“The Powers That Be” do NOT want you reading the best Erotic Novelette ever written about Gillian Anderson. Why else would they have terminated the absolutely largest Gillian Yahoo! Group that ever existed? Its link used to be given by http:// groups.yahoo.com/group/ the_hot_and_naughty_gillian_anderson/ and had achieved a membership total of 9,741, which is larger than ALL other Gillian groups COMBINED !
Back on October 10th, exactly five weeks ago, I e-mailed over a thousand different Gillian / Scully / X-Files Yahoo! Groups inviting their respective members to join our unique Gillian Group and to download their very own copy of the aforementioned Gillian Novelette. Later that same day, a Friday, at approximately 3:30 p.m. EST, Yahoo! kept each of you from accessing this Novelette by maliciously terminating Gillianlaphile’s Yahoo! Group, including his Gillianlaphile @yahoo.com e-mail account.
So, what our resourceful and resilient Group Founder has chosen to do is to align himself with Yahoo!’s biggest competitor: The Microsoft Network. His Gillian Novelette is now located in an MSN Group site. (This is Microsoft Network’s version of Yahoo!’s Groups.) And what’s suitably appropriate is that the Gillian Novelette was originally written as an MS Word document.
A few minutes before Yahoo! pulled the plug on Gillianlaphile’s group, the Gillian Novelette had surpassed a total of 26,100 downloads since its initial release back on August 08th of this year, officially making it THE most popular adult literature ever written about Gillian Anderson. To access it, just click on the MSN link:
and then click on the MESSAGES section. That’s where you’ll find it, at the very top of the list.
If you don’t already have one, all you’ll need is a Hotmail account, which is free to sign up for, just like your Yahoo! account was. Please note, however, that like his previous Gillian Yahoo! Group, his new Gillian MSN Group is for ADULTS (i.e., Mature Members) ONLY. You must be 18 or older to join the Group and to access the Gillian Novelette. It is absolutely TABOO for anyone younger than college-age to read it.
In typically spiteful retaliation for what I’m telling you, Yahoo! will most certainly permanently de-activate my “XFiles_Vixen” e-mail account, as well, but there’s no way that they can keep you from accessing this famous and much-talked-about and much-sought-after Gillian Novelette this time around since it’s now located in an MSN Group site !
But, just in case something weird does happen with that site, too, don’t be the only Gillian fan left out in the cold. Quickly -- before the Two-faced Symbols of Authority swoop down from their Ivory Towers -- click on the MSN link:
JOIN the Group, click on the MESSAGES section, and then quickly download and save your very own copy of the Gillian Novelette. And if you have a printer, print up a hardcopy and hide it where no one can come along and steal it from you. (Don’t even wait to finish reading this e-mail. Go! Now! Quickly! Click and download! You can always come back to this message later.)
That way, no one can ever take it away from you -- not Yahoo!, not nobody. Yahoo! may like to deceive itself into thinking it can reach out to an MSN group and capriciously terminate it as easily as they can one of their own groups, but the stone-cold truth of the matter is that they cannot, no matter how much they’re pissing in their panties wishing they could. You see, the Microsoft Network is controlled by the world’s richest man, Bill Gates. And he can buy and sell the entire Yahoo! dot com corporation a hundred times over and not even blink!
After downloading your very own copy of the Gillian Novelette from Gillianlaphile’s new MSN Group, please go ahead and post a little message. What do YOU feel about how Yahoo! terminated his huge Gillian Group? What do YOU think about his Erotic Gillian Novelette? Any other thoughts? Or, just say Hello! He’s been feeling down in the dumps ever since 10/10 (and the Yankees losing the World Series didn’t help matters any), and I know he’d love to hear from his former loyal members (over 9,700 of ‘em) and his new MSN ones, as well.
If you’re kinda shy, and instead of posting a public message in his new Gillian MSN Group would rather communicate privately with him, “you” can “reach” him at:
Now, on to other titillating matters. There’s something else that Gillianlaphile has done that’s also become well-known, besides his seminal Erotic Novelette about Gillian.
