuggling her into her new robe, she wraps her arms around
me and holds back tears as best she can. It is the only
thanks I will get, and it's more than enough. I hold her tiny
body against mine, breathing in the powdery smell of her
skin. God, should he exist, wouldn't take this woman away
from me... would he? Not when I'm just learning to love
again, not when she's the lost half of my soul.

Listen to me. Have I ever believed in God? Has He ever
done anything to help me along? What makes me think he
wouldn't take Scully from me?

I rearrange her on the couch, fluffing up pillows and folding
back blankets. She looks so much more comfortable than
she did before, and I smile a bit.

Leaving for the kitchen, I grab a large paper grocery bag
from near the door, where I've hidden it from her. I always
sneak around, putting cans of soup and packets of Ghirdelli
mocha mix into her cabinets. I've tried to extend it to other
groceries, but she won't allow me to, and I don't push it. She
needs her dignity, and I leave it with her... I honestly don't
try to be such a caveman, but there's something about
seeing her like this that makes me want to take care of her.
Not because I pity her, and not because I'm a hormonal
male.

I love this woman. I want her to be happy. That's all.


_____


He comes back into the room with mugs of minestrone,
lighting a fire before curling into the couch beside me. He
lifts the blankets, cuddling against me, and his warmth
immediately penatrates my shivering form.

"You cold, partner?" he puts an arm around me, and all
trembling ceases.

"Not anymore," I answer quietly, embarassed a bit at how
open we suddenly are with touching.

"Good," he replies, digging into his soup. I can tell he's
trying to set an example, so I pick at my own soup, stirring it
around and bringing spoonfuls halfway to my mouth. He
finishes, looking over at me, and his face softens even
more. "Still not feelin' good, huh?"

I shake my head, my face shriveling pitifully. He pulls me
instantly against him, petting the remains of my hair softly.
"Oh, Scully," he cooes. "It'll get better, huh?" he pulls away,
kissing my trembling lips warmly, and my emotions come
flooding out as I nestle back into his arms. I can't stop
them... and I don't want to. The loss of control isn't scary this
time; I know he'll be here to catch me.

"I wake up in the morning," I sob, "and I look in the mirror...
and I feel so... so..." my breath catches and I can't continue.

"What?" his chest rumbles with the simple inquiry, and the
tenderness in his voice almost breaks me.

"Ugly." I finish. He is silent, urging me to continue. "And then
I spend the whole day feeling sick... feeling gross and weak
and... helpless... and..." I pause, taking a few deep breaths.
"And then you come and it's okay."

He squeezes me tightly, kissing my temple and finding my
hands with his. "I want to make you better, Scully," he
murmurs.

"I love you," I sob, still rambling. I'm crying noisily, muffled
by his sweater, and he just rocks me softly, nuzzling my
cheek.

"It's okay," he murmurs over and over until I calm.
Loosening his grip just slightly, he shifts so that I can move.
I do, but still cling to his sweater with a white-knuckled grip.
"It's alright," he murmurs against my hairline, pressing
thumbs against my palms and gently pulling my hands
away. Wiping tears from my face, he smiles a slow, easy
smile.

"You *are* beautiful, Scully. Even the things about yourself
that you hate... the vulnerability, the sickness, the fear,
those things are beautiful too because they are a part of
you."

__


Please stop crying, Scully, I didn't come here to make you
cry. I hold her close, letting her know that there is still
someone here. I think that's what she needs right now-- to
know that there is still someone who loves her, who thinks
she's beautiful... who will touch and hold and speak to her,
even in the midst of this horrible illness.

If I don't believe she will get better, who will?

She would never admit to herself what she needs; how
badly she just wants someone to love her. I rock her softly,
planning out in my head the ways I can try to make her
happy.

"You haven't looked in your pocket yet," I murmur against
her temple, and she smiles a bit. I know she doesn't have
the strength to rise, so rather than embarass her, I move to
grab my coat. Putting it in her lap, she digs deep into the
pocket with a child-like exhuberance.

"Chocolate!" She squeals, bouncing on the couch with what
little energy she has. She kisses my cheek smackingly,
messily, and I beam-- I've made her smile.

__


He moves to leave a few hours later. Looking back at what
I'm sure is my pathetic form wrapped into the bed, his eyes
soften even more as he reaches my bedroom door.

"Don't leave me," I whisper, and his face relaxes as he
moves back to the bed.

"I wouldn't leave you, Scully," he soothes, brushing warm
fingers through my hair. Maybe that's what I'm afraid of
losing-- the warmth. When he leaves, I am left alone in the
quiet, hovering just on this side of death. It reminds me of
just how our relationship runs-- closer than close, and yet
distant. He never stays the night.

