MARTHA'S LARDER: Service station sitcom

Motorway service station complex:

The complex consists of:-

Filling station area including small shop.

Main building, including toilets, shop, cafe and amusement area (slot
machines etc). The cafe is connected to the kitchen and the managers
office.

There is obviously a large car park area outside the main entrance.

Note: this complex is only on one side of the motorway and is accessible
from the other by footbridge only - cars cannot turn round here.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Simms Lawlor: 40+, Motorway policeman, spends all his time in the cafe
rather than cruising the motorway. Very laid back. Always refers to Police
HQ as "the pig farm"
always sits in the same seat. Intimidates anyone already in his seat.

Vance Woodstock: 20, Simms partner, bit of a lad, always on the
lookout for villains. Also bit of ladies man.

Elvis Cheeseman: 30+, Cafe manager, always trying to cut costs and raise
prices, hates everyone and everyone hates him, also hates his name
'cause people take the piss. Elvis also has limited jurisdiction over
the shop and toilets.

Betty Crabtree: 50+, Cook, always tries to do something a bit exotic,
trying to get into the good food guide etc. Always after bigger budget.
Ambition to be first Egon Ronay recommended motorway service station.

Walter Smitton: 60+, Cleaner, in charge of toilets. Miserable old git.

Stacey Gotts: 17 Waitress, bit thick and very randy.

Cockley Swales: 20+, Wideboy, works on the petrol pumps, always on the
fiddle with the truckers. Has affected cockney accent which doesn't mix too
well with his broad Birmingham accent.

Barra Briggs: 50+, Welsh woman works in the shop, militant feminist and
very patriotic. Always trying to sell Welsh things even though service
station is near Birmingham.

Salome Blackwell: 30+, Sultry Asian/Arabian woman who works at the till in
the
petrol station. Always being pursued by Elvis (who she hates), she has a
thing for Cockley. Salome is responsible for all the filling station
functions. Some suspect that Elvis is not interested in the woman, but
the power she has, he is empire building.

Kristina Hogg: 25+, Assistant cook, very level headed, always
compromises on Betty's recipes, substitute tuna for smoked salmon etc.
Vance has a thing for her, and she's always egging him on without giving
in.

Angelina Brindley: 50+, Works with Barra in the shop, an Italian woman
who married a Yorkshireman (now dead), she has acquired a strange accent
over the years. Fancies herself as a singer, always trying to get
permission to put on a show in the cafe.

Hardiman Park: 25+, General repair man, mostly responsible for the
amusement machines. A computer games enthusiast with an eye for Stacey
(who finds him repulsive).

Ellick Holloway: 40+ Trucker, regular in cafe. Always making strange
trips and carry strange loads, always has an anecdote about some grisly
accident on the motorway.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Episode 3. (i.e. not the first episode, and not the last)

A trucker picks up a young attractive (sparsely clothed) hitchhiker
(probably female, but gender could be another amusing twist). On the journey
the passenger offers some oral stimulation. The truck crashes spilling it's
load across all northbound lanes of the motorway. Truck and companion are
unhurt apart from minor injuries (lacerations to the penis). The first we
know of the incident is the crash, the causes come out slowly revealing the
full story at the end of the episode.

The truck is/was carrying condoms (800,000) which spill across the road in
boxes which burst scattering little packets which, when the cars drive over
then burst spreading lubricated rubber all over the motorway forming a kind
of oil slick mixed in with an elastic spaghetti that wraps itself round
wheels and axles etc.

Sims and Vance happen to be on the spot (the crash is just past the service
station, less than 200 yards past the station exit). They investigate and
report back to base. Cars start to stop at the station (they can't go any
further), and the cafe starts to fill up. Elvis Cheeseman sees an excellent
opportunity to make more money and puts all the prices up.

Betty and Kristina work hard in the kitchen to keep up, Betty trying more
exotic idea on the captive customers and Kris trying to make do with an ever
dwindling stock.

In the cafe Stacey is confused by so many possible sexual liaisons she has a
(mild) breakdown - there's more than one attractive man in the room, she
doesn't know who to turn to first...
Walter is overworked with cleaning etc and complains all the time (as is his
wont).

Cockly is obviously out to grab as many intact condoms as he can and then
sell them off as novelty crash soiled accessories (for the trucker on the go
- complete with tire marks - etc).

Barra and Angelina in the shop hear rumours of a TV crew coming to report on
the crash (for that jokey upbeat item at the end of the news) and both have
their own agenda for (a) pushing forward the Welsh Nationalist cause and (b)
singing...

Level headed Salome is trying to keep Cockly in check while dealing with the
emergency services that arrive (the fire brigade are called in to clear the
"slick").

Hardiman notices Stacey's infatuation and obsession with the new customers
especially when the firemen turn up and becomes jealous.

Ellick, upon hearing of the lacerated penis recounts a grisly story about an
accident where a man killed in a car crash lost his member which was never
found. It turned up weeks later when his faithful dog that had survived the
crash developed bowel problems - x-rays revealed the offending organ stuck
in the dogs throat - seems he bit off more than he could chew!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
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"Nick's the kind of guy who doesn't mind if you puke in his car."

Idea number 1 - I defy anyone to make this work.....