The Homepage Pic of his previous Yahoo! Group was an original creation and was incontestably THE sexiest pic of Gillian Anderson anywhere on the Internet, anywhere in the print media, or anywhere on TV, stage or screen. It is based on one of the actual photographs -- known as the “Gillian Thong Series” -- taken of Gillian back on March 2001 at a Vanity Fair party, where she’s wearing a navy blue, backless evening gown, designed by Eduardo Lucero, that plunged so low down her backside it allowed her to playfully show off her skimpy thong panties.
Clicking on the link:
and then gazing upon the “Homepage Pic of Gillian” page, you’ll see that where Eduardo left off, Gillianlaphile began: He expertly altered the gown to show a heckuvalot more of Gillian’s creamy, alabaster skin. In fact, Gillianlaphile predicts that more and more women’s evening gowns will copy his sexy design in the very near future. If you doubt him, just flip your TV’s remote control to the Univision Network (the foremost Latino broadcasting network, headquartered in northwest Miami, Florida), and take a gander(son) at what the female hostesses on the variety shows are currently wearing (more like NOT wearing!).
Gillianlaphile says that the next logical step for them would be to start purposely exposing parts of their breast areolas and the first inch or two of the cracks of their tushies! In fact, just like Gillian is coquettishly showing in the Homepage Pic!
Thanks to him, Gillian will always be remembered as the celebrity who boldly went where no woman has gone before by taking the next desirable step in evening-gown wear. As a sexy fit and curvy woman, myself, I would never hesitate for even a second to wear a dress like that and strut and pose on a red carpet at some gala event somewhere. Without the slightest doubt, all the flashbulbs would be popping, and all heads -- both male AND female -- would be turned in my direction.
This pic is integrated into the Gillian Novelette as one full-sized image (just above the Disclaimer) and sixteen tiny chapter logos. So, by downloading the Gillian Novelette, you’ll be acquiring the famous pic at the same time! Two for the price of one, and, even better, there is no price. It’s free! All that Gillianlaphile asks is that you share the Gillian Novelette freely with your ADULT friends, colleagues, associates, acquaintances, neighbors, relatives, etc. But, please, ONLY ADULTS !
For those of you who didn’t get a chance to read it, or who inadvertently deleted it from their e-mail Inboxes, at the very bottom of this message I’ve chosen to append a verbatim copy, in its entirety, of my October 10th letter that caused Chris Carter to throw a hissy fit at the Yahoo! dot com people resulting in the permanent termination of Gillianlaphile’s Group.
You see, Chris did NOT want “The Truth” getting “Out There” as to how HE’S THE REAL BIOLOGICAL FATHER OF GILLIAN’S DAUGHTER. Instead, even though he’s a multi-millionaire many times over (thanks to our faithful allegiance to his show all these years), he greedily wants you to continue purchasing his “X-Files” DVDs as they continue being issued and believing in “alien bounty hunters” and things that go “BUMP” in the night. So, he used his media connections on Yahoo!, and Yahoo! being the advertisement-driven, media-whore-monger that it is, it caved.
While on the subject of nonexistent “alien bounty hunters,” here’s a pithy quote by Gillianlaphile, taken from the MESSAGES section of his previous Gillian Yahoo! Group.
“Brian Thompson should eschew any continued playing of that role and stick to acting the much more credible part of cross-dressing-‘Silence-of-the-Lambs’-serial-killer copycats, as in his ‘Joe Dirt’ comedic film. Seriously, whenever I’d see him in an ‘X-Files’ episode, his laughably-low-tech, retractable, back-of-the-neck, alien-killing, ice pick, with the human-voiced-sound effect, ‘PHFFTH,’ got me rolling my eyes in boundless disappointment every time.”
Gillianlaphile masterfully brings into play other “X-Files” actors into his Gillian Novelette, as well, including David Duchovny, Mitch Pileggi, and the “Pimp of the Paranormal,” Chris Carter. Wanna know the horrible thing that’s gonna happen to Mitch’s show, “TARZAN,” on the Warner Brothers Network? Well, you’ll just have to click on the MSN link:
download the Novelette from the MESSAGES section, and sit comfortably back and voraciously read through its incandescent pages to find out! The scoop is in there somewhere, promise.