"Stay *here,*" I clarify, wrapping my fingers around his wrist.

"I-" He can't get out more than a single syllable before
stopping to think, to rephrase.

"Nevermind," I say, pulling away. "I understand. I'm sorry."
Sorry for crossing the line. Sorry for being so selfish, sorry
for assuming for one moment that he truly wanted me. Sorry
for thinking he'd ever desire me over the healthy, beautiful
women around him. Sorry that I look like this, that I ever
denied him while in health.

__


I don't want her to think that I'm taking advantage of her. I'm
scared of touching her, scared that holding her the way I
want to will shatter her fragile form.

I don't want her to wake in the morning and think that I've
held her all night due to some sick physical need. I need
her, yes. I desire her. I crave her. But to persue these
emotions now would not only be distasteful, it would be
unfair.

I pull my sweater off, and my jeans, until I am sitting on the
edge of her soft bed in my underwear and t-shirt. Lifting the
blankets, I wrap myself around her body, which is trembling
lightly as it has been these past weeks. Soothing her with
my touch and my voice, I lull ler into an exhausted sleep.
Kissing her shoulder through pink flanel pajamas, I bury my
nose against her, trying to absorb and memorize the smell
of sweet almonds.

I hope there will never be a time when I must struggle to
recall this feeling. My partner safe in my arms, her soft
breathing causing my own to slow and level to the same
rythm. I pray that there will never be a time when I need her
and she isn't there.

__


I know he's watching me.

Just as I know that the early morning light is coming through
the window in a thin, pink mist, I can feel his eyes tracing
over my face; I can feel his thumb brushing softly against
my hip. I open my eyes, and see in his face raw pain and
need... my breath catches, but only for a moment as his
mask of happiness appears.

"Hey," he says softly, his voice rough with sleep. His smile is
false, and I put my hand to his cheek. He leans immediately
into the touch, and I clear my throat quietly before speaking.

"You don't have to pretend for me, Mulder," I pause, my
hand drifting up into his hair to scratch his scalp lightly.
"You're allowed to hurt." His eyes drift closed, and he
hessitates a moment before reaching for me. The smile
leaves his face, and his embrace is tight, almost despirate.

I can feel his tears against the skin of my neck, and I revel
in the feeling. Not in his pain, his agony... but rather in the
tangible emotion, the feeling of aliveness it provokes.

I place my hand over his chest, feel for his heart beating.
The muffled thumping, the monotonous throb which keeps
him alive is a comfort to me. This heart which has endured
so much pain... it doesn't deserve any more.

"I love you, Mulder." I say this for the second time, now
unafraid. He needs to know what he means to me... that not
everything he does goes unseen. He needs to know that
every time I see his face, hear his voice, feel his touch... I
feel safe and wanted and good.

He nods, sniffling harshly and pulling his face from my neck.
Cradling my face between his warm palm and the pillow, he
kisses me softly.

"I love you," he rasps, barely getting the words out over the
frog in his throat. "Love you, love you, love you," he
whispers, pressing his mouth against my ear, wrapping me
in his arms again. Neither of us move or speak for what
must be at least an hour.

__


She looks perfect. Stronger today, she's hunched over at the
kitchen table beating eggs. I'm drinking a small glass of
juice, reading the more interesting stories of the morning
paper to her.

Screw work.

Screw life.

I'm in love with her.

I have enough money stashed away so I could quit work
tomorrow. I'm widdling away my sick and personal days,
neither of which I can remember taking before. I look up to
gague her reaction to a story, and my eyes catch on her
petite form across from me.

Soft red hair no longer than my own, much the same short,
spiky style. Her face is pinker than yesterday, and her
pajamas look comfortable, for once, instead of an extention
of her professional wardrobe.

I grin stupidly, forgetting the newspaper and the story, the
juice and the eggs, the cancer and the pain. The very center
of my world sits before me, and everything else simply
fades into the background.

"What?" She asks sheepishly, unaware of her own beauty. I
shrug, looking back down at the paper.

"I'm in love with you," I respond matter-of-factly, and search
for more interesting stories in the morning *Chronicle.* She
reaches across the table for my hand, and I absently stroke
her fingers.

__


It's late at night when he comes to bed. He's been on his
computer, making phone calls and sending e-mails.

Now, to think of it, I'm horribly embarassed to use the verb
"coming to bed" with Mulder. It's not like we're involved at
all.