Mark

>The Reiss Chrispies
>
>A domestic sitcom. Three brothers share a large detached house in Reiss
>(near Wick, Scotland) which they inherited from their parents who died
young.
>
>Tommy Chrispie: Youngest 20+ a bit naive but good natured. Nickname SNAP
>'cause he likes to hear the sound of bones breaking
>
>Rob Chrispie: Older (about 4 years) than Tommy, nasty piece of work.
>Nickname: CRACKLE 'cause he likes to set fire to people.
>
>John Chrispie: Eldest, 30+. The brains of the trio. Nickname: POP 'cause he
>has a very strong grip and likes to squeeze things (especially eyeballs)
>until they pop.
>
>They are serial killers.
>
>Re-hash any old serial killer stories fact or fiction.
>
>"I ate his liver with some butter beans and a nice spumanti!"
>
>

>Girlfriend in the cellar, painting with bodily fluids, nightschool sewing
>classes to help in making that human skin costume, also cooking recipes,
>skrimshaw.

As most people don't really know me I thought I'd attempt a little intro:-

Name: Mark Ashley

Location: Bristol (Clevedon)

Age: Who cares

Background: Writing in every conceivable format since school starting with
the obligatory sketch scripts and adolescent poetry and currently focused on
a Onelist group called "surreal" (if anyone would like to join let me know).
I created "surreal" myself to accommodate my own brand of writing which
relies heavily on collaboration - at the moment I'm collaborating with
myself (why does that remind me of my adolescence?).

Why I joined SitsVac: Mainly for fun. I like to write strange humorous
things, and I work best with other people so it's mainly an exercise in
combating writers block.

Special Talents: Difficult one (why did I make up this category?), probably
all the stuff that is irrelevant like filling in background details for
characters, coming up with stupid names and titles, stating obvious puns
(and possibly getting them out of the way - moving on etc)

Special Interests: Films, Greek Myths, surrealist writing games, blah blah
blah... I'm bored now...

Mark Ashley

I'm not sure Press Gang counts. It was drama. But it was very good.
Although all I can really remember about it was that I really fancied
Julia Sawahla at the time.

My Top Three:
1) Fawlty Towers
2) The Simpsons
3) Yes Minister, probably.


Pete.

In message <19990525100225.50409.qmail@...>, Rich Johnston
<twisting@...> writes
>From: "Rich Johnston" <twisting@...>
>
>Actually, drop Nightingales and replace with Press Gang if it counts.
>
>Rich Johnston

wow I finally caught up on all the emails - my poor little wrist
hasn't seen this much action since I was single, I've worn my mouse
out..somethying which I also haven't done since I was single...poor
benjy, oh well I like to think he died with a smile on his face!

anyway my top 3 sitcoms are

1) ever decreasing circles - I have fond memories of this but it
might not be as good as I remember!

2) seinfeld - obvious choice but it was the best IMO

3) mmmm not sure now..maybe mid red dwarf (2,3,4,5)- it's gone a
bit shit now hasn't it!

ands


website : http://members.xoom.com/AndyCottier/

email : cotterap@...

My top 3 sitcoms are:-

1. The Simpsons
2. Red Dwarf (excluding the latest series)
3. Only Fools & Horses

  Unfortunately I've been extremely busy at work, but as soon as I get the
chance I will send an email about my character ideas (the Reluctant Cult
Leader/Scientist) etc

Regards,
Mike Wong
**********************************************************************

This footnote confirms that this email message has been swept by
MIMEsweeper for the presence of computer viruses.

www.mimesweeper.com
**********************************************************************

1) Fawlty Towers
2) The Larry Sanders Show
3) Lucky Feller

Paranoid is GOOD.....
My top Sitcoms

1) FRASIER  (AS far as I'm concerned nothing is in the same league as this)
2) Larry Saunders
3) Simpsons/Ellen
4) Dad's Army
----------
>From: kevfsutherland <kevf@...>
>To: Sits Vac list <SitsVac@onelist.com>
>Subject: [SitsVac] Hello again
>Date: Tue, May 25, 1999, 9:19 am
>

>From: kevfsutherland <kevf@...>
>
>I don't want to get paranoid, but I'm on the digest version of this list
>only, and I haven't received a copy since Friday. Does that mean that
>no-one's writing, or that I'm not receiving.
>
>If you receive this note, could you all just write a simple return to
>the list address, saying so?
>
>To prompt you, a quick survey to keep us thinkng sitcom:
>
>What, in your opinion, is the best sitcom of all time?
>We did this survey with the last group (results to be found at:
>http://www.geocities.com/TelevisionCity/Network/1358/SV4.html )
>and it doesn't hurt to see what the current group thinks.
>
>Vote for your top three in descending order.
>My votes go to:
>1) Frasier
>2) The Simpsons
>3) I'm Alan Partridge
>
>Kev F
>
>------------------------------------------------------------------------
>Where do some of the Internet's largest email lists reside?
>http://www.onelist.com
>At ONElist - the most scalable and reliable service on the Internet.
>------------------------------------------------------------------------
>Situations Vacant sitcom development
>http://www.geocities.com/TelevisionCity/Network/1358/SV1.html
>

Actually, drop Nightingales and replace with Press Gang if it counts.

Rich Johnston

>From: kevfsutherland <kevf@...>
>Reply-To: SitsVac@onelist.com
>To: Sits Vac list <SitsVac@onelist.com>
>Subject: [SitsVac] Hello again
>Date: Tue, 25 May 1999 10:19:27 +0100
>
>From: kevfsutherland <kevf@...>
>
>I don't want to get paranoid, but I'm on the digest version of this list
>only, and I haven't received a copy since Friday. Does that mean that
>no-one's writing, or that I'm not receiving.

Might be the latter... I've just sent a scene from Lord Jeremy and working
on others.... I'll cc this to your e-mail in case.

My top three:

Yes Minister
The Larry Sanders Show
Nightingales


Rich Johnston


buffer
buffer
buffer
buffer

Kev said: I don't want to get paranoid, ......

I said: Well, nobody *wants* to get paranoid....