As the 9,700+ members of Gillianlaphile’s previous Group will attest, about once a month he would e-mail a Group-wide announcement about some new gossip in Gillian’s life (often including “Letterman”-type jokes about her current fiancé, Julian Ozanne, sent in to him by members), which will form the bulk of the “unauthorized” biography he’s currently writing about her -- slated to be published by Simon & Schuster in early 2005. Here’s the very last one that hit the MESSAGES section just before Yahoo! terminated his Gillian Group back on October 10th.
“Although I’m a dyed-in-the-wool New Yorker residing on The States’ side of ‘the pond,’ I have no less than eight confidential informants based in London who keep me appraised of Gillian’s comings, goings, and overall high-jinks. Four of these work for the media, three are from among her Notting Hill neighbors, and one is a close correspondent who visits with her on a regular basis. It is this mutual friend who has informed me that, due to Gillian’s devastating performance in the London play, ‘What The Night Is For,’ which was forced to shut down a whole two weeks early, back in February of this year, Gillian has been taking acting lessons with one of Britain’s best acting coaches. Gillian is too embarrassed to go to acting classes like a regular person and surround
herself with aspiring actors, most of whom are nearly destitute and struggling just to ‘get their (nearly bare) feet in the door.’”
“Gillian is paying this acting coach a lot of money, but methinks it ain’t worth it. With all due respect, if Gillian is considered to be lacking in the thespian skills now, after all these years in front of a camera and recently treading the London boards, just imagine her abysmally woeful ability to evocatively perform back in 1993 when she was starting out on ‘The X-Files.’ And yet, the show succeeded for nine seasons.”
“The main reason the show was a hit was because of the constant and innumerable camera close-ups of Gillian’s unusually beautiful face and especially those impossibly full, pouting lips of hers. Gillian pouted her way to fame and fortune for nine whole years. But now she wants to toss aside her time-tested modus operandi and attempt to compete against serious actresses from proven Shakespearean backgrounds? It’s sheer lunacy, I tell ya.”
“Gillian should just continue pouting into the camera. Who knows? Maybe she’ll be able to garner yet another TV series out of it, this time perhaps with the BBC instead of with the Fox Network. And for those who erroneously think ‘The X-Files’ success was due primarily to Chris Carter’s Producing/Writing Magic, well, how do you explain his ‘Harsh Realm’ and ‘Lone Gunmen’ abject failures? ANSWER: They were absent Gillian’s close-ups and full, pouty lips!”
“As of late, Gillian has been sporting long, blond hair, but yet, in recent photographs appearing in magazines, she’s obviously trying her darndest to look sternly into the camera lens while sitting and posed decidedly masculine. I gotta ask, What gives, Silly Gilly? Do you want to be viewed as a stereotypical blond, brainless bimbo? Or, do you want to be perceived as a no-nonsense, kick-‘em-in-the-balls lesbian? Make up your mind, already, and finish moving through your transitional phase, because the two are mutually exclusive genres.”
“Time is of the essence here; don’t wait too long to make that life-altering decision. After all, you’re already at the age where the only parts you’ll soon be able to get in low-budget films will be ‘Mum-type’ roles. And usually those are minor roles far removed from any realistic hopes of garnering any recognition, let alone winning any significant awards.”
“And Gillian, if you want to regain some of your lost recognition, please stop emulating your old lover, Ellen DeGeneres. Now that she’s finally wearing brighter, more feminine colors on her new talk show -- in lieu of all that baggy, gender-neutral black -- it looks like you’ve also taken a shine to neon fuschias and fluorescent lime-greens. I mean, it’s understandable why Ellen’s gotta do it: This is the last attempted comeback that her yo-yo career’s got left. There won’t be anymore. So, she’s gotta make it work this time. (Lucky for her, lesbianism is more socially acceptable today than
ever in recorded history. Thus, she doesn’t have to worry about being TKO’ed by that stinging stigma, again.) But, Gillian, by you sporting those garish colors in solidarity, you’re not saying ‘Look at the new Gillian.’ How you’re coming across is, ‘Look at the Ellen D. Wannabe!’”
