Here's the first of several Alt-Kerth quizzes!

What are they, you ask? They are quizzes to see how prepared you
are. How well you know the eligibles. And to see if you are ready to
nominate. We figured most people are only just starting to get into
things, so it's a nice way to get the 2006 Alt-Kerths started.

The quizzes worked fine the last two times, so we thought we'd make
a few again this year. The concept is a little different, though.
Videos, trailers, and graphics can't be done like we're all used
too. So we've come up with a new construction. Watch this space for
more information when those quizzes are up.

Your quiz team this year consists out of four members. We're posting
twice a week for now, and should be done before the nominations end
(which start in about three weeks from now!)

We thought we'd start off with an easy one. So first up are: Kerth
Presentation and Acceptance Speeches. We've put them together so we
have a nice amount of quotes. Any speech made at the Alt-Kerths 2005
and the Kerths 2006 is eligible for this category. Acceptance and
Presentation are separate categories at the ceremony, so don't
forget to nominate them both. Only a handful of speeches have made
it to this quiz, selected at random. All other speeches are just as
good, so please read them too.

A few bits have been cut out of the quotes. You'll find them as
<snip>. Things shouldn't be *too* easy. ;)

Rules: In this quiz you can earn four points per quote, with a total
of ten quotes. One point for naming the person making the speech,
one point for naming which ceremony it's from, one point for the
category and finally, one point for telling us if it's a
presentation speech or an acceptance speech. In your reply, please
don't forget the spoiler space!

Ready? Open Google and don't forget to check out
www.2006.altkerthawards.com for more information and links and
eligibles!

S
P
O
I
L
E
R

S
P
A
C
E

Quote #1:

Dear fellow FoLCs,
I'm here to inform you about a horrible project that's threatening
to overtake the entire FoLCdom with its time-consuming Demands.
Its name is... *GASP* Real Life!
Yes, FoLCs, it's true! Real Life is after us!
Are we doomed to be drawn away from the comfort and joy of reading
and writing fic, though? NO! There IS a way out of it, and it's
called a <snip>
<snip>, which means it's enough to keep you in the FoLC world for a
significant amount of time, but will allow you to return to Real
Life before the Demands come after you with the pitchforks.
<snip> is an award for the greatest contributions to the noble
purpose of fooling Real Life.

Quote #2:

So I used my trusty Google, and I found out that there are flat
ones. And high-sided ones. And long ones. And short ones. And ones
pulled by tractors, and ones pulled by little tiny cars. Trailers
with two wheels. Four wheels. Six wheels.
What?
OH!!
Sorry! That was the wrong kind of trailer, wasn't it?
Oops.
Okay. Well, about two and a half years ago, Pelican asked for help
one night on IRC. She was trying to upload a very large file but
wouldn't tell anyone what it was. Finally, Elena's excellent techie
skills got it uploaded and we all rushed to see what it was... and
were utterly, totally blown away.
Trailers for fanfic - what a fantastic idea! Using scenes from the
series to tell a completely different story. Music, whether dramatic
or poignant, with lyrics or without, to add just the right kind of
atmosphere to the story.
Just like seeing a trailer for the latest blockbuster in the cinema.
And with exactly the same effect - causing hearts to thump, eyes to
tear up, or even provoking gales of laughter when the trailer's just
as funny as the fic.
That first trailer, for the amazing Masques, ONE and a half years
ago (thanks for the correction, Pel!) started a whole new category
of FoLC art. Since then, other creative FoLCs have shared their
talents and their facility with Windows Movie Maker with us - Lynn,
Pam, Elena, Kaethel,Trenna, SaraK, Aria, Jen, BanAnna, LauraU,
Andie, Poussin, and even myself.

Quote #3:

Oh my gosh! I was so not expecting this!
With this kind of competition, I didn't think I stood a chance.
I absolutely have to thank Labrat, Tank, Paul, who were invaluable
to me in plotting this out in the early stages, and to Labby again
for so kindly offering to GE the monster for me :)
and to everyone on the fanfic message boards, who encouraged me to
keep writing this.
Most of all, I need to thank CC Aiken. CC, I honestly could not
have written this without you. You truly helped make this story
what it is. :))))
Thanks, you guys! Honestly, I'm stunned!