He wraps himself around me again tonight, kissing my
shoulder and neck with warmth and reverance. He tangles
our fingers together, sucking gently at my throat.

Does he feel obligated? Does he pity me? What is the
purpose here? The motive?

"Mulder," I whisper, and he's immediately off me. His hand
gently stroking the back of my neck, he pulls back so that
our eyes meet.

"Hmm?" he asks, studying my face, trying to figure what
he's done wrong. He looks like a little boy whose chubby
hand got stuck in the cookie jar. An innocent little boy who
eats himself sick on cookies for fear they will dissapear into
thin air.

"I'm not leaving you," I murmur, meeting his eyes and
inspecting the soft, velvety hazel. They fill with tears and he
gathers me close, all traces of lust gone and replaced with
the true underlying need. It makes my heart ache to see him
like this, to know that my battered and sick form can bring
forth such an intense reaction from his tender, fractured
soul.

__


Our big activity of the day for today was a bath. Her lack of
strength stretches the simple task to a day-long event, and
she is still reluctant to let me see her. I can't tell whether
she's being modest or if she considers herself "damaged goods."

I pressed sweet kisses against her lips as I shampooed the
fuzzy remains of her hair. I wrapped her in a gigantic white
towel, held her when she felt sick getting out of the water,
when the change in temperature was too much.

__


He finally sleeps against me, protecting me even in his
unconcious state. I have treatment tomorrow, truly terrified
of the chemo. The healing chemicals burn through my
bloodstream, scalding the sides of my veins, knocking my
system to almost nothing. But Mulder will be there... and
that makes things bearable.

It always does.

__


Eight AM chemo. What unfeeling asshole thought up this
concept? I must wake her from a peaceful slumber, pull her
from warm blankets, and drag her out into the biting October
air so we can go get tortured for a few hours.

It's not fair; she deserves to be healthy and well without the
pain to pay for it. My mind flashes quickly through the
possibilities of "if she'd never walked into my office," but I
stop myself before getting overwhelmed.

I can't imagine my life without her... I shouldn't be sifting
scenarios. She's here now, and I'll thank whatever god has
given me these moments where our souls connect.

She reaches up for my hand from her hospital wheelchair,
knowing they will call her in any second. Her fear isn't that of
a scientist, of a doctor; it is the same primal feeling any
normal cancer patient might get. For it is not within justified
thought what the benefits of treatment are... not when you
are the one recieving them.

I close my fingers around her much smaller ones, walking
alongside her wheelchair as we move into the treatment
room. She is arranged none to carefully on a cold, clinical
hospital bed, and I unfold the blanket I brought for her. I
learned after her first treatment that the hospital is a
freezing, uncomfortable environment to be... and that her
weakened immune system needs more warmth than what
an undersized square of cheap blue felt can provide.

Tucking the patchwork quilt from the foot of her bed up
under her chin, I smile in reassurance. The feeling isn't fake
this time-- I can feel the happiness rise inside me, the hope
of this treatment foaming over like a shaken bottle of soda. I
hope she can see in my eyes the faith I have in medicine. In
us.

___


I'm crying softly, trying my best to muffle the sobs of pain
which rise on instinct to meet the blazing drugs of treatment.

He must've heard me, looking up from the copy of "Winnie
the Pooh" he bought for me at Borders. He brings it to every
treatment, reading the innocent children's stories to me in a
low, comforting tone.

Closing the book and setting it on the nightstand, he reaches
around the back of his chair, digging into the deep pocket of
his trench coat. ...And fishes up... a bag of gummy bears.

Grinning comically, he reaches over to wipe the tears from my
face. "There, there," he soothes, using a mother-like
term of comfort which, for some reason, strikes me as
hilarious. I smile up at him through my tears, covering his
hand with my own. He waves the bag of candy in front of my
face.

"Christopher Robin brought Piglet some gummy bears, huh?
Lookie here..." He pulls his hand from beneath my own to
open the bag, placing it in my fingers. He speaks to me
softly while I eat, and as I finally drift off in exhaustion, I can
hear his familiar voice echo in my ears:
"I love you, Scully..."

I dream about him.

__


"Scully?" I knock lightly on the bathroom door, calling her
name. She went to brush her teeth and has been in there
over twenty minutes. I'm getting worried.

"Just a minute," she calls, her voice quavering, and I push
the door open with the tips of my fingers. She's standing in
front of the mirror, staring at herself in horror. I know she
thinks that she's repulsive... if only she knew how perfectly I
see her.

"Aw, Scully," I murmur apoligetically as I move through the
door. Standing close behind her, I meet her eyes in the
mirror; her beautiful blue depths are brimming with tears,
and I wrap an arm around her waist in support.