“Looking for a knockout fashion trend to set that’ll be all your own, Gillian? Seriously, I’m offering this bit of advice to you since I’m in lust with you, and I’ll always be in lust with you. Bring tiny bikini pantylines back into style. Technically, they are considered a fashion-taboo, and definitely should never be seen under silky gowns or dresses, but psycho-sexually speaking, visible pantylines (VPLs) displayed under skintight women’s slacks and especially jeans make 99.99% of all heterosexual men cream their shorts.”
“If anyone can successfully bring back the exquisite Art of VPLs, it’s you. (Either you or a world-famous, all-girl band.) Gillian, you could become known as the ‘Pantyline Feline,’ and in the process reacquire the tens of millions of men who -- as I, myself, still do to this very day -- lusted after you during the peak of ‘The X-Files’ years. And as you’re well aware, all this massive global lusting can be parlayed by the right agent and PR firm into mega-deals in the entertainment industry. Just a thought. Just puttin’ it ‘Out There.’”
“Is this all really necessary? Well, you be the judge. To wit, a recent ‘Celebrities : Where Are They Now?’ type poll given on the street corners of midtown Manhattan revealed that only three (3!) out of every one hundred participants remembered that Gillian Anderson played ‘Dana Scully’ on ‘The X-Files.’ (For some obscure reason, about two out of every five thought she was a Country-Western singer!) CONCLUSION: Gillian, you’re slowly fading into oblivion, which I’m sure you don’t want to happen, or why else would you have prompted your agent to work so assiduously in getting you the flurry of magazines you’ve appeared in lately? It’s patently obvious that your unbridled vanity irresistibly commands you to continue posing in front of the camera lens, and that you still love to do so.”
“But be mindful of which camera lens you choose. If you do go the route that many are saying you will, that is, narrating your fiancé’s documentaries, the Hollywood and London media moguls will collectively shake their heads and disappointedly view it as your landing the role because you sleep with ‘the boss.’ And that would simply be a shameful extension of your Chris Carter / ‘X-Files’ days. Won’t it?”
“So, Gillian, please, please, please do us all and yourself a really big favor: Lacquer on the high-gloss lipstick and go back to unabashedly pouting those sexy, full lips of yours. They’ll go great with your new sunny, golden mane!”
Bugger me! Hi, it’s Victoria, again. No wonder the folks at Yahoo! played dirty and pulled the rug out from under Gillianlaphile when he wasn’t looking: When it comes to the heady, high-brow game of verbal volleyball, he pulls no punches and lets the blood splatter where it may!
You know, it’s ironic. In the fateful October 10th letter (appended below), I compared Gillianlaphile’s Group to the movie, “Titanic.” And I even went as far as to call his Gillian Yahoo! Group “unsinkable.” But by Yahoo! terminating his Group, it did, in essence, “sink.” When this happened, our Group Founder, figuratively speaking, witnessed his own Group “founder.” And yes, afterward, some of his detractors burped, farted, and laughed out loud, as jealous rivals are often wont to do.
But when you think about it, it was actually destiny unfolding majestically. Follow me on this: If the real R.M.S. Titanic ship on its maiden voyage way back on April 1912 hadn’t hit that iceberg and sunk --with approximately 1,500 passengers dying in the process -- more than four generations of students would never have read about it in their history textbooks and novels, and James Cameron would never have created his 1997 cinematic masterpiece about the North Atlantic tragedy. Similarly, by Gillianlaphile’s Group “sinking” -- with over 9,700 former members being summarily dismissed without even so much as a form letter e-mailed to them by Yahoo! explaining why it did what it did -- it has crossed over from the ubiquitously inconsequential (i.e., merely one out
of more than three million Yahoo! groups) to the uniquely historical.