It's not like you wake up one morning thinking "I could just do with one of
those psychotic episodes today". It's not like getting "laid", you don't go
out to a night club, spend all night eyeing up the totty and think to
yourself "Corr, I bet she's talking about me behind my back"....

sorry, sometime you just have to get it down on paper before it gets away,
so I thought I'd send it to the list....

Mark Ashley

--- Received from CD1.M00898 (7400)4938                   25-05-99 10.53

   -> sitsvac@onelist.com

> I don't want to get paranoid, but I'm on the digest version of this
> list only, and I haven't received a copy since Friday. Does that mean
> that no-one's writing, or that I'm not receiving.

I'm recieving stuff on a daily basis.  Anyway, here's my top three:

1. Porridge
2. Spin City
3. People Like Us (Radio 4)

or if that last one's not allowed

3. Joking Part

James Parker

-----Original Message-----
From: kevfsutherland <kevf@...>
To: Sits Vac list <SitsVac@onelist.com>
Date: Tuesday, May 25, 1999 10:14 AM
Subject: [SitsVac] Hello again


>From: kevfsutherland <kevf@...>
>
>I don't want to get paranoid, ......

Well, nobody *wants* to get paranoid....

Mark

1) Game On (first series ONLY!)
2) Knowing Me Knowing You (the Radio series, not the TV one)
3) BlackAdder Goes Forth

As for this list, I have a large volume of material that I'm hanging onto
for the moment as I'm not particularly confident about it, yet.

Mark Ashley

-----Original Message-----
From: kevfsutherland [mailto:kevf@...]
Sent: Tuesday, May 25, 1999 10:19 AM
To: Sits Vac list
Subject: [SitsVac] Hello again


From: kevfsutherland <kevf@...>

I don't want to get paranoid, but I'm on the digest version of this list
only, and I haven't received a copy since Friday. Does that mean that
no-one's writing, or that I'm not receiving.

If you receive this note, could you all just write a simple return to
the list address, saying so?

To prompt you, a quick survey to keep us thinkng sitcom:

What, in your opinion, is the best sitcom of all time?
We did this survey with the last group (results to be found at:
http://www.geocities.com/TelevisionCity/Network/1358/SV4.html )
and it doesn't hurt to see what the current group thinks.

Vote for your top three in descending order.
My votes go to:
1) Frasier
2) The Simpsons
3) I'm Alan Partridge

Kev F

------------------------------------------------------------------------
Where do some of the Internet's largest email lists reside?
http://www.onelist.com
At ONElist - the most scalable and reliable service on the Internet.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Situations Vacant sitcom development
http://www.geocities.com/TelevisionCity/Network/1358/SV1.html

I don't want to get paranoid, but I'm on the digest version of this list
only, and I haven't received a copy since Friday. Does that mean that
no-one's writing, or that I'm not receiving.

If you receive this note, could you all just write a simple return to
the list address, saying so?

To prompt you, a quick survey to keep us thinkng sitcom:

What, in your opinion, is the best sitcom of all time?
We did this survey with the last group (results to be found at:
http://www.geocities.com/TelevisionCity/Network/1358/SV4.html )
and it doesn't hurt to see what the current group thinks.

Vote for your top three in descending order.
My votes go to:
1) Frasier
2) The Simpsons
3) I'm Alan Partridge

Kev F

Reminder:
Next SITS VAC BRISTOL meeting is Tuesday 25th May, 6pm - 8pm, downstairs
at The Chateau, Park Street.
Still looking for those bright character ideas that'll spark us into
action.

Next SITS VAC LONDON meeting is Weds June 2nd, 6pm - 8pm at The Actors
Centre, 1a Tower Street.
Still looking forward to seeing, on this list, the original writers'
summing up of the characters they brought along last week, plus ideas
that anyone's had since then.

Remember, in all instances, we'll be staging showcase performances of
the sitcoms we develop in September, so we want to play up to the
strengths of the performers.

Another very important thing that I may have only mentioned in passing:
Stand Ups.

I very much want us to look at building on performers existing stand up
work. In the mould of Seinfeld, Roseanne, Grace Under Fire et al, there
are a number of stand up performers within the group whose live sets and
personae lend themselves to development as central characters in a
sitcom. To pick a few names from the hat, imagine if you will sitcoms
with such titles as "Pilch", "The Veronica Mackenzie Show" or "Frisby
Returns".

Think on't

Kev F

Right, this was my lunch hour today. so it's all very very first draft and
almost all of it cam off the keyboard in the last 55 minutes. so no worries
if everyone rips it apart, it's still newborn.

Lord Jeremy

Scene 1;

INTERNAL, HOUSE OF LORDS DINING ROOM. LORD JEREMY YOUNG IS LORD JEREMY YOUNG
SHARING A DRINK WITH SALLY TRENT, POSH FRIEND, IN HOUSE OF LORDS.

SALLY IS AN AIDE TO JEREMY, UNIVERSITY FRIEND WITH NO POLITICAL AMBITION.
WOULD HAVE BEEN A LORD, TOO, LIKE JEREMY, BUT HER YOUNGER BROTHER GOT IT.
SHE'S PART OF A NETWORK OF FRIENDS AND HER ROLE IS USUALLY TO PROVIDE A LINK
TO SOMEONE ELSE. HERE, SHE DOES JUST THAT.


JEREMY: So that's it, you see. Here's me, Jeremy Young, the youngest sitting
member of the House of Lords and as far as I can tell, no one expects me to
do anything.

SALLY: Except sit.

JEREMY: Except, as you say, sit. It's absolute hell. Although, most of 	 the
chaps prefer to lie.

SALLY: Well, they are politicians.

JEREMY: Lie, as in horizontal. Eyes shut. Snores, that sort of thing. Those
long robes are quite comfortable when stuffed behind the neck.