Quote #4:

To honor the form, I've decided to attempt to give a 100 word
presentation. To do it, though, I'm going to need an assistant.
Someone who can act as a "timekeeper" of sorts.
HGWells helpfully approaches.
Someone who doesn't mind being in the public eye, but who, at the
same time, doesn't feel the need to take center stage.
HGWells adopts a posture of readiness.
Someone who can stand back and observe without excessive
interference.
HGWells rocks on his heels and innocently raises his eyebrows.
Someone... who is allowed to speak in this channel.
<HGWells> *Ahem*
*sigh* I suppose you'll have to do, Mr. Wells.
<HGWells> Glad to be of service, my boy!
HGWells takes out his pocketwatch and sets it to "Word Count" mode.
Thank you. Okay... 100 word presentation starting... now.
<snip>
Oh no! Thank you, Mr. Wells!
No problem. That's why I'm here. Sometimes a little interference
does help, you know. 46, by the way.
Well, I suppose interference does -- Wait! 46?! I was talking to
you! That doesn't count!
61.
Eep!
62
Oh boy! This is harder than I thought!

Quote #5:

Quite unlike that old friend of mine I met yesterday. Period was
*so* upset!
Oh no! What happened?
Well, she went home early from work the other day. Heard some noises
up-letters. Climbed onto the T to have a look. You'd never guess
what she saw!
What??
Her ellipsis! Her very own ellipsis, lying down alongside the colon.
And trust me, they were *not* playing innocent word games.
So the colon escaped through the window because she just didn't want
to face the issue.
Coward!
And the ellipsis told the period: "With you, I always felt like
there was something missing."
Well, I'm certainly glad she put a stop to that!
So they split. And now the poor period is single. :/
Yeah. Problem is, things are not simple for the period. Being
single, white and Kryptonian doesn't make it easy for her to find
partners.
Aww!! :(
Well, I'll tell *you* something. That ellipsis is in for a big shock!
Is he??
Oooh... juicy stuff. Spill!

Quote #6:

<snip> waltzes up onto the stage, headphones glued to her ears, eyes
closed, singing at the top of her voice; "Now and then I find myself
so far down, away from the sun that shines to light the way for
me..." A pair of sparkly red devil horns sit on top of her head.
Tempus taps Sorcha on the shoulder.
<snip> pauses, to stare bug-eyed at the audience.
<snip> blushes and removes her headphones
Ahm... ahm... sorry! I just... ahm, somebody sent me this really
*great* CD, and... I guess I lost track of time... and place... and
good manners...
Songs tend to do things to you, have you ever noticed that? They
creep into your mind when you're *desperately* trying to write so
hordes of angry FoLCs don't come knocking at your door brandishing
torches, and they're often the lifeblood of inspiration.
For instance...
<snip> cautiously plugs her Discman backs in and hooks it up to a
speaker.
Doo doo doo doo doo... "You used to captivate me by your resonating
mind, now I'm bound by the life you left behind. Your face, it
haunts my once pleasant dreams - your voice has chased away all the
sanity in me."


Quote #7:

I had the weirdest dream last night.
I was living in San Francisco, right? And I was getting ready for
bed one night.
Then I woke up in Metropolis.
In someone else's body!
And I wasn't even alone.
No, there was this guy with me... Kal, I think he said his name was.
He was actually really nice about it, though. That was a really good
part of the dream... he was really strong and handsome and muscular
and...
Sorry, where was I?
Oh, yeah. He was strictly professional about it. Yes, he was. I was
just a guest and I didn't take advantage of him thinking I was his
girlfriend. At. All.
He helped me figure out what was going on, and before I knew it I
was waking up in a different bed.
Not mine, though. It was a different bed, but Kal was still there.
Or, at least, well... *a* Kal. Because he wasn't nice this time. But
it's okay, because he couldn't see me anyway.
I just sat there, like a ghost, contemplating looking for his
girlfriend's lipstick, until I realised.
I had *wings*! Oh my God. I had wings! I was an angel!
I freaked out so much I woke up panting. I wish I hadn't, though,
because it would've been neat to fly.
But you know what I learned from that dream?
Kerth reading is totally harmful to your night sleep.
When you actually make it to bed.
Anyway, what was I here for?