Paradoxically, the inconsiderate Yahoo! dot com automatons should actually be thanked for helping Gillianlaphile’s Group, albeit now defunct, achieve legendary status: Online communications will be zipping back and forth as people continue talking about it for many years to come as the singularly sensational Group that Yahoo! had to kill because it had gotten too huge. It had gotten too “Titanic!”
Before signing off, I would like to address the noisy nay-sayers and other player haters who, since October 10th, have been acrimoniously spreading rumors that Gillianlaphile’s Group, The_Hot_and_Naughty_Gillian_Anderson, never existed. Well, I gotta tell ya, there are over 9,700+ former members who would vehemently disagree. It shouldn’t be too hard to find at least one of them in one of the other anemic Gillian Yahoo! groups, most of which have been dying a slow and ugly death ever since “The X-Files” waved sayonara.
But for those who need immediate proof, might I suggest the following? Try, just for fun, to start a Yahoo! group (free, of course) with the name The_Hot_and_Naughty_Gillian_Anderson . You’ll immediately discover that the cyber-nerds at Yahoo! won’t let you. Their reason? They’ll be impulsively guessing that you, yourself, are the one and only Gillianlaphile, and that you’re defiantly attempting to re-activate his former Gillian Group while “hiding” behind a different Yahoo ID.
If you’ve tried sending a message to his Gillianlaphile @yahoo.com e-mail account, you’ve already discovered that it’ll just immediately bounce back to your own Inbox as an “undeliverable message,” since Yahoo! permanently de-activated his e-mail account the same day they terminated his Gillian Group. But, just for fun, once again, try to sign up for a new Yahoo! e-mail account (again, free, of course) designated by Gillianlaphile @yahoo.com. The anal-retentive Yahoo! cyber-geeks won’t let you do that, either, because when they terminate with extreme prejudice one of their groups or e-mail accounts, it stays terminated. Therefore, even though neither his Gillian Group nor his Yahoo! Profile ID exist today, prior to October 10th, they both certainly existed. They existed BIG TIME. Quod Erat Demonstrandum.
There is one last thing that unfortunately needs addressing: Those nefarious negativists who unjustifiably played the pedophilia card by wildly and unsubstantially claiming that since Gillianlaphile discloses in his Erotic Novelette that Chris Carter is Piper’s biological father, it irrationally follows suit that Gillianlaphile is a pedophile for even mentioning her name within its pages. Truth be told, if an intelligent person were to actually read the Novelette, s/he would invariably conclude that nothing could be further from the truth.
Here’s the rational refutation. Firstly, Piper’s name is mentioned only in passing during a non-sexually-oriented, polite conversation, while sipping coffee, among the three female characters in the story: Gillian Anderson, Carmen Electra and Cindy Margolis. Secondly, Piper’s name must be mentioned, as it relates to the most important thesis explored: That Chris Carter actually IS her dad in real life.
And thirdly, just because a child’s name is mentioned in passing in an otherwise erotic story does NOT necessarily make the author, nor any of his readers, pedophiles. Granted, Piper’s name might have somewhat less volatilely appeared in a totally-non-sexually-based, biographical article which could have just as carefully explored the same thesis. But I dare say that it would have been downloaded nearly the 26,100 times like the Erotic Novelette has been -- probably not even a hundred times.
Here’s a relevant example. The comedy show, “Mad TV,” which, by the way, is broadcasted by the exact same network (Fox) that gave us “The X-Files,” loves to do spoofs. During its first season, about eight years ago, it did a spoof on Chris Carter’s “Creation” that was so hilarious I peed my leotard! More recently, two Saturdays ago in fact, “Mad TV” did a spoof on the “PowerPuff Girls,” an actual cartoon series currently very popular among prepubescent girls, most of them still basically children.
“Mad TV” renamed them the “PowerSlut Girls.” In the short animated skit, one of the PowerSlut Girls makes mention of the fact that she might have drunk too much “ALCOHOL and SPERM,” quote – unquote.
