To C J, and everyone else,
I'm sending this message through the list because, Shawna and
Melissa would delete any e mail they received from me.
I've been going through hell recently. One of Ruthie's cat's bit
me. The bite became infected within 24 hours. I had to be
hospitalized and under go surgery to remove a metal plate from my big
toe, because the metal was preventing the antibiotics from working.
After I came home I had to live for six weeks with a PICC IV line
in my arms and give my self intraveinous infusions of Rocefin (an
antibiotic) for six long weeks.
While all that was going on, my husband's younger brother, Eugene,
moved in with us (because he had nowhere else to go). He was sweet
and helpful at first, but then, Ruthie got him to stay downstairs in
her room (along with Alice, and that where they live, downstairs. I
never see them, they never come upstairs. Even when I fell, and
struggled for 10 minutes to get myself up off of the floor, Eugene
pretended not to hear. I might have struggles for hours, because I
don't have enough strength or mobility to get to my feet after a fall.
It's hard to say this...I feel surrounded by my husband's family,
and all alone at the same time. He has his brothers and sisters. I
have no one. My parents have passed away, my children no longer want
anything to do with me, I have 1 sister, but she and I have never
gotten along rarely speak to one another. I spend my days alone.
My doctors talk and treat me with one new medication after
another, but I just can't pull myself up from this dark well of
depression. I'm tired of fighting it. My husband refuses to ask his
brothers and sisters to leave, as I've asked. Instead he just gets
angry.
I've decided it's time to end this miserable existance. No pills,
no knives or razor blades, no guns...I haven't even got the guts to
jump off a bridge, so I just refuse to eat. I've lost 20 pounds since
the beginning of July. I'm not very heavy, so I'm hoping this won't
go on too long.
Perhaps, if I had the friendship of my daughters I might be able to
continue, but I know that's impossible. They know my moods, and they
know that I never meant a word of what I said, during that last and
final argument, but they refuse to forgive me. I'm truly sorry for
all that's happened. Please believe that. I love you both and I
always will.
As for everyone else, I apologize for any trouble I've caused you.
My mind was screwed up, and I wasn't responsible for what I did. It
was my illness talking, and not me.
That's all I have to say.
Good-bye.
God bless you, and watch over you, Shawna and Melissa.
There's no need to respond. I'm leaving this group as soon as I've
posted this.

Gloria