"I'm disgusting," she whispers, looking away from the mirror.
I can only smile at the irony.

"Mmm," I humm, burying my mouth in her fuzzy hair.
"You're beautiful."

"How can you *say* that?" She scoffs. "How can you just lie
like that?" the tears spill over and I can feel my heart crack
open like a reluctant walnut.

"Look in the mirror," I reply gently, and she only complies
after I ask a second time. I take her hand in mine, guiding it
over her delicate features.

"You have the most intense eyes, Scully... these increadible,
expressive eyes that are just this mirror of strength."
Pressing my hand a bit more firmly against her stomach,
pulling her back against my chest, I continue.
"And these pouty little cherry lips..." I grin teasingly, "and
that strong Scully nose." From pictures I've seen, it's the
same as her father's. I should tell her that sometime; she
would like to know.

Rolling her head back to my shoulder, she sighs, closing her
eyes.

"I'm so tired," she whispers, and I know she doesn't mean in
terms of sleep deprivation. She's tired of the cancer... the
pain. She's tired of life.

__


He's standing behind me, wearing some navy drawstring
pajama pants, nothing else. My partner *is* built; I'm a
woman and I have never neglected to notice it.

His strong arms wrap around me, pressing me safely against
his chest, where I can hear his heartbeat. It must be the
most comforting sound in the world, I think, closing my eyes,
drained completely.

He carries me to bed, tucking me in and climbing in behind
me. It's amazing to think that a man at his sexual peak is
content to simply hold me at night... not asking for or even
wanting anything more. If I didn't know better, I'd think that
for sure he were seeing someone else.

But there is something about the way he whispers me to
sleep, something about his fingers pressing softly into the
warm skin of my stomach...

And I know that for as long as I have his face to wake up to,
I will have a reason to hold on. He is my conscience, my
life, my heart.

__


She curls against me as I sip at some hot cider, reading a
library book I picked up on the human mind. I feel her relax,
probably signifying sleep, and press a kiss to her temple...
narrowing my eyes and turning my head just a hair to see if
she's still awake.

As I expected, her eyes are closed, her head tucked against
my shoulder. I can't kid myself and say that she's going to
be all right; we don't know that yet. But what I *do* know is
that as long as I can her her voice, can lose myself in the
sweet smell of almonds, I will have a reason to hold on. She
is my conscience, my soul, my heart.


Feedback would be so increadibly
appreciated! (General AND pertaining
to a sequel if you want it...)
anahawkman@...



=====

==========
Meaghan McScully
~
"You were my friend, and you told me the truth. Even when the world was falling
apart, you were my constant, my touchstone." ~Mulder
~
"There's so much more you need to do in your life, Scully.  There's so much more
than this.  There has to be an end, Scully." ~Mulder
~
"You'd die for Mulder, but you won't allow yourself to love him." ~CSM


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Title: Janus
Author: Leonora O'Reilly
Summary: An ironic tale of obsession.
Disclaimer: I don't own Mulder or Scully. No copyright
infringement is intended.
Feedback: I adore feedback with all of my heart.
E-mail me at gillyfanatic@...   
Author's note at the end.

********************************************************************************\
**************


Scully. There were times when he was just happy to see
her. She might be simply doing paper work or sleeping
next to him in the passenger seat. He'd smile to
himself upon occasion, just knowing that she was all
right. The fear was always there that something
horrible could happen. She might leave him. Disappear.
The thought haunted him. Sometimes it would hit him
all of a sudden and he'd call her. Each ring of her
cell phone seemed agonizingly long. As soon as he
heard her say "Scully" his whole body would relax. She
was still there. Still in one piece. Of course, it was
only a matter of time before she wouldn't answer.

He'd find himself obsessing over her safety but
constantly hiding it. She would only be angry at him
for thinking of her as weak. She was strong and
independent. She didn't want him to worry about her.
He couldn't help it. He tried to tell himself that he
was being ridiculous- that she would hate him for
thinking these things. He didn't want her to hate him
but he'd suffer through it to keep her alive.

Whenever he parted company with her his heart would
race. Would this be the last time he saw her?
Occasionally he would forget and they would leave each
other with tension between them. He felt even more
anxiety when this happened. Tonight he had left the
office feeling slightly nervous. He hoped she'd be all
right on the drive home.