Now, for daring to do that, does that make the entire Fox Network and “Mad TV” and its millions of viewers across the country pedophiles simply because something of a child’s affectation was presented within an adult theme? I say, Definitely Not! And most, if not all, reasonably thinking, responsible members of our society would agree. The same reasoning applies to Gillianlaphile, as frighteningly intelligent, heterosexual man, who prides himself on his cunnilingus and other lovemaking skills (trust me, I know), and to his Erotic Novelette, as an unparalleled literary work of art.
And for those among you who impulsively played that pedophilia card, SHAME ON YOU! Gillianlaphile, as Bobby Diaz, was actually awarded a bronze plaque a few years back for his tireless efforts in Community Watch programs in his area of Queens. Can you say the same?
Yeah, I didn’t think so!
Okay, time to climb down off my soapbox and leave you with these words of encouragement: A new, wondrous era is upon the horizon. Like the Biblical Phoenix ascending from its ashes, Gillianlaphile has already started rebuilding.
You see, two years and two months ago, more than 200 floors from twin buildings unbelievably came crashing down in the city in which he was born and that has served as his home his whole life. He was one of the lucky survivors, and as a permanent, personal memorial has hermetically sealed the torn and concrete-dust-laden clothes he wore on that fateful Tuesday morn in plastic wrapping in his bedroom closet.
Thus, like millions of other New Yorkers, he is quite familiar with the concept of re-building, of intrepidly starting back at square one, looking head-on into the future, and daring to ask, “Is that all you got? Yeah? Well, then, get outta my way!”
Come join us at MSN Groups, so you, too, can get in on the ground floor of all the coming attractions and activities. Come be a part of history in the making.
[Must be over 18 to join.]
P.S. Quickly now, go get your very own copy of the Erotic Gillian Novelette, but please do NOT reply to this e-mail (although, you should definitely save it as “a keeper”). The vindictive cyber-goons at Yahoo! have already probably de-activated it as their typical way of punishing me for the truthful information I’ve shared with you.
You see, in life sometimes not only individual people and monolithic governments but also down-sizing, stock-depreciating, asset-divesting corporations such as Yahoo! hate when the truth comes out and will do anything in their power to squash it.
Live Long, Prosper, and GO OUT HAVE SOME FUN !!
Verbatim copy, in its entirety, of the October 10th letter that caused Chris Carter to throw a hissy fit at the Yahoo! dot com people resulting in the termination of Gillianlaphile’s Group and e-mail account.
The BIGGEST “X-Files” SECRET Ever Exposed -- In EROTIC NOVELETTE !!
Hi, my name is Victoria, and I’m a member of the most unique Gillian Anderson Yahoo! Group ever created -- given by the link:
-- and which happens to be THE ABSOLUTELY LARGEST GILLIAN ANDERSON YAHOO! GROUP THAT HAS EVER EXISTED, period! Our Homepage Photo, our Group’s exclusive original creation, is the indisputably sexiest pic of Gillian anywhere on the Internet.
The main reason we are bigger than all other Gillian groups COMBINED is due to our Thousands and Thousands Of Loyal Members: Back in August, just before the Yahoo! dot com people permanently deleted all pic attachments that were archived in the MESSAGES sections of the hundreds of Gillian / Scully / X-Files Yahoo! groups, our Group Founder, “Gillianlaphile,” broadcasted over 1,000 messages alerting everyone to the impending doom. (Similar in scope to what I’m doing now.)
A lot of fans didn’t believe him. Well, it actually happened, just like he said it would. Now all those messages that used to carry sexy Gillian pic attachments are all empty, mere ghostly images of their former selves.
But, luckily, a select group of people DID believe him, and by acting proactively, major disaster was averted. I’m proud to say that many of this group’s members and our own Group’s members, as well, acted quickly and uploaded the sexiest pic attachments of Gillian they could find in this and other groups into the PHOTOS section of our premier Gillian Group -- thereby rescuing them from elimination and saving them forever in our Group.
