Title: Butterfly Ops
Author: Alexandra Huxley
Rating: R
Pairing: B/R
Spoilers: General spoilers through Bring On the Night
(BtVS, 7th season).
Disclaimer: Story and original characters are mine,
everything else belongs to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy,
and a lot of other people who aren't me.
Distribution: The answer's probably yes, but please
ask.
Author's notes: This is a sequel to Celestial Light.
(CL is available at
http://home.mindspring.com/~jenkel/fanfic/index.html
If you didn't read that, then you'll probably wonder
how we got to this place.) Thanks to Cynthia, Moe and
Jess for beta-ing. And it is impossible to adequately
convey my thanks to Diana for her C&C. But (sorry D,
I couldn't help it) I will try.
Summary: Fifteen years after "As You Were," Buffy and
Riley are working together again.
Feedback: Is greatly appreciated! Send to
alexandrahuxley@...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Butterfly Ops
By Alexandra Huxley


Chapter Forty-Nine (A)

========================



As Buffy regained consciousness, two things slowly
became clear – number one, that from the knees down
she was soaking wet, and, number two, she was still
kissing Riley. Quite passionately, in fact – one hand
on his waist, the other running through his hair.

Despite the “From Here to Eternity” pose they found
themselves in however, she could tell he wasn’t quite
into it – not at all a reaction she was used to.
Breaking away, she saw that she hadn’t been imagining
it – the uneasiness in his eyes was hard to miss, and
it seemed clear that the last place he wanted to be
right now was in her arms. Though Buffy would have
liked to explain it away by attributing it to the fact
that he was partly submerged in water given that he
was the one who had ended up on his back, she had a
feeling that wasn’t the case.

She supposed she couldn’t really blame him. It was
one of the dumber things she’d done in recent memory –
pulling him down into that kiss only moments after he
held Sam.

O.k., then.

She was unusually hesitant as she pulled her head back
slowly. Still... “I declare that the official
Buffy-recommended way of traveling between
dimensions.”

He tried to cover it with a quick grin and a lightly
stated, “It certainly beats the butterflies.” He
wasn’t very successful at it, though.

Well, Buffy – the deal was that you got to take him
home. No one said anything about you getting to stay
there with him.

As gracefully as possible, she climbed off of him,
allowing him to sit up. She tried to be encouraged by
the fact that he didn’t actually stand up and walk
away, but instead merely scooted back a bit so that he
was no longer sitting in the water. He was
standoffish enough, however, that she didn’t even have
the impulse to sit right next to him.

She moved herself to a dry spot just out of arm’s
reach and sat down. Oh, how tired she was of having
this conversation with him. At least this would be
the last time.

He didn’t seem to be looking forward to it too much,
either, seeing that he was completely silent as he
found something incredibly interesting on the
otherwise unremarkable horizon.

Well, fine, she may as well start it off. “The last
time I hung out with God, I swear He looked absolutely
nothing like Joe.”

Or stalling. Stalling was always good.

Though Riley smiled, he wouldn’t meet her eyes. At
least not until he turned and looked at her kind of as
if he thought she was completely off her rocker. “You
really think that was God?”

“Don’t you?” she asked, surprised. Who else did he
think that could have been?

His answer came as a genuine laugh. “No.”

Well, what exactly did he know anyway? “Then who do
you think it was?”

Riley stretched his legs out in front of him and
leaned back on his hands, somehow managing to shrug at
the same time. “I don’t know. Does God have
minions?”

“I think they’re known as angels.” She faltered on
that last word, although – hey, why not just bring
vampire ex-boyfriends into this loaded situation? It
didn’t matter that she hadn’t actually been talking
about Angel-angel. Just mentioning the word was
enough. Hell, maybe she could just go for the gold
and figure out a way to bring up railroad ties and
throw Spike in there, too. Then they could get into
Riley’s whole thing for vampires, and, to make it
really fun, they could surely figure out a way to work
Faith in. It would be a ball.

“I guess so,” Riley mumbled.

His eyes were too expressive, too full of things like
pain and grief and guilt. Buffy looked away. This
was going well. “So...”

“Yeah.” Riley laughed to himself in a bitter kind of
way. “So.”