Quote #8:

eh...
good god, now I wish...really wish...I had a speech prepared.
Ahm... okay...
First of all... thank you so, so much. Not just for the nominations -
five of them! yikes! - but for voting, and not laughing in my face
when I first came up with this <g>
-but + and..ah well, you know what I mean
I even remember the date. December 1st, the date LabRat really was
the LabRat - literally. the first try.
And... so thanks to her for being really encouraging and actually
saying I did a good thing there <g>
Thanks, Labby! :))
And of course, Wendy... for writing such a FABULOUS story! And for
letting me use it!
And also for not kicking me out of the channel whenever I've been so
nervous about releasing any new ones. you're the best! ;)
So... thank you all! :) And I really hope I'll be making more soon,
as soon as I get a new computer that works :)
What am I doing...THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
:D
there, it's out <g>

Quote #9:

I remember exactly where I was when I found out *the secret*. I
remember 'cause... it's like... you know, one of those momentous
occasions.
Life altering.
It's something I'll always remember.
'Clark Kent is Superman.' You'll never forget where you were the
first time you find discover *the secret*.
Me?
I was in a small suburb in Virginia.
Arlington, to be exact, about 40 minutes away from the airport where
I found him.
We were in a department store looking for batteries about 200 years
and... oh, about 2 or 3 days from the first time I'd seen him in
electric blue spandex.
I'd figured it out, see.
I mean, it'd been obvious after I'd heard him go on and on... and on
about the dangers of disarming the madman with the nuke who'd taken
us as hostages.
Of course, *why* he was going on about the madman while we were in a
department store in Arlington, 200 years after we'd met, I have no
idea, but...
Yes. It was really, glaringly obvious. Even though I was a little...
okay, I had a huge hangover after all the gin and tonic I'd inhaled
the night before.
And... man, that spin thing he does? You've seen it, surely.
I mean, it's cool, and you know... impressive... but it so did not
help my headache.
Anyway, Clark Kent is Superman.
My head was pounding, but I figured it out listening to him talk
about a madman in a department store in Arlington 200 years after
we'd met.
And then I sent him cheese...
But nobody is going to believe that story,

Quote #10:

Sorry, had to commandeer someone's computer <eg>
Greetings misguided devotees to the most galactically stupid woman
who ever lived and her cardboard cut-out in tights.
I heard about your little award ceremony and started reading some of
the nominees in my category (obviously the best category, by the
way) and knew I had to stop by to tell you how gratified I am to
find that so many of the insignificant peons in your group have come
around to my way of thinking!
You've realized that the best way to deal with those obnoxious do-
gooding reporters is to let me have free reign to destroy their
lives and that ridiculous 'utopian' society that they would have
forced on us in the future.
I've seen the wonderfully evil situations that you've put them in in
the nominated stories, and I know that you've only got heartache and
horror in store for them in the future. I'm so very pleased - the
future belongs to me! <eg>
<BanAnna> Uh, Tempus?
<BanAnna> Have you read the endings to any of those stories?
Of course not, I know how they end - the way all good stories SHOULD
end - death, destruction, chaos!!!!!
<BanAnna> you might want to take a quick look at a few of those
endings...
Alt-Tempus sighs and skips to the end of the stories…
"They were both home, Tempus was gone, and the nightmare was truly,
finally over."
"It's early," he whispered against her hair, "we've got all the time
in the world."
'"And, honey, we have so many incredible moments ahead of us," Lois
said as they reached the top of the stairs.'
Oh, please - I'll go to jail, I'll strap myself into the electric
chair, just don't make me listen to this!
"Knowing in his heart, that finally, all was right...in both worlds."
"For the first time in his life, he just knew that everything was
going to be okay.
* * * * * * * * *
And they lived happily ever after."
Alt-Tempus rolls his eyes.
Excuse me, I'm in danger of choking on my own vomit!
So, apparently the senseless, simpering, WAFFY mess that you all
insist on writing continues.


Good luck!

Saskia :)