He found himself thinking about her as he entered the
hotel. As he sat down at the bar next to a pretty
brunette, he kept reminding himself that everything
was fine. Ordering the brunette a drink and flashing
her a smile, he couldn't help but wonder if Scully was
home yet. Hopefully she was safe and asleep in her
bed. Bed. Good idea. The brunette agreed. Mulder
thought of calling her to make sure she was okay as he
entered Room 203. Wrapping his arms around Lily- yes,
he thought she said her name was Lily- he decided not
to call. If she was asleep he'd only wake her up. She
needed her sleep. She wouldn't want him to worry.
After all, he didn't want to do anything to hurt her.
He'd never do that.


Author's note:
This was inspired by a short story of the same title
by Ann Beattie. Janus is a Roman god of two faces. The
original "Janus" was the story of a woman's attachment
to a bowl given to her by her lover. I know that
sounds crazy but it was full of irony and that's what
I intended to do with this piece.
4/12/01


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Title: Stolen Light
Author: Leonora O'Reilly
Classification: PG.
Spoilers: Tithonus.
Key Words: Angst. Character death.
Summary: A decision is made that will both save and
shatter a life.
Disclaimer: I don't own Mulder or Scully. No copyright
infringement is intended.
Feedback: I'd be interested in anything you have to
say. E-mail me at gillyfanatic@...   
Author's note at the end.

********************************************************************************\
**************


She awkwardly pulled herself upright. Her head was
throbbing and her back ached. She
felt a pool of blood all around her. She remembered
that she had been shot in the back. They both had.
Suddenly Scully was aware that Mulder was laying
beside her. His vacant eyes seemed to plead with her
for help. She felt a surge of love like adrenaline
rushing through her. She couldn't stand to see him in
such pain. There was only one thing for her to do.
"Don't look," she whispered, running her fingers
through his hair, "Close your eyes." He did. She
lovingly took one final look at his face before
turning towards the shadowy figure that had been
standing over them this entire time.

Two days later.

Mulder opened his eyes. The ceiling above him was
bright white. He heard a rhythmic beeping sound
somewhere nearby. He tried to sit up; his back was
killing him. He realized that he was in a hospital
room. There were fresh flowers on the table beside
him. "Probably from Scully," he thought. He gently
removed the card from the flowers. It was signed
Walter Skinner, but there was no message. Mulder's
mind raced to remember why he was here. Nothing came
to him.
"You're awake," came a voice from the doorway. Mulder
turned to see a very sympathetic looking Walter
Skinner.
"What happened?" Mulder asked.
"You were shot," Skinner said, "but you're going to be
okay. The doctor said it's one of the fastest
recoveries he's ever seen."
All of this seemed vaguely familiar to Mulder, as if
he'd heard it before.
"Where's Scully?" he finally asked. This was the
question that Walter Skinner was not prepared to
answer. He'd heard the question asked over and over in
his mind. There was simply no good answer.
"She was also shot," he said, choking on the words.
Mulder knew exactly what would come next. He felt
numb.
"Mulder, I'm so sorry," Skinner told him, but Mulder
couldn't hear. All he could think was that she was
dead. He would never see her again. Never talk to her.
Never argue with her. Comfort her. Touch her. Love
her. Oh God. All the things that he had never said
flooded into his brain, threatening to drown him in
his agony. He had been such a fool. He had gotten so
many second chances. Not this time. This time she was
gone forever. He didn't notice Skinner leave the room.
It didn't matter anyway. Nothing did.
"Close your eyes," she had whispered. He closed them
now, fading into darkness. His mind was pure black
nothingness. Someone had murdered his light. Taken it.
Taken her. He drifted into a coma-like state. His eyes
became as vacant as they had been when he was shot.
There was no greater pain imaginable for him. He
couldn't consider going home or to the office. Not
without her. Not knowing she was gone forever. He kept
staring into the darkness, waiting for the light to
return. But it never would.


Author's note:
This is basically a late response to Tithonus. In my
mind, this was a natural plot turn. Scully has this
power- why not use it? It also gave me the chance to
do a story that involved character death where the
character actually stayed dead. Plus there was the
Mulder mental torture of it all. I hope it was
somewhat interesting to read because it felt
interesting to write.
3/27/01



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I will be doing an update on the archive this weekend!  If you have anything
you'd like to submit, please do it before Sunday.

Hope everyone has been well.  Happy daylight savings time to everyone!
Don't forget to "spring forward" Sunday morning.  I live in Indiana, so "us
backward folk" will be remaining on Eastern Standard Time (or Central
Daylight).

Hope to hear from everyone soon!  I've still got a work in progress, work's
been stressing me out, so I haven't had much time, or energy, to write.
Someday...


Katie  :c)
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