O.k. New topic. “How are you?” The question sounded
so lame, and yet she couldn’t not ask it. He looked
beyond beaten up; he looked like the soul had been
forcibly yanked from his body.

“Been better.” He gave her a nice smile, one that
seemed to acknowledge the irony of the situation.
“You?”

Given that she’d spent the last day irrevocably
proving the depth and strength of their love, her
answer should have been something much more optimistic
than, “Kind of the same.”

His gaze focused on something behind her and his face
brightened. “Is that Willow?” His smile faded. “She
didn’t bring a shovel, did she?”

Looking over her shoulder, Buffy saw the entire team
further up the beach, all alive and well. Not that
she had been concerned – God had told her as much.
Yes – the Holy One and the same, regardless of what
Riley believed.

Sprague was sitting helping Brady build a campfire
while Ana fiddled with a com-cam. Joe was back, too,
smoking a cigarette as his friends got into their
canoes and paddled away. And Graham, well... Graham
was pacing back and forth somewhat urgently, waving
his arms in a tightly controlled way. He was
obviously not at all happy with Willow, Willow who had
planted her body between Graham and where Buffy and
Riley sat.

Thanks, Will. It was obvious that the only reason
Buffy was getting these moments alone with Riley was
due to that. Of course, given what she figured was
about to happen, maybe it wasn’t such a good thing.

Buffy sighed. No. Get it over with. Get back into
the conversation, back to what Riley had just said.
Which, by the way – huh? – it made exactly zero sense.
“Why would Willow bring a shovel? We didn’t need to
dig you out of anything.”

He didn’t answer her question. Just putting off the
inevitable? “Buffy...”

“Say it, Riley. Whatever it is, please just be done
with it. Just…” At least she wasn’t crying. Yay.
“Just do it fast.”

He stared at her for a few seconds. Did he remember
the night when he’d said those words to her? The
night he was so sure she’d chosen Angel over him?

Well, if he didn’t remember, he at least got the gist
of what she was saying.

“Sometimes I just don’t get you,” he muttered, shaking
his head and turning away. “With the power you’ve
always held over me…” He seemed exasperated when he
turned back. “Why do you keep thinking I’m about to
break up with you?”

Um, hello? “Belize. When we left for Quetico. After
the bear.” She ticked each item off on her fingers.

He leaned towards her, angry almost. “Belize doesn’t
count. That’s just way too shades-of-gray to even
think about right now. Quetico was…” He paused. “I
don’t know. I just thought…”

Buffy tried not to notice how close he’d gotten. He
was much closer than arm’s reach; he was more like
bend-your-head-just-a-little-bit-and-you-could-kiss-him
reach.

So don’t bend your head, Buffy. Wait for him to
finish.

Or not, she thought, when it was clear he wasn’t
planning on adding anything.

Fine.

Belize – yes. Much bigger story. Quetico? O.k.
That had been a misunderstanding.

Folding her arms across her chest, she asked, “After
the bear?”

At least he had the decency to look chastened, clearly
having no legitimate excuse. And he obviously saw the
look on her face, saying urgently, “I know that made
no sense. Except…”

“Except?” This should be interesting.

He took a deep breath. “I was just, you know…”

No, she didn’t know. “What?”

Riley seemed tentative, as though he hadn’t quite
decided what his explanation would be and was just
sending this out as a test balloon. “When I was
fighting with Kasey, I was thinking about why I never
really tried to leave before then, and...” He let the
rest of the words come out in a rush. “What would you
say if I told you I thought it might be part of a
spell? A binding kind of thing. To...” He looked
away. “To Sam.”

As in ‘souls entwined’?

Instinctively, Buffy glanced up the beach at Willow.
Part love, part locator spell, she’d said. Nothing
about binding. Still, it didn’t seem completely
outrageous. In fact, it kind of made sense.

Buffy sat back; er, kind of back. Not far enough that
she’d be out of Riley’s reach should he decide that he
could still manage to touch her after being so bound.


It had already been established that Harry had made a
try for Riley on bear-day; and when she’d been under
the spell herself the feelings for Angel had been so
strong that if Riley had been around, she couldn’t
swear that she wouldn’t have said something equally
stupid.