SALLY: I'm surprised any of you turn up if that's all you do.

JEREMY: Well, we get cost of a meal and a drink or two. No one's got butlers
or servants these days, and we don't even know how to boil an egg.

SALLY: 3 minutes in a saucepan isn't it?

JEREMY: Is it? Damn, I knew using the microwave was a bad idea. Especially
for half an hour. I say, you don't have any industrial cleaning fluid about
your person? The dog ate my last lot, and vice 	 versa.

SALLY: Vice versa?

JEREMY: Well, the dog ate the fluid and the fluid ate right through the dog,
all over my kitchen floor. Mind you, it cleaned up nicely. I forget,
where was I?

SALLY: House of Lords. Nothing to do but sleep, eat and drink.

JEREMY: Exactly, it's like a retirement home, just smelling slightly less of
wee. Nothing to do but rot. Your life must be more exciting, fun filled,
that sort of thing, Sally?

SALLY: Why do you think that?

JEREMY: Those chaps you used to hang around with at Trinity. Anarchists,
bolshies, trots, what happened to them?

SALLY: MI5 got to them all.

JEREMY: Really?

SALLY: Yes, their career people. They're all high flyers with plush jobs and
Jags trying to undermine union leaders these days. Mind you, I know who you
could talk to.

JEREMY: Who?

SALLY: Twig. He's in the Green Party, Friends Of The Earth, that sort of
thing... you know,  an environmental activist. He digs holes and buries
		 himself to protest against road building.

JEREMY: But how can anyone hear him down there? Doesn't sound a very
practical way to protest to me.

SALLY: It does if he gets in the way of the road and all the media swarm
round him. That's why it would be ideal for you... and they could use a name
for the cause. You should meet him. I'll call him on 	 his mobile... hmmm,
number not available. Probably out of reception.

JEREMY: My god, how deep does he bury himself?

SALLY: No, it's Tuesday, he'll be on the golf course.

JEREMY: Strange place for an environmental activist.

SALLY: He says he gets lots of experience in the bunkers. I'll call him
later, you two should meet for lunch.

JEREMY: Green Party... they've always intrigued me. I mean every decision
based around nature and stuff. What's their defence policy... to build
		 really large hedges everywhere?

SALLY: Well, it beats sitting around doing nothing.

JEREMY: Oh sure, buried in mud doing nothing is much better. At least you
get service here...

SALLY: I don't know about that, my drink's been empty for five minutes and
no one's bothered to replace it.

JEREMY: Yes... told you it was hell here.


POSSIBLE OTHER REGULAR CHARACTERS:

Mark Turner, young spin doctor-type at Millbank, his job is to recruit
people like Jeremy when it comes to a difficult vote. Sharp, insecure, finds
Jeremy exaszperating but Jmeremy loves the attention Mark gives to him.

Lord Carmen, Jeremy's uncle. Experienced House Of Lords fellow. Short
sentences, seen it all, believes chat show hosts should be flogged.

Victoria Loria-Jeffries, high class totty, famous for being famous, needs to
be seen with powerful and famous people. Believes Jeremy to be one of those,
poor dear.

Prince Henry, went to the same school as Jeremy, considers him a friend and
an advisor. But Jeremy knows even less than Henry.

Julia Spent, tabloid journalist that preys on Jeremy's indiscreetness.





buffer
buffer
buffer
buffer

Right, this was my lunch hour today. so it's all very very first draft and
almost all of it cam off the keyboard in the last 55 minutes. so no worries
if everyone rips it apart, it's still newborn.

Lord Jeremy

Scene 1;

INTERNAL, HOUSE OF LORDS DINING ROOM. LORD JEREMY YOUNG IS LORD JEREMY YOUNG
SHARING A DRINK WITH SALLY TRENT, POSH FRIEND, IN HOUSE OF LORDS.

SALLY IS AN AIDE TO JEREMY, UNIVERSITY FRIEND WITH NO POLITICAL AMBITION.
WOULD HAVE BEEN A LORD, TOO, LIKE JEREMY, BUT HER YOUNGER BROTHER GOT IT.
SHE'S PART OF A NETWORK OF FRIENDS AND HER ROLE IS USUALLY TO PROVIDE A LINK
TO SOMEONE ELSE. HERE, SHE DOES JUST THAT.


JEREMY: So that's it, you see. Here's me, Jeremy Young, the youngest sitting
member of the House of Lords and as far as I can tell, no one expects me to
do anything.

SALLY: Except sit.

JEREMY: Except, as you say, sit. It's absolute hell. Although, most of 	 the
chaps prefer to lie.

SALLY: Well, they are politicians.

JEREMY: Lie, as in horizontal. Eyes shut. Snores, that sort of thing. Those
long robes are quite comfortable when stuffed behind the neck.

SALLY: I'm surprised any of you turn up if that's all you do.

JEREMY: Well, we get cost of a meal and a drink or two. No one's got butlers
or servants these days, and we don't even know how to boil an egg.

SALLY: 3 minutes in a saucepan isn't it?

JEREMY: Is it? Damn, I knew using the microwave was a bad idea. Especially
for half an hour. I say, you don't have any industrial cleaning fluid about
your person? The dog ate my last lot, and vice 	 versa.

SALLY: Vice versa?

JEREMY: Well, the dog ate the fluid and the fluid ate right through the dog,
all over my kitchen floor. Mind you, it cleaned up nicely. I forget,
where was I?

SALLY: House of Lords. Nothing to do but sleep, eat and drink.

JEREMY: Exactly, it's like a retirement home, just smelling slightly less of
wee. Nothing to do but rot. Your life must be more exciting, fun filled,
that sort of thing, Sally?

SALLY: Why do you think that?