Our Group Founder wants to thank your group’s members for all of the sexy Gillian pics you e-mailed to and uploaded into our Gillian Group. They are ready for viewing right now!
Now, let’s talk about that “BIGGEST SECRET” thing. If you click on our link:
and then JOIN, you’ll find at the very top of the FILES section an EROTIC, FAN-FICTIONAL NOVELETTE, which has been critically acclaimed as “the best adult literature ever written starring Gillian Anderson.” Fantastically, other “X-Files” stars are also prominently featured as characters in the 49-page story. (If compressed down into a simple text file, it’s really only 35 pages.) Also, Carmen Electra and Cindy Margolis sensuously help to round out the cast.
According to our Group’s Database, the Novelette has been downloaded over 25,700 times during the short nine weeks since its release. (Gillianlaphile, our Group Founder, wrote it exclusively for Gillian Anderson’s 35th birthday, back on August 09th, and sent it out to our thousands of members the day before in a Group-wide e-mail. And it’s been bouncing around the Internet like ping pong balls in a lottery machine ever since. In fact, interest is still continuing to grow.) But to access it, you must be at least 18 years of age. It is TABOO for anyone younger than college-age to read it.
In this Gillian Novelette, the author reveals the BIGGEST SECRET that “The X-Files” people kept hidden from their fans for all these years. (And, no, it doesn’t have anything to do with such paranoia-inducing concepts as “alien bounty hunters,” or chain-smoking G-men who control all facets of our federal government, or supremely advanced ETs who preposterously need the help of us relatively primitive humans before they’re able to “colonize” our planet. Puh-leze !!)
“The X-Files” BIGGEST SECRET, the one they didn’t want you ever finding out about, is that Chris Carter (who will turn 46 this coming Monday, October 13th) is the real biological father (not just Godfather) of Gillian Anderson’s daughter, Piper Maru, who just finished celebrating her 9th birthday, back on September 25th. The author of the Gillian Novelette carefully explains how Piper’s conception came about, having taken place during the middle of the very first season of “The X-Files,” and why this led Chris Carter to constantly keeping Gillian “Dana Scully” Anderson completely covered for nine whole seasons
under so many layers of clothing -- such as baggy business suits under tent-sized trenchcoats -- in scenes where it was clearly obvious to the viewer that it was very warm and sunny outside.
The jealousy factor in Chris Carter’s tortured ego wanted his male viewers to continue misperceiving Gillian as a cold, detached, unapproachable artifice rather than the true, amorous, sexually-volcanic femme fatale she actually is in real life.
And from Gillian’s own perspective, this biological bond that she shared with Chris Carter -- over and above the professional one -- is what caused her to decide to remain loyal to him and “The X-Files” during its final two seasons, even though David Duchovny was continually coaxing her to leave with him.
Joining our Gillian Group at:
and then perusing our MESSAGES section, you will also discover that the author of the Gillian Novelette is the only person, out of millions of “X-Files” fans, who knew that David Duchovny accidentally urinated on himself at the beginning of the scene where he sees the tattooed geek, “The Conundrum,” biting into a raw fish in the popular ‘Humbug” episode.
He was also the only person to know that, in the same episode, Gillian DID put the live orthoptera insect in her sexy pouty mouth, but immediately and reflexively spat it back out, off-camera, with one of the junior crew members quickly scooping it up off the ground while still alive and mysteriously skulking away with it, never to be heard from again! As Gillianlaphile explained in one of his eagerly received Group-wide messages: “Thus, one mystery evolves into another one, par for the course in the surreal realm of ‘The X-Files.’” (This quote comes from Message #106.)
Touching once again upon the Chris Carter Paternity Issue, our Group Founder has been quoted as saying the following.
“Kindly allow me a few minutes, if you will, to predict, practically verbatim, what Gillian Anderson will say if she ever decides to come clean on some talk show or magazine article and finally discuss the truth about Chris Carter -- not her ex-husband, Errol Clyde Klotz -- being the actual biological father of her daughter, Piper Maru.”