O.k., so what? It didn’t answer the question, “Why
are you breaking up with me this time?”

He was obviously annoyed, saying loudly and clearly,
“I’m not breaking up with you.”

Oh. “So then why aren’t you kissing me right now?”
She let her hand fall to the ground halfway between
them, not quite believing him enough to actually reach
out to him. If he wanted to, though, she wouldn’t
object.

Riley looked down at her hand – looked so badly like
he wanted to take it. And yet he managed to resist.
That wasn’t exactly a good sign.

Put hand back in lap. Pretend you never put it out
there in the first place.

“Then what is this all about?” she asked quietly.
Because if it wasn’t about breaking up, it was
obviously about something pretty serious.

He sat forward, picking a rock up off the beach and
throwing it, watching it skip through the water. Rip
through the water, rather – he threw it pretty hard.
“I didn’t say it wasn’t about breaking up. I just
said it wasn’t about me breaking up with you.”

No. Not a good sign at all. Because, given the
circumstances – and their whole history together – it
wasn’t too hard to come up with the right answer. It
wasn’t too hard to figure out what he’d done that made
him expect such a strong reaction from her.

Well, it wasn’t as though this was coming as a shock.
The only question was who it had been with. Buffy
wasn’t sure which one would be worse. May as well
start with, “Sam.”

“Nothing happened with Sam,” he answered almost too
quickly, whipping another rock across the water’s
surface.

Though she knew that wasn’t technically true, she
couldn’t blame him for that one, no matter how much it
hurt.

So, then: Kasey. Obviously.

She could feel her heart break; her happy, True Love,
trusting heart break.

Damn it, Riley.

“You fought well together.” Buffy was surprised she
managed to get that out without choking over the
words.

“Yeah, we did,” he answered. Of all the things she’d
said to him, she didn’t understand why that brought a
grin to his face. He knew exactly why that would hurt
so much.

She wasn’t sure what reaction she’d expected. That,
however, definitely wasn’t it.

He seemed to notice and, for the first time, actually
relaxed a bit, finding his way to surer ground. “She
fought like you used to. I just kept telling myself I
was back in Sunnydale. With you.”

Really?

That was where the intimacy came from? Because of
her? Not because of four days of, well, quality time
with the Princess.

Of course, the happy didn’t really last. He pretty
much killed it when he quietly said, “I knew it wasn’t
Sam.”

She was pretty sure he wasn’t talking about the
fighting.

His elbows rested on his knees, his eyes going down to
his hands. “It didn’t seem to matter, though. It
just...” He didn’t finish the thought. The way he’d
sounded bitter before? It was nothing compared to the
acid in his voice now, all of it directed inward.
“Somehow I keep doing this to you, don’t I?”

A part of her wanted to say, Define ‘this.’ She
stayed quiet, though, since another part of her really
didn’t want to know. She’d rather concentrate on
adjusting to this new perspective, to the realization
that his earlier resistance had had nothing to do with
him not wanting her – it was all about how she’d
respond to what he what he’d done in that place.

Deep breath, Buffy. As convincingly as she could, she
said, “It was a spell. One that was hard to resist.”

Maybe too convincingly. And her credibility certainly
wasn’t enhanced by her turning bright pink. Because,
let’s be honest, she wasn’t completely innocent here.

Riley clearly hadn’t lost any brain cells during his
stay in Kasey-land. He could put two and two
together. “Angel?”

She nodded.

This time he didn’t even bother with finding the right
rock to skip; he just picked up the biggest one he
could find and lobbed it as far as he could. Which
was pretty far. “I know I don’t really have a leg to
stand on, here, but did you...?”

“No, we didn’t,” she answered, biting her lip.

For a minute, the only sound that could be heard was
the water lapping against the shore. Well, and the
crickets chirping, an owl or two. Maybe Graham’s
footsteps – back and forth, back and forth. That had
to be imagined, though; he was way too far away for
her to actually hear.

“Kind of ironic, don’t you think?” Riley sounded as
though he’d already given up. “Sixteen years and
we’re right back in the same place.”

Yes.

Except, well, no. Not in the same place. So much
older; so much wiser. So much more aware of how much
it sucked not to be with him.