JEREMY: Those chaps you used to hang around with at Trinity. Anarchists,
bolshies, trots, what happened to them?

SALLY: MI5 got to them all.

JEREMY: Really?

SALLY: Yes, their career people. They're all high flyers with plush jobs and
Jags trying to undermine union leaders these days. Mind you, I know who you
could talk to.

JEREMY: Who?

SALLY: Twig. He's in the Green Party, Friends Of The Earth, that sort of
thing... you know,  an environmental activist. He digs holes and buries
		 himself to protest against road building.

JEREMY: But how can anyone hear him down there? Doesn't sound a very
practical way to protest to me.

SALLY: It does if he gets in the way of the road and all the media swarm
round him. That's why it would be ideal for you... and they could use a name
for the cause. You should meet him. I'll call him on 	 his mobile... hmmm,
number not available. Probably out of reception.

JEREMY: My god, how deep does he bury himself?

SALLY: No, it's Tuesday, he'll be on the golf course.

JEREMY: Strange place for an environmental activist.

SALLY: He says he gets lots of experience in the bunkers. I'll call him
later, you two should meet for lunch.

JEREMY: Green Party... they've always intrigued me. I mean every decision
based around nature and stuff. What's their defence policy... to build
		 really large hedges everywhere?

SALLY: Well, it beats sitting around doing nothing.

JEREMY: Oh sure, buried in mud doing nothing is much better. At least you
get service here...

SALLY: I don't know about that, my drink's been empty for five minutes and
no one's bothered to replace it.

JEREMY: Yes... told you it was hell here.


POSSIBLE OTHER REGULAR CHARACTERS:

Mark Turner, young spin doctor-type at Millbank, his job is to recruit
people like Jeremy when it comes to a difficult vote. Sharp, insecure, finds
Jeremy exaszperating but Jmeremy loves the attention Mark gives to him.

Lord Carmen, Jeremy's uncle. Experienced House Of Lords fellow. Short
sentences, seen it all, believes chat show hosts should be flogged.

Victoria Loria-Jeffries, high class totty, famous for being famous, needs to
be seen with powerful and famous people. Believes Jeremy to be one of those,
poor dear.

Prince Henry, went to the same school as Jeremy, considers him a friend and
an advisor. But Jeremy knows even less than Henry.

Julia Spent, tabloid journalist that preys on Jeremy's indiscreetness.





buffer
buffer
buffer
buffer

How about "Wined Up" or even "The Grapes of Rotherham" (its set in
Rotherham).

On a more serious note, does anyone have notes they took about the Bella
M. Character as Caroline saw her. I have Irish-Italian parents and
tactless. More importantly, did the bitchy side of Alix, become part of
Bella.

Pete.

In message <000101bea314$560cb7a0$5743fad4@laptop>, Mark Ashley
<mark.ashley@...> writes
>From: "Mark Ashley" <mark.ashley@...>
>
>or "Plonk!"
>
>Mark
>
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: Roland Moore [mailto:pq49@...]
>> Sent: Friday, May 21, 1999 05:30
>> To: Situations Vacant
>> Subject: Re: [SitsVac] Bella McGuire again
>>
>>
>> From: "Roland Moore" <pq49@...>
>>
>> >Just had an idea for a setting for Caroline's character - Bella McGuire,
>> the wine critic...
>>
>>
>> The series could be called "Uncorked"...or "Sour Grapes"...or...
>>
>> I'll shut up now.
>>
>> Roland
>>
>>
>> ------------------------------------------------------------------------
>> It's finally here!  What's your opinion?
>> http://www.onelist.com
>> Create a Star Wars discussion group at ONElist.
>> ------------------------------------------------------------------------
>> Situations Vacant sitcom development
>> http://www.geocities.com/TelevisionCity/Network/1358/SV1.html
>>
>
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>http://www.geocities.com/TelevisionCity/Network/1358/SV1.html


Pete

To all writers,
my description in the actors list was abit limiting and uninspiring :"Posh
but not
too posh all knowing",and I felt you guys didn't see enough of me at the
meeting
to be inspired.
I could quite easliy do a character along the lines of ~Pasty in Ab Fab. I
also sing
play the guitar to a good standard and a little bit of piano and drums.
If you want anymore info on me e mail moi. If I have any more ideas I'll let
you know.

Yours victoria

Bella McGuire already seems to be inspiring most interest, so let's look
at what we've got.

Starting point - Alix Longmam, whose persona started us going. Alix
isn't on e-mail, so she'll see everything anew at the next meeting.

Lead writer - Caroline Bainbridge. She's also not on e-mail, so she'll
need bringing up to date. Bear in mind as we go that we're working with
Caroline's character.

> Suppose she has suddenly fallen from grace, and is reduced to working for
> the pathetic wine section of a sad local newspaper
> Essentially, the setting is that of a once biggish fish thrown back into the
> small pond of the local newspaper.(Roland)

This, and other suggestions, are all likely notions - she COULD fall
from grace, she COULD be in the hubbub of the big city, she COULD be a
New Yorker transplanted to the Home Counties, she COULD be starting a
small business in the very real and normal world of suburbia.

The question of which of these will work best and offer most is one we
can only really answer by discovering more of how Bella sounds, how she
walks and talks.

So I'd encourage contributors to busk some Bella dialogue, or scenes, or
even a plot skeleton. Start to get real with her. If some of us could
bring along BELLA dialogue and scenes for the next meeting, or even
better if we could read some on this list and sound them out, that'd be
great.