“With a serious look on her face and a measured cadence to her speech, her rehearsed words will be: ‘Chris and I were deeply in love during the early part of our working together. And, even though he was married at the time, we made love once and only once. Our beautiful and precious daughter, Piper, was the wonderful result of that love. The reason neither of us ever told the media before had nothing to do with trying to keep a secret or living a lie. The real reason is that we felt it was nobody’s business.’”
“I, Gillianlaphile, respectfully counter with, if it’s ‘nobody’s business,’ then why go on record many times with that same media by saying that Chris Carter was merely Piper’s Godfather? Gillian was so close to telling the truth during each of those dozens of times she mentioned the word ‘Godfather.’ Why start to reveal the truth only to purposely leave it hidden behind a deception? To me, it seems like Gillian was expertly coached by Chris Carter, himself -- a man who is a proven manipulator at taking a pristine kernel of truth, cloaking it under many layers of cancerous lies, and then getting the gullible masses to gulp it down and believe it religiously.”
“I propose that it’s NOT ‘nobody’s business.’ Instead, it’s Everybody’s Business! When you’re an actress making more money (not to mention continuous future royalties) from a single week’s episode than the average fan makes in 3 years of busting their hump at their job, then it becomes Everybody’s Business. After all, each of us pays for that actress’ lifestyle-fit-for-a-Queen each and every time we turn on the TV set and give up our time to watch her show, which of course includes enduring all those dreadful, insipid commercials interspersed throughout!”
“These words may seem harsh. But they’re really not. They’re borne out of the love that I feel for Gillian. And I DO love her, more than Chris Carter and David Duchovny ever did and more than Julian Ozanne could ever summon. I want Gillian to experience that by divulging the truth to her fan base and her feminist/lesbian constituency, they’ll more than likely be of one collective mindset: So, Chris has been Piper’s daddy all along. Okay. Deception forgiven. Let’s get on with our lives.”
“And, Gillian, when you finally DO decide to tell the truth about Piper & Chris, might as well go all the way: Like your having sex with Chris not just ‘once’ but many times off-and-on since the summer of 1993, with the most recent instance being last year; like your having sex with David over a dozen times while he was still married to Téa Leone; like the ‘butch’ phase of your life (from the summer of 1999 till the winter of 2000/01) which included your lesbian threesome experimentations with Ellen DeGeneres and her ‘life partner.’ Do a major purging and cleansing. Just come clean with all of it.”
“After all, Gillian, we never expected you to go without sex those nine years you were on ‘The X-Files,’ while not dating anyone seriously and with no successful relationships to show for all that time. The fictional Dana Scully could go without sex for seven years before succumbing to ‘The Itch’ via the man-child Mulder, but that doesn’t mean that you, Gillian, were expected to be able to do the same.”
This is Victoria, again, reminding you that we are the “Titanic” of all Gillian groups. And like James Cameron’s cinematic masterpiece, “Titanic,” was the biggest, greatest and most popular movie in all of Hollywood history, our Group is the biggest, greatest and most popular Gillian group of all time.
But we remain diminished without you. So please, come JOIN us. You’ll be glad you did. Promise.
See ya there, on board the unsinkable R.M.S. Gillianlaphile!
[Must be over 18 to join.]
P.S. Gillian Leigh Anderson: “The Truth Is” no longer “Out There.” It is Within You, and always has been. After all these years, it’s time to let it out. It’s time to free yourself.
Oh, and lest I neglect to mention, Bobby Diaz, our Group Founder ( a/k/a Gillianlaphile ) has relayed to me that he earnestly wishes he had been blessed with the economic means to travel in the same circles as Julian Ozanne. If you had gotten together with Bobby, instead of with Julian, you would’ve never had the need to back out of your wedding last month in September and suffer all that embarrassment and gossip about your supposed continued inability to form a successful relationship. It would have been never-ending bliss for the two of you.
God, how he’d love to cuddle and watch “Titanic” with you for just one evening.
For, you see, Bobby Diaz has cherished you for over a decade.
He still loves you.
And he will ALWAYS unconditionally be in love with you, Gillian.