He continued, “I don’t know what to say to make this-”

“Don’t say anything,” she said, thinking that she
wasn’t ready to have this discussion. Not right now.
“Maybe it doesn’t need to be better. Maybe we can
just...” Just what, Buffy? Forget it all happened?
Pretend that this whole four day interlude had never
occurred? Pretend it wasn’t occurring to her that
once again couldn’t quite manage to keep him
interested?

Oh, stop it. It was a spell. A powerful,
overwhelming spell that had practically had her doing
it with Angel on Mary’s kitchen floor, only hours
after Riley’s death.

“So maybe I should have slept with Angel,” she
muttered. “Then we could have at least traded stories
and had a grand old time.”

There was a pause, and then Riley went back to
skipping stones. “That’s not actually the story.”

Buffy’s head jerked up. “No?”

“No,” he answered. “At least I can say that much.”

From the harsh tone of his voice, she could tell that
if she wanted to punish him in any way, she’d have to
get in line. He was doing a heck of a job all by
himself.

She looked down at the ground, wishing she could say
it didn’t matter. That she wanted him back so badly
that she didn’t care what he had done; that she just
wanted to hold him again.

Well, what was wrong with that exactly? Why did it
have to be all or nothing? Why couldn’t she lean
forward – just like that – and reach her hand out?
Why couldn’t she let it trail slowly down his arm, and
just remind herself of how much she needed his warmth?

Pulling back, he said, “But it wasn’t nothing.”

Buffy let her hand fall away from his skin. “How much
was it?”

He looked at her for a minute and then looked away.
“That night in Sunnydale? When you and Spike walked
into that room?” With every word he retreated further
into himself. “This was… It was more than that.”

She thought about that for a minute. Then she thought
about how much it hurt not to be touching him. She
put her hand back, feeling his arm shake as he took a
ragged breath.

Think about this, Buffy. Think about the last time
and how you always wondered what would have happened
if you’d had just one more day; if you’d truly
understood that good-bye was a permanent thing – that
he’d disappear into the night, that you’d lose him to
his new wife. That if it hadn’t have been for the
oddest of circumstances, you would have lost him
forever.

Remembering what Kasey had said, Buffy asked, “You
dreamed about me?”

He didn’t bother to ask how she knew, just answered
simply, “Yes.”

“And the day of the bear,” she said, watching the tips
of her fingers as they took their own path over the
back of his hand. “You dreamed about me then, too.”

He grasped her hand, struggling to keep his voice even
as he again replied, “Yes.”

This was nothing like what had happened all those
years ago. This was magic, not free will. Not to
mention all the years of experience and perspective
she had gained since then, or the realization that
after showing him all the grays in the palette of
their world, that once upon a time she’d made it about
black and white, right and wrong. She’d forced him
into that hole, forced him to fly away. Was she ready
to do that one more time? Let him disappear out of
her life? Actually choose to let him go?

She looked up at Riley, hearing Joe’s voice say, Trust
in this, Buffy. Have faith. Haven’t you learned
anything today? Quit being Miss Melodrama and kiss
him already.

“Hey,” she said sharply, raising her eyes to the sky.
No fair. “You don’t get to pick sides.” When she
looked back down she realized Riley’s face was only a
few inches away.

He smiled despite his obvious sadness. “Whose side
did he pick?”

Buffy closed her eyes and breathed him in, holding his
hand tightly as she got to her knees. “Yours,” she
whispered, leaning in. She brought her hands up to
his face. “I…” Her voice got hung up on the lump in
her throat. “I missed you so much.”

His lips were warm and just the right amount of wet.
His hand went to the back of her neck and tightened as
the other found her waist. She trailed her fingers
down his neck to his chest, resting them where his
heart beat against his shirt. It felt good – God, so
good – to be kissing him again. To have him kissing
her – wholeheartedly, hungrily, and lots of other
descriptive words that she would have come up with if
she’d had a few more minutes.

She didn’t, though. Kissing time was over. Someone
was standing over them – quite impatiently, in fact.
Graham, muttering, “About fucking time.”


TBC in Chapter 49(B)










=====
Writing as Alexandra Huxley
http://home.mindspring.com/~jenkel/fanfic/index.html

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