> The other inhabitants of the newspaper office can be:
> - the Chief Editor...
> - a bimbo assistant... (Roland)

Remember - we're writing for our cast, so let me give you again the
names and descriptions of our (London) performers:
(Actors, please describe yourselves - you might find these reductive and
insulting:)

Alix Longman - Oz, bitch, aggressive, smart, cutting (would like to not
pay Oz)
Justin Edwards - Posh, sardonic, rugby playing build
Miranda Hart - Posh, amiable
Nick Ewans - (most inspiring individual to write for so far) mad vicar/
cult leader/ childrens entertainer (reminds me of an older, taller
Jarvis Cocker)
Mark Phoenix - Marty Feldman, hyperactive spiv
Paul Saville - nice but dim, Hugh Grant-alike
Sharon Wymark - Posh, cool and disdainful
Paula Holland - Working class, street savvy, smart
Kim Sampson - Dreamy, school ma'msy
Dom Frisby - Big smile, cunning eyes
*Caroline Quinlan - Ditzy, well educated, a Joyce Grenfell for the
2000's
Scott Cornwall - London, sharp
*Caroline Bainbridge - Middle class hippy, the original happy medium
Russell Brand - Bit suave, bit scary
Neil Gibbons - An innocent abroad
Victoria Jeffrey - Posh but not too posh, all knowing
*Pilch - Shy, smart, surprising

* These acts have stand up routines (that I've seen) that give a deeper
insight into their stage personas. Worth catching.


Kev F

Listen, I shall say this only once (though you'll be able to find it in
the Sits Vac list archives).

Here are the names and e-mail addresses of everyone who is either on or
has been invited to join this list. These are all members of either the
Sits Vac London or Bristol groups.

A couple of people have asked if their writing contacts thru e-mail can
join, and I've had to say no. This list is purely for the benefit of the
writing grouups and workshops, and will be of little use or interest to
internet-only contributors. (I know a couple of people on this list
actually break that rule, but I guess it's a case of it being my ball
and I decide who plays with it)

The gang, then, is:
Sits Vac: Alexander Hewitt <a.v.hewitt@...>,
Sits Vac: Andrea Allsopp <alallsopp@...>,
Sits Vac: Andrew Cotter <cotterap@...>,
Sits Vac: Andrew Viner <andrewv@...>,
Sits Vac: Andrew Wong <andrew.wong@...>,
Sits Vac: Arnold Green <arnoldgreen@...>,
Sits Vac: Caroline Quinlan <caroline.quinlan@...>,
Sits Vac: Danny Wallace <D.F.Wallace@...>,
Sits Vac: Dolly Dupree <jolly@...>,
Sits Vac: Dominic Frisby <domf@...>,
Sits Vac: Ed Parnell < ed.parnell@...>,
Sits Vac: James Parker <CD1.M00898@...>,
Sits Vac: Joe Agoston <joe@...>,
Sits Vac: Justin Edwards <justin@...>,
Sits Vac: Ken Elkes <kelkes8807@...>,
Sits Vac: Kim Sampson <kim.sampson@...>,
Sits Vac: Kiran Modha <kiran@...>,
Sits Vac: Lisa Mainwaring <Lisa_Mainwaring@...>,
Sits Vac: Marek Tribedi <Marek@...>,
Sits Vac: Mark Ashley <mark.ashley@...>,
Sits Vac: Mark Olver <comedychicane@...>,
Sits Vac: Matt Hurst <mhhurst@...>,
Sits Vac: Michael Cook <mike@...>,
Sits Vac: Michael Wong <Michael.Wong@...>,
Sits Vac: Michelle Lee <Shunwenlee@...>,
Sits Vac: Neil Gibbons <neiljg@...>,
Sits Vac: Nick Barnes <tbg@...>,
Sits Vac: Paul Lee <pal55555@...>,
Sits Vac: Paul Silky White <Silky.1@...>,
Sits Vac: Pete More <pete@...>,
"Sits Vac: Pete More (weekend)" <pete@...>,
Sits Vac: Pilch <pilch@...>,
Sits Vac: Priestess <priestes@...>,
Sits Vac: Rachel Phillips <rachelp@...>,
Sits Vac: Rich Johnston <twisting@...>,
Sits Vac: Roland Moore <rmoore@...>,
Sits Vac: Ruth Hine <hine@...>,
Sits Vac: Scott Cornwall <s.cornwall@...>,
Sits Vac: Selina Lim <caelum@...>,
Sits Vac: Sharon Wymark <sharon@...>,
Sits Vac: Stephen Grant <Stephen_Grant@...>
Sits Vac: Steve Owen <permanent-inc@...>,
Sits Vac: Theo Boyman <Theo.Boyman@...>,
Sits Vac: Victoria Jeffrey <vjeffrey@...>

If anybody's slipped through without signing "The Agreement" to be found
at:
http://www.geocities.com/TelevisionCity/Network/1358/SVP.html
Please check it out, copy it, sign it and mail it to me (most of you
have signd a paper copy, so you're covered)

Obviously we want to be a little cautious about the copyright on ideas
discussed here, so remember that everything you write is recorded with
both your name and the date you sent it, and is stored in the Sits Vac
archive + witnessed by everyone else on the list.

Kev F

Kev F

Hi, and welcome to the Sits Vac list,

(Some of you may be reading this for a second time, but those of you
receiving the Digest only won't have had it yet)

This is a closed list, set up to accompany the Situations Vacant writers
groups and workshops in London & Bristol. This will enable us to
continue exchanging ideas started at the meetings, secure in the
knowledge that they're only being read by the same folk who ae at the
meetings, all of whom have read & signed the Sits Vac Agreement (about
retaining your copyright while allowing the group to contribute ideas,
etc).

If anyone's not yet read the agreement, you'll find it on the Sits Vac
website:
http://www.geocities.com/TelevisionCity/Network/1358/SVP.html
along with a back catalogue of our work to date:
http://www.geocities.com/TelevisionCity/Network/1358/SVCV.html
a writers guide, 10 or so scripts, character designs, and stuff.

Next Bristol meeting:
TUESDAY 25th MAY at The Chateau, Park Street, 6pm - 8pm

Next London meeting:
WEDNESDAY 2nd JUNE at The Actors Centre, 6pm - 8pm

SO, to sum up Wednesday night's meeting:
SITS VAC - LONDON MAY 19th 1999.

In attendance:
Theo Boyman, Peter More, Michael Wong, Neil Gibbons, Kim Sampson, Nick
Ewans, Dominic Frisby, Alexander Hewitt, Michael Paszkowski, Rich
Johnston, Joe Agoston, Pilch, Roland Moore, Caroline Bainbridge, Paul
Saville, Victoria Jeffrey and me (Kev F).

At least half the people there pitched in with character ideas they'd
brought along, many of which were very inspiring.

Rather than sum them up in my own words, which would undoubtedly slew &
bias them, I'd like to invite those writers that can (and a few aren't
on e-mail yet) to tell us again, on the list, about the characters they
described, and any further thoughts they've had about them.

What we want to do at this stage is find characters, set-ups,
situations, notions that make one or other of us think "Yes - that could
make a funny & original sitcom".

After the next meeting I want us to go away with half a dozen sets of
characters or ideas that we want to turn into sitcoms. Whether we send
away a writer instructng him or her to keep up the good work, or whether
three or four of us want to developo the same idea separately, it
doesn't matter. THe next stage is to find the stuff that promises to be
funny.

SO: When you're ready, could the following writers tell us again, or
tell us more, about the stuff they brought to the meeting:

Caroline Bainbridge - 4 characters, particularly Bella McGuire

Peter More - Dirk PLinth & Mary Shine

Kim Sampson - Derek Gender Cult Leader

Michael Wong - The cult leader/inventor scientist/ miracleworker

Paul Saville - Rocket scientists

Rich Johnston - The young member of the HOuse Or Lords,
and the female odd couple

Theo Boyman - Small country village idea

Neil Gibbons - The wanker salesmen

Kev F - Fieves, the blokes wot rob fings

Also welcome are anybody's comments or contributions on any of the ideas
they heard, or are about to read.
I know it'll be a short while before I can write up my characters, so
don't feel rushed if you too have something more important to do first.

Cheers

Kev F

or "Plonk!"

Mark

> -----Original Message-----
> From: Roland Moore [mailto:pq49@...]
> Sent: Friday, May 21, 1999 05:30
> To: Situations Vacant
> Subject: Re: [SitsVac] Bella McGuire again
>
>
> From: "Roland Moore" <pq49@...>
>
> >Just had an idea for a setting for Caroline's character - Bella McGuire,
> the wine critic...
>
>
> The series could be called "Uncorked"...or "Sour Grapes"...or...
>
> I'll shut up now.
>
> Roland
>
>
> ------------------------------------------------------------------------
> It's finally here!  What's your opinion?
> http://www.onelist.com
> Create a Star Wars discussion group at ONElist.
> ------------------------------------------------------------------------
> Situations Vacant sitcom development
> http://www.geocities.com/TelevisionCity/Network/1358/SV1.html
>

>Just had an idea for a setting for Caroline's character - Bella McGuire,
the wine critic...


The series could be called "Uncorked"...or "Sour Grapes"...or...

I'll shut up now.

Roland

>From: kevfsutherland <kevf@...>
>Reply-To: SitsVac@onelist.com
>To: SitsVac@onelist.com
>Subject: Re: [SitsVac] Characters from the Meeting
>Date: Thu, 20 May 1999 13:31:51 +0100
>
>From: kevfsutherland <kevf@...>
>
> > And Fieves was the idea that hung together the best, having definitive
> > characters, (Pete)
>
>Teachers Pet.
>

How about 'Tea Leaves'?

Ian Tee is a clairovoyant. He is also a thief. He never stays anywhere very
long, and after telling someone's fortune, he pickpockets them. And then
leaves the room.


Aaah.

Rich Johnston
Back With Sensible Thoughts Tomorrow.


buffer
buffer
buffer

Just had an idea for a setting for Caroline's character - Bella McGuire, the
wine critic...

Suppose she has suddenly fallen from grace, and is reduced to working for
the pathetic wine section of a sad local newspaper. She would retain all her
arrogance and opinionated attitude, whilst having to acknowledge that her
glory days as wine critic for the glossy magazine "The Alcoholic" were
behind her.

Instead of champagne at showbiz parties, she would be find herself at school
fete's tasting homemade Parsnip wine.

Essentially, the setting is that of a once biggish fish thrown back into the
small pond of the local newspaper.

The other inhabitants of the newspaper office can be:

- the Chief Editor who wouldn't know a Beujoulais from a Budweiser, and who
relishes his/her power over Bella

- a bimbo assistant who Bella tries to commandeer as her PA. Her actual
duties involve typing up the car classifieds and checking dates for the
"What's On" diary.

Bella might rent a seedy flat having lost most of her money in her
downfall...

(I don't think Caroline has email, so I will print this out for her for the
next meeting)

Roland

> And Fieves was the idea that hung together the best, having definitive
> characters, (Pete)

Teachers Pet.

Kev F

Hello all,

Right, I realised in the meeting I had concentrated more on where and
why rather than who. Not necessarily a bad thing, as long as you end up
with good who's at the end.


The characters I had were:

Dirg Plinth: (Based around Mark)

Around the 40's mark and fancies himself a bit, but also worried about
the onslaught of time. Scandinavian origins. Was in a Heavy Metal band
("Bloodspurtz") many moons ago (one album and good local following), who
did okay, but are largely forgotten. His goal is to feel he has achieved
something.

Was going to have him running a small night-club, but that's been done
too well recently, and so he should run something else, if he's kept.


Mary Shine: (Not based around anyone directly, but could be good for
Victoria or Sharon)

Singer whose career never took off, gets by on club circuit. Deep of
thought, light of action. Cynical: been there, seen it, got burnt by it.

At the time Dirg was in his band, she and her boyfriend had a band. He
dumped her for some young bimboid thing and had success. She is Dirg's
occasional lover basically because they don't have anything else.

I liked the ideas that people added at the meeting, that she was
unmarried but had a respectable son out there. Quite probably by the guy
she was in the band with. Just to make him even more of a bastard.


I had some ideas for other characters, who I had developed less.

Main ones were:

Monty - supplier of things cheaply. He is Dirg's friend, but more than
willing to con him out of a few quid here and there. If asked where his
wares come from always replies, "You would not believe me if I told
you." Mary despises him. He managed "Bloodspurtz" and was probably a
good cause in their downfall, although nobody other than Mary is
prepared to admit it to even themselves.

Reverent X - (based around Nick) Local vicar and former bass player in
"Bloodspurtz", and at the time did every drug and other vice known to
man. Now a much calmer person. (I liked the idea that over the series a
cult developed around this guy, and he didn't realise it. Not so good
for a pilot.) Worries about the dilemmas of giving sermons against
excess when he himself has tasted that excess and rather enjoyed it at
the time.

Others I saw were a crooked councillor who was forever trying to get
back-handers but never getting them because he was so ineffectual. A
doorman who wanted to "mash" everything in sight.

Of all these things I had, I would like to develop Mary the most, and
perhaps find another setting for her and other characters.


I'll wait for other people to put their ideas here before I give my
comments on them. All were great. I will say, I liked the Bella McGuire
and young MP characters; the concept that a cult leader is really a
children's entertainer doing it until the work starts coming back in;
and the idea of an Alibi agency as a setting, especially all the tons
and tons of stuff that gives you.

Also the idea of two+ salesmen who go to rugby matches with all the
right outfit, talk loudly about it and don't actually watch the match.
The sort of people who go paintballing with all the best equipment:
rapid-fire weapons and full uniform, discuss loudly about tactics (they
read in a book) and then get shot in the first two minutes because they
are so crap. Love that. Especially if there's is a pair of them and if
one of them gets into something, the other has to. There is a constant
(subconscious) status battle between them to show the other one that
they know the most and are into it more. Series climax is transvestism.

And Fieves was the idea that hung together the best, having definitive
characters, clear relationships between then and a good reason they are
all together.


Well that's more than enough from me,

Peter More

Hi, and welcome to the Sits Vac list,

This is a closed list, set up to accompany the Situations Vacant writers
groups and workshops in London & Bristol. This will enable us to
continue exchanging ideas started at the meetings, secure in the
knowledge that they're only being read by the same folk who ae at the
meetings, all of whom have read & signed the Sits Vac Agreement (about
retaining your copyright while allowing the group to contribute ideas,
etc).

If anyone's not yet read the agreement, you'll find it on the Sits Vac
website:
http://www.geocities.com/TelevisionCity/Network/1358/SV1.html
along with a back catalogue of our work to date:
http://www.geocities.com/TelevisionCity/Network/1358/SVCV.html
a writers guide, 10 or so scripts, character designs, and stuff.

Next Bristol meeting:
TUESDAY 25th MAY at The Chateau, 6pm - 8pm

Next London meeting:
WEDNESDAY 2nd JUNE at The Actors Centre, 6pm - 8pm

SO, to sum up last night's meeting:
SITS VAC - LONDON MAY 19th 1999.

In attendance:
Theo Boyman, Peter More, Michael Wong, Neil Gibbons, Kim Sampson, Nick
Ewans, Dominic Frisby, Alexander Hewitt, Michael Paszkowski, Rich
Johnston, Joe Agoston, Pilch, Roland Moore, Caroline Bainbridge, Paul
Saville, Victoria Jeffrey and me (Kev F).

At least half the people there pitched in with character ideas they'd
brought along, many of which were very inspiring.

Rather than sum them up in my own words, which would undoubtedly slew &
bias them, I'd like to invite those writers that can (and a few aren't
on e-mail yet) to tell us again, on the list, about the characters they
described, and any further thoughts they've had about them.

What we want to do at this stage is find characters, set-ups,
situations, notions that make one or other of us think "Yes - that could
make a funny & original sitcom".

After the next meeting I want us to go away with half a dozen sets of
characters or ideas that we want to turn into sitcoms. Whether we send
away a writer instructng him or her to keep up the good work, or whether
three or four of us want to developo the same idea separately, it
doesn't matter. THe next stage is to find the stuff that promises to be
funny.

SO: When you're ready, could the following writers tell us again, or
tell us more, about the stuff they brought to the meeting:

Caroline Bainbridge - 4 characters, particularly Bella McGuire

Peter More - Dirk PLinth & Mary Shine

Kim Sampson - Derek Gender Cult Leader

Michael Wong - The cult leader/inventor scientist/ miracleworker

Paul Saville - Rocket scientists

Rich Johnston - The young member of the HOuse Or Lords,
and the female odd couple

Theo Boyman - Small country village idea

Neil Gibbons - The wanker salesmen

Kev F - Fieves, the blokes wot rob fings

Also welcome are anybody's comments or contributions on any of the ideas
they heard, or are about to read.
I know it'll be a short while before I can write up my characters, so
don't feel rushed if you too have something more important to do first.

Cheers

Kev F